I think my problem comes with the idea that pressure and punishment are being considered the same and they aren't. I have 7 large parrots that we have rescued. Some came to us from sad homes and they had reverted to their wild state. Through our experience and observations the birds certainly pressure and sometimes discipline each other to gain understandng and respect. We apply these same principles to them and they are now great birds who cuddled and love us because we have established clear relationships of love, trust and respect - never fear.
Of the umpteen cats in our lives we also use the same foundation of understanding and they are all great and get a long with everyone. Never out of fear. Please never think that we suggest that fear teaches an animal anything but greater fear and mistrust. But I can certainly think of times when I have told my cats 'no' and they didn't seem to hate me for it. They realized they were not making the right choice and made a better one. i.e. sitting on a bird cage. Trust me they don't do it when I am not home either or I would be coming home to tailess cats!
Thanks for all of the cat info. and I will try to be more observant.