I think I've just had that moment of clarity I so badly needed.

[ancientgirl]

I've only been on this board for a little over a year and some of you here don't know these last 3-4 years for me haven't been easy for me. My downward spiral began when I moved into a condo a former colleague I used to do medical billing with owned. She'd bought it with the intent of updating it and renting it out. I needed a place and she offered it to me. A month before I moved in she gutted the kitchen, with the promise it would be up and running in a month, just before I moved in. That month turned into 9 months of living with no kitchen, a bathroom that was little more than walls of sheet rock, a rocking toilet, and a living room with a carpet that wasn't even set correctly. I lived out of boxes the entire time I lived there.

Things got slightly better after I moved out and into a really nice place, only to then be hit by panic attacks and depression. It didn't help that at the time I'd rescued Vlad and Oksana and the stress of then having to constantly hide the fact I had them got to me and I had to move out. I've slowly been bringing myself back to where I was a long time ago.

It's helped that I've got my little furry family and I know live in a place I don't have to hide them. I've changed my way of looking at things and I've begun to feel better about myself as a person because of converting to vegetarian eating.

It's no secret to some but, I went from weighing 135 pounds to now a whopping 180. Yes, that's what I weigh and I'm not at all happy about it. The weight crept up on me and when I realized it was here I didn't care enough to do anything about it, until now.

For days I've felt tired and just drained of energy. On my way home yesterday I got some B12 (thanks to a friends suggestion). I also sat back and looked at what I have been eating. Too much rice, pasta and just all around fatty things. Not enough veggies and good proteins. No wonder I haven't lost any weight, everything I've been eating has been full of carbs and packed with calories!

My friend Lisa's hubby is taking the Bowflex I have off my hands and I'm getting a small stepper as well as I'm going to look for a pet stroller. I figure I can go walking and take one of the gang along with me each day. This way I can get some exercise and they can get a little change of scenery. There are some nice neighborhoods where I live so I can certainly take a half an hour or so each evening when I get home and walk.

This weekend I'm also going to get a new eating plan under way. I found some microwave bowls of brown rice, that gives me two servings. I can limit myself to just one of these bowls a week, and make myself some stir fries with veggies and tofu.

I'm 41, I'm lucky in that everyone that sees me tells me I don't look my age, I look younger. Why shouldn't I feel younger too? Some days I feel like an 90 year old person!

I have clothes I want to wear again. I want to feel confident again when I leave my apartment. I don't want to break out into a sweat when someone suggest a night out on the town. I'm taking all of this and running with it. It's odd sometimes people talk about losing themselves and until it happens to you you don't really understand what that means. I think I'm finding my way back to me

[Jim Hall]

excellent!!! best of luck as youlive in fla fresg veggies should be easy to find i love pasta too but you got to eat your veggies!!
just like mom said

[ancientgirl]

Thanks Jim. There's a great natural produce market not far from where I live, they are open daily, and on the weekends there's a farmers market near my job that's open all year round pretty much. I can also get fresh produce from there as well.

I've just been lazy and the time for being lazy is over.

[14+kitties]

You've come a long way baby!!! Sometimes it takes a smack in the face to realize what is going on in your life. Glad you got your "smack"!

[badger]

Good for you, ancientgirl. I've been a veggie for thirty years, too many refined carbs definitely slow you down (that includes your brain ). But don't starve yourself, eating should be a pleasure. And make sure you get enough protein. I've given up straight tofu (blech) but tofu hotdogs are delicious (if you liked hot dogs back in the day, that is) and I eat eggs and cheese as well. Indian dals (made of various kinds of lentils) are high in protein and you can leave out the chilis if spicy isn't your bag.
Don't count calories. It's all good (except for refined sugars and most processed food, and run from anything that's labelled 'low calorie' or 'low fat').
I recommend Pilates and yoga for when the weather is bad, to make you feel stronger, mentally and physically (I am woman, hear me roar ).
Good luck.

[ancientgirl]

14+, yeah I most certainly did receive that smack! It's been a long time coming.

Badger, I've actually been thinking of yoga too, so I may get a DVD when I get that stepper. I've been avoiding eggs, but I do eat cheese and I found some really delicious meatless Italian sausages not long ago. I can add those to stir fries.

I just haven't been putting as much thought into what I eat other than making sure it was meatless. I can't do that anymore.

[bendyfoot]

Your determination is just shining through your post, ancient! I have no doubt you're going to succeed...you sound very much ready to make yourself and your health and happiness a priority...AWESOME!!!!! You deserve it!

[aslan]

Hey Ancient, glad you are feeling a little better. B12 will help alot with the stress and other issues. For your stir fry's can i suggest Bokchoy, its has all kinds of good stuff in it and goes excellent in a stir fry. I too have managed to stack on a few extra unwanted pounds and am trying to drop it, so you got my full support. We have the stair stepper thing here, if you don't have one and can afford on get an ipod, you can get the tiny ipod shuffle at Walmart pretty cheap now. Put some good music on it and off you go. Keeps your mind focused instead of thinking the " i hate this, this is boring etc..."

[ancientgirl]

Thanks for the support guys. I'm more angry at myself than anything. I was an overweight child and in my early 20's I took off a lot of that weight. I put it back on after being in a bad relationship, but then when that was over I took it off and kept if off for the rest of my 20's and mid 30's. It's only been these last few years it's piled back on and I could kick myself for not bring more careful.

But that's in the past.

I love Bok Choy so that's a good alternate for just lettuce. And the stepper I get I want small enough so I can just put it where the TV is

[JanM]

Good for you! It looks like a very important chapter has closed for you - so now a new one opens and your greatest good is waiting for you to find it!
Way to go

[phoozles]

You should join our weight loss challenge - we're all about supporting each other and just feeling better .. I'm so happy I also got the smack in the face that told me that I shouldn't just let myself be fat - why bother when I didn't have to? Why hate the way you feel and look if you don't have to?

Congrats - we're hear for you during your ups and downs!

[ancientgirl]

Thanks for all of your support. I just hate that it took me this long to "get it" and I know that since I've opened my eyes I'll do what I need to do.

Phoozles, I've been avoiding the weight loss thread simply because I have just been too lazy and down on myself. But I'll start checking it out.

[allymack]

acient, its good to hear that you want to change. you shouldnt be mad at yourself like you said you were. Its great to hear that you want to be more healthy and that you are doing something about it! i agree with phoozles, why hate the way you look and feel if you dont have to?

Were always here for support for you, were here through you for it all!

Congrats!

[krdahmer]

Originally Posted by ancientgirl

Phoozles, I've been avoiding the weight loss thread simply because I have just been too lazy and down on myself. But I'll start checking it out.

I've been avoiding it because I gained 10 pounds since JAN... so ditto on the lazy/down on myself bit too!

I tried the vegetarian thing too, but it never sticks I just don't enjoy veggies... and a meat maniac for a husband doesn't help! Maybe I should give it another shot... I mean there are so many alternatives to meat now.

[ancientgirl]

There really are a lot of alternatives. I've had some meatless Italian sausages that are delicious.

[Dog Dancer]

Ancientgirl - congratulations on your new determination! Don't be down on yourself, just be up on yourself for the new you. And go slow, don't let a week with no results set you back. There will be good weeks and bad weeks. And no matter what, nobody here will think less of you. It's what's inside that really really matters.

[ancientgirl]

Thank you for those words of encouragement. I tell myself to be realistic. As you said, there will be good weeks and bad and it's not going to happen overnight. But I'm determined that it will happen.