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My First Rotti
I had a Rotti pass away recently. And though the initial pain and hurt has gone away, there's some nights I sit and think about things. Her name was Tara Tashina Von Wolfgang. It was a name she got the moment at birth, and like her overly large paws, it was something she had to grow into.
She was 4 when she died, it was a horrible age for her to go. She was young, but she had cancer since she was one. The first vet had wanted to put her down right away, telling us that it wasn't cancer Tara had, that it was a bad leg and that it needed to be amputated. Rottis are too big of dogs to live on three legs. We knew that last line wasn't true, so we quickly decided to take her to another vet. He said she had arthritis in her leg, and with plenty of pain killers and no place to take her for optional treatment, we took her home. Eventually she got better...we thought. When she was 4 though her pain started up again. We took her to yet another vet, this one said she had cancer, she probably had it her whole life. He wanted to amputate the leg right away, but when he did further tests, it had spread to her chest and her lungs. We decided to put her down humanely after the vet told us she had probably lived in pain for her whole life, even without the pain killers. It kills me to know we probably caused all of her pain, and there was things we could have done to of made her feel better. It hurts worse to know that after they put her to sleep, the vets office once again called us, asking what we wanted to do with her body even though we had numerous requests for her ashes returned to us for us to sprinkle around her tree. She had sat in a freezer for two weeks while people ignored our calls and our pain. Eventually though, pain went away. We never received her ashes, though for years I've tried to convince myself we did and they're under her tree with her Frisbee. It doesn't work. We have a shrine for her. Statues of likenesses of her, pictures of her and her enormously large feet that she never grew into... I miss her a lot, but I know that for that Tara's sake its why I try to take care and love every thing that crosses my path. I miss her dearly, and still love her, and though we have gotten pets after her, nothing can fill that hole that she left in my heart.
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