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Am I Doing the Right Thing?

onster
January 14th, 2010, 08:02 PM
I need some input on a hard situation :(

I posted several months ago about my friend who had a new kitten who she thought was only a few weeks old...what to feed etc. Also I asked about cheap neuter places for her because I knew they were in a rough financial situation (dad out of work, mom was main bread winner and she had a massive stroke, still recuperating). Thanks chris for the contacts of spaycentral :thumbs up

I passed the info onto her way back when reminded her to book early because of the waiting list and that was that. She let me know a few days ago via fb (i asked how she was following her welcoming me back to canada) that they had to give their kitty to the HS. I didnt ask why because i figured it was financial and really I didn't want to know because I didnt want to get upset..what's done is done. She is not a close friend anyway...just someone who at some point was in the same social circle.

Just now she posted on my wall asking what was the cheapest place for a neuter. I asked did u not give him to the HS? did u get a new kitten? turns out they had to take him in because he did indeed start spraying (ongoing for a month and escalating) desperately wants him back but spay central is 4 month wait (hence why i told her months ago) ...she's been crying non stop since they had to take him in. Basically shes now willing to pay for adoption fee and his neutering but was wondering if maybe the HS will take installments or split up the neuter voucher and adoption fee (our HS does not neuter b4 the animals leave :wall:).


I called her to try to talk thru solutions with her and before i knew it i offered to loan her the money to adopt him and pay for his neuter. It just broke my heart i cant imagine being in the same position...she was very grateful told me she'd pay me back for sure...

the thing is now im wondering....should she really take him back? i have no problem with the actual lending of the money...its the if she doesnt have money to pay the adoption and sterilisation fee..what if unexpected vet costs happen? should she really own a cat? the adoption fee does cover 3 month free insurance tho..

But who's to say that just cuz theyre in a rough situation financially doesnt mean they dont deserve a pet?

My goal is to help her out and to help out her cat (12 month old) who may be stuck in the HS for a long time (or may not :shrug:)...but now I'm torn...could I just be messing things up further? Should I try to convince her that this is for the best? What gets me is if she was on the ball from the start, she couldve got him neutered for $50 at spaycentral before this even became an issue....but maybe money was just really tight and she postponed it till one day he started spraying..i dont know.

:(

onster
January 14th, 2010, 08:11 PM
Here is the pic of the guy in question from the HS site...she said she tried to visit him the day after her bro took him to the HS (she couldnt bring herself to do it) but they wouldnt allow it because he was still in the back. Since then she'd been checking every day to see if he was put up for adoption and today he was...i guess that's what triggered her to ask me about the neutering again

61420

Frenchy
January 14th, 2010, 08:41 PM
the thing is now im wondering....should she really take him back?


No , not IMO. She should have thought about all of this before getting the kitty. She should have thought about getting money together to get the cat neutered when you told her about the low spay/neuter clinic.

Now , they won't have the money to feed him proper food , they'll probably end up feeding kibble , so .... he can very easely get an UTI , he'll pee in the house , they won't have the money to take the cat to a vet and will dump him again at the HS ?

this is just an example. :shrug:

I know your heart is in the right place onster. :)

onster
January 14th, 2010, 08:51 PM
apparently some friends of hers found him at a construction site when he was little (they didnt buy or adopt him).

*sigh*....my heart is saying yes help her get him back, my brain is saying no it will only be postponing the inevitable...

deep down i know you are right frenchy :( in any case i told her when i go back home this weekend i can drive her to the HS to visit him then we will go from there....i told her i dont mind helping with the fees but she needs to really think about it, talk with her family etc etc...ill try to have heart to heart to her to explain to her that now is not the proper time to have him. Hopefully she will see he is happy at the HS..or maybe the HS staff can be supportive of their decision. i dont even know if the HS would even agree to adopt him out to them if they are the ones who surrendered him?

I feel bad for them i really do :(

Frenchy
January 14th, 2010, 08:58 PM
i dont even know if the HS would even agree to adopt him out to them if they are the ones who surrendered him?



sometimes they will because that would be one less cat for them to adopt out ...

your idea about having a good talk with her is great , give her examples of what can happen , cost of good food , litter etc.....

sugarcatmom
January 14th, 2010, 10:37 PM
My opinion, but I think the cat is better with her than at the HS. There are just way too many cats out there that need homes, and even if she can't afford the best of everything for this little guy, she clearly loves him a lot. If you can talk her into feeding wet food (even cheap canned like Friskies) for at least half of his meals, maybe supplemented with quality protein "table scraps" like bits of raw chicken, that will tide him over until she can afford to feed something better. But in the meantime, he'll have a happy loving home with a warm lap to curl up in, which is considerably more than can be said for millions of other cats.

Love4himies
January 15th, 2010, 06:55 AM
I would ask her what is going to happen to him if he doesn't stop spraying after he is neutered before I went any further.

I am torn between what SCM has stated and feeling like this person may love the cat, but is not responsible enough to care for one. If the parents supported her in having a cat then I would feel differently.

A four month waiting list to get altered is just sad :(

onster
January 15th, 2010, 08:25 AM
L4H, her parents are supportive..apparently its the mom who misses the kitten the most because she was home all the time (still is) with her medical issue and he was her company. I saw first hand just how much the mom loved him when she would talk about him etc (my mom and I used to stop by and take her mom out to the grocery store or similar following her stroke..trying to help out those in the community). I asked her "so your parents would have him back if you figured out the financial side?" She said "yes without a doubt".

So yes, the love is there. Is our HS flooded with cats? Yes..like every HS. He's not a kitten either (well 12 months), so that's not helping his case too.

About the food, litter etc they can handle all those costs apparently (grocery store brand tho), they did up until the day they surrendered him...but really how many people can totally afford much better quality food and still feed grocery brand just because? And they all have pets right...

I just keep thinking if something happened tomorrow and I was broke as hell and could only afford friskies for my cats or something, with no backup for vet bills..would it be best to rehome onnie and bunduk? I cant imagine, i truly can't.

L4H..your question is very valid re:spraying. I told her I could give a recipe for something that will take the smell out (she said they put what they could in the washer, other things just soap and water). I told her it might take time for the testosterone to get out of his system etc (she said thats ok)...but i didnt tell her he might not stop spraying....could that really happen???? it was only one month he was spraying and if she's bringing him home shes having him neutered asap.

I cant imagine if he is a perpetual sprayer he will last at the HS anway..or if he is adopted I am sure he would be returned....HS is not the place for cats with behavioural issues like that...at that point I think he would need to go to a rescue...no?

onster
January 15th, 2010, 08:28 AM
A four month waiting list to get altered is just sad :(

yes :( I think one of the other issues may have been that its still an hour away from where they live and they only have one car for all of them...all the kids work (4 siblings) to support the fam and themselves (all in uni) and often someone needs the car for work etc. It may have just been too crazy logistically.

Dog Dancer
January 15th, 2010, 10:59 AM
Onster, you are such a sweet person for caring so much for this kitty and this girl, who you only know casually you indicated. You should do what you feel right about. That said, some of the best advice I've ever received regarding loaning people money is this "If you are not prepared to consider the money a gift, don't loan it." With that attitude if the person does not repay you you won't get in a twist over it. All things being well you get repaid, but are you prepared to foot the bill without being repaid in a worst case scenario? It sounds to me like you would be willing to do that given the generous heart you have, but keep it in mind. Good luck to the kitty and all of you with this one.

Chris21711
January 15th, 2010, 11:14 AM
Onster, luv ya' girl...your heart is in the right place and I would probably do the same...the kitty in question is stunning and I do not think based on his appearance that he will remain at the HS very long.

I know in the past at our local OSPCA, once you surrender an animal, you ain't getting him back, basically your name is flagged.

Chris21711
January 15th, 2010, 11:22 AM
A four month waiting list to get altered is just sad :(

It is a long time L4H, that is how big a need there is for more of these clinics....I know the rescues use them also Animal Control use them.

Onster - if the HS will adopt the little guy back to them, do you think that they would be able to take him to Spaycentral with only a couple of days notice?

BenMax
January 15th, 2010, 11:54 AM
You are a real treasure.:angel:.

I believe everyone makes mistakes and should be given a chance to right a wrong (of course it depends on circumstances).

If they are that conflicted then I would say that they would be good adoptive parents. They have a conscience.

Not everyone has alot of cash to burn, but I do know that I have met some incredibly kind people without of coin, but have a heck of a big heart and plenty of love to give an animal. They may not be able to afford the best, but in the big picture I believe the best you can give is your heart and commitment to another. (I know I sound corny - but hey - that's how I see it).

I hope that things work out for them. I think education is the key here. Also - great idea to give her the costs of maintaining a cat going forward.

I say - they deserve another crack at it. Just my :2cents:

Love4himies
January 15th, 2010, 12:29 PM
Yes, male cats can continue to spray, Chico has one, my Jasper will if he smells a stray male and can't get outside to spray.

I believe about 10% of male cats after they are neutered continue to spray. Not sure what the percentage is in those who are neutered after maturity and have sprayed prior to neutering.

No, not everybody can afford to feed quality food and being rich should not be a basis on whether you should be a kitty owner, however having the funds for the basics is only fair to the cat (or a relative that is willing to help out in emergencies)

How would you feel if you gave them the money, kitty continues to spray and they give the kitty away again?

Many things to consider, I don't envy you. :grouphug:

rainbow
January 15th, 2010, 12:43 PM
Onster, you are such a good person with a big heart. :angel:

I would hate to be in your position but all I can say is do what you feel is best because if you do what other people suggest because if something goes wrong then you'll always kick your butt. :o



I know in the past at our local OSPCA, once you surrender an animal, you ain't getting him back, basically your name is flagged.

That's how it is here as well.


Onster - if the HS will adopt the little guy back to them, do you think that they would be able to take him to Spaycentral with only a couple of days notice?

That would be great if they could. :fingerscr

aslan
January 15th, 2010, 01:08 PM
yes :( I think one of the other issues may have been that its still an hour away from where they live and they only have one car for all of them...all the kids work (4 siblings) to support the fam and themselves (all in uni) and often someone needs the car for work etc. It may have just been too crazy logistically.

This really isn't a good excuse either, when i took qman to spaycentral i drove from etobicoke to oakville dropped grace at work, then to newmarket to drop qman off, spent the day with Chris, drove back to oakville to get grace, back to newmarket to get Q then home..so if it is important enough they will find a way...pfft 4 months is nothing, i called in february for bishop they called in september to book. bit late.

Onster your heart is huuuuge mf. Just make sure theirs is too.:grouphug:

BenMax
January 15th, 2010, 01:29 PM
Onster your heart is huuuuge mf. Just make sure theirs is too.:grouphug:

Very very good point Aslan. :thumbs up

Macomom
January 15th, 2010, 01:43 PM
Wow, Onster this is quite a topic.

I used to think that it was irresponsible to get a pet without having the financial means to take care of it, However...
I met this incredible man in the neighbourhood where I work, who is homeless. He lives with his dog, quite literally and they make a good team. The dog is shown an endless amount of love, lives and walks nomadically. The dog is given an equal share of what the man eats, when he eats.
This dog does not go the vet, and I pray it doesn't get sick- but the dog is well exercised and very happy. It is a working dog, and a true companion to this man.
In many ways, he cares for his dogs more than the rich couple in the suburbs who put their dog on the treadmill instead of exercising it...(no offense if you treadmill your dog)
I now think that you do the best with what you have because it is better than the alternatives (HS, PTS). If your priority is your pets, than when things get better- the pet's standard of living will get better. Companionship, compassion and love are basic human needs- not just reserved for the well off.

Onster, you probably won't get your money back. Hate to be a cynic, but if you think of it as a gift, you won't be disappointed.
And unfortunately, I have heard of people adopting the animals they have dropped off at the HS. I think in one of the cases the husband dropped it off and the wife adopted it. As disgusting as it is, I have heard of people doing it for a cheap spay/neuter.

Chris21711
January 15th, 2010, 02:53 PM
I now think that you do the best with what you have because it is better than the alternatives (HS, PTS). If your priority is your pets, than when things get better- the pet's standard of living will get better. Companionship, compassion and love are basic human needs- not just reserved for the well off.
.

Amen Macomom :thumbs up

Macomom
January 15th, 2010, 02:55 PM
Kumbay-ya Kumbay-ya

onster
January 15th, 2010, 03:11 PM
Thanks everyone for all your input, im in the library now waitng for my last class b4 I head home to my own furries :goodvibes:, so forgive me if I'm a bit rushed in my answers.

Dogdancer, macomom With regards to the money, honestly, I don't care if she doesnt give it back - that is not where I would get a sense of disapointment. The only reason I used the word 'lend' with her, was because I didnt want to embarrass her...sometimes I know people are too proud to just accept charity, so I told her I would lend her the money and when she said she would pay me back I told her..well ..im in canada for the next 5 yrs at least, take your time.

Macomom, that was a powerful story with the homeless man and his dog, thank u for sharing.

Thanks all, but really I am sure if you were all in my situation you would have done the same- in fact many of you have done way more!!! If any credit is to be given, and I am a sap here :o...its like the line from the movie "I am my mother's daughter" :lovestruck:(i forget what movie hahahah..it was the final statement in a college application.. ).

Anyway, back on topic :)...L4H, with regards to your question about how I would feel if their kitty continued to spray following neutering and they had to rehome. I thought about it and I think I would be content. I think, like Benmax said, I would have given them a 2nd chance and at that point I would put them in touch with a rescue in town I know. I would be upset it didnt work out for the little guy but I wouldn't feel that "if only I had.."

Rainbow, youre advice is spot on thank you but I do appreciate everyone's input so I can have at least a more balanced view b4 going forward. In the end, i will of course follow my heart.

Chris I will have to check with them re: spaycentral but I think if they adopt him then the spay voucher is $75 and my vet at least will match the cost so the difference between the 75 and 50 may not be big enough to warrant the trip there...


*sigh* You all know whats gonna happen right? when i drive her tomorrow I'm probably gonna see how the little guy recognizes her and I'm gonna see her face...and Im gonna open my wallet :rolleyes:

Anyway I have 10min to get to class so i better go....but thanks again everyone :grouphug:. I'll def update and check back later tonight (were suppsoed to go to HS tomorrow morning).

Chris21711
January 15th, 2010, 03:27 PM
well ..im in canada for the next 5 yrs at least, take your time.

Don't forget you are going to Harvard :D

i will of course follow my heart.

That is the best you can do Onster and you have a big one :grouphug:

Chris I will have to check with them re: spaycentral but I think if they adopt him then the spay voucher is $75 and my vet at least will match the cost so the difference between the 75 and 50 may not be big enough to warrant the trip there...

For $25 not worth the hassle.....if your friend thinks otherwise, let me know.

*sigh* You all know whats gonna happen right? when i drive her tomorrow I'm probably gonna see how the little guy recognizes her and I'm gonna see her face...and Im gonna open my wallet :rolleyes:

At least you will fall to sleep knowing you did your best :thumbs up



Have a good one Onster :)

t.pettet
January 15th, 2010, 06:47 PM
I think your offer to help is so kind and generous and yes you did the right thing. I helped a neighbour get her dog spayed 2 yrs. ago as she is a single mother with medical issues raising a 10 yr. old girl on her own and the dog and child were so bonded (best friends) that I had to help. The dog (hound mix named Cindy) had gone through 2 heats without getting pregnant (a miracle) and I just knew her luck couldn't hold out forever so rather than see more pups born into this over crowded world I paid for the spaying and am so glad I did. This little girl and her dog are a joy to see on their walkies. Her mum knitted a sweater for Cindy and they are the happiest, cutest pair playing fetch and swimming together in the summer.

rainbow
January 15th, 2010, 07:03 PM
No words, just :grouphug: :angel: :grouphug: from me, Onster .....and I believe in "pay it forward". :goodvibes:

Love4himies
January 15th, 2010, 08:50 PM
Anyway, back on topic :)...L4H, with regards to your question about how I would feel if their kitty continued to spray following neutering and they had to rehome. I thought about it and I think I would be content. I think, like Benmax said, I would have given them a 2nd chance and at that point I would put them in touch with a rescue in town I know. I would be upset it didnt work out for the little guy but I wouldn't feel that "if only I had.."



Then I think you are ready to make the decision that you would like to do and that is to help this family.

Kudos to you. :grouphug: :angel:

Magicwildwolf69
January 16th, 2010, 01:40 PM
:grouphug::grouphug: to you onster for being such a caring wonderful person as one of many on this board :angel:

Macomom
January 16th, 2010, 02:09 PM
TEAM ONSTER :thumbs up (tee hee)

onster
January 16th, 2010, 02:25 PM
Kitty is back home where he belongs!!!!!!!!!

Neuter scheduled for Tuesday at my vets :D

The poor guy was trembling like a leaf at the HS but then as soon as he saw his 'mom', he was purring :D (while trembling). Got on her lap and snuggled his head into the crook of her arm...She was *this* close to crying :)

I made sure when we went back 2 her home - and boy was he so excited to be home- that we called my vet right then and there and took an appointment.

The HS said he did not spray there, was using the litterbox..they said if he had sprayed, he would not have gone up for adoption :eek: :(, thank GOD he did not spray there!!!

I got her 2 big bottles of nature's miracle as a gift..hopefully that will take out the pee smell from where he's already gone :fingerscr

onster
January 16th, 2010, 02:27 PM
and now I have to go lie down. I forgot my inhaler at guelph and Im all wheezy now from being with all the animals at the HS...baaah.

lol ah well..it was worth it, 100% :D

sugarcatmom
January 16th, 2010, 04:34 PM
Kitty is back home where he belongs!!!!!!!!!


Yahoooooo!!!!!!! :highfive: Onster, you rock. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-hug007.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

Love4himies
January 16th, 2010, 05:08 PM
I am so glad. I hope the neutering will end his spraying. :fingerscr :pray: