*sigh* so much for Vlad leaving Oksana alone.

[ancientgirl]

So here I am in bed, checking my email and playing fetch with Maks, and I hear growling and screeching. I go downstairs and turn the kitchen light on, to see Vlad has Oksana cornered. Her on her back swatting and him over her swatting.

I had her in the bathroom today. I'll be doing the same tomorrow and I'm going to see if I can find the Bach flower essences at Whole Foods that will help keep the peace around here.

[onster]

awww vlad you have to leave your poor girl alone. Im sure he thinks he's just playing or something.

Hopefully things cool down soon

[growler~GateKeeper]

Has Vlad always been like this towards Oksana or did it just start when she started having peeing issues?

[krdahmer]

You know I had such a similar problem with Smoke, the boys stressing her out so bad she got sick.....but let me tell you I can't believe the difference since last year! I used the feliway diffuser for a little over a year, and slowly stopped interfering in their little dust-ups (I of course step in if it sounds serious) and tonight she slept on the love seat all night and now she's right here with me as I type (where last year she would spend the day in the basement and only surface for food). I think with as many cats as we have we almost have to let them sort their little conflicts out themselves, like they would if we weren't here. Even with the foster kitty, they seem to have all made adjustments and seem to be getting along just fine. I don't use the feliway anymore, but it did seem to get us over whatever hump we were stuck on (and had been on since Palomine and Asker joined the gang a few years ago).

[Love4himies]

Were they playing or fighting????

[ancientgirl]

The problem I think is, Vlad is probably playing, but Oksana isn't. She doesn't want to play, and has never really been the type of cat that played a lot with others. I think she may have soured on playing with others because Vlad was always a little too rough with her as kittens.

She does now and then go up to him and they do the nose touch thing, and she licks his face, but if he tries to play more or lick her face her ears go flat and she backs away.

It's only been in the last 4 or 5 months, that he's taken to sort of ambushing her. I've even caught him waiting for her next to the litter box. I don't allow him to wait for her but I'm sure while I'm gone if she goes to the litter box she's likely been ambushed coming out. Which makes me think she may have gotten her cystitis because she wasn't comfortable using the litter during the day.

Now I figure, at least if she's in my bathroom during the day she can use the litter all she wants and not have to worry about being attacked.

I've also got to say Vlad is an equal opportunity attacker. However, the others handle it differently. Maks submits to him, so Vlad plays more than anything. Kiska gets on her back, swats at him with her paws and defends herself so he gets bored and leaves her alone. And Czari, well, lets just say I've seen Vlad take a couple of steps back when Czari voices her disapproval.

[chico2]

With my threesome,Chico is the one who often instigates a fight.
Vinnie and Rocky will be sleeping and Chico gets the zoomies,flying around in the house,passing R and V teasingly.
Then when they join in the zoomies,Chico will hiss and growl and complain to mom
R will lick V and it ends up in a tussle,which I have to stop,before it gets serious.
Vinnie is very submissive to both,usually plunks down on his back..

Maybe Oksana has a smell Vlad is not familiar with

[ancientgirl]

Originally Posted by chico2

With my threesome,Chico is the one who often instigates a fight.
Vinnie and Rocky will be sleeping and Chico gets the zoomies,flying around in the house,passing R and V teasingly.
Then when they join in the zoomies,Chico will hiss and growl and complain to mom
R will lick V and it ends up in a tussle,which I have to stop,before it gets serious.
Vinnie is very submissive to both,usually plunks down on his back..

Maybe Oksana has a smell Vlad is not familiar with

It's those big black kitties that are trouble makers.

No, I don't think it's the smell. They have been around each other since they were kittens. I'm thinking it's just that she doesn't want to play, and he does, so when he tries to instigate play, she freaks out trying to defend herself. He likely thinks he's playing, but she likely thinks he's attacking her. I wish there was a way to make her more assertive. If she did the same as Czari, Vlad would simply just walk away and find someone else to play with, but she doesn't.

I'm going to try looking for that Bach "self esteem" esscence. Maybe that will help her

I don't want to have to keep her in the bathroom alone daily for the next 10+ years.

[Love4himies]

That is exactly the way Snowball and Puddles were and Sweet Pea and Jasper are now. It is play and the one that is "loosing" asks for the other to back off a bit. Completely normal and is how kittens learn socialization skills. I wouldn't worry about it if they are friends after.

If I could, I would send you a video of Sweet Pea and Puddles. That is fighting, absolutely NO play. Evil Pea is the instigator and will attack when Puddles is sleeping. There is no love lost between them and you will NEVER get them nose to nose sniffing, even walking within 20 feet of each other without fur flying, growling, hissing and screaming. Puddles is terriified of Sweet Pea.

[ancientgirl]

Originally Posted by Love4himies

That is exactly the way Snowball and Puddles were and Sweet Pea and Jasper are now. It is play and the one that is "loosing" asks for the other to back off a bit. Completely normal and is how kittens learn socialization skills. I wouldn't worry about it if they are friends after.

If I could, I would send you a video of Sweet Pea and Puddles. That is fighting, absolutely NO play. Evil Pea is the instigator and will attack when Puddles is sleeping. There is no love lost between them and you will NEVER get them nose to nose sniffing, even walking within 20 feet of each other without fur flying, growling, hissing and screaming. Puddles is terriified of Sweet Pea.

Does Sweet Pea avoid Jasper when she sees him? If Oksana is walking somewhere, and say Vlad is on the way, she'll totally go out of her way to avoid going near Vlad. Sometimes if we are in the bathroom, Vlad will be sitting at the door entrance, and if Oksana is in the bathroom, she will not leave. She'll wait until I'm crossing and blocking Vlad, then she'll run out really fast.

I wouldn't worry so much, if it weren't for the fact I think it's affecting her health. :sad: Vlad has attacked her while she's been laying down, and a couple of weeks ago day Maks did the same in bed. She was laying down, facing away from him and Maks just jumped on her. I feel bad for her, I don't want her to live her life a nervous wreck.:sad:

[Love4himies]

If she sees a "oh pretty lady, I am coming for you" glint in his eyes, she will . Most of the time she isn't in the mood for playing and let's him know. Puddles would be the same way with Snowball and the older Puddles got, the less she wanted to play, but Snowball always wanted to. Snowball was 5 years older than Puddles.

Male cats don't mature as quickly as females and depending on Vlad's genetics, then he may not fully mature until about 3 years old.

Cats can't ask each other if they want to play, so they just try to play with the kitty, hoping the other kitty will respond favourably. Poor Vlad, he is probably so confused because sometimes Oksana wants to play and sometimes she doesn't.

[ancientgirl]

Originally Posted by Love4himies

Poor Vlad, he is probably so confused because sometimes Oksana wants to play and sometimes she doesn't.

Oh no, Oksana never wants to play. I know though she probably would not mind just sitting next to him or cuddling with him, but of course just like a man he has to go and ruin it.

It's funny, Maks sort of does the same to Kiska. They can be sitting quietly and then he goes and starts biting at her and putting her in a headlock.

I may have to just try and keep the peace for a couple more years. They will all be 3 next year, except Czari, she'll be 6.

[Love4himies]

That does sound like typical male/female interactions.