My Baby Boy, Max

[Max's Tribute]

Max, my rock, my best friend, my 4-legged son, my one and only constant in an ever-changing world.

On July 4, 1995, I met Max. He was just 4 months old, and hyper as can be. But, boy was he cute! The lady who bought him could no longer keep him, so I said I’d take him. I put him in my car, took him home, gave him a much needed bath, and fed him. He kept looking at the door, waiting for his previous owner to come back for him…she never did, and I thank God for that every day.

He was a terror in the beginning. He was so clumsy that he ran into everything. And, he wasn’t house trained yet. It took only three days for me to do that though…he’s so smart. I always said he’s too smart for my own good!

The bond was instant. I grew to love him immediately. And the best part of it all was knowing it was reciprocated, unconditionally.

In the 11 years we shared together, he’s been my rock, my one constant in life, my best friend, my baby boy. And, for 11 years, I convinced myself that he needed me…he was so timid that he was afraid of his own shadow, so he became mine…but, the reality of it is I needed him just as much.

Max was so much fun. We would have conversations. And, sometimes, I’d scold him, and he’d talk back to me! Other times, I’d say give me a kiss, and he’d smack my lips with his nose. When I asked him what he wanted, he would let it be known. Like clockwork, he knew when it was feeding time, treat time, and potty time. He made sure I never slacked off! When I took him out for walks, I’d put his leash on and ask him where he wanted to go…and he would grab the leash in his mouth, and lead me in the direction he felt like heading. Did I mention that he took me out for walks? Yea, that’s what I meant.

He slept in bed with me for years, until his hips got too bad to jump that high. But, he was still able to hang out on the couch and watch TV with me, and he did so all the time. And, sometimes, at night, I’d sleep on his bed with him, since he was too heavy for me to lift up.

By the time he was 5, he had been treated for mange, repeatedly treated for chronic ear infections, had emergency surgery for urinary stone removal, and while the vet was at it, performed a urethrostomy (surgically creating a permanent hole at the base of his penis, so his stones will be able to pass), and was diagnosed with severe hip dysplasia, a heart murmur, and Cushing’s Disease.

My baby boy has not had it easy, but he was always a trooper. And, he loved being outdoors! I would let him run around the park, and he’d chase the ducks and squirrels. (But he would always stop just short of them…as if he was playing with them, teasing them.) He loved the snow!! He would have so much fun out there in the deep snow.

He was very protective of me. If he thought someone was hurting me, he would bark viciously. Yet, he always knew to be gentle with kids. I wasn’t allowed to shower with the bathroom door shut. He needed to be able to be right near me. When dates would come over he would plop himself on the couch, directly in between us.

Max was with me through so much change and uncertainty. He started out with me in New Jersey, and traveled with me all the way to Minnesota!! He even got to stay in a pet-friendly hotel in Indiana…and he had his own queen size bed that night! And, he never complained. Never. So, I failed to see that his liver was going bad, and I can’t help but wonder if this move to the Midwest was too stressful for him, because not two months later, and my baby boy had a painful final week. And, again…he didn’t complain once, as long as I was near him, he was ok. The morning he died, he knew it was his time. We carried him up the stairs, as his body was too weak to do it, and brought him outside. (And, even though he was moments from death, he still chased the squirrel he saw!) I was watching him, and I knew he had taken a turn for the worse. Then I noticed him trying to run away…to die in solitude. I ran to him, and grabbed him, which is when my baby boy fell to the ground. It was 6:28 AM, March 29, 2006.

And, I would do the journey again with Max, and not change anything except for his painful ending. I would rather have had him go in his sleep, with me on the floor next to him. He deserved at least that much.

My baby boy. God messed up by making our pets live much shorter lives than we do. How can I go on without my boy?

I hope I was a good mommy, because he deserved that, and more.

…

I love you, Max. I hope I made you happy.

[phoenix]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Run run to the bridge Max. God speed.

[technodoll]

your tribute to your best friend max had me moved to tears... i feel like i personally know your boy, his quirks, his sweet personality, and your incredible devotion to him until his last moment on this earth... rest in peace beautiful boy, you are loved even beyond the bridge

[Mishkamax]

I am so sorry for you, your post was truely beautiful, Max had a wonderful life, he could not have asked for a better life, saved and so loved by you. I know how you are feeling I lost my Max a couple of weeks ago, and the pain was awful, you will feel such loss, but each and everyday it gets a little less, only a little. They will both being playing, chasing and very happy at the bridge.

Take Care, Ramona

[PunkMaister]

I'm so very sorry for your loss he was a beautiful dog indeed!

[ZebbyZeb]

Originally Posted by Max's Tribute

My baby boy. God messed up by making our pets live much shorter lives than we do. How can I go on without my boy?

I hope I was a good mommy, because he deserved that, and more.

…

I love you, Max. I hope I made you happy.

You will go on...Max would want you to. I know it's hard....it's an all consuming pain. Your beautiful tribute brought back memories of the many we have lost over the years and the tears came. They always do. We miss every single one of them every single day. The love you gave to your baby boy his whole life is what will keep him alive in your heart, always. We should all die in the arms of someone who loves us as much as you love Max. Know that he is healthy again and runs at the bridge, chasing the ducks and squirrels. My heart goes out to you.

[Max's Tribute]

Thank you, all, for your kind words.

When will it get easier? When will the guilt (of thinking I should have done more) go away?

[ZebbyZeb]

I'm not sure it ever really gets "easier". Right now all you can feel is the pain of his leaving and while you will miss every moment you've shared with him, there will come a time when those memories will make you smile. For each of us that time is our own and we will take as much as we need. The best I can tell you is to reach out to those around you who understand and always know you are not alone in this.

The guilt is probably the hardest thing to get over.....we all feel we never do enough. But just remind yourself that the fact that you loved him, to him, was more than enough. It was his reason for living. That's all any of our pets ask of us. To be loved the way they love. With their whole heart. You've done that and Max was one of the truly blessed. He had someone to share his life.

Just remember that we are better people for having loved our animals and we are privileged to have them love us back. There's nothing anyone can say that will make the pain go away, but we're here to listen and let you know we understand.

[Mahealani770]

OMG...I am sobbing. That was a beautiful piece you wrote about your baby and I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I know the feelings of guilt well and I know you miss him but you gave him a great life and I know he was happy with you. He will be waiting for you. God Bless.
Mahealani

[Franco]

Your write up moved me to tears, because I get nightmares about parting with any of my two pets (cats). NIGHTMARES in the real sense.
There are no words to help you when you have to say goodbye to a love one - human or animal. And it's only animal-lovers like us who know what it means.
But life has to go on. As it goes on when each one of us says goodbye to such a loved one.
So, put your guilt at rest - you gave him happy years!
Franco

[Max's Tribute]

I've decided that I don't like people who don't like animals.

I started, as therapy, to volunteer at the local animal shelter here by me. And, I'm noticing that people who truly like animals really are better people.

As far as the therapy goes, it's working...I like to know that I'm making a difference in homeless dogs' lives by playing with them a few hours a week. But, when I leave there to go home, and I walk into a dog-empty house, my heart breaks all over again.

I've stopped crying on a daily basis because I felt forced to...no one wants to hear me cry over a dog for so long, but inside I cry all day still, every day.

Thanks so much for your support, posters.

[Mahealani770]

My heart breaks for you and Im in tears everytime I read one of your postings. I know the pain you feel and I know that nothing anyone says to you will ease that pain, but know that Max is walking with you every day. He is not here now, he is just "away" until you can be reunited again. It may be too soon to be volunteering at a shelter. Take it one day at a time and remember that we are all here for you.
Sincerely,
Mahealani

[Luvmypit]

You took my breath away. That was very moving.

Im glad you are finding ways to deal with the pain. I say cry when you want. If someone asks tell them you lost a loved one and are unable to talk about it. Who cares what they think. People just have no idea how it feels. But I says it there loss. Iknow its there loss b/c there is no other love in teh owrld like that of a trusty dog.

I had a border collie, black and white named Max. He died in my early teens and I remember feeling almost like I was dead. But in time you can begin to smile about it, you will always miss him. It will get better, I promise as I have lost a few and till this day I can still conjur up the pain if I so desire but instead I laugh about what they used to do, there silly quirks and their personalities. That keeps me happy and of course the fact that I open up my heart to love another one again.

[Lucky Rescue]

It's so wonderful that you're honouring the wonderful friendship you had with Max by helping homeless animals.

I"m sorry for your pain. We do understand, and would never say "It's just a dog - get over it".

[Milo_we _miss_U]

I'm so sorry. I too lost my baby Milo and in my time of grief I found this website. There's a Monday night candle ceremony to pray for all the pets who have enter Rainbow Bridge.
http://rainbowsbridge.com/