Welcome to the forum tsacrey. Sounds like you have your hands full.
The article below was taken from:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Separation...-Cat&id=858571
I hope it gives you some insight and help in your issues.
Separation anxiety is the term used to describe the condition where an animal has developed too close a relationship with its owner. They become overly dependant on their owners and find it difficult to cope with situations without them. This condition is usually associated more with dogs than with cats as it is usual for a cat to live a more solitary independent life naturally rather than a dog that would live in packs in the wild. A dog requires following a leader and so the bond with their owner is more of a dependant one.
However over recent years research has indicated that cats can make very strong bonds with their owners and for some, this bond becomes more of a dependency. This can be exasperated by owners who treat their cats more like a baby than a pet and is therefore encouraging the cat to behave in a more infantile way rather than develop their adult behaviours.
Generally most cats see us as their mothers and indeed they change their behaviour around us from the hunter to the kitten. They will even change the cries they make and revert to sounds kittens make to encourage their mothers to feed them and pay attention to them. This interaction as a rule works very well, but problems arise when a cat doesn't then revert back to its adult state and continues to behave like a kitten. Cats who display this type of behaviour generally follow their owners around everywhere, rather than explore the outside world. They may even continue the suckling behaviour and chew and suck on their owner's cloths and even hand.
Separation anxiety for these "adult baby" cats is therefore quite understandable, as they become very afraid and unsure of how to behave when they find themselves alone and without their protective mother figure. Signs of this condition are:
Constant following of owner or companion animal.
Hiding and sulking when the owner is about to leave.
Attempted blocking of door as owners try to leave.
Inappropriate urination of defecating in the house when they are left alone.
Excessive chewing or scratching of items in the house.
Inability to eat or use their litter tray until the owner returns.
Excessive grooming, causing bald spots (although this is rarer).
Any of, or a combination of any of the above, may be a sign that the cat has become over attached to their owner. Although it is always advisable to have a cat that is displaying any of these signs checked by a veterinarian first to endure that the behaviour is not associated with any underlying illness.
Of course prevention is better than cure and the best way to prevent separation anxiety occurring in the first place, is to make sure that kittens are well socialised during the first few weeks of their life and they are introduced to many new experiences, people and other animals. However if the condition does arise the treatment is essentially to help the cat become more independent and more adult like. This can be quite difficult for the owner as it involves stepping back or removing themselves from the cat's attentions, which can feel like they are rejecting their cat. But as the saying goes you are essentially being "cruel to be kind".
Treatment involves:
Letting other people take over some of the feeding routine.
Only provide affection when the owner and not the cat initiate it.
Reject advances by the cat in a non-aggressive way by removing your self from the situation.
The cat should be encouraged to pursue other activities like going outside to explore or by providing the cat with other stimuli like toys and even in some cases another animal.
Gradually reduce the amount of petting time given to the cat from the owner.
Leaving radios or a television on when the cat is left alone in the house.
When leaving or returning to the house, leave a ten-minute gap where you do not pay any attention to the cat.
These treatments will take time and persistence from the owner and it should be done in a gradual manner so as not to stress the cat too much. The idea is to basically increase the cats other activities and to get them to share their loyalties around to other people or companion animals. Thus preventing their great sense of worry and fear if one particular person is not around all the time.
More cat health and cat care tips can be found at our site
http://www.our-happy-cat.com A feline friendly community full of helpful advice and fun things to do to make sure you have a happy cat and a happy you.
Copyright 2007 Kate Tilmouth