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IMHO I would say that if your bigger dog is the first dog, and he USED to be allowed on the couch but is now too big, then allowing the smaller one on, but not allowing the bigger/older dog on, would indeed be undermining his place in the household, as you have "replaced" his desirable place on the couch with the smaller dog instead. If he was never allowed on the couch to begin with, then that might be a different story.
I have a 92lb dog and a 66lb dog and they are both allowed on the couch and the bed (with invitation). I'm a student and my place is pretty small so I don't have a huge couch LOL
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