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Old November 29th, 2004, 11:20 PM
Meghan_K's Avatar
Meghan_K Meghan_K is offline
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Location: Edmonton, Alberta
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Two jokes for you, one for each species

Hey there
I just got these jokes in an email my Mom sent me, and I just had to share them-enjoy!

The Talking Dog

One day out in the Texas panhandle, a guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell. The owner answers, and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black Lab just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting
in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years
running. "The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now... I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.
"Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"
"He's a liar. He didn't do any of that ****."



Meals On Wheels

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets Saint Peter himself. Saint Peter says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Peter, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." Saint Peter stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, Saint Peter is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?" Saint Peter says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later, Saint Peter stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. Saint Peter gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?" The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
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Old November 30th, 2004, 11:30 AM
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Stewart Stewart is offline
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Very funny jokes especially the second one
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Old November 30th, 2004, 02:54 PM
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melanie melanie is offline
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nah that first one had me in stiches, oh so true
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