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A letter from the Dog

Cactus Flower
September 9th, 2004, 11:20 PM
Dear Master:

The cat is despicable. She doesn't do any tricks and never comes when
you call and I've been there and I know she can hear you. We need to
face the

It's time to get rid of the cat.

Before the cat's arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and
stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You
would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave
the area, but whenever you cooked dinner your children would slip me
food under the table.

Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the table - actually
physically walk on the table! You don't yell at the cat, you just pick
her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you don't see it, but
she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past me.

And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty
pellets of meat by-products you bring home in the giant bags, right?
Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that
the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab - and she never
consumes all of it! This means there are little containers of delectable
snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get
eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the
pets, isn't that what's important?

Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom
in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a
sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings
her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a
toilet? I used to police the thing for you, but you put it up out of my
reach for some reason.

I'm not the only one who believes the cat is an evil person. Here's a
note from the hamster:


Subject: Cat

Please tell cat to stop staring at me while I work.


Department of Rodent Wheels

I also tried to get a note from the fish, but apparently it believes
that everything happening outside its bowl is some kind of reality - TV

I don't understand why the cat is allowed up on the bed and I'm not. I
am far more cuddly than any stupid cat. I think her purring sounds
unhealthy and may be a sign of tuberculosis.

And why doesn't she ever get a bath? She smells like saliva from licking
her paws - you'd never catch me licking such ridiculous places. I often
smell wonderful from rolling in road kill, yet you give me baths all the

And speaking of sleeping, sometimes I'll be taking a nap and she'll come
right up and lie down beside me. Usually I'm too tired to do anything
about it, but then later the other dogs smell her on me and crack a lot
of jokes at my expense.

So, not to exaggerate, but the cat has brought the family to complete
ruin. I'm sorry I have to be the one to bring it to your attention, but
now that I have, I think we can all agree that we should go back to the
way it was, when I was the #1 pet.

Sincerely, The Dog

September 10th, 2004, 06:44 AM
Cute letter! I always wonder what dogs are thinking. :D

September 10th, 2004, 08:38 AM
CF...thank's for the laugh I needed it this morning :D :D

September 13th, 2004, 07:01 PM
Can't wait for the cat's letter!! LOL :D

September 26th, 2004, 02:01 AM
so wheres the cats letter? :D

September 27th, 2004, 08:25 PM
poor doggy, such a terrible life we make them put up with LOL :p

September 28th, 2004, 08:39 AM
great letter

September 28th, 2004, 08:53 AM
What a great letter, I hope you don't mind I sent it to some of my co workers.

September 30th, 2004, 01:44 AM
~ The Cat Letter ~

To My Dear Friend the Dog:
I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with red paint...

Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a picture, so you will always remember me.

Best regards, The Cat
Gotta put a caution... not for young eyes!!!! :D


September 30th, 2004, 02:06 AM
that is the absolute cutest!!!!! youve got a great sense of humor...i could not stop laughing when i saw that picture....absolutly great!!

October 20th, 2004, 05:43 PM
That was hilarious! Both letters are very impressive! Are you both the original writers?! I think I may just have to print them out to show my family!!!!! :crazy: I just about had a heart-attack from laughter!!!!!! :D

I demand more letters!!!! :thumbs up


October 22nd, 2004, 06:53 AM
I did not write that letter and I think I can say for CF that she didn't write the dog one... I think they're both floating around on the net somewhere. Glad you liked them! :)

October 22nd, 2004, 08:08 AM
Those Letters Are Sooo Funny, And That's A Great Picture!

October 31st, 2004, 11:36 AM
Absolutely adorable. Still have tears in my eyes from laughing. The hamster bit was hilarious. Thanks for sharing.