Things that make you go hmmmmmmm... - Pet forum for dogs cats and humans

Luvmypitgirls · #1 August 15th, 2010, 09:02 AM

Ok, so as I posted, we took in a 17 yr old girl, who was tossed on the streets by her mother.
There is a documented history of abuse in the home, and her younger sister is a ward of the crown because of it. For some reason, this girl was returned and subjected to further abuse.
Here is why I am getting frustrated, she is 17, still considered a minor, she cannot legally vote nor drink. She is mentally equivellant to that of a 12-14 yr old.
She has nowhere else to go, and the thought of returning to her mother's home, literally terrifies her.
We have made numerous phone calls to Child Welfare and other agencies looking into perhaps obtaining funding for her to return to school, and to buy her clothes and shoes. Her mother threw her out with what she had on her back and refuses to give her "any" of her belongings whatsoever. We have been trying to resource an independant living program via Child Welfare, and for some reason our phone calls go unanswered. This girl has a Child Welfare file, they have been involved with this family on and off for years.
Now we can afford to put her in school and buy her clothes and shoes, that is not the issue, the issue is that Child Welfare should be stepping up and helping this child. Not only does she need things, but she also needs some intense therapy. I have spoken to her court appointed mentor, who was assigned to her when she shoplifted something to eat after being locked out of her home and on the streets for a couple days. She is a nice lady, but thus far hasn't provided a lot of help.
We aren't asking to be paid for taking her in and putting a roof over her head or for the food she eats, we are simply asking that they help provide her with funding for school, give her health benefits, and therapy and other things she needs like clothing, a bus pass etc.
Independant Living Allowance would give her funds for those things and pay room and board, which we would bank for her for when the time comes that she could move out on her own.
How can the government just turn their back on her case like this? I've been told it's because she's 17, 18 in February, yeah so what she is still legally a minor and I think it's neglectful on the part of the Child Welfare.
Also, we are being told that without a letter of parental permission, for her to live with us and to attend school here in High River, she cannot register for school.
Well of course, I call both her parents to explain the situation, and the mother laughed and said she didn't care she wasn't giving a letter of consent until I apologized for not leaving her kid on the street. I'm not kidding those were her words. I called her father, who asked to speak to his daughter and his response was, "You've basically been on your own since you were 13, I'm not doing nothing for you, maybe if you weren't such a little wh*%*!" I had him on speakerphone and when he said that I laid into him. I couldn't believe my ears.
So, not sure where to turn next, but no way will I turn this kid out onto the streets, no way will I turn my back on her. And one way or another she will be sitting in a classroom come September.
I have an aquaintance at Global News in Calgary, her husband is a friend of mine, perhaps I should give her a call she does all the human interest stories, maybe she could help light a fire under Child Welfare's a$$.
And ppl wonder why there are so many messed up kids out there...hmmmmmm

rainbow · #2 August 15th, 2010, 01:59 PM

This is outrageous .....I cannot believe her parents.

I don't even know why I'm calling them "parents" because they sure haven't been anything close to that to their daughter.

And, it is totally appalling to hear that the child welfare and other agencies there are doing absolutely nothing about it.

Thank goodness for you and your hubby as I hate to think what would happen to this poor girl if she was left to fend for herself.

I would definitely give your friend a call and get Global to give this as much publicity as they can.

Good luck LMPG

14+kitties · #3 August 15th, 2010, 02:05 PM

It's a story that happens time and time again, as sad as it is. I wish I knew the answers for you.

Luvmypitgirls · #4 August 15th, 2010, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 14+kitties

It's a story that happens time and time again, as sad as it is. I wish I knew the answers for you.

I wish I knew too...if we have to pay for her then we have to pay for her, just seems to me that Child Welfare is there for cases like this or at least is supposed to be.
Clothes and stuff we can handle if we have to, but its the health care benefits and schooling and transportation fees, and most importantly therapy that I'm concerned about. This girl needs a lot of therapy, who wouldn't having parents like hers.

Winston · #5 August 15th, 2010, 02:55 PM

As sad as it is it really doesnt sueprise me LMPG...our society and systems just suck sometimes. What makes me sick too is that she obviosuly suffered some form of abuse at the hands of her family right? then she is forced to ask the abusers for help so that she can better her like??OMG it makes me sick!

I was thinking perhaps if Child and Welfare have an Ombudsman? In Ontario we have those Ombudsman who are above all the others in some organizations and they can make decisions at a higher level.

Just a thought! Oh and thank god for wonderful familys like you that offer your home and heart to these children!

ownedbycats · #6 August 15th, 2010, 03:57 PM

I like Reader's Digest, and every month or so they have a section called That's Outrageous. Maybe you should write/email them this for their next issue, that magazine gets read cross Canada.

chico2 · #7 August 15th, 2010, 04:25 PM

LMPG,I have to admit,I asked my oldest son to leave when he was almost 18 yrs old,however he had a friend to move in with.
Sometimes things get to the point when you as a parent cannot take anymore.
My son now,will say he totally understand.

I am not excusing this poor girl parents,judging only in the way they talk to you and her,they certainly seem like a couple of callous jerks.
Are you an official foster-parent??
If so there should be no problem getting help.
Why would you have to pay for her to go to school?and healthcare??
She is a Canadian,why does she not have a Health-card??

Childrens Aid in Ontario is often useless,only when an abused baby/child is killed do they come with their excuses,understaffed..etc.

You are doing a wonderful thing for this girl,I hope it works out for you,your family and her.

Luvmypitgirls · #8 August 15th, 2010, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chico2

LMPG,I have to admit,I asked my oldest son to leave when he was almost 18 yrs old,however he had a friend to move in with.
Sometimes things get to the point when you as a parent cannot take anymore.
My son now,will say he totally understand.

I am not excusing this poor girl parents,judging only in the way they talk to you and her,they certainly seem like a couple of callous jerks.
Are you an official foster-parent??
If so there should be no problem getting help.
Why would you have to pay for her to go to school?and healthcare??
She is a Canadian,why does she not have a Health-card??

Childrens Aid in Ontario is often useless,only when an abused baby/child is killed do they come with their excuses,understaffed..etc.

You are doing a wonderful thing for this girl,I hope it works out for you,your family and her.

chico, no I am not an official foster parent. My husband and I tried to be once long ago, but we were denied, and the reason, I grew up in foster care in Ontario. You would think I would be an ideal candidate, considering I can relate to how it feels to be a foster child.
She currently has no health benefits because she was on her mother's, but her mother had her removed. So as it stands she has Alberta Health Care but she does not have health coverage for the things AHC doesn't cover, ie ambulance, dental etc.
As for the reason she was "kicked out", her mother's boyfriend doesn't like her, and her mother has for as long as this girl can remember chosen her men over her children for years.
She and her sister were removed at one point, because there was evidence of abuse, the sister is still in the care of Child Welfare and for whatever reason they placed "our" girl back with her mother.
I have printed off pages and pages of dialogue between her mother and her on Facebook. I intend to use it, to somehow obtain help for this child.
When I asked her mother if she felt she bared any responsibility for what has happened, she said no she was a victim. Seriously.
So we go forth, we will do what we can, and hopefully someone along the way will help us.

chico2 · #9 August 16th, 2010, 03:50 PM

LMPG,I really see no reason why she could not get welfare,which probably will include dental care.
Were she on the street with no address she would get the absolute minimum.
With the government you just have to keep at it,I know it took my son 2 yrs before he finally could get on Disability and be somewhat independant.

cpietra16 · #10 August 16th, 2010, 05:05 PM

Unfortunately I have seen many people that call themselves parents and react exactly like that. As far as I am concerned the mother is nothing more than an incubator and the father a sperm donor. They should never have children.
As far as the government, I don't understand why she has not been put under protective custody??
I know that there are child advocacy groups here in Montreal. Can you see if there is a group out there. have her call and maybe they can get the help she needs.

14+kitties · #11 August 16th, 2010, 07:46 PM

Have you managed to get in touch with any advocacy groups in your city? I took the liberty of posting a couple of sites. I'm sure you probably have contacted them but........

http://www.highriver.ca/uploads/FCSS..._Book_2010.pdf

http://www.informalberta.ca/public/c...cartId=1002352

Luvmypitgirls · #12 August 16th, 2010, 11:49 PM

Thank you to those that shared comments and thoughts, I appreciate it.
14+, I have contacted High River family and social services.
She has an appt on the 26th, to see a therapist for an evalutation so cross your fingers that they will advocate on her behalf with Child Welfare. Good grief this girl could end up in a bad way if she doesn't get the help she needs and deserves.

chico2 · #13 August 17th, 2010, 03:45 PM

LMPG,she already has one angel on her side

I hope she will get what she rightfully deserves

Luvmypitgirls · #14 August 18th, 2010, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chico2

LMPG,she already has one angel on her side

I hope she will get what she rightfully deserves

Thank you chico...

mastifflover · #15 August 18th, 2010, 08:08 AM

LMPG you are one special person I must say. I admire what you are trying to do for this child. I would definitely speak to your friend in the media she or her hubby may have some good leads for you to check into for help. They may not want to do a story before her appt. because we all know that could work against this innocent kid. Is there any kind of support groups in your area that help to get kids from the streets on their feet sort of like Covenant House in Toronto or may be able to point you in the right direction. As far as her sperm and egg donors (these are not parents) they obviously are just white welfare trash and I would call welfare and make sure the egg donor is not collecting benefits for a kid she threw out of her home. This is the one thing that will really bother her if she is losing money that she should not be getting anyhow. This may raise a red flag with child services and welfare they may not care about the kid but they will about the money. It may make them act a little faster then they are now which is at a pace just slow enough so she turns 18 and they can forget about her. Sad but true.

Love4himies · #16 August 18th, 2010, 08:33 AM

I didn't want to say anything, but read Chico's post.

I too had to kick my daughter out as a teenager. Unless you know what is going on in the household, I don't think people should judge. It was on the advice of a therapist to do so as a parent's hand is tied when it comes to dealing with older teens.

Unfortunately there is no resources for parents whose children are going down the wrong path, especially when they are 16 or older. It is very sad as these children are not of mature mind to make good decisions and they need more help than what a normal parent can give. I was actually told by a police officer that I could not ground my daughter over the age of 15, because she is free to go as an adult. I, as a parent, could not force her to do anything she didn't want to do.

What do you do with a teen who steals from you, won't mind curfew, interrupts the household when they decide they are coming home? Yes things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm.

ancientgirl · #17 August 18th, 2010, 11:55 AM

You have to jump through hoops just to get a building permit, but they let any loser become a parent.

I agree with Chico, keep plugging at it. As the old saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Hopefully with your help, this girl will stand some chance of becoming a stable adult.

Luvmypitgirls · #18 August 18th, 2010, 11:59 AM

L4H, I'm not judging anyone, I am reacting to the facts. I understand that sometimes as a parent we have to make difficult decisions, such as asking our kids to leave the home if they can't abide and respect the rules, at a certain age. This is not the case with this child. Is she perfect no, but she most certainly isn't the monster they are trying to make her out to be.
This girls mother, has brought man after man thru their home, always putting the man in her life at the time before her children.
Child Welfare, has actually removed this girl and her sister from their parents care, and from what I am begining to understand, it happend more than once.
The father has not paid a cent in child support since he walked out when this girl was 5. He was absent from their lives until she turned 12.
I spoke to each parent, and to sum up the conversation in a few words, basically their message was "take her out back shoot her in the head, cuz she hasn't a hope of making something of her life". I listened to them call her a skank, a sl*t, a wh*re, a thief, a liar, a drug addict, an alcoholic, a loser, a mistake, oh and yeah "I knew when I was pregnant with her I should've had an abortion".
We are talking about parents here, that toss their child out when she becomes an inconvenience. For example, her mother and the man of the week, wanted to go to Vegas, having her in the house made that plan harder to execute, so they threw her out, without anything, no money, with just the clothes on her back. They threw her out last Christmas, because they didn't want to buy her presents. I've talked to others that have taken this girl in that have actually witnessed things in the home.
This girl has been very honest with us, she has smoked pot, she has gone drinking, usually when she was thrown out, in her mind at least it was a place to go.
There is a big difference between abusive, neglectful parents, and parents like chico that had to request her child leave because she refused to abide and respect the family/home.
I too, have had to make hard decisions when it came to my boys, for instance, turning my son in to the cops when he shoplifted. Being a parent isn't easy, but we can't just toss our kids to the curb because they don't fit into our plans for the day and that is what this thread is about. Parents, that take no responsibility or accountability for the chaos and crisis they create for their kids, and think throwing them on the street cuz they don't feel like being a parent at any given time is acceptable.
I've made it clear to this girl that drugs and drinking are unacceptable and if she brings drugs into my home that she will be required to leave. She has been clean since being here, and has agreed to submit to drug testing should I request it.
We got a call yesterday from a therapist willing to see her free of charge, and we are looking at putting her in a couple of local youth groups so she can meet other kids her age and make some new friends.
She has told us she has never felt this good or healthy, her mother felt McDonalds was adequate nutrition, she says she has never eaten so well as she has here.
She cries a lot, which is hard to take, because we can't fix it for her. She opens up a little bit more each day, and her court appointed mentor tries to be as accessible to her as possible.
I guess all we can do is take it day by day.

Love4himies · #19 August 18th, 2010, 12:06 PM

A child may not be the same in another home.

My daughter brought home a young man who was homeless and I thought he was so polite and such a wonderful person. He helped me with dinner, he helped clean up, he made sure Theresa was home on time.

I thought his mom must be worried sick, so I phoned his mom to let her know where he was and then I got the full story. He did end up going back home, but it only lasted a few months

and he was back on drugs again.

My point is there are always two sides to every story.

Luvmypitgirls · #20 August 18th, 2010, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ancientgirl

You have to jump through hoops just to get a building permit, but they let any loser become a parent.

I agree with Chico, keep plugging at it. As the old saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Hopefully with your help, this girl will stand some chance of becoming a stable adult.

AG, that's what I'm hoping for, for her to become a stable, functional, accountable, contributing member of society. But all I can do is try to point her in the right direction, the rest will be up to her.
I have told her "sink or swim", we will do what we can to help, but she has to utilize the tools given to her and make the committment to herself to do right by herself.

Luvmypitgirls · #21 August 18th, 2010, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Love4himies

A child may not be the same in another home.

My daughter brought home a young man who was homeless and I thought he was so polite and such a wonderful person. He helped me with dinner, he helped clean up, he made sure Theresa was home on time.

I thought his mom must be worried sick, so I phoned his mom to let her know where he was and then I got the full story. He did end up going back home, but it only lasted a few months

and he was back on drugs again.

My point is there are always two sides to every story.

I understand that L4H, I didn't get involved with blinders on and I continue to do my research. Like I said I have also talked to others that witnessed things go down in this girls home. Also, Child Welfare has removed the kids before because they felt the mother was unstable and abusive. She has lost custody completely of her youngest child to the Child Welfare system.
This girl of course has issues, mostly due to the environment she grew up in.
I know there are two sides to every story, but I can assure you in this case there are two parents that simply just don't give a flying ***** what happens to their child.

Sew-sew-steve · #22 August 18th, 2010, 12:39 PM

Thank you LMPG for taking this child in.

This is a huge huge gesture on your part. This kind of stuff is what gets you into heaven. Just show her the right way and you will have done your part.

I hope all works out, and that one day she can help you out If you ever end up needing any.

Luvmypitgirls · #23 August 18th, 2010, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sew-sew-steve

Thank you LMPG for taking this child in.

This is a huge huge gesture on your part. This kind of stuff is what gets you into heaven. Just show her the right way and you will have done your part.

I hope all works out, and that one day she can help you out If you ever end up needing any.

LMAO....apparently I need a lot of help since I actually thought there was something called a grampa toad.

I don't know about going to heaven, I would rather go to the Bridge and just hang out with all the wonderful souls there, that would be heaven for me.
Thanks for the words of encouragement, it's appreciated.
Perhaps having grown up as a Ward of the Crown in Ontario, I know how easy it could be to go down the wrong path, and I know the stigma that comes with being a foster kid. I know what it's like to wish someone cared enough to give me a chance, but in the end I turned out just fine on my own, I'm one of the lucky ones, I get the sense it wouldn't be the same senerio for this child.

Sew-sew-steve · #24 August 18th, 2010, 01:01 PM

For Muslims, heaven is unimaginable, it's so great the human mind wouldn't understand it. But I didn't come on here to preach.

Just show the lost soul love
And support. I'm sure a simple such as " i will love you" would be veryn suitable for her wounded heart. Love comes in many shapes and sizes, so you wouldn't be lying if you said it.

Anyhow, those are my two cents.

P.s. There's a saying in Arabic that goes something like this: " your home is your heaven and hell. "

happycats · #25 August 18th, 2010, 01:49 PM

I know we have student welfare here in ontario, for kids not living with parents, and still in school. Doesn't Alberta have something like that?

I always thought parents were responsible for their children until they are 18 or finsihed shcool, so would you maybe be able to go after the parents for support?

Also there is the Child Tax benefits that CRA (Canada Revenue Agency) gives monthly for kids (and, no you don't have to have custody, the child only has to be living with you)

It sickens me that we will help a boatload of unknown, non citizensm, illegal immigrants, provide health care housing, legal aid, food.........but we don't help our most vulneralbe needy "citizens"....our own CHILDREN!!!!

sorry to go off topic !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love4himies · #26 August 18th, 2010, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happycats

It sickens me that we will help a boatload of unknown, non citizensm, illegal immigrants, provide health care housing, legal aid, food.........but we don't help our most vulneralbe needy "citizens"....our own CHILDREN!!!!

sorry to go off topic !!!!!!!!!!!!!

That gets me angry too!

Frenchy · #27 August 18th, 2010, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happycats

It sickens me that we will help a boatload of unknown, non citizensm, illegal immigrants, provide health care housing, legal aid, food.........but we don't help our most vulneralbe needy "citizens"....our own CHILDREN!!!!

sorry to go off topic !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't get me starting on that

so many wrong things are going on in our country

Winston · #28 August 18th, 2010, 03:39 PM

LMPG I want to reach through the screen and give you a great big hug! You rock! I want you to know that this girl will never forget your kindness no matter how she turns out!

LMPG I have quick story for you! I have a sister who was gone from our family home at 15..she is my older sister. She went from guy to guy over and over again with the booze, the drugs, the beatings that came with it and ALWAYS went back! SHe has had 3 different children by 3 different fathers. My firrst little nephew died at 8 months old when he drowned in the bathtub. Her 2nd child was a girl and then she had another boy. The 2 children have learned to live exactly as they were raised! just like their mom! As I have often said they are products of their environment. Truly truly sad but its reality.

I am as close to the children as I can be because they know that I do not tolerate any of that crap in my house or life. I have come to their rescue many times. It doesnt take much to influence kids and I really admire you for beng so willing to show this child the way! Thats really what it takes to make a difference in her life.

She will have something with you that they likely have never had or not had in very long time and that is TRUST...Trust youll listen, talk, be there, help them, provide guidance the list goes on and on!

There are many people out there that like to call themselves parents and sometimes you wonder how someone has become a parent..

Thank you for being a kind soul!!

chico2 · #29 August 18th, 2010, 04:12 PM

LMPG,what L4H said brought back memories,in most cases,like mine,telling my son to leave was an absolute heartbreak,but the only solution,or I would have gone insane.
People would ask me how could I,he is a wonderful boy,but they did not know what he put our whole family through.
The bottom-line is though,I loved him,but just could not take anymore..

The girl we took in,hubby even built her a bedroom,rewarded us in the end,by stealing jewellery,money etc..
She had 2 hamsters she promised to take with her when she moved in with a man,she did not.
She left them outside on the drive-way in the snow over night,I walk out in the morning,to find nothing but an empty cage,lots of fur and blood.

I know you are an intelligent lady with a huge heart and if her parents have already lost custody of one child,chances are the girl did not stand a chance and was on the way of total destruction.
I am sure,if you manage to put her on the right path,she will be forever grateful