To Visit Or Not To Visit

[Equla]

Linus, our newest family member came to us as a bit of a rescue. DH is a cab driver that picks up at a weekly-pay motel a lot. This summer, he stopped by the office to pick up a customer and noticed there was this beautiful little 6 month old kitten just hanging out in the office. When he asked about the furball, the staff said he was left in one of the units by a prostitute that had gone to jail. The girl had called them and promised to pick him up as soon as she got out. Jeff ended up leaving his phone number with the staff just in case she didn't come back so we could take Linus.

She did end up coming back, but didn't take Linus with her. She instead left a note and all of his belongings (including a sweater of hers to help the transition to a new home). The note begged the new owner to love him and detailed his personality, along with her phone number to call and let her know he made it to a good home. We ended up taking him home and called her to let her know he was fine and had been neutered and updated on his shots and stuff.

Jeff just got a call from her. She said she was in town and wanted to see him, if it was ok. She asked us to drop him off at her motel room for an hour or so and pick him up after. Jeff, being the trusting soul he is, said it was no problem. I am a little apprehensive about just dropping him off. What if she takes off with him? We will be crushed.

Judging from the letter she left with him, she did love him a lot but couldn't keep him for whatever reason. I know how I felt when I had to give up a cat many years ago (fighting amongst the brood... had to rehome the troublemaker). I was very glad to be able to visit with him occasionally. I don't want to say no to her, but I am so worried she will take him and leave... we will never be able to find her.

What should I do? He is such an important part of our family. I thought maybe she should come HERE to visit, but it's really hard for me to trust someone in her profession in the house around our stuff. Even if I keep an eye on her, I can't really be EVERYWHERE in the house.

I am horribly lost.

[BenMax]

Don't drop the cat off. He is yours now and really I would cut off all communication with this person.

She did him no favours really. Her intent may have been good but in the end she took a 'chance' that he would find a loving home. All I can say is this cat is lucky to have you. Can you imagine otherwise?

OMG - and don't let her in your home!!

[Winston]

Im sorry I would just say no. Not to be suspicious or untrusting of anyone but you just never know today. Perhaps you could take him in the carrier and let her see him in the carrier and that would be enough I would think. Sounds way too weird to me? I guess I am not that trusting of people today?

In a way it sounds like a setup? I know its far fetched but what if your DH gets jumped? mugged? anyway thats just my

Cindy

[BenMax]

Originally Posted by Winston

In a way it sounds like a setup? I know its far fetched but what if your DH gets jumped? mugged? anyway thats just my

Cindy

I was thinking the same thing.

[aslan]

i'm totally with the others, I wouldn't take him either. Personally i've never heard of a traveling hooker but hey you never know. Cut all ties with her at this point.

[Melinda]

by phone let her know he is ok, I doubt she'd rob you blind but you still don't want a stranger in your home, mind you I've met some ladies of the evening/ and strippers that were wonderful souls and even babysat for a few for their dayjobs, but still, you don't know this woman, if the kitten had went through a rescue she'd never have known who adopted him.

[Equla]

Originally Posted by Melinda

mind you I've met some ladies of the evening/ and strippers that were wonderful souls and even babysat for a few for their dayjobs

I feel the same way. I've known a couple as well. Lived with one who was a stripper friend that just kind of "fell" into the business. Wonderful girls, but I've also known drug dealers I would trust house-sitting for me. I guess it's just the level of familiarity you have with the person.

The only reason I mentioned her profession was to kind of explain why he was given to us and to give a general idea about her character. If I had gotten Linus from someone on Craigslist or something, I might've been more inclined to trust them not to case the joint.

The other option we had was to meet her in the office of the motel and let her hang out with him for like 15 minutes there. Jeff would stay with them and keep an eye on things. At least its a neutral setting.

I just wish Jeff hadn't said ok before we talked about it. I understand that he was stuck and needed to give her an answer right then, I guess. He just didn't think about the details. Now, to say no it would be tough. I just told him to make some excuse and then not answer the phone when she calls, but he said he doesn't want her blowing up his phone.

What a crappy situation.

[mikischo]

I have no idea what her motives are, but her request seems highly suspicious to me. Please do not take the potential risk to Linus's wellbeing. You owe this woman nothing. You did her a great favour by providing Linus with a safe and happy home, something she cannot do. If you feel you want to do something for her, then the most I would do is send her some pictures, so she can see how happy Linus is in his new home.

Edit: I did not see your last post before I posted. The motel office might be a reasonable compromise, if you still feel you must do something. Just so long as there is absolutely no risk of her taking Linus.

[dartfrog]

I would also not take him to see her; I would give her a call back and tell her you don’t want to stress him out by removing him from his home. Tell her you will send a picture if she would like, but that was as far as you are comfortable going with the situation. (or at least that would be my comfort limit)

[luckypenny]

I agree 100% with Mikischo. Just call her back and say that you've talked about it and decided the drive and strange surroundings would be too stressful for Linus. Fib if you have to and say you've got family visiting for the holidays and don't have the time. Regardless of her profession, she was imprisoned...and you don't know exactly what for. There's nothing wrong with not trusting someone .

Why does she have your number ?

EDIT: I didn't see Mikischo's edit, lol. I agree up until that point .

[rg_girlca]

You got this kitten in the summer and now 5 months later she wants you to bring the kitten to her to visit. This is just my opinion, but if it were me, there would be no way I would do that. There is a way out of this. Don't go. Tell the hubby, that IF she should call back, to tell her that he talked it over with you and you don't think it's a good idea. Tell her that the cat won't remember her anyway and that he is a little leery of strangers. By bringing him to the motel would just stress him out and you are not willing to put him through that. It would just confuse the poor thing and I also agree with the others who said that this situation sounds fishy.

[Equla]

Thank you so much for input everyone. After talking it over on here, I called Jeff and told him what everyone said. He agreed. He ended up calling her back and explaining that if anything happened, we would be beyond repair.

She gave him a bunch of options trying to find one we felt comfy with (even offered us her laptop to hold). Jeff said no to all of them. The more he thought about it, the less comfortable he felt with the whole situation. Taking the chance just wasn't worth it.

So we have her email. I will be emailing her lots of pictures of Linus and a long letter about how he has been.

Thank you again. We probably would have made a huge mistake if you guys hadn't been all 100% against the idea. This is our first experience with this kind of rescue. All the others have been from shelters and we never knew the previous owners.

EDIT: She has our number because we called her right after we got him home to let her know he had found a home.

[BenMax]

I think you are doing the right thing...and profession has nothing to do with it. In actuality, the cat really would have been stressed out, so you are not lying by saying that.

[mikischo]

I agree. You have made the best choice possible.

[rg_girlca]

Thank you for making the right choice. Like BenMax said, it had nothing to do with her profession, it just didn't sound right to me, regardless who the person was.

[Equla]

I hated to throw the profession into the mix, but it did change things a little bit because it showed her as someone who was nomadic and a little beside the law.

I was talking to Jeff about it just now. If it had been a lady that had to rehome her kitten because her new stepkids were severely allergic, or lost her home and had to move in with family that said "no way" to pets, I might have thought a little differently about the situation. If either of those were the case, she probably would have taken the time to come to our house to drop Linus off and see that he was going to a good home. In that case, she would have already been in our house and it wouldn't have bugged me so much to have her in our house a second time.

That actually brings me to a curiousity... under what circumstances would you allow a former owner to visit? Be it surrender because of personality conflicts among the group of pets? Or maybe the loss of a house and moving in with a family member that doesn't allow pets? Is there ever a time where its ok for a former owner to visit the pet in it's new home?

[Dee-O-Gee]

Sounds like you did the right thing Equla. I'm with the entire gang here in that the meeting could have potentially been a disaster. Maybe after a while, she'll lose interest in Linus and she'll go away.

Are there any pictures of Linus anywhere on pets or can you post here on this thread?

[BenMax]

Originally Posted by Equla

That actually brings me to a curiousity... under what circumstances would you allow a former owner to visit? Be it surrender because of personality conflicts among the group of pets? Or maybe the loss of a house and moving in with a family member that doesn't allow pets? Is there ever a time where its ok for a former owner to visit the pet in it's new home?

I have thought of this question often. To be honest I don't think I would allow anyone except an elderly person that had to go to a nursing home and could not bring her beloved pet with them. Other than that - I would not want to confuse any of my animals and set them back in progress getting adapted to a new environment or a new family.

If it is true that animals have the mental state of a child, then I would really be very careful not to hurt them emotionally by letting everyone gather to meet and greet.

I do have a 13 year old cat that I rescued a few months ago. The lady was put in a nursing home and her daughter dumped the cat at the shelter. The cat was to be PTS due to age so I decided to take him. The old lady took such good care of him and I wish I could take him to her so that 'the lady' would be at peace knowing that her cat was ok. Would it be the right thing to do for RIza?. I really don' know.

[shirley1011]

We adopted "Jack" our black shepherd two years ago now and the people who had him still keep in touch with us. We send them pictures and they have dropped past a couple of times on their way thru to visit family in Picton.
Both times Jack has been happy to see them but sits beside DH and doesn't make any attempt to try to go with them.
It was a situation where they just couldn't keep him in downtown Toronto and it broke her heart to have to find a new home for him....and they are happy he can run and be free here. I have no regrets having them come to visit..I know he is still loved by them and I know if I ever need help with him I can count on them.
I suppose it is the circumstances and the transition and each situation is different.

[Macomom]

Hello Group-

Equala, I am glad you are doing what makes you most comfortable, after all that is what your gut is saying.

I have a different perspective that I just wanted to throw in there. This woman is probably quite a lost soul and leaving that cat may have been really hard for her, as evidenced by her trying her best to give you her contact info, her sweaters etc. She was probably doing the best that she knew how to at that time, even though her actions may seem irresponsible.
In a transient, chaotic world, that little kitten may mean more to her than most of us give her credit for.
I would have made the attempt to reunite her with the kitten, though not left her alone. It may have lightened her heart a little. She probably needs all the genuine kindness she can get, even if it from a kitten.
Just to be clear though, my danger bells don't go off for this situation; it they did I would make a decision based on it.

There is a down and out man who lives/walks in the Market where I work. Everyday I stop and talk to him. I don't know how he will go on when he loses his beloved pet. This just reminded me of him.

[Equla]

Originally Posted by klmccallum

Are there any pictures of Linus anywhere on pets or can you post here on this thread?

We have a bunch of pictures that are imprisoned on my digital camera (can't find my cord), but these were taken on camera phone. Little blurry, but you get the general cuteness. Its amazing how in love with this cat we are. I haven't felt like this about a cat since Minnie and we've had many animals over the years.

These were taken right after we brought him home. About 6 months old.




If you look closely at the 3rd pic, you can see the heart on his side. Its our favorite feature.

EDIT: Also, you can't see it in these pictures, but he has the funkiest eyes. We couldn't figure out what made him so cute until we were watching Madagascar with the kids. He looks like the lemurs. The big ROUND eyes. Never seen a cat with perfectly round eyes before. So goofy.

[Equla]

Originally Posted by Macomom

Hello Group-

Equala, I am glad you are doing what makes you most comfortable, after all that is what your gut is saying.

I have a different perspective that I just wanted to throw in there. This woman is probably quite a lost soul and leaving that cat may have been really hard for her, as evidenced by her trying her best to give you her contact info, her sweaters etc. She was probably doing the best that she knew how to at that time, even though her actions may seem irresponsible.
In a transient, chaotic world, that little kitten may mean more to her than most of us give her credit for.
I would have made the attempt to reunite her with the kitten, though not left her alone. It may have lightened her heart a little. She probably needs all the genuine kindness she can get, even if it from a kitten.
Just to be clear though, my danger bells don't go off for this situation; it they did I would make a decision based on it.

There is a down and out man who lives/walks in the Market where I work. Everyday I stop and talk to him. I don't know how he will go on when he loses his beloved pet. This just reminded me of him.

This is the reason I didn't want to be heartless and say no. She seemed to just want to see him, and didn't care what she had to do to make us more comfortable with the exchange. She did seem to care so much about him. I do understand what it is like to be in her situation. Being transient and just trying to survive is very hard when you have another life in tow. I'm just trying to find a way to make it ok in everyone's hearts. Make it so she can see Linus, but we feel comfortable enough to not think she is going to run out the door with him. She never wanted to give him up in the first place. She told Jeff today that she cried for days about it. She even asked Jeff to cuddle him the way she used to for her. These things make me want to help her out, but also make me scared that she may take him because she feels more stable now.

[Macomom]

I don't think she will try to leave with him. I am sure she is very appreciative of what you have done for her. You really helped her out, this leaves a strong imprint on most people. Glad to see that you are coming up with a solution that fits for your heart, this is all we can ask for

[Equla]

Macomom,

Thank you for saying the other side of things. It shows character to have that level of compassion. I applaud you.

I have her email and plan to talk to her a little more. Maybe it will come down to it and we have a better understanding after conversing for a little while. Maybe after knowing her for a little bit, we can meet in a neutral environment.

I honestly don't think she would run off with him, but the nagging feeling is still there. What if she did? I want to trust her, but it's not like trusting someone with a DVD. If she proves me right, then awesome! If she proves she is a bad person, we can't hit the "undo" button.

[Macomom]

Thank you for calling me compassionate. I appreciate the compliment, though it is just a principle for me.
I have a situation right now that is slightly similar (in a way, kind of, maybe)...
Harvey's owner was "going through a bad time" and all that was known about him was that he cared enough about this dog to try to find him a someone to take care of him when he could not.

He said he needs temporary relief, he thinks- so there is a possibility he is going to take his dog back. In the meantime I love little Harvey like my own, pay for all his food and vet bills and accept him as one of my family.
His owner visits every now and then, and seems really glad that his baby is being well taken care of.
I am just trying to help someone out. In the meantime I am loving a dog that I would not have had a chance to otherwise. If he takes the dog back, it is because on some level he needs the companionship and love. If he leaves the dog with me, at least Harvey's owner has known some stranger has been kind to him without asking for anything in return.
I hope if I was in need, someone would help

[Equla]

I've thought about this many times over the years. We have so many people on here (and everywhere) that have found an animal somehow. That animal was taken home and became part of the family. Some time later, a flyer is seen by the new family about the missing pet. After six months, a year, two years with the new family, who does the animal really belong to?

I had a cat slip out the doggy door about 4 years ago. I volunteer at an animal shelter and every time I go into the cat area, I still scan for her. My parents still live in the neighborhood she was lost in and I still keep an eye out for her. If I saw her in a window of a neighbor, would I have the right to ask to see her? Or even ask to take her back?

She lived with me for 5 years, so I guess I could say I had her longer. But that argument doesn't hold much water.

We had another similar situation last year. Mak slipped out the door somehow (we still have no idea how) and wouldn't come home for over a month. We saw him many times in the neighborhood, but was so skittish he wouldn't come near us when we called him. He just didn't want to come home. So, if a neighbor caught him and took him in. Who does he belong to? They have fallen in love with him. Is he still ours?

Happy note: Mak escaped a few days before Thanksgiving during a dinner party. We were at another dinner party Christmas Eve when our roommate called to tell us he was outside smoking a cigarette when Mak crawled into his lap! Greatest Christmas present ever.

[Frenchy]

Glad you said no , she can't have her cake and eat it too.

If she wants to have a few moments with a cat , tell her she can volunteer at a shelter

[Dee-O-Gee]

I can see the heart! What a beautiful marking!

[mikischo]

I see the heart too! Linus is a gorgeous boy.

[Equla]

Thank you for the compliments. He's a sweet boy. We got him stoned on catnip last night. Just to celebrate how much he means to us. He was up most of the night tearing through the house being nutso.