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Old November 12th, 2005, 08:52 PM
lightbeam1 lightbeam1 is offline
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Unhappy Butterscotch - my kitty

I'm new here. I was looking on the web for some comfort and found this place. Less than 2 hours ago I had to put my kitty of 17 years to sleep. I don't want to get into the details of how sick she was, I just know it hurts so very bad. I'm not married and she WAS my CHILD in a sense. I'm so sad and it hurts so much. Thanks for being an open area where I can just state how very sad I am. :sad:
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Old November 12th, 2005, 08:58 PM
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I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. It does hurt so bad, but be comforted that you helped your child transition across the rainbow bridge to a more peaceful place.
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Old November 12th, 2005, 09:36 PM
Prin Prin is offline
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet is so hard. You have to try to find comfort in that you gave her a great home for 17 years- that's a long life for a kitty and I've always believed that the happier they are, the longer they live.
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Old November 13th, 2005, 12:06 AM
lightbeam1 lightbeam1 is offline
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thanks

thanks for the responses. It's been 6 hours and I feel like I'm abnormally sad. My heart physically aches. I've not had a loss like this before. Any ideas on how to deal? Feels like she should still be walking around the corner to me. She was my alarm clock too. She kept my feet cuddly at night. She was my playmate. I'm crushed.
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Old November 13th, 2005, 07:52 AM
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We have all been through it and no,you are not abnormally sad.
You've lost a friend and companion of 17yrs,a great loss,you've lost somebody you loved.
We never really get over it,but you will with time think of only the very happy memories and that your much loved kitty is now at peace,no more sickness or pain and she thank's you for the life you gave her.:love:
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Old November 13th, 2005, 09:44 AM
Lucky Rescue Lucky Rescue is offline
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Welcome to the board lightbeam. Sorry the circumstances of your joining are so sad.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for grieving over a cat. This was a friendship of 17 years. This is a big loss, and it's normal to feel the way you do.

Please try and take a little comfort in knowing she had a very long and happy life - something so few kitties get.

What was your baby's name?
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Old November 13th, 2005, 10:41 PM
lightbeam1 lightbeam1 is offline
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Her name is/was Butterscotch because when she was young she had a multicolored coat with a lot of butterscotch type coloring. Her nickname was Scatterblotch which was fun to mess around with. But, in reality, she never came to me with either of those names. Just "kitty". Here kitty kitty kitty... She would prance over and then pretend like she was just too cool for words. Thanks for asking. It's been a little over 24 hours and now I have to go to work. I'm not sure I can handle it. She's always been there to greet me when I came home... now she's not here and it's killing me. Does it hurt when they are being put to sleep? (don't know if I really want that answer)
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Old November 14th, 2005, 07:05 AM
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lightbeam,I held all my earlier cats that were put down in my arms and I can assure you there seem to be no pain.
It's a question of seconds before the heart stops and there was no jerking or reaction,they just passed quietly.I wish when my time comes,the same could be done for me.:love:
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Old November 14th, 2005, 10:15 AM
Lucky Rescue Lucky Rescue is offline
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Oh, sorry. Of course the name of your Butterscotch is in your title.

Quote:
Does it hurt when they are being put to sleep?
As Chico said, no it doesnt' hurt. I've had to euthanize many animals and held them the whole time. They are given a sedative, and just peacefully fall asleep and that's when the injection is given. The hurt and pain is all ours.

I know what's it like to come home to an empty and silent house, and it's very hard.

In time, I hope you will open your heart to another little kitten who has no one to love it. That would be a wonderful tribute to your sweet Butterscotch.
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Old November 14th, 2005, 05:27 PM
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I had a cat like that. She was a foundling that I hid in the barn until the day I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 11... My parents felt so bad that saying yes to my request to keep the cat was something they didn't think about twice.

I called her Leif, as in Leif the Lucky, one of the famous vikings (topic we were studying in history at the time) and we made a deal that she and I would stick close until the diabetes was cured... She was like a dog, would follow me around the yard, would even go for walks with me. She slept at my feet and kept my spot on the couch warm.

One day two winters ago, she layed down in the hay shed, in a cozy spot in the sun and never woke up. I too was crushed, my baby was gone and I hadn't been there with her. I was also angry because she was supposed to stay with me, we were supposed to find a cure together... We had a deal...

Day by day the tears stoped, I got over the fact that she wouldn't be waiting for me at the end of the driveway when I got home from work. My only consolation is that now she can point the scientists in the right direction for the cure... Its not much and terribly child-ish but I needed a rational reason for her passing (other than old age) and that was it.

So that's where your Kitty is, watching over those who make an impact on your life, watching over you to make sure you're ok, and most of all, waiting for you at the Bridge.
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Old November 15th, 2005, 07:17 AM
Snooky'sMom Snooky'sMom is offline
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Hi there,

I'm a fairly new member too. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

A few months ago I went through the same thing with my 19 year old kitty. I would normally avoid forum sections like this. It was just too hard to talk about. He was so sick for months before he went. The decision to have him put down was always in the back of my mind because I knew he was really ill but I was waiting for a sign from him to know when it was right. When he had all the classic symptoms you hear about and when my vet suggested it (She was never the type to give up on him) then I knew the time was right. I was there for him. He went so peacefully. I was kissing his furry little head when it happened but I didn't believe it would happen so fast. Afterwards I felt feeling of guilt (that I had made the decision for him to die), anger (that he was taken away from me) and yes, just pain. I've always believed that the spirit lives on or that my baby would come back to me through reincarnation. Some people believe that's crazy but I believe in it and my little guy was so unbelievably close to me. Afterwards I expected some sign that he was there but I got nothing and became depressed. It was too hard to deal with. Soon afterwards I started looking around for another kitty. Everyone told me it was too soon but I got another one anyway. I got him from a shelter and he's 4 years old.
I knew he wouldn't replace my special Damian but somehow I needed a cat that liked to be cuddled (my female kitty didn't like cuddling). This new kitty has helped me heal. I used to be a bit scornful of people who would get a new pet so soon after one died. I believed they didn't love their old pet enough. Boy, was I ever humbled. I will never make that assumption again. I couldn't have loved my Damain more than I did. He was like a child to me too, just like your Butterscotch was. However, having this new cat has just helped me heal. I still wonder if I'll still get some sign from Damian. Do you wonder the same about Butterscotch?
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Old November 15th, 2005, 01:50 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I know how tough this is - been there and it is not at all fun and quite traumatic. But it is very humane now - but ask your vet is you can hold your kitty as it is done or even if s/he will come to your home. Some will. B would be given a sedative first and then the final drug. It's painless (except for a needle prick) and fast though I know it is hell for you!!! I am still mourning my rabbit who died a few yrs ago. Tears sometimes still well up when I see bunnies that look like him and for the longest time, I could not bear to enter the rabbit aisle at the pet store or WalMartm, sighhhhhhh!!!
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Old November 15th, 2005, 10:51 PM
lightbeam1 lightbeam1 is offline
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See, now I'm kicking myself and really hurting that I DIDN'T stay with her when she was put to sleep. Maybe I should have been. I was being selfish I guess. I didn't want to see her die. I didn't know about the pain that may or may not happen or show when she would finally die. I just didn't know. Those eyes though... they showed what I felt. I hope the vet knew how much I loved her and was there for her.
Thanks all for your kind comments. I've cried everyday so far and it still hurts so much. I was feeling a bit guilty because why should someone hurt so much over a "cat". Well, tonight someone said that pain/hurt affects people differently and that my reaction is okay and not to worry if someone doesn't "get it"... because my hurt is genuine. Sure is. I've lost 6 lbs and feel so bad.
Thank you all for your kind words and sharing. You all make it just a bit more bearable.
I will be picking up her ashes on Friday and don't know how I'm going to handle that. It will be exactly 1 week. So far it's been about 80 hours. I can't believe I'm counting hours.
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Old November 16th, 2005, 08:00 AM
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lightbeam,I was afraid you would feel you let your kitty down by not being there.
But please don't,you did nothing wrong:sad:
Many vets do not give you the option,my vet always did and I chose to have my cats in my arms for their final journey.
Many vets are afraid of emotional outbursts and although my tears were flowing freely,it was a peaceful calm experience.
It takes time to mourn,I remember even months after,I would all of a sudden burst into tears,it's only natural.
I've usually always had more than one cat and my other cats were always a great comfort,maybe when you feel ready,you can adopt a needy kitty(there are thousands out there) and she/he will equally comfort you.
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Old November 16th, 2005, 09:27 AM
ElaineG ElaineG is offline
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Let me add my sympathies to this long list of comforting replies. I too lost by cat this past week and miss him terribly.
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Old November 16th, 2005, 05:41 PM
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maddoxies maddoxies is offline
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Lightbeam do not beat yourself up coz you did not stay. As was previously said, not all vets allow it. It is normal if you have not done it before, to not want to be there.

You have lost a family member, it is ok to grieve. When I lost my babies, sometimes at work I would get so sad that I had to close the door and cry. It is normal.

Please accept my sympathies too. My first golden was 16.5 when I lost her, so I understand losing a long, long term pet (heck, they all hurt)
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Old November 16th, 2005, 07:03 PM
Lucky Rescue Lucky Rescue is offline
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I stayed with all my cats and held them til the end, BUT I couldn't stay with my dog when his time came. I had the vet come to my house, but I just had to leave.

Sometimes the pain is just too great and we can't do what we feel we should.
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Old November 16th, 2005, 08:53 PM
lightbeam1 lightbeam1 is offline
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I'm still a little sad now that I wasn't there and wish I would have been. But, I guess some are just able to do it. I *did* have the choice I just was afraid - of so many things. Any ideas on how to stop some of the crying? I saw a tuft of hair and just burst out. I saw a paw print on the tile and burst out crying. I know it takes time. It just kills me right now. I feel so much pain for other people who go through the same thing. So sorry.
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Old November 18th, 2005, 02:52 PM
Jazz&Cricket Jazz&Cricket is offline
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Lightbeam, it is very normal to grieve for your beloved Butterscotch...many of us have been through this experience. After 6 1/2 years, I still get a tear in my eye for my Brandy. There are many sites on the internet for dealing with pet grief, including right here.
In the meantime, here is the story of the Rainbow Bridge...that's where Butterscotch is waiting for you


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...
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Old November 19th, 2005, 09:18 AM
lightbeam1 lightbeam1 is offline
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last week at this time

Thanks so much for that story and all of everyone's thoughts.
Today (Saturday) is the day it happened last week. I've not yet gone through a day without crying. I've had terrible dreams and really look bad. All of my coworkers are telling me that I look like I'm not getting enough sleep. I have dark circles under my eyes. I've lost weight (not that that's a bad thing) from not eating. I know it will get better. I appreciate you all (really I do) for "talking" to me about this. I'm sure that without somewhere to vent about this whole thing I may have gone completely nuts. Hope your day goes well. I will be outside watching the sun go down remembering my Butterscotch tonight.
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Old November 19th, 2005, 09:26 AM
lightbeam1 lightbeam1 is offline
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By the way, how long do you think it will take before I can even look at a picture of her? I have pictures still in my digital camera that I took the day she was sick that I need to get off. I want to do a web page of her too, but can't seem to look at her. I stepped on a tuft of her hair yesterday and picked it up to save it. How weird is that?
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Old November 19th, 2005, 09:58 AM
Jazz&Cricket Jazz&Cricket is offline
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You will just have to take it one day at a time....BTW, I still have Brandy's collars with all her tags on it. I've never used it on any of the other dogs, but I can't bear to throw it away.
Just over a year ago, I lost my dad. I love looking at pictures of him because it brings good memories, not bad ones. It will be the same with Butterscotch.

Someone said something like this... Don't cry for what has not been, smile for what has happened. So smile when you think of Butterscotch..take care.
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Cricket - the border collies, WHERE'S MY BALL??
Zachary - miniature schnauzer, aka little ironman
and Dusty, being as good as his DNA will allow
oh...and the cats, Rex & Lucky
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'
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Old November 20th, 2005, 03:12 AM
Farchyld Farchyld is offline
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Unhappy

Im very sorry to hear about your pet. Im new as well, and the thought of losing either pet of mine actually brings tears to my eyes.

I'll just keep telling myself "They will live forever, Bobby. No worries."
-Robert
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Old November 21st, 2005, 01:20 PM
jawert1 jawert1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lightbeam1
By the way, how long do you think it will take before I can even look at a picture of her? I have pictures still in my digital camera that I took the day she was sick that I need to get off. I want to do a web page of her too, but can't seem to look at her. I stepped on a tuft of her hair yesterday and picked it up to save it. How weird is that?
It isn't weird at all. I still have a braided strand of tail from my horse who died 5 years ago in August and not a single day goes by that I don't look at his picture or think of him or get sad. It makes me hug my dogs twice as hard and be grateful that no matter for how short of a time, I am truly blessed to have the companionship of these creatures and had the love of those that passed.
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Old November 23rd, 2005, 07:13 PM
lightbeam1 lightbeam1 is offline
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Just have to say thank you again for all of your kind thoughts and words.

I got a call today from the vets and they said that her ashes were ready to pick up. I mustered up some courage and went to pick up her remains. I was expecting a bigger box. It was so small. She was a 8 lb cat approximately and her ashes were really about the size of a pack of gum.

I'm having a hard time dealing with it all again. I keep seeing her beside me, running up the stairs, or laying around. I even thought I heard her this morning. The hurt isn't so intense, but it's still VERY deep.
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Old November 23rd, 2005, 08:55 PM
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Don't feel guilty mourning for Butterscotch. I've lost several pets over the years and it never gets easier. I have learned though that until I got my next one, the memories tended to be of the last few days and were very painful. When I would get my next one, suddenly the memories were triggered by what my new pet had done. I would suddenly remember things long forgotten. My memories became sweet, not hurting. When you're ready, don't hesitate. It's a wonderful tribute when you find yourself needing that rapport again with a pet; when you realize that you just can't go on without that special love and devotion. Once you've experienced it, you gotta have it.
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Old December 7th, 2005, 10:59 PM
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Lightbeam - All I can say to you is that you must remember the love you gave your kitty. Dont look back - hind sight is "20/20", her time came.
Some believe that our little pets choose the time of their passing. Also, some cats want to be alone when they go. You know in your heart that she loved you- and that is what she wants you to remember.
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