Originally Posted by Rgeurts
As for the training and alpha issues, I can barely manage my Nookie, so I have no comments on any of that. But I do have to say I agree, wholeheartedly, with GF on this one.
That's your perogative. I think you can (and must) teach respect by giving respect, not by applying (positive) punishment. A child that behaves well because they are afraid of being punished is not a "better" child (and as i said, it is also statistically the worst way to change behavior). In fact, punishment is a poor predictor of good behavior, but an excellent predictor of trust level. It doesn't stop bad decisions, it simply makes it more likely that the child will hide their behavior from their family. A child that learns the way to get respect is to be respectful can be trusted to make good decisions without parental supervision. A child that relies on punishment will always need someone looking over their shoulder, and will likely do everything in their power to avoid that punishment through lies and deception. It's pretty easy for a kid to figure out they're only punished when they're caught.
If we are talking about physical punishment, there is a direct correlation between physically disciplining a child and that child's likelihood of jeuvenile delinquency, crime, and domestic abuse. Of a group of violent offenders polled at San Quentin prison, 100% were physically punished as children.