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Old May 1st, 2017, 07:09 PM
lovemyelmo lovemyelmo is offline
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Join Date: May 2017
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Unhappy I didn't do everthing I should have

My cat Elmo passed away last week. He was 6 and he had lymphoma. He was my sweet boy. He was loving and gentle and easy going. He was the calm cat with my other two crazies. He had a sister, Sophie. And, they were always together.

I feel that I've failed him. He started losing weight back in September last year - at least when I noticed it. I got him to the vet in October. She ran blood work and tested his urine and feces and it all came back just fine.

She never suggested doing a full workup then. No xray or ultrasound. Nothing.

It wasn't until January when I brought him back again. A full 3 months after he was losing weight. He was still losing weight. I honestly don't remember what we tried or thought at that point. Maybe that was the urine and poop sample.

In March she finally suggested we do an ultrasound because he had continual diarrhea, vomiting and weight loss.

And, this is the moment that I want to go back and do over - actually, I want to do them all over - but, this one could have made a difference.

I was there at the ultrasound. The dr was explaining to me what he was looking at, but he talked super fast and I didn't understand half of what he was telling me. I asked him to explain it to me and he said Elmo had inflammation in his bowels. He said cats his age didn't normally get cancer and it was probably not what was going on. He told me it was probably inflammatory bowel disease, but the only way to know was to do a BIOPSY. He made it sound like it was a procedure I wouldn't want Elmo to have to go through, and we could try something less invasive first and try him on some prednisone.

While the prognosis for inflammatory bowel disease isn't to good either, it would have made a difference if I'd done the biopsy and known right then and there what was wrong with him.

But, no...I figured let's try the medication and see if that helps. Then we can go from there. Unfortunately, since he didn't have IBD it didn't work. And, I had forgotten what the dr had said about the biopsy and the cancer until just recently after I had Elmo put down.

I would have done anything, spent anything, given up everything to make sure he was okay. This oversight on my part, to forget about the biopsy - is unforgivable. I want to blame the doctor too for leaving such an important decision up to me. He made me believe Elmo probably didn't have cancer because of his young age - that it was a possibility - but, the chances were more towards the IBD.

After the medication didn't work, I didn't think to have the biopsy. No one ever mentioned it to me either. My cat died because I neglected to figure out what was wrong with him. I could have taken him to an oncologist.

My world is filled with if only's right now.

And, when I read about other cats who had the same diagnosis and were taken care of right away, they are still living.

It's my fault and I don't know how to live with myself over this.
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Old May 2nd, 2017, 08:38 AM
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marko marko is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Montreal Quebec Canada
Posts: 12,230
Your story sounds similar mine lovemyelmo and I'm the Admin of the site.

Our cat Zak also passed away from lymphoma some years back. By the time we realized he had lymphoma it was too advanced and he passed away about 4 months later.

And like our Zak, it sounds like you showered Elmo with love.

Life is hard and busy and we make the best decisions we can at the time.

Please know that everyone on this board knows what you are going through and we support you It's NOT your fault.

Please feel free to post a few pictures and please feel free to post more about Elmo. It helps.

sweet Elmo
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Old May 2nd, 2017, 02:11 PM
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hazelrunpack hazelrunpack is offline
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Unfortunately, there is no prescience in Life, but hindsight is 20/20--and that makes us question everything when things go wrong. But since you can't have perfect knowledge until after the fact, it is absolutely impossible to achieve perfection in the present.

You can only do the best you can do, and with the information you had, you did do the best you could. You loved Elmo, that's so obvious from how you speak of him and the anguish you feel. If your love could have cured him, he would have lived forever!

Marko is right, lovemyelmo. There is no fault in this. Sometimes, though, Life just sucks, and this is one of those times.

I would love to see some pics and hear some stories of Elmo, whenever you can bear it. Sometimes sharing your good memories can help ease your heart and he sounds like a lovely soul.

"We are--each of us--dying; it's how we live in the meantime that makes the difference."

"It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!"

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
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