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some silly thoughts!

Magicwildwolf69
February 7th, 2010, 11:31 PM
and on a silly side i figured i start a joke of the day (hope no one takes any offensive.)

One winter morning a husband and wife in Sioux Falls, SD were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get
through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

luckypenny
February 7th, 2010, 11:46 PM
:laugh: :laughing:

TeriM
February 7th, 2010, 11:54 PM
:laughing: Very cute joke :laughing:.

growler~GateKeeper
February 8th, 2010, 02:52 AM
:laughing:

hazelrunpack
February 8th, 2010, 10:17 AM
:laughing: I have a blonde sister who collects blonde jokes. :D She'll enjoy this, too! :thumbs up

Melinda
February 8th, 2010, 10:46 AM
*L* love it!! thanks for the morning laugh!

Magicwildwolf69
February 8th, 2010, 01:27 PM
Here's one for today!!!!!

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Agnes Baker

Melinda
February 8th, 2010, 02:37 PM
*L* oh that is bad:laughing:

Luvmypitgirls
February 8th, 2010, 02:44 PM
Here's one for today!!!!!

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God's way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Agnes Baker


OMD! roflmaoooooooooooooo!:laughing:...

My Lodi Girl
February 8th, 2010, 08:07 PM
Why are blond jokes so short?







So men can remember them!! :laugh:

Luvmypitgirls
February 9th, 2010, 01:02 AM
Why are blond jokes so short?







So men can remember them!! :laugh:

:laughing:...that's too cute...I'll have to tell hubby that one.

growler~GateKeeper
February 9th, 2010, 01:08 AM
:laughing: another good one MWW

My Lodi Girl
February 10th, 2010, 12:52 PM
I love "men" jokes!

A man was needing a brain transplant so was looking over the brains available. He came across a man's brain that was listed for sale at $50,000 then saw a woman's brain for sale at $25,000. He asked the sales rep why the woman's brain was only half the price of the man's brain and the rep responded "the woman's brain is used". :laughing:

growler~GateKeeper
February 11th, 2010, 01:05 AM
:laughing: :highfive:

Magicwildwolf69
February 11th, 2010, 11:32 PM
sorry didn't get a joke in yesterday so here is todays!!!


A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a
woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are
all of those kids yours?'

He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer
complaints.

Magicwildwolf69
February 13th, 2010, 01:20 AM
hmm this one must have gotten buried! here's your silly for today!

Holy Prostitutes'

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign
out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second
thought....

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past
a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far
side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the
door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in
possibly doing business....'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and
tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the
door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through
the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the
door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another
sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

Let me know if i offend anyone i don't want to do that

growler~GateKeeper
February 13th, 2010, 01:31 AM
:laughing:

hazelrunpack
February 13th, 2010, 09:37 AM
:laughing: :laugh: :laughing:

What a great fund-raising idea! :o :D

My Lodi Girl
February 13th, 2010, 08:24 PM
:laugh::laughing:

Magicwildwolf69
February 14th, 2010, 12:32 AM
Ok heres another one for ya all!

BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.

Charlotte, North Carolina

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."


The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON!

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable "fire" and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA , NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS!

growler~GateKeeper
February 14th, 2010, 01:03 AM
:laughing: :crazy:

Magicwildwolf69
February 14th, 2010, 08:25 PM
Happy Valentine's day!!!! here is a cute one :laughing:


A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.

He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yells to her husband, 'You need a piece of tail.'

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,

'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!'

mikischo
February 14th, 2010, 09:53 PM
Good one.:laugh::laugh::laugh:

growler~GateKeeper
February 15th, 2010, 02:17 AM
:laughing: :laughing:

Magicwildwolf69
February 16th, 2010, 12:01 AM
ok for today a series of little short ones :)

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day
of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the
groom wearing black?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be
late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself
off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The
first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it
a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give
him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to
collect all the money!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no
male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want
them to take me out when I'm dead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."

~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teach er asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father
and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him
how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother
noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny,
what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think
I'm going to have a wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's
probably just your Dad."