Your Not Welcome

[Safyre]

or at least that is how I feel from most of the people on this website anymore.
Because I came on here,looking for advice, and the only advice was some I could not take, it seems that everything I say is suspect, and incorrect now.
I thought this would be a wonderful place that I could share my animals with others who understand my love and passion fro thme... but I guess I am not welcome, only one person even bothered to say hello.
I hope you all learn that your passion for animals is great ... but if you over step, and force your opinions on the people asking for help, you are doing nothing for them, and have wrecked your chance to help.

[Trinitie]

or at least that is how I feel from most of the people on this website anymore.
Because I came on here,looking for advice, and the only advice was some I could not take, it seems that everything I say is suspect, and incorrect now.
I thought this would be a wonderful place that I could share my animals with others who understand my love and passion fro thme... but I guess I am not welcome, only one person even bothered to say hello.
I hope you all learn that your passion for animals is great ... but if you over step, and force your opinions on the people asking for help, you are doing nothing for them, and have wrecked your chance to help.

Opinions are just that, opinions. If facts are being provided, and it's requested that sources be given for the facts, then it's only fair to provide the sources. There are times when even the mods say things that are suspect. You can't expect everyone to agree everytime - it just won't happen. You have to understand that most of the people here either run rescue organizations, help rescues in some fashion, or are so passionate about animals that judgements can be clouded. You, I, and everyone else on this site must answer to the others. If you feel you've been mistreated, that's what you'll feel, and there's nothing anyone can say to make you think differently.
And, for the record, there are so many people joining so quickly now, that usually "welcomes" are made to the OP when a question is posted, or it could take a few (or more) posts before a welcome is given. I, myself, have given "welcomes" as late as 20-30 posts into someone being here. Just because someone doesn't say "welcome", doesn't mean they aren't. Heck, the only one (if I remember correctly) that said welcome to me, was Marko. Did I feel slighted? Nah, it was ok by me. I KNEW I was welcome, even though the words weren't said.

[maddoxies]

Did you receive my private message?

[jjgeonerd]

Try not to get too worked up. It doesn't seem to me that anyone was attacking you, just speaking their mind...like you. Keep in mind that you are reading what someone has to say instead of hearing it from their mouth...meaning you infere that persons tone. If you think they are attacking you, then you'll infere an angry tone when one may not have been intended. I find myself doing things like that all the time when I think something is wrong. More often than not I'm just overreacting.

Anyways, just my opinion...take it for what it's worth. Also, nobody welcomed me, but then again there wasn't an introduction thread at that time. It's not intentional in any way.

[Ghullums_mom]

i knew exactly how you feel. thats how i felt when i first came to this site. people here are really quick to burn ya. but i understand its cause they love animals and there sick of seeing people treat them like disposable friends. and i feel the same, but if you give them a chance alot of them are great loving people. they just love a good newbie roast....all the time

[dmc123]

Sorry you feel that way, i have been here since May 2004, and have been welcomed. I love this site, it is a site I check daily. I don't get the responses i want each time, but why should I expect someone to answer what I want to hear or when I want to hear it. Still most times someone will say something.

Don't come here expecting what you want to hear, or when you want to hear it, some here are buddies and chat daily. Somedays, you will hear back three times in one day, another time, maybe once in a week. I come in almost daily, but not as a chatter or a buddy, and don't expect those here to chime in on what I say right away. All the advice i have been given thus far, has been good, and I write back when I agree or disagree.

As far as the advice you are asking for, be careful what you ask for, these folks are very interested in animal welfare. Don't ask what to do about a dog or cat bleeding....take it to a vet. And so, on and so on....

If you are wanting immediate answers, find buddies and use aol buddy list or msn messenger, or wait here and get good animal loving answers.

Just my opinion,
Diane

[CyberKitten]

I am sorry you feel this way. I thought I said hello when I replied to your query the first time around - is that what you mean? I have to admit I almost never look at the introduction section (I did not introduce myself I just jumped in). It was a function of the amount of time I have and where I can allocate it and I click the New Posts and work from there. So pls be assured no snub was intended.

We are an opionated group here who are not at all hesitant to express those opinions and I try to be diplomatic. It is late so I do not recall offhand what your first question was and I do not judge people by their first question. I am often offended by people whose posts reveal they might be a backyard breeder or favour declawing in which case I probably debate the issue with them but I do believe people can disagree in a respectful and dignified manner. I was offended by what someone replied to a post of mine tonite and told them so - with me, WYSIWYG - to use that computer acronym, lol
I kmow I was overtired when I replied but I still believe they belittled and called into question my response - which was backed up by research (my stock in trade) - and I will not hesitate to defend myself.

There have been a few times I have felt frustrated by something someone said but in the end, we "made up" after disagreeing over whatever it was,

And just because I may have disagreed with what you said on one post (if I did, I do not recall, lol) does not mean I am not in accord with everything you post. That makes no sense. Nor would I judge someone from one post. Everyone makes mistakes, has a bad day or may not see something the way I do. That's life!

[Safyre]

GoldenGirl - No I did not get your private message.
CyberKitten - the 4lb pregnant cat issue was my first post to this website. A website found out of desperation.
After i started posting on that, I introduced myself , and put up pics of my aniamsl, which were overlooked, and yes, i do wonder if that was because A LOT of people read that thread and were unhappy with me.

DMC123 - You never joined the topic of the 4 lb cat, or at least, not that I can recall. Beleive me, i got answers to that immediately.

Thats really allI have to say at this time I guess

[CyberKitten]

Oh right, I recall now. I hope for a miracle in that case or that you will be able to somehow help the cat! I am sure you will keep us up to date if there are changes and I am happy that you are trying to help this kitty!

I did look at your pets but did not post anything - I do not post everytime I peek at messages. Your pets are lovely and you obviously care for them!
I posted pix of my little Siamese kitty a few days ago and I think maybe one person responded. I just wanted to share them - I think she is a beautiful cat but then we all think that of our felines, lol I would not worry about the lack of responses there - I am sure people had little time to respond to mine too. And how many times and ways can they tell me my cat is cute - or maybe their silence means they are diplomatically saying they don't think so. We all, after all, have different tastes, lol

[LavenderRott]

All posts don't get answers. I have been here a long time, but I don't think anyone noticed when my rottweiler passed away a couple of weeks ago.

Lots of people may read your threads and just not have anything helpful to add, or they may not want to become part of the yelling match.

Personally, I think it was rather crass of people to tell you to steal a pet from a friend.

You know what they say about opinions. And some people have experience with things that others do not. This is the place to share that experience. Also remember, this is a PUBLIC forum, meaning you don't have to be a member to read what is said. Some of what is said about breeding and such is not just meant for the OP but for the person who is willing to read and learn but doesn't want to become a member.

[Eleni]

I would persoanlly say you ARE welcome , at least in my mind

I was greatful for some good advice you gave me on questions ive posted about my Sammy,

I think alot of times when it comes to message boards when people first join they always feel a bit like they are outside looking in because your coming someplace where there already usualy exists a circle of friends, sometimes it just takes time to get to know everyone.

my advice is give it a bit of time and patience, im new here too, LOL we can be new together

nah seriously I wouldnt sweat the little things much

Eleni

[ScottGoodburn]

Safyre, being a new member around, I agree with a lot of the things you say. I find that if you ask a question, sometimes your just looking for an answer or maybe a recommendation. Instead you get put down by people who think you have done wrong by your dog or cat and then you get an entire one sided opinion on what you should do.

[Katherine1]

Sorry to hear that you feel this way Sayfre.
When I found this site after my Sadie past away, I was looking for a dog free to a good home. I thought that I would find compassion here. Needless to say I got bombarded with opinions about that (free to good home). Although it disturbed me ( more I think because I was still in the grief mode after losing my Sadie ) because I was having a hard time finding a furbaby that someone didn't want 5 or 6 hundred dollars for which I could ill afford at the time being right after Christmas and the shelters that were close to me didn't have any puppies or dogs. I expect most people express their opinion to things they are realy passionate about as I express mine and there are times when people just don't agree about some things.
I have been on here for about 3 months now and I check the new posts when I log on. I try to answer posts that I may know something about or yes even give my opinion about. I don't always have the time to answer posts and I think to myself that I will answer them later on when I have the time but seeing as how I check the new posts by the time that I go back on I forget which post that I wanted to post to and it may not be there till several days later. I don't intentionally slight anyone. I also try to help when I can - like when someone needs pics reduced for posting. Some people don't have the program on their computer for changing pics. I usually send them a message with my email address so they can send me their pics and I reduce them and email them back to them. I like playing with pics and have even lightened a few that I couldn't see well on a post ( hope this is alright ) so that people can see the furbabies better.
Overall I enjoy this site. I usually check this site several times a day and my husband even asked me the other day who I am chatting with after he goes to bed LOL he thinks I am nuts because I told him that I have to check pets.ca one more time before I go to bed.
BTW LavenderRott I am sorry to hear about your furbaby's passing. I do not usually look at the rainbow bridge because my losing Sadie is still painful (she passed Dec 28) but I am thinking that maybe I should be responding to those post as I know how they must be feeling after losing a member of the family and at least offer my condolences as I know it doesn't take away the pain but it does help knowing that others understand the loss.
Sorry so long I guess I got on a roll here again.

[chico2]

Safyr,I looked at your animals and they are really sweet,I think you take good care of them.I did not feel a welcome was needed,since we already had 3 pages of discussions regarding your friends very unfortunate animals.
It was cut short and I still wonder and worry about the little cat,but no answer,no update... She should be due by now,I would assume..
I cried over those posts,I was angry at the owner and we were left totally up in the air...
Every time I see"Safyr"I am hoping for some good news,I just cannot simply forget about your first posts.

[wjranch]

I totally agree with your opinions of some on this board. There are opinions and then there are tirades. I am 100% in favor of posting and expressing ones opinions, however, I'm not in favor of posting attacks or defamations against a person..new poster or not.
If this board exists in order to inform and educate pet owners, it should do so in a respectable manner. If I had paid the money I paid to go to college and my teachers spoke to me in that manner, I'd have had a refund! That being said, I also have the option of removing this board from my favorites list. I won't be doing that, because there are folks on here who truly do care, and have great knowledge. Those who have it and can express it in a caring manner.
Look for those folks..don't judge the whole place by the strongly expressed, poorly constructed opinions of a few.
Stick around

[chico2]

Lavenderrott,I am sorry if I did not comment on your beautiful dogs passing Sometimes words seems so trivial and it's hard to express how you feel,it's so very sad..but that does not mean I don't feel some of your pain,I've cried buckets of tears for the owners losing their cats/dogs and sometimes it's better to stay away from that thread.
So,if I did not comment,especially to you,whom we all know quiet good,I am sorry :sad:

[chico2]

WJranch,there are subjects that will bring out heated discussions,but we all are on the animals side.....these subjects being,irresponsable breeding,the need to spay/neuter and cat de-clawing,24/7 outdoor dogs,only to mention a few.If anyone has followed this Forum any lenght of time,they would be informed about how most people feel.
Opinions differ and I think we respect that fact,but not if it's about what in many cases is considered abuse.

[Little Angels]

Safrye, you are welcome on this board. It can be a very difficult board at times. Many a times I do not reply to posts, I just read them, as I try to avoid being blasted and questioned on every word. When I feel stronly to answer I will PM and let them now how I feel. As everyone on here has their own opinions and ways of dealing with situations. All to many times the original topic at hand will get lost.

Please feel free to post as this is how people will learn from your questions and/or experiences. Just remember not to take everything to heart.

[luvmybeagles]

*Hesitantly adds to thread*

I too am new here.

This board is a little intimidating. I belong to many forums about many different things. I even administrate and moderate at two of them, so I know my way around message boards quite well.

This board can be very harsh at times.

Until coming here, I never knew people had such a negative feeling towards those "backyard breeders". I'd never even heard the term used before.

The same goes for feeding raw foods to pets. I didn't know you could do that. It was something I'd never encountered before.

There's a lot of things that we don't know. And if no-one tells us, if we're never educated about it, then we'll never learn.

I've seen a thread turn vicious at the turn of the hand if someone mentions they want to breed their dog, or if their cat is pregnant. Flame wars ensue, words are exchanged, and it gets downright scary. The person who has come here for help, perhaps because they didn't know where else to go, is vanquished. They get no help, they only get chastised for being so evil as to want to breed their dog. They get told how stupid they are for not having had their cat spayed before she got pregnant. How does that help? No-one is getting educated. They're only getting humiliated and made angry by the harsh words directed towards them. And then, people wait for them to make a reply. "Why haven't they replied yet?" people write. After 15-20 people have told them how wrong they are, how stupid they are, they still wonder why they don't reply. If 15 people made me feel bad when I asked a question that was important to me ... well, I wouldn't reply. I'd be afraid of another deluge of negative comments directed my way.

Sometimes the advise is given in a mature and helpful manner. But more often the offending poster is shot down in flames and simply leaves this message board without the information they came here seeking.

This is just an observation I've made. For the most part I like this forum. I enjoy looking at the pictures of people's pets, and I hope the advise I've given people has been useful to them in some way.

*Waits for deluge of negative comments to come my way*

[wjranch]

chico2 I totally appreciate valid opinions. What I was trying to get across is the fact that jumping down peoples throats is really not the best way to educate them.
I also agree with s/n and responsible breeding of animals. I commend everyone who is responsible enough to do those things. I just think there is a much more appropriate way to educate... my mother always taught me "you'll catch more flies with honey then vinegar" I try to live by that So, IF I have an opinion, I too will voice it. I will just do it in a less offensive manner then some others And hope they will learn a better way to do the things they're doing (or stop doing some of them all together)

Friends??

[wjranch]

luvmybeagles - AMEN!!

[amber416]

I don't know about this...i have never seen anybody actually be mean or rude on this board. To be upset because people don't say what you want to hear or with the amount of patience you would prefer i think is ridiculous. It is nobody's job to sugar coat things and i think any response you get should be appreciated. It is people taking time out of their lives to help you, even if you don't agree with their suggestions. I highly doubt people wake up in the morning thinking "hmm..what kind of fight can i start, or who can i 'put down' on the pets.ca boards today". All of the responses have the best interest of the animal in mind and for some reason a lot of people don't want to admit that. Many people offered you good avice BESIDES stealing that cat. Some of which you certainly could have taken and i know i felt like you were endlessly defensive and not really wanting any real advice. I feel like you wanted someone to say "you are doing all you can do, good job" and i for one didn't feel like you were. You have to understand, that was a case of serious abuse and it upset people and is hard for some people to get out of their minds, i'm sure. I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt but this is a message board on the internet. Not everything gets responded to, look at the amount of views a thread gets and compare it to the amount of posts. If you stick it out and listen to people on here you will learn a lot.....and by the way, just for the record, i did look at your introduction pictures and your pets are beautiful, sorry i did not post.

[poohbear123]

I know what you are saying safyre (spell??) i find many people to be very harsh on this board and make you feel very unwelcome...i know I went through this awhile ago when I asked for help about a growth on my hampsters leg and made the mistake of saying that I didnt want to spend alot of money to take him to the vet knowing that hampsters dont live long and I really didnt know if they could do anything for him anyways....he has since passed on poor little fella. But if you can hang in here there is lots of really good info on here and you can meet some really nice people. How is your friends cat doing I wish you all the best and hope everything works out ok.

[Prin]

If it makes you feel any better I think there were only three people who answered my intro post and I put all my classic doggy shots up there too. I don't think it was meant to make you feel unwelcome, I think that there is just so much to look at on this site that people don't get around to the welcomes.

As for rudeness, yes people were very rude to you in the first thread you posted but you touched a subject (animal suffering) that hits people in this forum hard. I've noticed that even though we all have a different writing style, a lot of people read the boards from different views and different tones and things upset people that you would never expect. Sometimes I have to reread my posts just to make sure that no matter how you might read it, where ever you put the emphasis in a sentence, it can't be construed as offensive. I'm not too good at that.

There are a few posters who give people a hard time sometimes when you talk about subjects they are passionate about, but that doesn't stop me. Even if I have a lot of doggy experience, I always want to learn more. Even about controversial stuff.

I think I hooked on not too long before you and I think I have seen most of your posts, and I think (aside from the pregnant kitty thread) that you have good things to say and it would be a loss to this board to lose a different opinion.

I guess that I try to see the posts around here as people saying what they know, not people trying to start fights, so I read it with that tone. Like your post about raw-- it was clear to me that you were not sure but the only dog you know that eats raw became aggressive, so MAYBE there is a link. And a few people misunderstood it, thinking that you were declaring that aggressive behavior is a consequence of a raw diet.

I think we all just need to chill out and when we get upset by a post, assume first that maybe we misread it, and maybe these posters aren't trying to upset everyone. Yes, we are all passionate about animals and about animal welfare, but we need to ask for clarity before we assume the worst.

(And if people take offense by asking for clarity, well, then we're a lost cause...)

[Trinitie]

Originally Posted by Safyre

GoldenGirl - No I did not get your private message.
CyberKitten - the 4lb pregnant cat issue was my first post to this website. A website found out of desperation.
After i started posting on that, I introduced myself , and put up pics of my aniamsl, which were overlooked, and yes, i do wonder if that was because A LOT of people read that thread and were unhappy with me.

DMC123 - You never joined the topic of the 4 lb cat, or at least, not that I can recall. Beleive me, i got answers to that immediately.

Thats really allI have to say at this time I guess

Safyre,
No offense was intended, but as you can tell, we are a VERY passionate lot when it comes to animals. If your first posts were regarding a 4lb pregnant cat, it could explain some of the harsh feelings you've been feeling. BUT, one thing you'll come to realize, the feelings we have towards people who post what we don't like to read, can change pretty quickly. There are people posting here who started off on a rocky start. But, they are still here and are contributing to the education of new members.

You've learned what kind of people we are, from the reaction you got to your post. We may have looked at your pets photos, but may have not commented on them. Should this reflect badly on you? Not in the slightest. Threads are often read, but often not talked about.

Heck, I posted a cute little item in the Jokes section titled "Dear Cats and Dogs:". People read it, but I've only had one response from BritishVixen. Does that tell me that it's not funny? Heck no. I KNOW it's funny, but I know it without people having to tell me so. Are your animals cute and precious? You bet they are! But you knew that without us having to tell you. It's the same for LavenderRott, who's dog passed away recently. She knows how we feel without us having to spell it out for her. We feel for her loss, as she would if one of our pets passed away.

Don't hold how we post at the beginning against us, as we won't hold it against you for the 4lb cat post. We're all adults here (well, most of us) and we know how to move on. Life's too short to hold grudges.

[Safyre]

I am not going to defend the small pregnant female thread. The advice that was given was good advice, and the advice that was already being given to the friend. It was stuff I already was doing. In my last post, i thanked everyone for thier posts.

Reading through the posts.... I am glad to hear that i am not the only one that takes this website, and some of the people on it as being terribly harsh, and that, some people understand that jumping on someone is not the way to help them.

The fact of the matter is, some people find the website out of sheer desperation, looking for advice on how to help and animal... and if that person gets bombarded, jumped on right away, they leave and are not helped.
I am passionate about my animals, and about the welfare of animals as well. I also know that shoving my opinion on someone, doesn't do ANY good. My friend, is now ignoring me due to the situation with Baby, because I pushed too hard.

There is something I want to ask, I asked someone through PM the other night. I want to this to be a CIVILIZED discussion.
Why is declawing a cat wrong? I have seen a few people on this site that are against it. No one I have come across in my life has been against it, so I am wondering if someone can explain, intelligently, why it is a bad practise.

Oh, and to those who cannot spell my nickname: my real name is Heather, if you want to type that instead. lol sorry

[Sneaky2006]

In my opinion declawing a cat is wrong because it's a form of amputation. They don't just cut out the nail, they amputate the first joint of EACH toe. It's very painful for cats. No one should get a cat if they don't want it to scratch, that's what they do.

Also my opinion, there's been numerous discussions/debates about declawing on this forum. You can do a search for declawing and see for yourself. I don't know if another declaw discussion is such a good idea when it's already been done.

Here's one that was pages and pages long.
http://www.pets.ca/forum/showthread....ghlight=declaw

[lezzpezz]

Safyre, go here and read this: http://www.sniksnak.com/cathealth/declaw.html

Then here, to view pictures of actual procedure: (graphic photos! of an actual surgery): http://declaw.lisaviolet.com/declawpics.html

This should tell you and show you why declawing is not a popular procedure to many on this site, but, a cruel procedure to be performed on cats/kittens, usually for the convenience of the owners' and their furniture.

Having personally worked for a vet that performed this inhumane procedure, I can attest that it does no good to the cat and is extremely painful. I have seen botched jobs (performed by other vets) that led to amputation and finally death of the animal due to gangrene. I have seen cats who have an awful recovery period. It is just sad and painful.

Picture it as having the first knuckle on each of your fingers and toes removed. Enough said.

[Safyre]

Sneaky, thank you for providing that thread for me, didn't know that I could do a search of threads... again, relativley new to the site.

[chico2]

Safyre,in my opinion,a GOOD vet,who really care,would discourage amputation of a cats toes.My vet did not perform the procedure,thought it to be unnecessary and cruel,my motto was always,cats come with claws,if you are too concerned about your possessions get an aquarium,not a cat