14+, absolutely first rate post! I did laugh when I read this ....
'Altered/desexed cats get fat and lazy'.
Altering/desexing may keep cats from wandering far afield, but only bored, overfed cats get fat and lazy.
My outdoor desexed boys are getting old now but yesterday I saw Ginger charge to the top of a big callistemon(bottlebrush tree), look around hoping for some unsuspecting bird, then he came down just as fast and streaked off accross the garden with his tail high, having a grand old time. Both of them are well fed and have never been fat. Neither has Pheobe, a speyed female, who is a house cat.
I had to whizz through your post fast because I need to get to bed, but I'll take a thorough look at it tomorrow. Bravo though.