Go Back   Pet forum for dogs cats and humans - Pets.ca > Discussion Groups - mainly cats and dogs > On topic - Pet chat, opinions, feelings and rants > Pet Stories - anecdotes - jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old September 9th, 2004, 11:20 PM
Cactus Flower's Avatar
Cactus Flower Cactus Flower is offline
banned user
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,769
A letter from the Dog

Dear Master:

The cat is despicable. She doesn't do any tricks and never comes when
you call and I've been there and I know she can hear you. We need to
face the
facts:

It's time to get rid of the cat.


Before the cat's arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and
stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You
would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave
the area, but whenever you cooked dinner your children would slip me
food under the table.


Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the table - actually
physically walk on the table! You don't yell at the cat, you just pick
her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you don't see it, but
she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past me.


And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty
pellets of meat by-products you bring home in the giant bags, right?
Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that
the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab - and she never
consumes all of it! This means there are little containers of delectable
snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get
eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the
pets, isn't that what's important?


Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom
in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a
sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings
her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a
toilet? I used to police the thing for you, but you put it up out of my
reach for some reason.

I'm not the only one who believes the cat is an evil person. Here's a
note from the hamster:

------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
----

Subject: Cat

Please tell cat to stop staring at me while I work.

Signed,

Hamster
Department of Rodent Wheels


I also tried to get a note from the fish, but apparently it believes
that everything happening outside its bowl is some kind of reality - TV
show.


I don't understand why the cat is allowed up on the bed and I'm not. I
am far more cuddly than any stupid cat. I think her purring sounds
unhealthy and may be a sign of tuberculosis.


And why doesn't she ever get a bath? She smells like saliva from licking
her paws - you'd never catch me licking such ridiculous places. I often
smell wonderful from rolling in road kill, yet you give me baths all the
time.


And speaking of sleeping, sometimes I'll be taking a nap and she'll come
right up and lie down beside me. Usually I'm too tired to do anything
about it, but then later the other dogs smell her on me and crack a lot
of jokes at my expense.

So, not to exaggerate, but the cat has brought the family to complete
ruin. I'm sorry I have to be the one to bring it to your attention, but
now that I have, I think we can all agree that we should go back to the
way it was, when I was the #1 pet.

Sincerely, The Dog
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old September 10th, 2004, 06:44 AM
Sneaky2006's Avatar
Sneaky2006 Sneaky2006 is offline
banned user
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 2,006
Cute letter! I always wonder what dogs are thinking.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old September 10th, 2004, 08:38 AM
chico2's Avatar
chico2 chico2 is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Oakville Ontario
Posts: 26,591
CF...thank's for the laugh I needed it this morning
__________________
"The cruelest animal is the Human animal"
3 kitties,Rocky(r.i.p my boy),Chico,Vinnie
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old September 13th, 2004, 07:01 PM
glasslass's Avatar
glasslass glasslass is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Calif.
Posts: 4,684
Can't wait for the cat's letter!! LOL
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old September 26th, 2004, 02:01 AM
nobdysangl8503's Avatar
nobdysangl8503 nobdysangl8503 is offline
Mammabunny
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Auburn, Maine
Posts: 38
so wheres the cats letter?...lol
__________________
MY bun buns

Asia:Sha Sha..My Angel bunny..Passed at 9 months old
:love: Scoota:Boot Scoots..My Lil mamma.. 6 months old
Tiny:Tinster...My little man..3 years old
Chase:Chaser:Chasey...im guessing between 0ne and two years old...


"No matter how old your bunny is, they are always two at heart"
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old September 27th, 2004, 08:25 PM
BigDog BigDog is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 92
poor doggy, such a terrible life we make them put up with LOL
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old September 28th, 2004, 08:39 AM
mastifflover's Avatar
mastifflover mastifflover is offline
Senior Contributor
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,007
great letter
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old September 28th, 2004, 08:53 AM
animallover animallover is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Lawrence Station Ontario
Posts: 10
still laughing

What a great letter, I hope you don't mind I sent it to some of my co workers.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old September 30th, 2004, 01:44 AM
Sneaky2006's Avatar
Sneaky2006 Sneaky2006 is offline
banned user
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 2,006
~ The Cat Letter ~

To My Dear Friend the Dog:
I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...

Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.

Best regards, The Cat
Gotta put a caution... not for young eyes!!!!





















Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old September 30th, 2004, 02:06 AM
nobdysangl8503's Avatar
nobdysangl8503 nobdysangl8503 is offline
Mammabunny
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Auburn, Maine
Posts: 38
Talking

that is the absolute cutest!!!!! youve got a great sense of humor...i could not stop laughing when i saw that picture....absolutly great!!
__________________
MY bun buns

Asia:Sha Sha..My Angel bunny..Passed at 9 months old
:love: Scoota:Boot Scoots..My Lil mamma.. 6 months old
Tiny:Tinster...My little man..3 years old
Chase:Chaser:Chasey...im guessing between 0ne and two years old...


"No matter how old your bunny is, they are always two at heart"
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old October 20th, 2004, 05:43 PM
Joelle Joelle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Montreal, Qc
Posts: 81
Thumbs up Funnieeee!

That was hilarious! Both letters are very impressive! Are you both the original writers?! I think I may just have to print them out to show my family!!!!! I just about had a heart-attack from laughter!!!!!!

I demand more letters!!!!

Joelle
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old October 22nd, 2004, 06:53 AM
Sneaky2006's Avatar
Sneaky2006 Sneaky2006 is offline
banned user
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 2,006
I did not write that letter and I think I can say for CF that she didn't write the dog one... I think they're both floating around on the net somewhere. Glad you liked them!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old October 22nd, 2004, 08:08 AM
MEEKA's Avatar
MEEKA MEEKA is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 23
Those Letters Are Sooo Funny, And That's A Great Picture!
__________________
HE IS YOUR FRIEND, YOUR PARTNER, YOUR DEFENDER, YOUR DOG. YOU ARE HIS LIFE, HIS LOVE, HIS LEADER. HE WILL BE YOURS, FAITHFUL AND TRUE,TO THE LAST BEAT OF HIS HEART. YOU OWE IT TO HIM TO BE WORTHY OF SUCH DEVOTION.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old October 31st, 2004, 12:36 PM
Rottimom Rottimom is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 135
Absolutely adorable. Still have tears in my eyes from laughing. The hamster bit was hilarious. Thanks for sharing.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Terms of Use

  • All Bulletin Board Posts are for personal/non-commercial use only.
  • Self-promotion and/or promotion in general is prohibited.
  • Debate is healthy but profane and deliberately rude posts will be deleted.
  • Posters not following the rules will be banned at the Admins' discretion.
  • Read the Full Forum Rules

Forum Details

  • Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
    Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
    vBulletin Optimisation by vB Optimise (Reduced on this page: MySQL 0%).
  • All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:24 AM.