My Baby has left the world
I wanted to give an update on my little baby. I will keep this brief, as It makes me cry everytime that I think of her.
I gave her a bath 2 sunday's ago, thinking that she needed a good haircut and bath now that she was a little stable. While I was doing it I thought to myself, wow at least she
will be nice a clean if she had to pass sometime. And Loan behold, 3 hrs later I had a nose bleed on my hands very short one so not too bad. it was not due to the bath as
there was no water near the nose.
Anyway what happened next was unexpected. Her nose and upper eyes got swollen to the point that she looked like a different dog. I rushed her to my vet first thing in the
morning, and was told it could be a spider bite or its the tumour moving up into the eye area. He was concerned with the Biopsy hole scar more than the swelling, and said if
the swelling goes down(after a major shot of anti-inflamatory that he gave) she should be fine.
The swelling did subside above the eye area, and 50% over the nose, giving me hope that she would be fine.
On thursday last week she started to bleed from the biopsy hole on her nose bridge. Not too much blood but enough to alarm me. I stayed up all night and morning, on and off
with her, hearing some gasps for air. but nothing too bad other than trickle of blood from the top.
On friday morning she sneezed a little more blood, the bridge wound had clotted some, but when I looked into her eyes I saw pain and knew I had to make a decision.
I called my vet and he said, If I keep her around its a matter of days as the tumour is now trying to push thru the upper caverns and out. If I hang onto her it may explode and
more suffering would come. And If i keep her going to wait something worse to come, it would selfish.
...I made the decision then and there, that I had to save her the pain to come. It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. Grappling with the fact that when you
looked passed the bridge of her nose at the wagging tail, and the sprinting!! on the beach the same day, from this baby, to have her put down? I am full of guilt and remorse
right now, even though i know I saved her the pain. Nothing could have prepared me for this feeling. Not even the death of my father and brother felt this way. She was my
companion and friend for 12yrs, she never asked for anything but food, walks, love and place to sleep. And she gave me unconditional love and attention for this cheap price.
I know it was the right decision, but it still hurts. Maybe by taking her early, I have now taken the pain of her tumor into my heart, which is ok.
Anyway, I said this wouldnt be long but here it is. I will try to post a more possitive note later on, and forgive me for letting loose, Its the only way I can try feel
I am 90% sure I did the best thing and 10% guilty now. and 120% sad.
All I can say is that no matter what you do, no matter what you hear, you will know in your heart the right time. THe thing is if your pet is in pain and you know for a fact
that there is more to come for sure, then you will see it by looking into your pets eyes.
Best Regards to All
In memorium for Chien Chien taken from my world on 29 February 2008 at 5:15pm.