"The Rules" - Pet forum for dogs cats and humans

debanneball · #1 September 21st, 2004, 11:18 AM

Okay, I sucked on my joke, so here are Rules I have posted over my desk at work...
'THE RULES"
1 - the female always makes the rules
2 - the rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification
3 - no male can possibly know all the rules
4 - if the female suspect the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules
5 - the female is never wrong
6 - if the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said
7 - if rule 6 applies the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding
8 - the female can change her mind at any given point in time
9 - the male must never change his mind without the express written consent from the female
10 - the female has every right to be angry or upset at any time
11 - the male must remain clam at all times, unelss the female wants him to be angry or upset
12 - the female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset
13 - any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm
14 - if the female has PMS all rules are nul and void

Sneaky2006 · #2 September 21st, 2004, 02:57 PM

Soooo true huh? lol

Kona Dawg · #3 September 21st, 2004, 05:14 PM

*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

iRONKNiGHT · #4 September 21st, 2004, 06:26 PM

Right On Kona Dawg...

but you forgot our other rule..
Rule Number 1 We're always right
Rule Number 2 even if we're wrong please refer to rule number One (1)