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Old July 7th, 2010, 06:13 PM
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Myka Myka is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Saskatoon, SK.
Posts: 945
How do you heal when you lose your buddy?



Myka passed away unexpectedly from a tumor on January 4th this year. That was 7 months ago, and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I had her from (my) age 16-27, which is such a time of change that she was my only consistent.

Myka was in such good condition, and had no sign of any ailments. Even her vet commented that she looked and seemed half her age. No one ever believed me that she was 11. One week she was playing frisbee in the snow, and the next week I had 15 minutes to make the decision to euthanize. It was decision made from rationale, and wasn't a difficult decision to make at the time, but I have been suffering ever since.

Part of me appreciates that she never had to live through organ failure, deaf/blindness, painful arthritis, or any long-term ailments. Part of me appreciates that she walked into the emergency clinic gently wagging her tail to greet everyone she saw, but the other part of me saw the pain, worry, and confusion in her eyes, the same side of me that saw her go through two grande mal seizures, the same side of me that told her, "I'm so sorry it had to end like this." as I gently petted her ears (which she liked so much) as she slipped away.

I wonder if it would be easier if I had another dog to fill in the gaping hole of my heart, but I also wonder if I would be mistakenly expecting another dog to fill Myka's shoes. Part of me is scared to be so devasted again.

A couple weeks after Myka's death I took a job out of town, so my hopes of getting another dog were put on hold. Instead, I brought Peewee with me, my boyfriend's 5 yo Chihuahua. He does not come close to satisfying my yearning for a doggie companion. He is loud, obnoxious, difficult to train, and hyperactive. Myka was excitable, but quiet and mellow. I was always teaching her something new, and she was always wanting to learn. She learned to catch a frizbee at the ripe age of 11. She was a lovable dog, the kind of dog that everyone liked. She lived for the pat on the head and the "What a good hound dog." She lived to be loved.

I will come to tears 3-4 times a week from grief, and longing. I will downright sob once a week. It has been 7 months. Is it normal to be this devasted? How can I heal? I'm so...tired - of the pain.

Thanks for reading, and for any help.

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