Go Back   Pet forum for dogs cats and humans - Pets.ca > Discussion Groups - mainly cats and dogs > Pets that have passed away - Rainbow bridge

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old April 11th, 2011, 10:32 AM
DogBuddy DogBuddy is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Need Advice - Our dog's ashes have been lost

I need some advice.

Between our vet and the cremation place our dog has gone missing.

We received an urn, the paw-print impression that we asked for but the urn was delivered to us empty.

We called the vet and the vet explained that it was an error in the information provided and yada yada... The details don't really matter to me.

We paid for a private cremation and paid for the ashes to be returned.

The cremation place says they were buried with other ashes from other dogs and cats because they did not have the correct information.

Has anyone experienced this?
What would you do?
We were having a hard time getting over the death of our dog but this adds a whole new dimension of feelings - hurt, anger, etc.

Had I known this was to be the result I would have buried her myself in our backyard or near the lake where she loved to swim. Not lost in a pile of other animals remains.

I'm devastated by this.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old April 11th, 2011, 10:53 AM
luckypenny's Avatar
luckypenny luckypenny is offline
Doggie Wench
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: St. Philippe-de-Laprairie, Qc
Posts: 11,813
I am so sorry for the loss of your girl .

Although it doesn't rectify the situation at all, has the company refunded the costs ? I think it's the very least they can do.
__________________
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." -Will Durant
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old April 11th, 2011, 11:51 AM
BenMax BenMax is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10,191
Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss.
I have heard of this happening before and all I know is that the money was refunded..only seemed fair really.

Though not much of a consolation, however a thought...
My sister erected a beautiful lilac tree in memory of her beloved dog. The tree obviously is named after him. Every year he blooms so beautifully and they gather the flowers and place it on their table.

There are other ways of course, but I thought this one in particular was beautiful.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old April 11th, 2011, 12:33 PM
Sylvie's Avatar
Sylvie Sylvie is offline
Senior Contributor
Space Invaders Champion, Smack the Rabbit Champion
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Caledonia, Ontario
Posts: 1,515
I am so sorry for your loss

Take heed of what Ben Max said about the tree. Also, remember your dog will be forever in your heart.
__________________
Sylvie

Owned by

Bree 11 year old GSD
Keesha 6 year old GSD
Cyrus 7 year old GSD


RIP: All my angels.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old April 11th, 2011, 04:19 PM
dmc123's Avatar
dmc123 dmc123 is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 1,600
I am so sorry about this - how sad....I like the ideas the others gave about the tree or find something else that will be suitable and make your memorial spot. Again, I am so sorry.

Diane
__________________
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old April 11th, 2011, 04:27 PM
hazelrunpack's Avatar
hazelrunpack hazelrunpack is offline
The Pack's Head Servant
Chopper Challenge Champion, Mini KickUps Champion, Bugz Champion, Snakeman Steve Champion, Shape Game Champion, Mumu Champion, Mouse Race Champion
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Just east of the Hazelnut Patch, Wisconsin
Posts: 49,881
How awful, DogBuddy I can't even imagine how you feel...

Remember, though, that she'll be with you always in your heart, regardless of where her remains are. There's a bond that's forged by love that is still there and always will be.

I like that idea of planting a tree or a garden or putting up some other type of memorial that feels right to you, too...

I wish you heart's ease and peace of mind.

__________________
"We are--each of us--dying; it's how we live in the meantime that makes the difference."

"It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!"

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old April 11th, 2011, 09:33 PM
Shaykeija's Avatar
Shaykeija Shaykeija is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,582
I am sorry they lost your dog. This I know is hard on you and your family.

I would be telling them to refund your money as this service you contracted them to do, was not completed. The law treats our pets like property, so under the law they lost your property. They must make you whole again, which in my opinion, would justify a complete refund.

My deepest condolences on the loss of your dog.
__________________
The more I get to know people, the more I love my dog...

There ain't no cure for stupid ...... but we should make sure we laugh and point it out to everyone else
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old April 12th, 2011, 01:12 PM
Longblades Longblades is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,065
What a sad first post for you to be making. Cremation of pets is the same where I am. It's joint with other pets unless you pay for special time for just your own pet. We did the same thing for a cat who died in winter and could not be buried, as is our usual course.

I agree with the others that you are entitled to a complete refund. You did receive the urn and pawprint but this is a business that involves tremendous emotion and I can't imagine a business not making the overture and refunding everything.

Could you place a collar or well loved toy or blanket in the urn and bury that? To give you some closure? Your pup will live forever in your heart and memory and it would be a shame to let this sad incident cloud those special memories. I like the tree or special shrub idea too. Our yard has a special spot at the back. We can never move.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old April 12th, 2011, 03:44 PM
DogBuddy DogBuddy is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
thx

Thx to everyone for your thoughts on this.

I have asked co-workers and others I know for ideas.

We had planned several spots to spread bits of the ashes. Her favourite lake where she swam for 15 years, the trails she ran on, the deck where she slept in the sun every summer at the cottage and the parks she was raised in when she was a puppy.

We paid for a private cremation specifically. It was an extra cost to ensure we would get her ashes returned intact and not be mixed with others.

We've been told that there was some error in communication and she was cremated in a group of other animals and buried in a mass grave with other animals. The grave site is a 4 or 5 hour drive away. This in unforgiveable.

I find this information almost unbearable. We were still grieving the loss of our pet who was fighting cancer for months and now this is the final chapter? I'm beside myself with grief and anger for the way this turned out.
I would have buried her myself if it had not been February and the ground was frozen. At least then I would know where she rests and keep her close to home.

Some responses we received from friends were very peaceful and included the thoughts that we would not be able to hang onto or even slowly release the presence of the ashes.
One was 'had they lost your mother's ashes you would be suing them for emotional suffering" and they'd be paying out for damages to you and your family.
Another person said we should sue them for negligence and for loss of personal property and damages.

I have no idea what to do. But I'm devastated by this. Anyone who we've told the story too is very shocked also.

I'm just trying to find a path to get through to the other side of this whole event.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old April 12th, 2011, 03:57 PM
chico2's Avatar
chico2 chico2 is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Oakville Ontario
Posts: 26,593
Dog-Buddy,I am so very sorry,first for your loss and then to have to discover this terrible mixup.
__________________
"The cruelest animal is the Human animal"
3 kitties,Rocky(r.i.p my boy),Chico,Vinnie
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old April 12th, 2011, 04:19 PM
BenMax BenMax is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10,191
Suing is not really the answer. It was human error which each and everyone of us make...daily.

To me suing is not putting your focus and direction into the memory of your beloved pet. It puts a negative on something that is very personal.

Just my
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old April 12th, 2011, 04:50 PM
reanne reanne is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Vancouver Island
Posts: 171
So sorry for the loss of your dog, and for the added grief the mistake has given you
As others have suggested, I would seek a full refund of the cost-they did not provide you with the service that you paid them for. I agree with BenMax that suing might just make this ordeal even worse. Get a refund, and try to find another way to help with closure. Even just going to Buddy's favourite places and saying a goodbye might help. If you need something physical, you can always print a couple of pictures of him and burn those and then spread those ashes. I know it is not the same but sometimes things like that can help.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old April 12th, 2011, 05:00 PM
mummummum's Avatar
mummummum mummummum is offline
-
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: The Hammer
Posts: 8,535
Perhaps the time to think about dealing with the Vet and the Crematorium Service would be best left until your grief has lifted it's heavy hand from your heart somewhat.

I understand the urge to sue but I'm not sure that will ease your pain. Obviously you do not want to see this happen to anyone else. You may wish to consider meeting with all parties present to determine what formal protocol changes your Vet and the service have already taken or will take in how they "do business" to ensure this unfortunate situation is never repeated. If they fail to respond, then may be the time to involve the courts.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old April 12th, 2011, 08:54 PM
Shaykeija's Avatar
Shaykeija Shaykeija is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,582
Don't worry about where the ashes went. Your pup is at the rainbow bridge waiting for you. His spirit would not want you to grieve so hard. He wants you to remember those special places, and I am sure that when you go there, for a second in time, you will get a glimpse of him. There are a lot of people here who have lost their beloved pets. It hurts, really hurts. But soon, you will smile again when you think or talk about him. Like do you remember when.....If you need to sound off, grieve, rant, cry or just talk. We are here.
__________________
The more I get to know people, the more I love my dog...

There ain't no cure for stupid ...... but we should make sure we laugh and point it out to everyone else
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old May 9th, 2011, 05:56 AM
cassingermany cassingermany is offline
cassintheuk
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 49
I'm so sorry. We had something similar with Sookie. She had to be put down and we were expecting to have her body back. Due to the language barrier in Germany, they were mistaken about what we wanted and found out that where we lived, we could not bury her. To get her ashes back we would have had to pay quite a bit and we just didn't have the money right then. I understand the lack of closure. Some people just need it.

How are you doing and what came of the situation? Either way I hope you have some peace back.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old May 9th, 2011, 09:20 AM
marko's Avatar
marko marko is offline
Administrator - Pet lover
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Montreal Quebec Canada
Posts: 11,122
I'm SO sorry to be reading this

If you paid by credit card, you are likely safe. If they do not refund the money, dispute the charge and you'll likely win. I'm with BM here on the court thing, i likely would not sue in a case like this as suing takes a long time and will not help in the healing process imo.

I think some type of dedication (tree, plant, or anything personal in your dog's honour) is a wonderful idea.

again so sorry you had to go through this, please accept my condolences.

Sincerely - Marko
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old May 9th, 2011, 01:29 PM
DogBuddy DogBuddy is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Thanks

Thanks to everyone for your condolences and advice. These words are all very helpful at this time.

We visited the location where she has been buried and it was more painful than helpful. She has been buried with several tons of other ashes in an open pit. When the year is complete the pit will be closed and a marker showing the year 2011 will mark her grave along with several thousand other pets. Currently there is a wooden fence around the pit.

For such a courageous and brilliant dog who started in a puppy mill and I rescued from a house that was going to put her down almost 20 years ago this seems like a very unfit ending. We passed by numerous other grave sites that had monuments and tributes much more fitting. I can see how something like that would have been helpful to get closure and also to visit and remember her fondly. Now going to the pet cemetery is more like a reminder that she was cremated with a bunch of animals and then dumped like landfill into a pit awaiting literally several tons of other ashes to be dumped on top. -- I'd prefer it if someone had kicked me in the teeth.

I've got to take some more time and let things simmer down. I'm still very upset. I wanted a private cremation and to keep her ashes. We had plans for them that were more in line with a tribute to her and also to help us get some closure on her passing.

Thanks everyone again for your thoughts and suggestions.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old May 9th, 2011, 04:11 PM
hazelrunpack's Avatar
hazelrunpack hazelrunpack is offline
The Pack's Head Servant
Chopper Challenge Champion, Mini KickUps Champion, Bugz Champion, Snakeman Steve Champion, Shape Game Champion, Mumu Champion, Mouse Race Champion
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Just east of the Hazelnut Patch, Wisconsin
Posts: 49,881
I just can't even imagine how hard that must be for you. I hope you can find some peace soon, DogBuddy.
__________________
"We are--each of us--dying; it's how we live in the meantime that makes the difference."

"It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!"

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old May 9th, 2011, 05:22 PM
Dog Dancer's Avatar
Dog Dancer Dog Dancer is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,566
I'm so sorry for your loss DogBuddy. How very distressing this whole situation must be to you. I can't for the life of me imagine why they would have sent you an empty urn after they had lost the ashes. How cruel. Do you still have his collar? I would frame the collar with his pawprint and mount it somewhere as a special reminder. Hopefully in time your wonderful memories of your beloved pet will help you to find some level of peace. Remember that no matter where his ashes are, his spirit is at the bridge, and he will wait to be reunited with you, knowing that you loved him as no other during his too short time here on Earth. Please find peace within your heart. You boy would want that for you.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old February 21st, 2012, 11:37 PM
Justlost Justlost is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2
I can relate. My little dog and faithful companion of over 15 years died 3 weeks ago. Tonight I discovered his urn is competely empty. I was just starting to get over his death and now I have lost him forever. I paid for cremation, the urn and his return. I am devastated, again. This is so hard.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old February 22nd, 2012, 09:37 AM
DogBuddy DogBuddy is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Hey Justlost. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Our vet returned the money spent on the cremation.

It didn't solve the problem but legally it was the least the vet could do from a business perspective only.

We still miss our dog. Whether she was cremated or anything else we will miss her for a long long time because she was smarter than our other dogs. She could unzip zippers, find things the others couldn't , dive and retrieve sunken items at the lake and she remembered people's names. We joked for years that if our dogs were children our oldest would have been a plumber, our youngest would go to beauty school and our middle dog (the one that died) would have had a scholarship to an ivy league school.

What I've learned through this is the pain of losing the dog is some of the deepest grief I've ever experienced in my life. That little critter knitted herself into our souls and I hope it's forever because i never want to forget how amazing she was. Dogs like kids are each so individual and come with unique personalities.

I'm sorry for your loss. Not having my dog's ashes has been hard but not having my dog is significantly harder. For me, she left a 13.5 year mark in my life that will be cherished forever. I'll bet your pet has done the same for you. Hold onto photos, videos and any other memories of your pet. The grief will subside in time and unfortunately you will have to suffer through this challenging period of time.

It's taken us 1 year. My dog died on my birthday last year. I cry while I type this but the tears are more about love than loss. We've also started to look at new rescue dogs and have started the hunt for a new dog that we will love like crazy again. We have two other dogs that will have to welcome the new dog into the pack and sort themselves out as they've had to do before.

I wish you well and I know how deep the feelings of loss can be. My only words of encouragement are that you will get through this.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old February 22nd, 2012, 10:05 AM
hazelrunpack's Avatar
hazelrunpack hazelrunpack is offline
The Pack's Head Servant
Chopper Challenge Champion, Mini KickUps Champion, Bugz Champion, Snakeman Steve Champion, Shape Game Champion, Mumu Champion, Mouse Race Champion
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Just east of the Hazelnut Patch, Wisconsin
Posts: 49,881
My heart aches for you, Justlost.

__________________
"We are--each of us--dying; it's how we live in the meantime that makes the difference."

"It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!"

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old February 22nd, 2012, 11:51 AM
Dog Dancer's Avatar
Dog Dancer Dog Dancer is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,566
Justlost so sorry you are going through this. It is obviously very difficult. But as you can see from DogBuddy, there is peace down the road. How odd that you both went through the same issue with the cremation. I know when I had my dear Shadow pts I would have been equally devastated if her ashes had been lost. But our memories of her are ours forever. Time will heal.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old June 7th, 2012, 12:45 PM
MrsBug MrsBug is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can relate. We just moved cross country, and discovered that our movers took the box with our dog's ashes in it (it was set aside to move with us) and they lost it in transit. It's like losing our beloved Sammy all over again. I can completely understand the devastation, because I'm feeling it too.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old June 7th, 2012, 06:46 PM
Barkingdog Barkingdog is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,791
Quote:
Originally Posted by BenMax View Post
Suing is not really the answer. It was human error which each and everyone of us make...daily.

To me suing is not putting your focus and direction into the memory of your beloved pet. It puts a negative on something that is very personal.

Just my
Dog-Buddy should be given back the extra money she paid for a private cremation. I paid extra money to have my beloved dog be given a private cremation and if I had not gotten back my dog's ashes I would had demanded to be given back the extra fee I paid.

Dog-Buddy, I am so sorry for the lost of your beloved dog. I hope you'll be able to find a way to honor your dog . Maybe give money to a shelter or to veterinary collage to help find a cure for cancer for dogs and cats in memory of your dog. My vet gave money to a veterinary collage in memory of my hearing dog that dies of cancer. I was really touch by this.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old June 8th, 2012, 05:48 PM
BenMax BenMax is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10,191
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barkingdog View Post
Dog-Buddy should be given back the extra money she paid for a private cremation. I paid extra money to have my beloved dog be given a private cremation and if I had not gotten back my dog's .
Absolutely.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old November 20th, 2012, 11:53 PM
Machodin Machodin is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: California, USA
Posts: 1
My dogs ashes were never returned.

In searching for some kind of answers to this awful news I got today about my dog of 16 years ashes being lost, I came across your post. I'm devastated as I am sure you understand. I'm not sure how they could do this after we were very specific about our wishes for her to be cremated alone, and paid for a special urn. They told me she was mixed up with other animals and cremated in a group and there was no definitive answer as to where she went after that. I feel like my family member of 16 years was discarded like trash. Now. I'm robbed of the closure I would have gotten from spreading her ashes in her favorite river and the memory of the end of her life is forever tainted by this. I wish so badly I could take this nightmare back and burried her in my yard or somewhere I could memorialize her, but now I have nothing. She was my best friend and I feel like I failed her by turning her over to people who treated her like garbage. I think I will bear this scar the rest of my life. It's so violating at the core, and so unbearably painful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DogBuddy View Post
Thx to everyone for your thoughts on this.

I have asked co-workers and others I know for ideas.

We had planned several spots to spread bits of the ashes. Her favourite lake where she swam for 15 years, the trails she ran on, the deck where she slept in the sun every summer at the cottage and the parks she was raised in when she was a puppy.

We paid for a private cremation specifically. It was an extra cost to ensure we would get her ashes returned intact and not be mixed with others.

We've been told that there was some error in communication and she was cremated in a group of other animals and buried in a mass grave with other animals. The grave site is a 4 or 5 hour drive away. This in unforgiveable.

I find this information almost unbearable. We were still grieving the loss of our pet who was fighting cancer for months and now this is the final chapter? I'm beside myself with grief and anger for the way this turned out.
I would have buried her myself if it had not been February and the ground was frozen. At least then I would know where she rests and keep her close to home.

Some responses we received from friends were very peaceful and included the thoughts that we would not be able to hang onto or even slowly release the presence of the ashes.
One was 'had they lost your mother's ashes you would be suing them for emotional suffering" and they'd be paying out for damages to you and your family.
Another person said we should sue them for negligence and for loss of personal property and damages.

I have no idea what to do. But I'm devastated by this. Anyone who we've told the story too is very shocked also.

I'm just trying to find a path to get through to the other side of this whole event.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old November 21st, 2012, 12:05 PM
Barkingdog Barkingdog is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,791
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machodin View Post
In searching for some kind of answers to this awful news I got today about my dog of 16 years ashes being lost, I came across your post. I'm devastated as I am sure you understand. I'm not sure how they could do this after we were very specific about our wishes for her to be cremated alone, and paid for a special urn. They told me she was mixed up with other animals and cremated in a group and there was no definitive answer as to where she went after that. I feel like my family member of 16 years was discarded like trash. Now. I'm robbed of the closure I would have gotten from spreading her ashes in her favorite river and the memory of the end of her life is forever tainted by this. I wish so badly I could take this nightmare back and burried her in my yard or somewhere I could memorialize her, but now I have nothing. She was my best friend and I feel like I failed her by turning her over to people who treated her like garbage. I think I will bear this scar the rest of my life. It's so violating at the core, and so unbearably painful.
I really feel your pain. I know you might not of being thinking about the cost of the special urn cost and of having your beloved dog cremated along , but I would asked for the money back . I had my dog cremated along and is cost a lot more. This may sound strange , would it help to made some copies of your dog and burn them to bring the ashes to her favorite river? I know it not the same but some people believes their spirits get stuck in photos and will not have their pictures taken. This is so sad, I have tears in my eyes.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old December 5th, 2012, 08:17 PM
patchdog patchdog is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 130
So sorry to hear of this. How tragic at such a time to deal with this.
I would ask for a refund for the part that you paid for the ashes to be returned to you. It is the least that they can do. It will not help the matters any, but at least they are then trying to make it right with you.
__________________
Happiness is a warm puppy.
http://www.sarahsdogs.com
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old December 6th, 2012, 04:07 PM
Dog Dancer's Avatar
Dog Dancer Dog Dancer is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,566
I am so sorry for your loss of you beloved pet, and for the lack of closure you now have due to this mistake. I agree that a refund would be in order. That said, I kind of like Barkingdog's idea about the photo's. It would be sharing a piece of your pup. Your pet knows you loved her dearly and will not worry about this as you will. Cherish the good memories and try to move on from this awful experience.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Terms of Use

  • All Bulletin Board Posts are for personal/non-commercial use only.
  • Self-promotion and/or promotion in general is prohibited.
  • Debate is healthy but profane and deliberately rude posts will be deleted.
  • Posters not following the rules will be banned at the Admins' discretion.
  • Read the Full Forum Rules

Forum Details

  • Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
    Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
    vBulletin Optimisation by vB Optimise (Reduced on this page: MySQL 0%).
  • All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:05 PM.