|
#181
May 25th, 2007, 08:12 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
You can do it.
Let go of them, let yourself be happy. 
|
|
#182
May 25th, 2007, 08:23 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
All (but 6)were just opened and dumped in trash then i poured water on top.I kept 2 for sat 2 for sun and 2 for mon,after that i am out and cannot get refills.I am trying real f********* hard here to get rid of 2 more,but having a hard time.God this must sound so sick,bizarre,sad,horrifying for anyone that doesnt know about addictions,.Because as i write it i cant even believe it........
__________________
"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" -- Fernard Mery wain
|
|
#184
May 25th, 2007, 08:35 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I know...I am just thinking i should make sunday the last day because if i take any monday and dont sleep i have to work the next day and cannot go through that again,it is the worst,but then thinking i want at least one more to have for tuesday morning before i come to work.I am off monday so will not be able to update til tuesday.Wow i am exhausted reading my own crap here,i heard another great saying,not sure exactly how it went but something like :An addict never has a day off" God is that the truth and i need one,i am worn out from running around to doctors and all the damn lying........
__________________
"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" -- Fernard Mery wain
|
|
#185
May 25th, 2007, 08:40 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
OMG how could i forget this,this morning i of course had to move my sleeping pills out of the house in case he looked to try and find anything and i put them in my pockets and forgot,well iwent in bedroom while he was in there to change and just took them off and flung on bed,it would of been sudden death for me,it is stuff like that that i am tired of,making sure i dont leave any pills laying around or anything/
__________________
"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" -- Fernard Mery wain
|
|
#186
May 25th, 2007, 08:48 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Okay, you're doing great, you'll do it, I know you can toss em'.
|
|
#187
May 25th, 2007, 08:50 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I cant thank you all enough,i wouldnt of ever thrown away pills alone,still weird cause we dont know each other,but i swear on roxy i wouldnt of done this if i didnt confess to you..So i am atta here til monday,anyone like horror movies check out BUG i am going tonight to see it,and when you see previews you will see why,looksssss goooddddddd.Thank you again.
__________________
"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" -- Fernard Mery wain
|
|
#188
May 25th, 2007, 08:55 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Good luck Heidi, I'm glad you were able to get it off your chest.
Take care
|
|
#189
May 25th, 2007, 08:57 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Heidi, I've been away from the forum for a few weeks because of computer problems. After reading all through this thread, I realize what you have been going through and really apologize for not being here to help everyone support you. I know you've probably left for home already, but perhaps you'll be back on after the holiday. I remember when you struggled before and how much I was saddened, but admired you for having the courage to come clean and get clean. You did it before; you have proven you possess the strength of character to do it, you are strong enough to do it again, and I believe in you. You've taken the most important first step by letting us know. I feel you wanting help and reaching out for it. Give yourself permission to be helped!
 I know the spiral began when you took the first pill. I'm wondering how that came about. I'm sure you didn't seek out the prescription before that first pill. Where did that come from? Did someone give it to you? And is that person still on the scene to be your enabler after you've succeeded in tossing the bottle? If so, please, please realize that person is not a friend if they do. Please let us know how the weekend goes. We're all here to cheer you on. You have everything to gain by turning away from the pills. You CAN do it!
__________________
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people. -Abraham Joshua Heschel, theology professor (1907-1972)
|
|
#190
May 25th, 2007, 08:58 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Stay strong, Heidi. You can get through this! Great start--getting rid of the pills--that must've been so hard--and you should be so proud!
__________________
"We are--each of us--dying; it's how we live in the meantime that makes the difference." "It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!" "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
|
Chopper Challenge
Mini KickUps
Bugz
Snakeman Steve
Shape Game
Mumu
Mouse Race|
#192
May 25th, 2007, 10:02 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I'm sorry if this has been covered somewhere and I missed it but abruptly stopping Adderall may not be a good idea as there could be some serious side effects. Your doctor did suck and should have taken a better history before prescribing you somthing so addictive. Please look into a new Dr right away and tell them what is going on, they might be able to help you transition more slowly or on to something safer before you go off completely. Good luck.
 
__________________
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ~Voltaire
|
|
#193
May 26th, 2007, 09:46 AM
|
||||
|
||||
 Good for you Heidi! You can do this. Focus on how much better life will feel without the lying and worrying about the pills. I know it's scary but you've done this before-you know it will get better. I have not been addicted to anything, but I have spent time in my own hell of anxiety and depression. I know when you are in the dark, it can be really hard to believe anything can ever get better. It's hard to remember what it feels like not to have to deal with the crap all the time, and like you said, it wears you right out. But it will be better. I'm so proud of you for getting rid of the pills! I would encourage you to try and find a counselor of some kind; it sounds as though you might have some of the same type of anxiety disorder issues that I have. Look for someone who uses Cognitive Behaviour therapy. That approach uses not only talk-therapy but also helps you to learn how to change your patterns of thinking, which in turn changes your behaviour (and it is an approach that does not rely on medications). I was totally stumped at first when everything crashed on me because I always considered myself to be an optimist. Instead, I am a worrier. If I let myself I will come up with the worst sort of disaster in my head, and then I worry that it will happen. I spent a year with a great counselor who helped me understand what my thought processes are and how to change them so I'm not overwhelmed and consumed by fear and panic all the time. Ironically enough, he spent part of his career in Hawaii. I remember talking to him about it, and how beautiful it is there. Good luck, Heidi! Stay strong.
__________________
The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.~Joseph Campbell~ "You can't have a good day in bad underwear"- Fruit of the Loom ad Last edited by Skryker; May 26th, 2007 at 09:48 AM. Reason: grammar and spelling
|
|
#194
May 26th, 2007, 12:58 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I had not read the rest of this forum - thought it was about apt hunting and I am so sorry to hear what you are going through!! Do you have a counselor or anywhere you can go for help there? I know groups work for some and not others so there is that avenue - it depends on what works for you.
Addictions are very hard to overcome. My mom smoked for many years and stopped just like that about 21 yrs ago (same age as my nephew - my sister told her she was getting near the bay if she smoked) and my dad overcame a drinking problem so I know what it is like. I have also worked with several people who have had addictions so my heart gores out to you!! Vicodin is the same ingredient as oxycontin - hydrocodone - and it is a very addictive substance- as is the amphetamine one. Vicodin is called percocet in Canada - it is used here but under a different name. Most people end up with the generic endocet but it is the same thing. You should see your family doctor and get some help though - the stress you are under does not help and if you could get some help for that, that would be good as well. Take care of yourself!! I wish I could do more! And please do not be so hard on yourself - you have done so well!!!!
__________________
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats" Albert Schweitzer
|
|
#195
May 27th, 2007, 01:17 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I am babysitting right now,so quick update.,First thank you for taking the time to help out.Yes this thread was about apt,but then i started feeling really crappy about making mark the bad guy,and lying because so many people were trying to help.The first pill i got was from someone who lived in the old house we used to live at and no i do not see them anymore.I already tossed the adderrall have 3 left and i have not been doing those to long and stopped the vics cold turkey(sort of,stopped those and went to adderall)so i am not really to concerend about any bad withdrawls or anything,i just cant wait to know that i am gonna be able to sleep,with the adderalls you shouldnt take them really any later then morning and well i would pop one in the late afternoon to so sleep was not gonna be happening when i did that.I do need to get help with my anxiety and worry issues for sure.I do the same thing,"picture mark getting in a crash,my car breakin down,just crazy stuff that i make myself worry about that will probably never happen,my # 1 problem is living in the now,i live in the future and past and cant seem to learn to live in this second,not 5 minutes from now or 2 days ago,NOW.Well thats it,have monday off,will be back tuesday,thank you all from the bottom of my heart.Oh yeah and throwing the pills away was beyond hard,that one i will pat myself on the back for doing.
__________________
"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" -- Fernard Mery wain
|
|
#196
May 27th, 2007, 07:30 AM
|
||||
|
||||
And you should pat yourself on the back for that!  Good to hear from you, and I'm glad that the weekend is going well for you. The worst part of anything like this, I think, is feeling so alone. If everyone who posts in this thread can help you feel less alone, well, for us, too! Enjoy your sleep.
__________________
The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.~Joseph Campbell~ "You can't have a good day in bad underwear"- Fruit of the Loom ad
|
|
#197
May 27th, 2007, 01:57 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It has always been my feeling - and I have to admit my personal experience - that we do feel better after a good sleep! So I hope you are able to sleep sometime soon!! Do you have a good GP you can talk to there - someone who can put you in touch with resources? That might be a start with the anxiety.
Please take care of yourself and you are not alone - at least you have friends here even if we are far away. (I am only sorry I am not closer!). Good luck!!! Think of how far you have come - don't look at the negative stuff, think of the good things and your achievements, your kitty, the fact you are a good person who cares about others and about animals!
__________________
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats" Albert Schweitzer
|
|
#198
May 27th, 2007, 03:48 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
To add my
 why I care and worry,we've known you since your trouble with Damien,when you were not too fond of cats,did that ever change with Roxy When I saw your pics of your face,when you were using meth and your desperation I just about cried. I can imagine you will once again go through hell to get off whatever you are using and I am sure everyone here will be thinking of you. All the comforting words in the world,will not change the fact this is your fight to fight,your life to save,but know,although we are very far away,we care and want to see you happy and healthy. If your happiness means a life with Mark,I  he will help and support you in your struggles...
__________________
"The cruelest animal is the Human animal" 3 kitties,Rocky(r.i.p my boy),Chico,Vinnie
|
|
#199
May 27th, 2007, 03:58 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
And you don't need to do big things to give yourself pats on the back, even little things should make you feel proud of yourself.
|
|
#200
May 27th, 2007, 11:56 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
One day at a time. This day (NOW) will always be the hardest. If you need a pep-talk, you know you will get it here.
__________________
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people. -Abraham Joshua Heschel, theology professor (1907-1972)
|
|
#201
May 29th, 2007, 03:11 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Well it was a really good weekend,saw my movie Bug,my letter got put in newspaper,and me and mark had a perfect holiday.Yesterday morning i took last one,i feel pretty good,the hard part is really all mental not physical,i am doing my best to not think about them,of course when i got to work i looked around seeing if maybe there was one left anywhere,NO,there wasnt..So if i can mentally get over it i will be ok,i think this first week is gonna be the hardest..
__________________
"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" -- Fernard Mery wain
|
|
#202
May 29th, 2007, 03:18 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It will be hard...but you can do it! You have to keep remembering how good this holiday weekend was and know that it can always be good like that if you kick this now.
__________________
"We are--each of us--dying; it's how we live in the meantime that makes the difference." "It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!" "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
|
|
#203
May 29th, 2007, 03:20 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Heidi, congratulations on a good weekend. I hope the week goes well for you. Just remember you can come here to vent and rant. Be strong and stay clean now. Roxy needs you to be there for her, and you will be.
|
|
#204
May 29th, 2007, 03:21 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
You can do it, heidi! Like hazel said, keep focusing on how good the weekend was, and that it can be like that all the time.
Keep it up, a few moments at a time. Kudos to you, on getting rid of the pills and on your letter! Well done.
__________________
The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.~Joseph Campbell~ "You can't have a good day in bad underwear"- Fruit of the Loom ad
|
|
#205
May 29th, 2007, 03:31 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
you deserve a good load of pats on the back Heidi! well done for having the courage to be honest and for taking that first step. i hope there is some kind of support network where you are as going it alone is hard!! we are all here to offer as much as we can!!
i too believe in you and know you have the strength in you to kick this!!
|
|
#206
May 29th, 2007, 03:36 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I know i cant go back to being like that,the hardest part is being at work,just because right now it isnt that busy so there is alot of time just to think,but i am not gonna cave because i know what will happen if i do and how iwill feel and that i almost lost everything because of them.
__________________
"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" -- Fernard Mery wain
|
|
#207
May 29th, 2007, 06:57 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Yeah Heidi
. Keep up the good work .
__________________
"Never doubt that a small, group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead
|
|
#208
May 29th, 2007, 08:38 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Way to go Heidi! I have read all your posts and I just wanted to say if you need any of us just come on-line! We are all here for you....we all are human and have demons we battle so dont ever feel alone....how about doing some things you enjoy? Do you like to read? or go see some of the scenery!! some good quality time for you.....or how about a manicure/pedicure...sometimes that can be relaxing...Anyway keep it up and always remember we are here!!
Cindy
__________________
Tabitha April 10, 1995 - August 23, 2013 Bomber April 10, 1995 - July 12, 2010 Winston Nov 15, 1999 - September 15, 2011 Sophie Aug 30, 2011 "UNTIL ONE HAS LOVED AN ANIMAL, PART OF THEIR SOUL REMAINS UNAWAKENED" He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. -Unknown
|
|
#210
May 30th, 2007, 11:27 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Keep up the good work Heidi. One day at a time. You can do it and we're all here cheering you on.
|
 |
«
Previous Thread
|
Next Thread
»
Linear Mode
|
|
Forum Terms of Use
- All Bulletin Board Posts are for personal/non-commercial use only.
- Self-promotion and/or promotion in general is prohibited.
- Debate is healthy but profane and deliberately rude posts will be deleted.
- Posters not following the rules will be banned at the Admins' discretion.
- Read the Full Forum Rules
Forum Details
- Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Optimisation by vB Optimise (Reduced on this page: MySQL 0%). - All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:53 PM.