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pre-adoption jitters

November 24th, 2004, 10:17 PM
I think I have the pre adoption jitters.

My whole life I've loved animals....the problem I have is my mother. My parents would never let me have a pet growing up, they see animals as just being "A pile of work". My parents never see the rewards that come from having a pet. When we got Toby, my mother made a huge deal out of it saying that she would not be involved, and that she wouldn't be taking care of any dog....well things changed, she really warmed up to him, and now if my husband and I are both working and she is babysitting, she'll take him out to potty, she also brings him treats regularly.

Lately, we've been searching for a dog to adopt. I really want another, I am so passionate about animals. (I work for a vet, and I LOVE my job). The whole thing is, whenever I mention another dog to my mother, she gets angry and says if we do, she won't babysit our son anymore.

I know my mom doesn't like dogs, and that's ok, but she never really understood my passion for animals. She says that we don't "need" another animal. It's not about "need" to me, I really enjoy my dog and "want" another.

I got an email this evening about a Lab for adoption, and am waiting for more details. Now that it's getting so close, I have the jitters. I feel like I'm going behind my mothers back. I know it sounds ridiculous, I'm a grown woman, but I feel so sneaky. I don't know what to do. My son adores her, and she babysits alot, she's really the only regular babysitter we have.

We planned on just doing it and she will find out when it happens, but that's really dishonest. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I'm doing a wonderful thing by saving a dogs life, and a horrible thing for being sneaky.


November 24th, 2004, 10:32 PM
Well, if you are a grown woman, living outside of your mother's house with your own family, you really don't need mom's permission to do anything.

For many years, I was the peacekeeper in my family but not anymore. If my mom threatened to stop seeing my children if I did something I wanted to do, I would find another babysitter! (Not that my mom babysits very often.)

You have been upfront with your mom, telling her you wanted another dog. Since you live on your own, you should hardly be expected to share the daily running of your life with her. Just because she is not a fan of pets doesn't mean that you should have a pet free life.

November 24th, 2004, 10:35 PM
I know I shouldn't have to seek her permission, I think I just have to remind myself that I can do as I please, and that she has control issues.

I think I just needed to rant a little.

November 24th, 2004, 10:48 PM
Most mom's have control issues. The two issues that I fight for passionately are BSL and puppy mills. My mom is glad that the city she lives in has banned pit bulls and she owns a chihuahua that she got from a pet store!

Mom will get over the new dog.

heeler's rock!
November 24th, 2004, 10:50 PM
OMGosh Tobster! Your mom sounds EXACTLY like my mom. It took me 20 years to get Red, my first dog. I was still living at home when I got her. Then, I got Kia while I was living there, but only because I was moving out in 2 months when I got married. Then when we moved in, we got Helix and my mom gave me *****! Then, we got our two cats, Jacob and Elliot, and now Nova, our third cat. We already had Kiwi, our bunny, when we moved in as she was living with my hubby, but we decided to get Onyx too. We already had the toads. Now, my mom has just given up. She doesn't like Helix at all as she says he looks like a hyena :rolleyes: . Luckily though, I don't have kids, but I'm sure if I did she wouldn't come over to babysit. She'd have me take my child over there. Your mom is just thinking that threatening you will still get you to listen. My mom did that all the time to me. Now, she still rants, but I just don't listen. I just say, "yeah. Mmm hmmm. Yep." and that keeps her pretty quiet. Then I change the subject! :D

Oh yeah! And the cats I got behind her back, and told her after the fact, when it was too late to give them up! :D

November 24th, 2004, 10:52 PM
Our moms sound a lot alike when it comes to pets. Do you think she's just bluffing about not babysitting any more? My mom complained when my sister got a dog, and then again when we got one. But every year, about 3-4 times a year, we all go to visit for a few days - me, hubby, our two kids, my sister, her two kids, and both of our dogs all stay with my parents. Mom just grins and bears it, because she couldn't stand to miss seeing the grandkids.

I can totally sympathise about the "sneaking" thing, too! I had planned on getting a pup in June, after a very large family gathering had finished and my parents had gone back home. Of course, I didn't say a word of this to my mom while they were visiting. Hubby laughed at me. He accused me of being too scared to tell my parents we were getting a dog. I wasn't scared - I just didn't see any point in subjecting myself to the "constructive criticism" I knew would be coming my way any earlier than I absolutely needed to. :p

November 24th, 2004, 10:56 PM
Thanks guys, I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I think she's totally bluffing though, she can't go more than 2 days without seeing her grandson. I think once the new dog settles in, she'll have to accept him, she won't be happy, but she'll get over it. I'm still nervous of the lecturing, ranting and criticism of course.

*crosses fingers* :rolleyes:

heeler's rock!
November 24th, 2004, 11:06 PM
Yeah, that's the worst part, but they do get over it. Especially if you let them know it's not bugging you. The more non-chillant you act about it, the less she'll make a big deal out of it. That's how my mom is anyways! :D It'll be okay! :)

November 25th, 2004, 07:38 AM
My mom was the exact same way. First my sister got a surprise dog, which my mom now loves to death. Then we announced we were getting a dog my mom almost fainted, and tried telling me the dog would take the place of 2 cats etc. Well we went ahead and got Sophie anyway, she has not taken over from my 2 cats, they are still the bosses. And of course my mom loves Sophie, she even bakes homemade dog treats for her. I think she has come around a lot since we found out my husband and I cannot have children, so she realizes Sophie, Pepper and Joey are our kids. I mean how could not love this face. :love:

doggy lover
November 25th, 2004, 09:43 AM
My mum thinks I'm crazy because I have a house full of pets. But she lives with my sisters and they are just as bad 4 cats, 1 dog and 2 hermit crabs. I'm 40 years old and damned if I am going to listen to her now, thats why I moved out at 18. She talks all she wants I let it go in one ear and out the other. :D

November 25th, 2004, 09:52 AM
Your home, your life do what makes you happy. I was so lucky my parents were animal lovers especially my dad. My parents felt that children that grow up with pets learn responsibility, compassion and how to love others. I thank god I had such loving parents. I am sure they moved from heaven to rainbow bridge to be with the animals. My mom always said if your dog doesn't like someone loose them real fast dogs have a great sense of people.

November 25th, 2004, 03:26 PM
My mom to this day can make me feel guilt like no other,but you know what my motto is YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE,i am 35 ,i dont know if u said your age,but i live for ME,and you need to also..You only get one shot at life,do for u........................