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Longblades April 1st, 2013 05:58 PM

End of Life Offer - No, Thanks
What do you think of this? My good friend who I exchange pet sitting and walking with as needs be has said she'll come with me when it's time. I told her one of our cats is near the end of her life and my friend immediately volunteered to come to the Vet with me when it's time. She and I have agreed we are not letting the husbands come with us, they can't handle it.

My first reaction was, oh no, I want to do that myself. I can do that myself. And I said so. Then of course I thought, maybe she thinks I was hinting. Maybe she is hinting, though her current crew are all too young for that. Now I feel badly that I so quickly said no. She says she's volunteered for a neighbour lady too, with her old and ailing dog. She knows me much better than this other lady.

Maybe she's worried about me driving when I'm grief stricken. But I want to be alone in my grief and I can drive, I have before, I can again.

What do you think? Would you take a good friend up on such an offer? I
am not going to, I'm not asking for reasons to change my mind. I just wonder how other folks feel they would react?

Jim Hall April 1st, 2013 06:28 PM

I think that it was a very kind offer but I agree with you .

Digston April 1st, 2013 06:38 PM

Everyone deals with their grief differently. Personally, I believe I will be reduced to a pile of sobbing flesh for quite some time after I lose any of my animals. I'll probably need someone there to take me home. Will I be embarrassed about letting someone see me 'ugly cry'? Maybe once the grief clears out of my mind enough to let me realize that the world is still there.
If you feel you can handle being there for someone else during their time of sorrow, perhaps you could let your friend know that. Maybe she offered because she knows that she'll need someone there for her.
On another note, I'm sorry to hear about your cat :(

Barkingdog April 1st, 2013 06:46 PM

When my hearing dog got cancer and could no longer eat I had my daughter go with me to the vet. My dog and I went everywhere together and I knew I was going to be too upset to drive home alone. I think everyone handle handle grief in their own way and each person should do what they feel is best for their self. I am sorry about your cat . It was very kind of your friend to offer to go with you.

lindapalm April 1st, 2013 07:42 PM

I personally think you shouldn't drive home by yourself, maybe have your husband wait in the car for you if he can't go in. It was a great offer from your friend, but if it was me I would rather be by myself.

Koteburo April 1st, 2013 10:01 PM

In my case I wouldn't be able to drive. I'd be blinded by tears and sobbing, not thinking right. I'd be deeply hurt in some serious grieving state.
I'd just walk away from the vet clinic and go to a park or somewhere semi lonely to cry. I'd probably walk A LOT afterwards.
No, in my case I would need help to handle it, particularly the mundane things that need to be taken care of like fees and transporting the body or arranging what to do and when on that regard. The pain, that's something I'd rather be alone to cry though. The only persons I think I'd feel totally comfortable to cry in such a way are my husband and my sister (she feels the same about animals so she'd understand perfectly well).
I'm so sorry about your cat :grouphug:

minmin12 April 2nd, 2013 06:25 AM

I have lost many a furry loved one. Everytime I go alone, it is my responsibility to hold and give that final I love you to my pet. Our furry family request nothing tenderness, love, playing and fed everything we as humans are responsible to give. I have always gone alone drove and sometimes pulled over overwhelmed and grief sticken it is normal. I would not want anyone with me this is my responsibility my pet only wants to look into my eyes and feel my tender love when the time comes. I also have a Vet that does this in home which offers a better choice last time sadly I did not have that choice as my Beloved Zorba had to go to Vet this Vet on holiday at that time. You sound like a very stongwilled person and clearly have made up your mind, please have a discussion with your female friend before it is to late. When the time comes everyone here is going to here for you at your time of need. You love your cat this is a bond that is never going to be broken no matter what:cat::grouphug:

marko April 2nd, 2013 07:53 AM

I'm sorry to read that the end is approaching for one of your little ones LB.
I think the gesture is beautiful, pure goodness and you are lucky to have friends that will suffer some pain in order to possibly ease your pain.

That said, Like you, this is something that I would do alone or with my wife.
and I did do this (even though I'm a husband) with my wife for sweet Ziglet a few years ago. I wept while it was happening, and after it happened for a few days, and I'm getting weepy now just thinking about it.
For me this is an immediate family thing and deeply personal.

Jull April 2nd, 2013 09:25 AM

Sorry to hear about your baby :2huggers:

For me I would probably have my bf with me, he loves the kids as much as I do and it would kill him not to be with them and say good bye. Personally for me I would rather he be with me than a friend; It was very nice of your friend to offer to come though, I don't think a lot of people would offer to be by your side when you are letting go of your loved one.

Everyone handles grief differently, and if you feel you are better being left alone, you should do so then, but I would probably say don't drive after maybe walk and that could also help with the stress of that moment.

Dog Dancer April 8th, 2013 04:40 PM

Wow, tough one. Sorry to hear about your furbaby nearing the end. It's never an easy time.

I also think it was very kind of your friend to offer to go with you, but totally understand you wanting to go alone. If she's a really good friend she will understand. If you feel you can, do offer to do the same for her when the time comes.

With us, DH could not come with me to have Shadow pts. He said he would have a heart attack, he just couldn't do it. He stayed home with Halo and my daughter in law, while my son came with me. We both cried at the vets and then he drove me home. I think I could have driven myself home, but it was comforting to have him with me. This is a very personal thing.

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