I cant let him go
 

An update on Kai. The specialist has advised there is nothing more he can do for Kai and he had his first morphine shot last night. He has advised me that I should let him go to sleep, but I just cant do it. I know its selfish and I know im not being realistic. But he still looks perfect. The damage is on the inside. All the tissue was necrotic but pathology still could find no fungus. The specialist thinks it could be vasculitis, but the destruction is so bad he now is battling to yawn, even that hurts. God help me I cant say goodbye to him, our home will never be the same. Where will I get the strength to do this to him. To know that I had a hand in ending his life when he has given me nothing but perfect trust and love every day of his life.

I know it is difficult, but you as his guardian must do what is best for him, not you. Please don't feel any guilt in doing so, you will be taking away his pain instead of living with it. :grouphug: He will be forever grateful for giving him a wonderful life and for ending his suffering.

:grouphug:

Kai'smom, I'm so sorry to hear about kai. Hon your baby is in pain and as you said he's given you trust and love everyday. He is trusting you to help him now. You aren't having a hand in ending his life, you are having a hand in ending his pain. Please for his sake do what needs to be done.

Whatever happenes he will love you and love you and love you forever, even though he wont be with you any more.

Kai'smom - my heart is breaking for you. I know it's a tough decision you have to make. Be strong, for Kai's sake. :grouphug: Then come back in and rant and rave all you want. We are here for you. :grouphug:

THE LAST BATTLE OR IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.

You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where my needs they'll tend,

Only, stay with me till the end,
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree,
It is a kindness you do to me.

Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you,
Who has to decide this thing to do;

We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Author Unknown

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Be strong for both of you. This is a very difficult time which I understand only too well. It is very difficult to say good bye but we must do what is right. If your baby is in pain or discomfort the best gift you can give is to let them go. My thoughts are with you and of course your little one. Peace.

Aw, Kai'smom. :grouphug: I know it's so hard.

But look at it this way--easing him gently into death isn't a betrayal, it's a blessing for him. Your last gift to him will be the love with which you send him on his way. He'll keep that with him, as you'll keep his love for you deep within your heart. That's a bond that even death can't break...

So when it's time, wrap him in your love and give him peace.

You and Kai are in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:

:candle:

We took him last night to the vet (i prefer him to the specialist) and he jumped onto a table (Kai - not the vet!) with milk biscuit samples and stole one and ate it and looked at as all as if to say - what???! This is a dog that hasnt hardly moved for three weeks. So the vet said will you let me try one more thing please. He mentioned as they cannot find actually any presence of fungus or tumor he wants to try and see if its an auto immune disease. Grasping at straws maybe - but what the hell. So he has given him 22 cortisone tablets a day. 11 in the morning and 11 at night. He is much more alert now he is off the pain killers and eating like a horse this morning. I know the cortisone makes them hungry and thirsty. However whether this will kill the disease in his nose - i dont know. The vet asked me to try this so we are giving him a 7 day course and then give him nothing. If it goes back to exactly how he was....... then we know it didnt work. But our vet is so pissed to let him go (even though he tried to bite him when he gave him the morphine shot) that i am willing to give it try. After spending R16000.00 whats another R100.!!
You guys have kept me going - I have to tell you - your words of affirmation, reassurance and caring is keeping me strong and helping me come to terms with what i may have to do - im just blown away. From the bottom of my heart I thank you.

:grouphug:

:fingerscr:goodvibes::pray: I hope this will be the answer! Autoimmune diseases work in such funny ways and can show different symptoms on different animals.

Wish you the best.

Let's hope there is some indication that Kai will be able to beat this thing. I will have my fingers crossed. Sending lots of :pray:ers yours and Kai's way. :fingerscr

:pray:that this will do the trick for Kai,he is so young and has a lot of living to do.
Your vet is obviously not ready to give up yet:fingerscr:goodvibes::fingerscrthat the Cortisone will work:fingerscr

Miracles DO happen ...

I wish one for you now.

Good luck.:pray:

all fingers and paws crossed here that this treatment will still the disease and rid your dog of it!! Good luck and please keep your faith

:fingerscr and 32 crossed :pawprint:s here too! I hope this works!!! :grouphug:

:pray:

We're all:pray: this works :goodvibes::fingerscr:grouphug:

You are in my thoughts and prayers that this new treatment will help Kai. If not, I agree with all the others, you must not hold on for your sake, but give Kai the kindest gift we can by letting him go gently if the need be. I told a friend of mine who wouldn't let her dog go to put herself in his paws (so to speak) and she agreed it wasn't a life she'd want to be living and she let him go. If it comes to that just stay with him until it's over, you may think at the time that it's too much, but I promise you, he'll feel better for it and later so will you. Honestly. Good luck to you both with this new treatment, keep us posted. 14+'s poem is so lovely, I hope it helps you.

thank the gods for stubborn vets good luck

hey guys. Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts. He is eating well and drinking lots and peeing lots and seems to have a perkiness about him that he didnt have before. On a negative note the specialist called to see how he was doing and I explained what our vet had done. The specialist basically said that the destruction was so vast and it had cut off blood supply to the nose and the disease will continue to spread. He said no cortisone can stop that or undo the damage done. It will basically dry up all the gunk and act as an anti-inflammatory and semi pain killer. No matter what it was worth a shot, this cortisone has given us another week or so with him, a chance for our boys to spend some time with him. (they go to boarding school and come home every weekend, due to rugby and cricket commitments, just so you know im not a wicked mum that banishes her kids away!!). Once the cortisone is finished next week and if he goes back to how he was before then I am now strong and willing to face what may have to be done for his sake. Thanks to you guys. He looks to me for leadership (when he feels like it!) so that is what i have to be - a strong leader who he can count on when he needs me most.

Kai'smom,even if a cure is not going to happen and you might only have a week with your boy,it's a week to prepare,as difficult as it is.
I am also glad your sons will be able to see him.
Your love for Kai comes through in every sentence you write and I am sure,he could not be in better hands.

:grouphug: :thumbs up Stay strong. :grouphug:

Even if it [I]is[/I] temporary, both you and Kai have won some quality time together--and if it works, you've won even more! Well worth the attempt, I'd say! :grouphug:

:goodvibes:

We're still :pray:ing and crossing those paws and fingers!

:pray::fingerscr:goodvibes:. Every day you have with him is a blessing. :grouphug:

Well we all hope that it's possibly more than a temporary reprieve, but if not it's good that you now feel stronger about what you may need to do. Enjoy the time you have with him. Love him to pieces and let him be SPOILED to the core (even more than most of our furbabies are now). I know when I knew my last one was going she got all the good treats she wasn't usually allowed to have because of her allergies and such. It was just a matter of days so what could it have hurt... It's good the boys will get to say their goodbyes too. My last dog had to be put down while my son was on holidays (there was no way to keep her around for three days and make her suffer) and it really hurt him terribly that he didn't get to see her one last time.