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Need advice/feedback, as a non-pet owner

Miss M
November 24th, 2011, 04:10 PM
I have no pets. I am dating someone who has four. There are 2 cats and 2 dogs. They dogs sleep in my parnter's bed everynight...

We are talking about living together and I would be the one moving to where the animals live.

I want to mention, that I never grew up with animals, so I apologize in advance, if I'm just not getting it...the connection between the animals and my partner. I've asked my partner to keep the animals out of the room, as I am not comfortable sharing the room with them. As the house is free-range to them, I feel that being able to have that one room to find solace/alone time is very important to me. My partner, on the other hand, feels that the animals should be able to sleep in the room, if not on the bed.

I've asked my partner to consider my comfort and that I didn't want to share a room with animals. My partner feels I am not at all compromising, meanwhile, I am the one making the move to a house with 4 animals??

Am I being unreasonable?.

November 24th, 2011, 04:28 PM
well I tell my hubby of 32 me love my dog(s), he grew up like you, without any family pets, but he knew coming into this marriage that I'd be surrounded by animals, and yes, I did take him into consideration and he asked that the only animal I never own is a snake, and to this day I haven't. Are any of his pets crate trained? if so, maybe if you put the crates in the bedroom and allow them to sleep in there? then again, who knows, like my hubby, you too could turn into an animal lover, he has:thumbs up and has even brought home a stray/lost dog or two. good luck to you both. its a hard decision to make, did you know about his animals before you decided to move in?

November 24th, 2011, 05:52 PM
First and foremost, welcome to the board Miss M. :clap:

You are not being unreasonable but I would go 50/50 on this.

My husband of 21 years and I have 2 dogs and 2 cats as well. While our kitties do not venture into our bedroom, our 2 dogs lay at the foot of our bed everynight and never on the bed! IMHO, I find it very comforting not to mention a sense of security knowing they're close by.

If something were to happen during the midnight hours, I'm almost certain that by having our dogs near, they would alert or be protective of their surroundings. Thank dawg nothing (knock on wood) has ever happened but I find comfort in knowing that they're close by not to mention happy.

In the room but not on the bed in my opinion. :2cents: :2cents:

November 24th, 2011, 07:37 PM
Although you may be uncomfortable and can't find solace or peace with the animals in there. As I see it from an animal lovers point of view, having my pets in the room bring me great peace and comfort. Peting a dog/s or cat/s is also an amazing stress reliever

pet lovers pets are like their family, so you have to always be mindful of that.

So a good compromise (as other suggested) may be to allow the animals in the room but make the bed off limits.

I think once you experience that unconditional love devotion and loyalty that a dog/s gives you, and once you feel your stressl eave your body while cuddling with a cat you will be converted :)

November 24th, 2011, 08:53 PM
Miss M- I can definitely see your side of the story on this topic. Like many other things in a relationship, compromises need to be made when it comes to pets. Personally I feel that your partner should respect your concerns. My husband and I both grew up with very different pet situations. For his whole life, his family had outdoor dogs that were not really treated as part of the family. I, on the other hand, grew up with pets inside treated like a member of the family. After years of being together we finally got a dog, but there were a lot of decisions and compromises that needed to be made. My dog has his own comfy space with a big crate (left open) and lots of warm blankets. I did not want him living outside and my husband did not want him staying in our room. Our dog loves his space and sleeps there all of the time. It may take the dogs some time to get used to a change, but they will. I hope that you are able to come up with a compromise. Something to keep in mind is that this is probably a very difficult thing for your partner to consider because they have been so used to having the pets sleep with them for so long. My opinion, however, is that the relationship with your partner comes first, and you both need to be happy. This is all a matter of opinion- but I do want you to know that as a person on the dog loving side of the equation- I can see your point.

November 24th, 2011, 10:34 PM
When my man and i first got together he told me "We will never have dogs in the house and we will never own a Rottweiler" I basically said I could never promise either of those 2 things and we would cross it when the time came.

Its been 11 years we are together now, and we have owned 3 rottie or rottie mixed dogs and currently have 6 dogs all of which sleep in the house and 2 on our bed.
He came around ;)

When we met he was a heavy drinker, I never tried to change that with him, it was who he was when we met and I made a choice then and there to accept him for who he was and any problems that came with. I'm happy to report that out of nowhere he has not have so much as one beer for 8 months now, i don't know if he realizes I know, we don't talk about it but things are much better here now.

I have no suggestions for you, do I think you are being unreasonable? I would be lying if I said no, but then again I am a firm believer you fall in love with the entire package and should never go into something wanting to change a person, regardless what it is.
It pains me to say that I believe I had let a person who was probably my best match in every single way go because he had a serious addiction to cocaine. I would never ask him to stop for me, so we did not further our relationship, there was never an ultimatum, we both made a choice like grown ups and went our seperate ways.

Miss M
November 25th, 2011, 12:24 PM
Thank you all for your feedback and opinions and honesty :) Much appreciated. It is true, that I went in to this relationship, knowing I would be with a HUGE animal lover..and yes, I need to respect (and do) the fact that the animals come with the territory...I'm reading up on a lot of things and have offered suggestions, such as crating them and keeping them close to the room, so that they can see that we are near...I don't want to change anyone I am with but it's one of those things I guess that I need to ask myself if I am willing to compromise my comfort for them...Then again, is it my partner? I know dogs adapt easily...Well, I will consider everything mentioned in this thread and I thank you all again!

November 25th, 2011, 03:03 PM
I have to agree that a nice compromise is to have the pets in the room but OFF the bed.

There are no limits as to what I would do for my pets...I took a huge risk and delayed my own heart surgery so that I could care for my aging horse. But on the other hand, the thought of sharing my bed with a 90 pound hairy, drooling Bouvier, or my little butt-licking cat just doesn't turn me on. :) ;)
Good Luck !

November 25th, 2011, 03:40 PM
Once an animal lover, always an animal lover. It is a very delicate subject and I am certain conversation.
Be honest and true to your feelings but also respect your partners.
I have ended relationships because someone 'said' animals are fine and they were willing to compromise, but in the long run and in the end, the animals were always the bone of contention. This lead to a break down in a communication; thus relationship.
Good luck.

November 25th, 2011, 05:49 PM
I have to give you a lot of credit to come onto a pet loving forum to seek advice :thumbs up.

I have to agree 100% with BenMax. My hubby did not ever want cats as he is allergic and I thought I could live with that, but it turns out I couldn't. He compromised with me, even to the point of allowing the cats on the bed unless they have their tail in his mouth. If he didn't, I don't think we would be together today, I would have been too bitter. However, as it turns out, our cats have worked his way into his heart. He loves them all and they love him. Once you've opened your heart and experienced the unconditional love and 110% forgiveness that they give it is so hard to give up. It is truly amazing. Such traits are rarely seen in humans.

I hope you get to experience this love with his pets.

It will be easy to train the dogs to sleep on the floor, not so easy for cats. Good luck.

November 26th, 2011, 10:31 AM
very interesting thread Miss M - thanks for posting it on our forum. :goodvibes:

As a HUGE animal lover myself...I must of course agree with our fab members!

When you are an animal lover, it's part of your personality....if you try to "force" or instigate a change in someone else's personality (especially when it's not harmful), you are only asking for trouble...bad feelings will creep in and this can destroy a relationship long term...even when it's swept under the rug in the short term as Benmax's experience suggests.

Even making the animals sleep on the floor...this "may" be too much for your partner. I mean if your partner has been sleeping w/pets for 20 years and gets comfort from them....this issue may well become a serious one....either consciously or subconsciously.
Talk about it HONESTLY. See where you both Really stand. See if you both can TRULY live with these compromises :2cents:

Good luck!