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Old January 18th, 2013, 12:02 AM
pintree3 pintree3 is offline
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Should i get my dog back? Concerned for his mental well-being

My Pointer was abandoned when he was about a month old. I took him over, raised him, gave him all the love and attention he needed. He is well behaved, smart and loved by all (humans and other pets). A little over a year ago (him now being 4.5 years old) because of a deep depression (mine) I had to leave him behind to neighbors and then left the country--the last few days one can feel that he sensed that something was wrong. Since then I have been talking to him via Skype a couple of times a month. The neighbors/new owners have been great to him in terms of giving him the love he needs. However, they do not have the time to take him out as often as I used to nor give him as much attention--but he is being well taken care of nevertheless and loved as mentioned.
Anyhow, now that I have my head together I wonder if it is a good idea for him for me to get him back. As much as I love him and miss him I am primarily concerned for his well-being, not mine. I am wondering if getting him back will be a good thing for him (showing him he was not abandoned a 2nd time) or if he would feel abandoned a 3d time around if we did so?
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Old January 18th, 2013, 07:53 AM
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marko marko is offline
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Personally, I think you should leave him where he is.
The dog has now bonded with new owners, and removing the dog from its new owners and new environment will surely stress the dog out.
His well being will be better if he stays where he is.
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  #3  
Old January 18th, 2013, 08:26 AM
Jull Jull is offline
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I agree with Marko, I think is OK where he is. He is being looked after, loved, feed, its good... I think is normal for anybody to feel that our former pet may not be getting as much attention as he/she did with us, but at the end of the day you know he is in a good home and that is what matters; Unless you knew he was being abused, not feed, not taken care of, bouncing back from home to home would probably stress him too much and would be worse for him.
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Old January 18th, 2013, 10:32 AM
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Dog Dancer Dog Dancer is offline
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I think that after a year the pup is settled and would be better left where he is. Unless that family is having difficulties and thinking of rehoming him he's bonded with them and is fine. Lots of dogs don't get the best amount of attention but they thrive on the love. You did what was best for him and should take comfort in that. He's doing well. I hope you are also, and in due course some day you may decide to take on a new pet that you can shower with love for their entire life.
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Old January 18th, 2013, 11:12 AM
HappyJacks HappyJacks is offline
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Your former dog is best where he is, and is the property of his new owners, who as your findings have seemingly confirmed are also good pet parents. That they do things perhaps a bit differently than you would if he were still yours is to be expected, but that is not cause for alarm or concern. Courts are filled with disputes over children by warring (divorced) parents--one claiming their ideas of raising the child being better than the other parent's, and only thing that does is harm the kid whom they claim to be speaking for. Nuts, isn't it?

In this case, he is their dog (you surrendered him to them, yes?), and their decisions qua owners must by you be respected. Please know I undertand and hear that you are in a better place now, and worried about him. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You did what you did because you wanted what was best for him, having since confirmed by the sounds of it that you did in fact make the right decision: you didn't dump him off or abandon him but, rather, found what sounds to be a good home where he is taken care of and loved. Having satisfied yourself of this (which means you care, and always did), it's time to forgive yourself and don't second-guess: you did what was best, in his best interests. Doesn't mean you need be a complete stranger in his life, should his owners wish to provide you updates from time to time, but that once again is up to them (and they are not going to be inclined to do so if you question or critique their pet-parenting, right?).

It's hard, I well understand, never an easy thing to give up a friend, but you didn't abandon him; by the sounds of it, you found him a good home such that it is OK to forgive yourself, knowing you did for him what was best.

All the best
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Old January 18th, 2013, 11:59 AM
pintree3 pintree3 is offline
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Should my dog come back?

Thanks to all--lovely answer HappyJacks. I would like to add that the new owners have no problem whatsoever returning the dog. They already have 3 other dogs and a few cats as well. I was not disputing their parenting--to each their own and I agree with what was said. It was merely something which I felt needed to be mentioned. The dog is presently in Asia--living in a cramped apartment and getting him back may perhaps even help the new owners. My question was focusing on my dog's well being. In other words is it psychologically good for him or not for me to get him back? The consensus seems to be to leave him where he is. It seems we are all dog lovers here but I question how many of us are qualified experts. I certainly am not. Based on what I've observed and been told on Skype by the new owners they have been having problems with him--My assessment is due to his being bored--He barks more often then he used to and doesn't necessarily listen to commands. The problems albeit have diminished but are still there. Hard to say really what I think but I do indeed thank you all for your opinions. What are the major differences in his life b4 and now? He is a pointer which means he is a evry social dog who needs his exercise. He would run 4 to 6 KMs a day, now never. He would be taken out with me every day wherever I went all day long. Now he stays mainly at home. He would often meet new people that would play with him. Now he stays with the same people. He used to be left free to roam the apartment at night now he sleeps in the entrance (approximately 3 feet squared closed space).
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Old January 18th, 2013, 04:04 PM
HappyJacks HappyJacks is offline
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You are welcome, Pintree. As to "expert", there is conclusive evidence that dogs form bonds with their human "pack" and other animals in the household and that being moved around and/or changing owners is not in their best interests; of course, when an owner falls ill and can no longer properly care for them, different story, in which case it can't be helped (and in the dog's best interests in such a case to find it a good home, which you did by the sounds of it, and in which the dog does adjust, learns to trust and form bonds again; know this, and that you did a good thing). From a rescue perspective, we also see former owners who relinquished their dogs second-guessing themselves down the road all the time (many who "dump" their dog don't ever look back, could care less; others feel guilty, second-guess. Typically, those who worry are the ones who relinquished their dog for legitimate reasons, whereas the others to put it politely did not. It's the property of the rescue and/or new owner's either way, but many rescues and new owners will provide updates for the asking, and it is good to hear you're in touch and provided with updates; also typically means these folks are nice people, further confirming in your mind I trust that you did in fact do the right and proper thing).

But you now raise a different question, based on facts which you are assuming; is it the case that the owners themselves do not want the dog, or is it the case that you are assuming, because they've other responsibilities, they would be better off if you got your dog back. See what it is I am asking here? It is not the same thing. Unless and until they tell you--specifically--that they do not want the dog, do not assume anything other than what you seemingly confirmed: they love the dog. You know, I hear parents complain about their children all the time, does not mean they wish to get rid of them, right?

And please don't assume that just because it's in an apartment, sharing its home with other animals that it's unhappy; makes no difference whether that apartment's in Tokyo, HK, Toronto, NYC or Paris. A Jack Russel which is among (if not the most) high energy dog there is can easily be content in an apartment, so long as its needs are met, Dogs don't really care, keeping in mind that wolves, fox and coyotes from which they derive live in very small tiny dens. Ever been to HK? Some of those apartments make condos in Toronto look small, and don't even get me started on the "apartments" of Paris (seriously, have you ever been? Balconies in Toronto and Montreal are bigger than what passes over there as an "apartment". Yet dogs, inclu;ding Jacks, are happy in those units nonetheless). So, unless they specifically tell you that they do not want the dog, please do not assume anything. That they took him in, have cared for him all this time, and by your own findings are good pet parents likely means the opposite, yes? It's OK. You did what needed to be done at the time, as hard as it was, in your dog's best interests. Please don't beat yourself up about it, and it is great for me to hear that you are staying in touch with the new owners. Your dog was very fortunate that you made provision for him; many owners out there don't. When you're ready, there are many dogs out there waiting to meet you. You may not be looking right now, but know that there is a dog out there somewhere looking for you. (When you are ready).

Hope this helps, and all the best.

Last edited by HappyJacks; January 18th, 2013 at 04:45 PM. Reason: remove a typo
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Old January 18th, 2013, 06:37 PM
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Winston Winston is offline
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Nicely done HappyJacks! you couldnt say it any better!

I also wanted to wish you well as you move forward!!
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Old January 19th, 2013, 12:35 PM
pintree3 pintree3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyJacks View Post
You are welcome, Pintree. As to "expert", there is conclusive evidence that dogs form bonds with their human "pack" and other animals in the household and that being moved around and/or changing owners is not in their best interests; of course, when an owner falls ill and can no longer properly care for them, different story, in which case it can't be helped (and in the dog's best interests in such a case to find it a good home, which you did by the sounds of it, and in which the dog does adjust, learns to trust and form bonds again; know this, and that you did a good thing). From a rescue perspective, we also see former owners who relinquished their dogs second-guessing themselves down the road all the time (many who "dump" their dog don't ever look back, could care less; others feel guilty, second-guess. Typically, those who worry are the ones who relinquished their dog for legitimate reasons, whereas the others to put it politely did not. It's the property of the rescue and/or new owner's either way, but many rescues and new owners will provide updates for the asking, and it is good to hear you're in touch and provided with updates; also typically means these folks are nice people, further confirming in your mind I trust that you did in fact do the right and proper thing).

But you now raise a different question, based on facts which you are assuming; is it the case that the owners themselves do not want the dog, or is it the case that you are assuming, because they've other responsibilities, they would be better off if you got your dog back. See what it is I am asking here? It is not the same thing. Unless and until they tell you--specifically--that they do not want the dog, do not assume anything other than what you seemingly confirmed: they love the dog. You know, I hear parents complain about their children all the time, does not mean they wish to get rid of them, right?

And please don't assume that just because it's in an apartment, sharing its home with other animals that it's unhappy; makes no difference whether that apartment's in Tokyo, HK, Toronto, NYC or Paris. A Jack Russel which is among (if not the most) high energy dog there is can easily be content in an apartment, so long as its needs are met, Dogs don't really care, keeping in mind that wolves, fox and coyotes from which they derive live in very small tiny dens. Ever been to HK? Some of those apartments make condos in Toronto look small, and don't even get me started on the "apartments" of Paris (seriously, have you ever been? Balconies in Toronto and Montreal are bigger than what passes over there as an "apartment". Yet dogs, inclu;ding Jacks, are happy in those units nonetheless). So, unless they specifically tell you that they do not want the dog, please do not assume anything. That they took him in, have cared for him all this time, and by your own findings are good pet parents likely means the opposite, yes? It's OK. You did what needed to be done at the time, as hard as it was, in your dog's best interests. Please don't beat yourself up about it, and it is great for me to hear that you are staying in touch with the new owners. Your dog was very fortunate that you made provision for him; many owners out there don't. When you're ready, there are many dogs out there waiting to meet you. You may not be looking right now, but know that there is a dog out there somewhere looking for you. (When you are ready).

Hope this helps, and all the best.
It did help. And Yes, I have been to Hong Kong. They never directly asked so I think the best thing to do is directly ask them. Thanks again,
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