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Old July 24th, 2004, 07:50 PM
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Sneaky2006 Sneaky2006 is offline
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I got a laugh...

This is the Dog Dictionary...

LEASH:
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED:
Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. A doorway is also quite good.

DROOL:
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF:
A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This greeting can also be used on your persons guests aswell.

GARBAGE CAN:
A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS:
This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER:
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy complete with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your owner comes home.

SOFAS:
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH:
This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

LEAN:
Every good dogs response to the command "sit!", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

BUMP:
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP:
A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require... especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

LOVE:
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail.
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Old July 24th, 2004, 10:30 PM
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glasslass glasslass is offline
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Authored by Webster's dog! Funny!
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Old July 25th, 2004, 04:28 PM
Cinnabear Cinnabear is offline
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Ain't that the truth for dogs.
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Old July 26th, 2004, 05:53 PM
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Spoiled Spoiled is offline
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Hahaha, thats funny!
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Old July 26th, 2004, 06:16 PM
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dmc123 dmc123 is offline
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I love these, thanks for sharing!
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