As the world sees Canada

[technodoll]

As you know, Vancouver will host the 2010 Winter Olympics. Here are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. The answers are a joe-k, but the questions were really asked...

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (U.S.A.)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes!

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (U.S.A.)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, right after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (U.S.A. )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with beaver juice before you go out walking. Make sure you take a hockey stick with you.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (U.S.A.)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[Dogastrophe]

I always get a chuckle out of these everytime I see them regardless of the Olympic host city / country noted in them.

Here is the list that floated around during the Sydney Olympics:

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...



Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...



Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October...



Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: And accomplish what?



Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...



Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)

A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...



Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Yes. At Christmas.



Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)

A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.



Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.



Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: Nope, only on Tuesdays LOL.



Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.



Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face North and you should be about right.


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing
between Austria and Australia.


Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[technodoll]

he he he that was just as funny! and i still laughed!

[erykah1310]

LOL I love them....


:sad: but I fear that someone will find them offensive in some way....:sad:

[Lukka'sma]

First time for me seeing these. Funny

[Maya]

Someone actually asked my mother and I when we were in Miami if we had igloos in Canada. I was pretty young but I have a feeling he wasn't kidding.:P

[Mocha's mum]

I went on a military exercise in Fort McCoy, Wisconsin a few years ago. One of the privates that I was sharing a trench with asked me "y'all got the internet up in Canada??" I told him no, the dog sled teams couldn't haul the cable far enough to establish a connection. Sad thing is, he actually believed me.

You want to see some funny videos...

http://home.comcast.net/~wwwstephen/americans/

[angeldogs]

Those were funny
When i was on the hwy i used to get asked all kinds of stuff.
do we live in igloos
do we get snow all year round.
i've been asked some really weird questions.

[Dogastrophe]

About twenty years ago it used to be a common sight to see cars from Florida driving through New Brunswick with a rack of rented skiis on the roof .... in July!

Now they just leave with old beaten up lobster traps on their roof (kind of like every other car from Ontario )

[Rick C]

About 15 years ago, MacLeans Magazine had an article about stupid tourist questions . . . . one fisherman at Peggy's Cove said a little old lady asked him what time in the morning they inflated the rocks . . . . . and she was serious.



Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

[Schwinn]

My sister worked on Pelee Island, and her favourite was the person who asked if the island went all the way down to the bottom of the lake.

When I worked for a clothing store at Yorkdale Mall in Toronto, I remember a couple with American accents coming in. "Where's the big mall?" (Yorkdale is the second biggest in Toronto) "The big mall?? You mean the Eaton's Centre, downtown?" "No, the big mall, has a ferris wheel in it." "You mean the Woodbine Centre? It's smaller than here, but it does have a ferris wheel." "No no no. The great big one, with the ferris wheel and roller coaster and stuff. We came to go to that one." "West Edmonton Mall??" "YES! How do we get there?" "Oh, that's easy. You know that highway out here?" "Yea". "Get on that, and drive for, uh 3 days. Can't miss it"

Living in Windsor, we'd often see the odd car come over the bridge with skiis on the roof in July. Still can't believe the number of cars that had Michigan plates!

My favourite story is the guy a couple of years ago who was visiting Nova Scotia and rented a car to drive to see a friend in Edmonton. He wound up suing them to get his money back because they didn't tell him it wouldn't be an afternoon visit!

[Maxine]

I lived in Iqaluit, Nunavut. I still can't believe how many CANADIAN people don't even know where Nunavut is?

Maxine

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pi...?id=2109348594

[cpietra16]

Hey Maxine, my husband just came back from there...spent a year...loved it.Now he's back and he wish he were back there..

[Maxine]

Cpietra, it is indeed a beautiful place with stunning scenery! I couldn't spend the whole winter there though, it's too dark! My mom is still living up there and she finds it very difficult to come back here with all the stress and visual and sound pollution of the city

I hope one day you will have the chance to go there and see with your own eyes, it is such a different place from anywhere else i've been and most people have been!

Maxine

[rainbow]

I hope to visit there one day too.....as well as NWT and the Yukon.

[Maya]

Its funny after I posted about someone asking us if there were igloos in Canada I was like um uh o maybe there is somewhere, so I asked my bf and he said well technically there probably is once in a while somewhere like Nunavut but I don't think people live in them anymore. I certainly didn't see any in Whithorse when I lived there.

I'd love to live in Nunavut its beautiful.

[CyberKitten]

My all time fav is a letter I kept from a friend I met at a hospital in Boston (She too was an intern tho not a Harvard grad - from Northwestern but doing an internship at Children's in Boston). She mailed me at my civic address, NB, Canada, USA

One of my Canadian doctor friends pointed out that her letter (envelope actually) demonstrated she knew just as less about her own country if she thought Canada was a state in the union. She was from Rhode Island. Good doctor, just geologically challenged.

On another occasion at Disneyland (the one in Calif), while waiting to enter an exhibit, guides helped ppl wait by having us guess a certain state (The answer was confusion... ) I was utterly amazed at the number of ppl there who shouted out Canada as well as Connecticut, Colorado, etc...

And while visiting relatives in Washington state, I was asked if I could speak English which gave my relatives the idea of having me pretend to have an inability to speak English when went out clubbing. Oh my, it was fun tho, lol
The follies of youth!!! This was in Spokane.

Many of my Harvard classmates in med school - who should have known better - thought Canada was continually cold and wondered when they came to visit me in the summer if they should bring skis to which I would always reply - "and don't forget your toboggan! You can ride it over our streets, lol" Then, I would tel them how hot our summer really were!!

But you know, you would see a book about Canada at the Harvard Coop, the large book chain at the univ, and almost every one of them had a Mountie or a moose or snow on it. What would we expect. And our pavilion at Epcot in Fla is awful - it makes us looks like we are all still living in the woods!!

I could go on!!!

[Shamrock]

Those are funny, TD! Thanks for the laugh!
All of these stories are great!

[bobtheastorian]

Funny stuff - and I bet for sure it's all true. As many people I've told here in New York that I go on vacation every year to Nova Scotia wonder where in the Caribbean it is!

[SARAH]

Originally Posted by technodoll

As you know, Vancouver will host the 2010 Winter Olympics. Here are some questions

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (U.S.A.)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Get that one from the americans visiting Norway as well and there ARE no polar bears on the Norwegian continental part, only occasionally on two of the islands out to the north-west!


Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

I'm convinced this is a real question!

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Hm, the Brits are dumb too? Could well be.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (U.S.A.)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

The sad thing is, that there is very little UPDATED information on Canada in Europe. I was looking before I moved over - of course knowing all this sillyness was not real - and there was virtually nothing about modern-day Canada at all, not in the book store, libraries, and even the Internet isn't that great! Still, to ask a question like that ...

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (U.S.A.)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

THAT is a great answer, especially if the question was from someone with the thickest hill-billy accent very few outside of that region can understand, even in the US.

Originally Posted by Maya

Someone actually asked my mother and I when we were in Miami if we had igloos in Canada. I was pretty young but I have a feeling he wasn't kidding.:P

Someone once asked (an American "of course") in a Norwegian store, if they had a piece of the Artic Circle and how much it cost! Dead serious they were too. The store owner was too surprised by the stupidity of the question, but later said she should have rolled out some red string and charged the ignoramos for it

Originally Posted by Maxine

Cpietra, it is indeed a beautiful place with stunning scenery! I couldn't spend the whole winter there though, it's too dark! Maxine

I lived for 5 years in Hammerfest (Norway, all the way "up top") and I didn't mind the dark at all. That's when all the parties were



I remember when I was in New Orleans, someone asked me where I was from, and when I told him Norway, he said "what state is that in?" Ignorant bugger, it IS a state you nerd, a sovereign state with its' own king and government! Oh well. I just looked at him and didn't even answer. Guess he thought I was stuck up.
The same nerd later said "I'm not an imbecile" as he struggled out of the back seat of a 2-door cat with his crutches ... meaning to say "I'm not an invalid and the amreicans wonder why other nations laugh at them!!

NO OFFENCE TO THE AMERICANS WHO DO HAVE BRAINS, I know there are quite a few. Only the idiots stand out like sore thumbs are so easy to make fun of!