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Our Pets and the grieving process

Winston
July 27th, 2010, 08:35 AM
Hey all

I know its only been a couple of weeks since we lost Bomber but I am wondering what experiences people have had with loosing a pet and having one remain alone.

I think Tabitha has figured out that Bomber is not coming home :cry: she has become very very vocal....she goes from room to room crying for Bomber. Its not the typical meow either...its more the yodelling that they do..she is up all night and has been spending many days laying looking out the window. The vet did think that she would grieve for Bomber but unknown with each cat what extent....

Tabitha is eating, drining and pooping fine, but this behaviour is sad to watch. :( It not only breaks my heart but makes me feel so sad for her. We are giving her a lot of attention and she is actually demanding alot more attention too!

I know I will never be the same after loosing my boy but I am wondering if any of you did anything special to help your pets get along after loosing a mate!


Cindy

BenMax
July 27th, 2010, 08:50 AM
Hi Winston. I am so sorry.

I do believe animals grieve but maybe not the way we perceive grieving. I think when they are used to having a lifelong partner, and that partner is missing, they search for them.

I have always had many animals at the same time so I do not think that they have missed the others that have passed. What I can tell you however is that my two siamese are very bonded and when I was fostering Dobie and when he left, I did notice a change in Blu. When Dobie came back (the people did not want him afterall), Blu greeted him with such enthusiasm. They both ran off together, got on the bed and started grooming one another. Since then (as you know) I ended up keeping Dobie because he was very important for Blu's well being (mind you, he is good for mine as well :)). Witnessing this, I can only assume that there is a void in their lives when another is missing and does not return.

I think that Blu would have been fine in time, but I also know that the reunion was something to be seen and rather sad at the same time as it was obvious that they longed for one another.

I don't really know what you should do, but giving the remaining animal alot of attention and reassurance is the right thing to do in my opinion.

Again Winston, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was a better way of saying it.:grouphug:

14+kitties
July 27th, 2010, 09:01 AM
Cindy - I found this article to be helpful when I had to have Brownie pts. :rip: Meowzer did grieve a little. Even with all the other cats around. He was the one that was always with Brownie. It took him a bit to figure out Brownie wasn't coming back. Of course with all the other kitties here he seemed to be back to himself in a week or so. But he still sleeps on the top of my catchall in the same position he did when Brownie slept next to him. :cloud9:

http://www.messybeast.com/cat-grief.htm

And another site......

http://www.manhattancats.com/Articles/Do_Cats_Grieve_for_Other_Cats.htm

luckypenny
July 27th, 2010, 11:16 AM
I don't have any additional advice for you, Winston...just wanted to give you :grouphug:.

Floppy Dog
July 27th, 2010, 12:01 PM
Have your considered getting another cat? If Bomber and Tabitha were long time house mates, then she might be feeling lonely. I did that when I had to put Sparkey down at age 13. I waited about 6-8 weeks to make sure that Silk undersood that Sparkey wasn't coming back then got a 1-1/2 year old rescue named Crush. The 2 cats never really did bond in the way that Silk and Sparkey did, but I firmly beleive that Crush's company kept Silk alive for another 4 years. (Silk had thyroid problems and couldn't be medicated, she fought too much.)

Winston
July 27th, 2010, 09:04 PM
Thanks guys! 14+ I found this part of the article helpful,,,,

Cats are resilient animals. If given time to grieve, they will return to some of their old rituals, develop new rituals, and once again regain the contentment that they previously enjoyed.

Lp thank you so much for the hug!

BM thank you so much fo letting me hear your story!!!!!. Animals are such amazing creatures arent they!


Floppydog I dont know if Tabitha is willing to accept another mate? She ruled the roost so to speak here...and maybe at another time because emotionally it would not be fare to a new kitty if I am still not good with everything. A bit selfish perhaps but not feeling like I could handle it yet.

Love4himies
July 28th, 2010, 07:52 AM
Oh Winston :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: for you and Tabitha

This is the exact same way Puddles reacted when Snowball was PTS :(. She was 11 weeks old when we brought her home and Snowball was 5 years, so pretty much her whole life was spent with him.

It took 6 months for her to stop meowing for him. Their "time together" was in the middle of the night, and that was when she did most of her meowing, We (as in DH mostly) would get up and walk her around. She loves it when he puts her on his shoulder and walks around :lovestruck: and this would settle her down.

14+kitties
July 28th, 2010, 08:30 AM
Thanks guys! 14+ I found this part of the article helpful,,,,

Cats are resilient animals. If given time to grieve, they will return to some of their old rituals, develop new rituals, and once again regain the contentment that they previously enjoyed.

Lp thank you so much for the hug!

BM thank you so much fo letting me hear your story!!!!!. Animals are such amazing creatures arent they!


Floppydog I dont know if Tabitha is willing to accept another mate? She ruled the roost so to speak here...and maybe at another time because emotionally it would not be fare to a new kitty if I am still not good with everything. A bit selfish perhaps but not feeling like I could handle it yet.

Winston - It is not selfish of you at all not to want to bring in another cat/kitten at the moment. You have been through a traumatic experience. One we all know too well. When I was typing out my response yesterday I did it with tears streaming. It is still so painful to talk about Brownie. I'm hoping soon I start remembering more good memories than I do the ending ones. Bomber was with you for a long time. It will take a while to recoup. Take your time. When it is right you will know. :grouphug::grouphug:
Tabitha will eventually settle on her routine. It will take her time too.

hazelrunpack
July 28th, 2010, 11:22 AM
It hasn't been very long, Winston :grouphug: Both you and Tabitha need some time...but the healing will come....for both of you.

Floppy Dog
July 28th, 2010, 12:11 PM
Floppydog I dont know if Tabitha is willing to accept another mate? She ruled the roost so to speak here...and maybe at another time because emotionally it would not be fare to a new kitty if I am still not good with everything. A bit selfish perhaps but not feeling like I could handle it yet.

Not selfish at all, you need to do what you can handle and what you think Tabitha needs. Just because adopting another cat worked for me and mine, doesn't mean its going to work for someone else.

Winston
July 28th, 2010, 12:23 PM
Thanks guys!! :thumbs up

I booked an appointment with the vet tomorrow for Tabitha. I just feel the need to have her looked at...dont know why I feel this way but for some reason I do! Its a new vet so they need to meet her at some point anyway and since we have had to deal with Bomber passing it may as well be sooner than later just in case. I am hoping my little girl comes home with a clean bill of health!

14+ or any others that have teeny little kitties can you tell me approx how much they eat per day? Now that its just Tabitha I can tell exactly what she eats and its not much! it never has been much but I can give her a 3oz can of wet per day and she only eats 1/2 if that???? that means my little one is only eating 1 1/2 oz a day?? When I had the 2 together it was more difficult to see who ate and how much.

She has weighed 6 pounds all her life and it has never really changed at all.

Cindy

14+kitties
July 28th, 2010, 12:28 PM
TT and Dayle eat very little in a day. Probably about the same amount as Tabitha. They are maintaining their weight at 6.6 pounds and still very active so I don't worry too much. Adult cats don't usually eat a ton. Unless they are like Jupiter. :rolleyes:
I think you are doing the right thing taking Tabitha in. I will keep my :fingerscr for good results. :grouphug:

Love4himies
July 28th, 2010, 12:44 PM
Puddles is tiny and eats very little compared to the others. Only about 1/3 of a cup (raw and canned).

It took me over a year before I could fathom the idea of bringing in another kitty.

At Tabitha's age, she may not want another kitty, unlike a younger cat who would would love to have another friends. She may be content to be an only kitty with your undivided attention. So don't feel that you need to rush into getting another kitty until your heart says so.:grouphug:

Winston
July 29th, 2010, 05:33 PM
Well I am back from Tabitha's vet visit and figured I would just update here.

Tabitha is still her mighty 6.1 pounds. The vet said she looks good, heart rate was good, blood pressure was good, color etc. I discussed the meowing and she felt that it was appropriate that they look at some blood work. She has not had bloodwork done since 2008 so it wont hurt anyway.

The big thing she noticed is that Tabitha's left kidney does not appear to be functioning at all. She said is was part of age and she thinks that genetics may play a roll here since Bomber and Tabitha are littermates they may have a genetic issue with the kidney??

They were able to draw blood without having to sedate her like the previous clinic so I was happy with that. She was a good little girl the whole time. They returned her to the room after drawing the blood and she sauntered across the table and into the scale and laid down??? strange she is sometimes!

I also brought the bag of vet food back and asked her if she wanted to donate it to someone. I was quite surprised to see a $25.00 credit for the food on my bill..:thumbs up

So I wont know what her blood work looks like tomrorow. I am praying for good results.

ancientgirl
July 29th, 2010, 06:19 PM
:pray:Winston, I hope your girl's results come back okay.

quincymycat
July 29th, 2010, 06:23 PM
Thanks guys!! :thumbs up

I booked an appointment with the vet tomorrow for Tabitha. I just feel the need to have her looked at...dont know why I feel this way but for some reason I do!


Cindy

I understand this behaviour....I did the exact same thing with my guys after having to pts one of my very senior guys at age 19. I started see so many health issues with the ones left....just anxiety for the most part with me...My vet told me gently that if you look for something long enough you will find it and since I was really good at knowing `different` behaviour, I should relax. As you know....much easier said than done. I think this is a protective reflex that comes out when we lose someone who was such a large part of the home for so long.
:grouphug: :grouphug: :goodvibes:

Love4himies
July 29th, 2010, 09:14 PM
:goodvibes::goodvibes::goodvibes: for her bloodwork.

Just out of curiousity, how can a vet tell if a kidney is working?

Winston
July 29th, 2010, 09:30 PM
She was feeling around and she said that she can feel that it is extremely small and because of that she feels its not working...when we took xrays and ultrsounds in 2007 of Tabitha it was not differnet in size from the other but she says it is really really small. I am not sure if she can tell from the blood work. She mentioned something called nephritus?? not sure of spelling.

I forgot to mention that she was going to be checking thyroid as well as the pancreas.

L4H they put me in the same room that I let Bomber go in...man did I have a good cry..:cry: but I feel alot better having Tabitha checked over...and just hoping its not more bad news.

14+kitties
July 29th, 2010, 10:32 PM
Keeping my :fingerscr: for Tabitha. And you! goodvibes::pray:
I dreaded the first visit after Brownie left us too. They put me in the other room. But it was still bad enough. I am so sorry. :grouphug:

Winston
July 30th, 2010, 01:10 PM
Well we have the results and they are not good..:cry::cry:.Tabitha appears to have renal insufficency and possible some pancreatitus. The vet would like to run a urinalysis and culture and also another test to determine the level of insufficeny and also a test to do with the pancreas. They said they would like to know if she has a kidney infection or not.

Her creatinine levels were at the same amount almost that Bomber had when I first brought him to the clinic (354) now Bombers shot right through the roof when he went downhill. Tabitha does appear healthy except for the meowing which now I dont know if she is missing her brother or if she is hurting.

I cant get her in for the urinalysis until Wed next week so its now a waiting game.

Emotionally I dont know if I can handle this again so soon.....:shrug: I am trying to be strong for her....:(

quincymycat
July 30th, 2010, 01:18 PM
I am so sorry Winston....I will keep you and Tabitha in my thoughts...I don't know what else to say....How do you say something to take away the pain of loss and what you and Tabitha may have to go through again....
I'm so sorry...:(
:grouphug: :grouphug: :goodvibes:

diandpat
July 30th, 2010, 01:22 PM
OMG Winston, there really are now words :( Sending :goodvibes: and :pray: that they can get it all under control and Tabitha will be herself again soon.
:grouphug:

ancientgirl
July 30th, 2010, 01:33 PM
Winston, I'm sorry you are having to deal with Tabitha being sick now. I hope what she has doesn't get serious.

I'm thinking of you and your girl, and sending lots of :goodvibes::goodvibes:and :pray::pray:

Floppy Dog
July 30th, 2010, 02:16 PM
Sending :2huggers: to you and Tabitha. Hope that you've been pro-active enough to deal with Tabitha's health issues in a way that gives you and her both quality of life.

Love4himies
July 30th, 2010, 03:33 PM
Oh no, Winston :( :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

hazelrunpack
July 30th, 2010, 04:24 PM
Sending some :goodvibes: for Tabitha and :grouphug:s for you.

14+kitties
July 30th, 2010, 06:30 PM
:grouphug: To you and Tabitha Cindy. But let's wait for the rest of the tests to come back. Hopefully she can be treated and maintain her dignity for quite some time yet. I know it's tough. Especially so soon after losing Bomber. Maybe the tests will show Tabitha's issues can be treated with meds. Stay strong mf. :grouphug:

EveandElla
August 2nd, 2010, 01:15 PM
I had to reply, we are going through a very similar experience. We adopted Eve and Ella at the same time from the ASPCA. They have been together since we adopted them three years ago. Even thought they had different personalities, they were very close and have never been separated. Last week Eve became very ill with kidney failure / cancer and had to be euthanized. Now my heart is breaking for Ella. She is very vocal
and anytime the door opens she runs to see if it is Evie. She rubs all over
Evie's carrier and then climbs in and sits in there as if to say "take me to Evie."
I am heartbroken already that we lost our shy, baby girl, but seeing Ella's confusion makes it so much more incredibly painful. She is eating, but I start to cry every time I put down only one bowl of food. From what I have been reading it seems that the best thing to do is to try and keep your routine as normal as possible and give lots of love and affection and attention. Although I wanted to rush right out and get her a new companion, I think it is better to give the surviving cat time to grieve, because that is stressful enough without
having to get used to a new cat. Also, cats do pick up on our energy, so for
now I am trying to be strong and not let her know I am hurting so much.

Winston
August 4th, 2010, 07:03 PM
EveandElla thank you so much for writing! I am so sorry your going through a similiar experience. I would not wish it on anyone.

I did want to say that it has been a little over 3 weeks and Tabitha has become quieter. Not as much of the meowing the past few days. She is sticking to us like glue but seeming to be accepting Bomber isnt around.

Stay strong and each day will get better...your heart will never heal though!

My condolences to you and your family.

Cindy

Winston
August 4th, 2010, 07:07 PM
I took Tabitha in today for her urine collection and that went well. Wont have results until tomorrow.

I asked for her blood panel report and it was not great. They did a fpl1 test and she came back at a 9.1 result for pancreatitus. The reference range is 0.0-3.5...I dont know what road this will take us down but I will know more tomorrow when the urine is back. The vet indicated she was looking to see if she has a kidney infection as well. :(

Cindy

cpietra16
August 4th, 2010, 08:09 PM
Winston, not sure how I missed this whole thread. I am so sorry you are going thru this with Tabitha. I so feel for you. :grouphug:for Tabitha and you of of course.

diandpat
August 4th, 2010, 08:12 PM
I took Tabitha in today for her urine collection and that went well. Wont have results until tomorrow.

I asked for her blood panel report and it was not great. They did a fpl1 test and she came back at a 9.1 result for pancreatitus. The reference range is 0.0-3.5...I dont know what road this will take us down but I will know more tomorrow when the urine is back. The vet indicated she was looking to see if she has a kidney infection as well. :(

Cindy

Oh my goodness Winston...:goodvibes::goodvibes: for some positive results tomorrow and that the blood results can be easily managed :grouphug:

Winston
August 4th, 2010, 08:13 PM
Cpietra I should have started a new thread...when it rains it pours...thank you for the hug! :thumbs up

14+kitties
August 4th, 2010, 10:44 PM
:grouphug: Stay strong Cindy. Tabitha needs you now. :grouphug: Hopefully some better results come in tomorrow and you can go from there. :goodvibes::pray::fingerscr

hazelrunpack
August 5th, 2010, 12:18 AM
:fingerscr tomorrow's news is better and whatever ails Tabitha is easily managed! :goodvibes:

Hang in there, Cindy :grouphug:

Winston
August 5th, 2010, 02:11 PM
Thanks guys! I am getting anxious today. I called this morning and they told me some of the results are back but I have to speak to the vet for an explanation. The culture and sensitivity is likely not due back until next week they said.

I am hoping they are just too busy to call.....:(

Tabitha had a vocal night last night?? not sure what brought it back on but she wandered around the house meowing....:cry: broke my heart so I didnt sleep well.....

Winston
August 5th, 2010, 04:42 PM
I finally talked to the vet...Tabitha has really high WBC's and some form of infection/bactreria in the kidney and bladder. We are waiting for the culture & sensitivity to come back probably next week to see if anything can be grown. Rather than wait she thought it would be best to start her on a course of treatment now and if we need to adjust it based on what type comes back from the C&S we can deal with it. So for now she is on Orbax 22.7mg.

We did the urine/protein/creatinine test and it came back normal!!!!! I am thrilled about that because Bombers was high and when we gave him the Fortekor everything went down hill.

She does have pancreatitus but she did not seem too concerned about that at this point. She indicated we would treat it.

So I will wait till next week for the results and see where we go from here.

One great thing is that I can put the pill in her wet food and it will dissolve!!!! As you all have heard before she is a NIGHTMARE to pill!

Maybe I should start a thread for tabitha rather than this one..

My little miss is tired and sleeping at the moment.:sleepy:..(she was up all night so she should be bloody tired! :D )

hazelrunpack
August 5th, 2010, 05:29 PM
Thank dawg the kidney values were in the normal range, Winston! :grouphug:

:fingerscr that the infection and the pancreatitis are easily managed and Tabitha is back to normal very soon! :goodvibes:

14+kitties
August 5th, 2010, 05:40 PM
What great news Cindy!!! :grouphug: And one :grouphug: for Tabitha too!! :goodvibes:

ancientgirl
August 5th, 2010, 06:52 PM
:grouphug: I hope the C&S comes back okay. Tabitha has been through a lot, poor girl. I know she'll be okay with you taking care of her. :grouphug:

Love4himies
August 5th, 2010, 07:30 PM
Wahoo!!!! I am so glad to hear that Winston :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Dee-O-Gee
August 5th, 2010, 09:38 PM
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: all around and :highfive: :highfive:'s to Tabitha! She sounds like a tough little girl and you'll all get through it.

Hang in there Winston! :thumbs up

BenMax
August 6th, 2010, 08:10 AM
Winston all I want to say is that I am thinking of you and Tabitha. Just want to give you both a HUGE hug. Hang in there Girl.:grouphug: X 1 million.

Winston
August 6th, 2010, 08:41 PM
The vet called awhile ago to let me know the C&S came back. It wasnt the regular vet I speak with but she basically said that yes Tabitha has Ecoli in her kidney/bladder. So the optimal route is antibiotics and we did choose the correct one yesterday so I shouldnt have to change it! :thumbs up She needs to be on it for a month and then we will recheck her urine and see how things are. The vet indicated the antibiotics will help her with the pancreatitus as well. She is not showing typical symptoms of pancreatitus so we really are monitoring it for now.

Looks like we are heading in the right direction now! I am very happy tonight to know it can be dealt with! and that the crea/protien test was normal!!!!!

My little girl thanks everyone so much for their prayers and good wishes!

hazelrunpack
August 6th, 2010, 09:56 PM
:highfive: Good news!!

She looks like the Empress of the Universe in that shot! :lovestruck: Look at that regal expression! :cat: "I am in charge. You will do what I tell you, hooman!"

Winston
August 6th, 2010, 10:15 PM
OMG you have no idea how true that is! She rules the roost in this house and she knows it too!

Luvmypitgirls
August 15th, 2010, 11:19 PM
Winston, my condolences for the loss of Bomber:candle:

When my Benny passed away, Kato, and Kenya both acted differently for weeks. They would go lay in the spot where Benny passed away, at the foot of the stairs, usually they would lay on their dog beds in the familyroom.
Kato, just seemed sad, we couldn't entice him to play and he would nibble on his food, that lasted a couple weeks.
Kenya, she took it the hardest out of the pack, she cried, she would go from room to room looking for him, she would search the yard and whine and whine. She took over his "dog bed", and any other dog that tried to lay on got pushed off or intimidated into moving. She also laid claim to his toys, she wouldn't play with them, but neither would she allow anyone else to.
When Kenya passed, Kato pretty much did the same thing, whined for weeks, searched for her, took over her spots and her beds and her toys.
:(