Pets.ca - Pet forum for dogs cats and humans 

-->

Mandy - Missed, Loved and Never Forgotten

mandy252
July 31st, 2009, 11:06 AM
My dearest babe has passed away on Wed., July 29, 2009.
She came into this world on Feb.14, 1996 and 6 weeks later she came into my world.

I remember our first night together. She cried and cried. I felt so guilty for taking her away from her 8 sisters, she was so lonely and sad.
It was that night, that I held her, stroked her and made this promise:

"I promise you dearest one, that from this day forward you will NEVER feel lonely again"

I feel totally 100% confident that I stuck to that promise over the past 13.5 years of her life.

She's running and playing now, something she hadn't been able to do for the past little while.

Til we meet again love button!

Jennifer

luckypenny
July 31st, 2009, 11:14 AM
Jennifer, my heartfelt sympathies to you and your family :grouphug:.

Mandy was a beautiful girl and so fortunate to have been a most cherished member of your family.

RIP Mandy :candle:

BenMax
July 31st, 2009, 11:25 AM
ohh...I am so so sorry. I can tell just by what you write that you were an excellent companion.

Peace to you little one. :rip: Run free and wild. Know that you live on by those that love you so dearly.

:grouphug:

Love4himies
July 31st, 2009, 11:39 AM
Awwww, what a sweet face :lovestruck: :grouphug:

:rip: Mandy :candle:

edwina
July 31st, 2009, 12:54 PM
:rip: Mandy :cry:

mandy252
July 31st, 2009, 01:03 PM
Thank you for your kind words and sympathy.
Mandy will be dearly missed forever.

I still feel like it's a bad dream, that I'll wake up and that smile and tail wag will be there to greet me.

I rely on the faith that one day we will be united and oh what a glorious day that will be.

I love you baby..more than words can say!! mwahhh *kisses*

Thank you everyone. :angel2:

14+kitties
July 31st, 2009, 01:06 PM
:candle::rip: Mandy :candle: Run free at the bridge with all of ours that have gone on before.
We will be reunited with our four legged babies Jennifer. I firmly believe that as well. :grouphug:

cpietra16
July 31st, 2009, 01:14 PM
Jennifer, mandy has such a beautiful smile. I am sure she will always remember you and will be waiting for you at the end of the rainbow.....run free mandy.

rainbow
July 31st, 2009, 04:39 PM
I am so sorry to hear that you lost your soulmate. :grouphug:

Mandy will always leave pawprints on your heart. :pawprint: :candle:

chico2
July 31st, 2009, 04:51 PM
Og,what a beautiful girl she was:lovestruck:I am sure she had a wonderful life with you and she will be watching over you until you meet again.

We never forget the ones we love,but as time goes by we remember them them with a smile on our faces,instead of tears.
Sweet Mandy :candle:

ScottieDog
July 31st, 2009, 05:46 PM
Jennifer, I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell the depth of your love for Mandy. She was beautiful and the two of you were able to spend so much happy time together; I know it still is never long enough. In time the memories of her sickness will fade and be replaced with all the happy times. You will never forget these times. Mandy lives in your heart. And I also believe one day, we will be together again.

:candle: Dearest Mandy :rip:

Shaykeija
July 31st, 2009, 06:13 PM
Foot prints to heaven...

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e115/aphotojunkie/brown_paw_prints.gif

I am so sorry for your loss.

TeriM
July 31st, 2009, 07:25 PM
Mandy was a gorgeous girl :lovestruck:. I am so sorry for your loss, it is obvious that you shared a mutual love that I hope can give some comfort in this horrible time.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

hazelrunpack
July 31st, 2009, 08:54 PM
She'll always be there in your heart, mandy252. Your love created a bond that will reunite you in the end.

You were her :angel:; now she's yours. :grouphug:


:candle: Mandy.

Jenntend
August 2nd, 2009, 03:49 AM
Jennifer,

I read this blog and wanted to cry. I have a dog who is the same age as she was. I feel so terrible for you. It is hard to get over a pet. I know I lost a pet before, but never had a pet for 13 in half years until now. I will be praying for you. Also, I just wanted to let you know that I had a sculture made of my dog to have in rememberance of him forever. If you wanted something like that, please go to face book and look up Bill Wrin. He is the artist that is making a sculpture of my poor dog. You will be in my prayers! :pray:

Jenntend
August 2nd, 2009, 04:02 AM
Jennifer,
I also wanted to tell you that Mandy was Beautiful! I hate to hear your news. It touches me so much because my husband and I had a Chocolate lab. His name was choc-o, and he was full of life at only 2 and a hlf. yrs old. We found him christmas morning, and he has passed away. Somebody evil poisoned him! Oh, I wish there was something more that I could say or do to ease your pain. I know how bad it hurts.

hunnybunny
August 2nd, 2009, 05:06 AM
So sorry for your loss of your lovely girl :grouphug:

Run free Mandy :candle:

mandy252
August 8th, 2009, 04:07 PM
It's been over a week now, and I still sit here expecting to turn around and see her smiling up at me. I guess now she's smiling down at me, right?

Jenntend: I have never had to put down a pet before, and it was the hardest decision of my life. I know I did all I could to try to save her, seeing a neurologist at least made me feel that I did try.

I thank God that I had the courage for her, the courage to have her be sent to the Rainbow Bridge at home, in her own bed, with me by her side, holding her, and ensuring I was the one face she seen, and me telling her constantly how much I love her and always will.

One thing that does comfort me, is that I know for 100% certainty that she was always happy, and that was my goal from the moment I met her, to keep her happy!

I even went out and bought a motorhome to take her with us on trips, then when she couldn't get in my truck anymore, I bought her a small car so she could still go for rides, and then I bought her a golf cart to ride in at my bro's cabin, but sadly she only got to ride in it twice, before becoming ill.

Please feel free to email me at mandy25@kent.net if you need to chat.

What a great site this is, it definitely helps typing my feelings out, as there aren't many people in my life that totally understand the pain.

God Bless each one of you and thank you for your kindness!

Jenn

mandy252
August 8th, 2009, 04:14 PM
Jennifer, I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell the depth of your love for Mandy. She was beautiful and the two of you were able to spend so much happy time together; I know it still is never long enough. In time the memories of her sickness will fade and be replaced with all the happy times. You will never forget these times. Mandy lives in your heart. And I also believe one day, we will be together again.

:candle: Dearest Mandy :rip:

Oh I do hope that the memories of her sickness will fade and be replaced with all the happy times...that is what I want!

I know this, that I tried so hard for all those years to ensure her happiness and that she made me oh so happy...she definitely wouldn't want me like this, sad all the time..I keep tryin to remember that...now it's my turn to let her memories make me happy once again.

Thank you!
Jenn

JanM
August 8th, 2009, 08:59 PM
Jennifer, I add my sympathies for your loss. I know how hard it is to see your best friend suffering! You are right, though - she wouldn't want you to be sad - be happy for your time together and all your wonderful memories..

mandy252
August 8th, 2009, 09:03 PM
Jennifer, I add my sympathies for your loss. I know how hard it is to see your best friend suffering! You are right, though - she wouldn't want you to be sad - be happy for your time together and all your wonderful memories..


Thank you for your sympathies, it's deeply appreciated and I'm doing my best to remember the good times. Today, I managed up the nerve to go to my videos of her on my computer and watch them. I'm so happy to have those to have to remind me of her funny ways.

Thanks again, God Bless
Jennifer

Toonces
August 9th, 2009, 05:23 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss, losing a beloved pet is never easy but it seems to me Mandy had the best life with you, a life most dogs dream of and sadly some never get, but owners like you shine through, the world needs more of you! :grouphug: to you and once again I am deeply sorry for you loss, :rip: sweet Mandy

mandy252
August 9th, 2009, 05:45 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss, losing a beloved pet is never easy but it seems to me Mandy had the best life with you, a life most dogs dream of and sadly some never get, but owners like you shine through, the world needs more of you! :grouphug: to you and once again I am deeply sorry for you loss, :rip: sweet Mandy


That's really nice of you to say. You are right though, there are so many doggies out there who have rotten homes or no home at all.

Actually you saying that brings back a smile to my face, as I remember saying to Mandy on cold winter nights as she was in her bed (with her pillow and tucked under her comforter lol) how lucky she was, as there were dogs out there who couldn't come into the warmth, let alone have their own bed with comforter.

Thanks again:grouphug:, and I feel truely blessed to have had such a great companion for all those years!:angel2:

Jenn

mandy252
August 9th, 2009, 05:47 PM
Jennifer, I add my sympathies for your loss. I know how hard it is to see your best friend suffering! You are right, though - she wouldn't want you to be sad - be happy for your time together and all your wonderful memories..

:grouphug: Thanks so much, and im going to do that though...Im going to go on, smile...she deserves it, and so do i!:dog:

mandy252
August 9th, 2009, 05:50 PM
Jennifer,
I also wanted to tell you that Mandy was Beautiful! I hate to hear your news. It touches me so much because my husband and I had a Chocolate lab. His name was choc-o, and he was full of life at only 2 and a hlf. yrs old. We found him christmas morning, and he has passed away. Somebody evil poisoned him! Oh, I wish there was something more that I could say or do to ease your pain. I know how bad it hurts.

Omg, I am so sorry to hear about your Choc-o...what an awful thing.
2 and a half is wayyy to young...but you know what I believe, that whoever did that to your babe will get his/her's in the end.

Tonight I will pray to Mandy and I'll ask her to find your Choc-o and have a play session with him! :goodvibes:

Jenn

Toonces
August 10th, 2009, 04:32 PM
Mandy252 your welcome and take comfort in knowing your girl had a very special life surrounded by love, doggy beds, pillows, treats and your company. You were blessed to have one another:lovestruck:

mandy252
August 10th, 2009, 05:51 PM
Hi, it's me again. Just having one of those days.:cry:

Mandy's ashes came home today. Me and my husband cried.
We placed her in our china cabinet (which has always been dedicated to her, with all her photos and lab ceramics and such which we've collected over the years).

She's finally back home, where she belongs. But today it certainly made it more real.

I go back to work tomorrow for the first time since her passing (Jul 29).
In a way Im glad, to try to get back into my routine again, and another
way sad...actually feeling a bit guilty for moving on.

But I realize, I have to move on, it's what Mandy would want of me.

Anyway, just needed to vent a bit.

Kisses to my angel girl!:angel2:

Jennifer

Love4himies
August 10th, 2009, 06:12 PM
Oh, Mandy, the pain will ease with time but the warmth she brought to your heart will never fade. To be loved as she was, is the greatest gift you could have given her. :grouphug:

ScottieDog
August 11th, 2009, 03:42 PM
Jenn,

I can only imagine how difficult yesterday was. We brought our little girl home the day she passed and buried her under a butterfly bush--she loved to sniff the flowers and bounce at the butterflies--it seemed like the best place for her. I've been at the hospital when people came in to get their "boxes" and seen the reaction.

The next few weeks will be a rollercoaster of emotions. Allow yourself to grieve, but please take care of yourself at the same time. What you are waiting for is the time when you adjust to a new "normal" which is your life without Mandy at your side. It does come and it doesn't mean you are forgetting her. It just means that she has found her new place deep inside your heart in a place where you will never be separated.

So many people can't understand the level of grief and mourning that comes with the loss of a beloved pet--it is losing a family member. The people who don't understand aren't bad people, just sad people who have never experienced this level of love. I hope that work goes well today and you are around people who do understand this level of grief. It is hard to get into a new routine when you suffer a loss. You have been, and continue to be, in my thoughts.

-Sandra

BenMax
August 11th, 2009, 03:52 PM
Good lord I feel your pain in writing. As I read I am tearing for you and your family. I am so very sorry.:sad:

Find Peace. Your memories can never leave you. You have them within and you can always reflect upon them.

The picture is gorgeous. You have captured your committment and love and she the same.

I am sorry.:grouphug::sad:

mandy252
August 15th, 2009, 10:07 PM
Thank you for writing again. It's only been 18 days since her passing, and it feels like months have passed. I can't figure that out.
I guess Im scared. It's been almost a week since I've cried. Im scared that Im goin to just have a break down all of a sudden, that things have been too calm for the past week. Like..peaceful.

Although lately, I can't stop reliving the day I sent her back to God..replaying the day step by step. I don't want to remember the bad times, I want to remember the good!

The other night I awoke 3 different times as I was dreaming of that day, finally the last time I awoke, I said "Mandy! Stop visiting me this way, please visit me with good memories and seeing your happy smile"..so far no more bad dreams.

Im trying a new technique, Im talking about her as much as possible out loud to people, talking about our happier times, and all the things she did to make me smile and the times we shared.

How do I get that day out of my head? I do try this also, when that day comes to my mind, I just tell myself how blessed I was to be able to be there for her throughout that day and the procedure. That she didn't have to go it alone, that she had me there, holding her, talking to her and kissing her in the comfort of her own home and bed.

I think im at another awkward stage of the grieving process.
I do talk to her everyday, as I can't stand this emptiness in my heart and home.

I know probably all this I've written isn't making sense, but maybe to one of you it is and you can help me figure this out.

Thank you for listening.

Jenn






Jenn,

I can only imagine how difficult yesterday was. We brought our little girl home the day she passed and buried her under a butterfly bush--she loved to sniff the flowers and bounce at the butterflies--it seemed like the best place for her. I've been at the hospital when people came in to get their "boxes" and seen the reaction.

The next few weeks will be a rollercoaster of emotions. Allow yourself to grieve, but please take care of yourself at the same time. What you are waiting for is the time when you adjust to a new "normal" which is your life without Mandy at your side. It does come and it doesn't mean you are forgetting her. It just means that she has found her new place deep inside your heart in a place where you will never be separated.

So many people can't understand the level of grief and mourning that comes with the loss of a beloved pet--it is losing a family member. The people who don't understand aren't bad people, just sad people who have never experienced this level of love. I hope that work goes well today and you are around people who do understand this level of grief. It is hard to get into a new routine when you suffer a loss. You have been, and continue to be, in my thoughts.

-Sandra

mandy252
August 15th, 2009, 10:20 PM
You are right, we had an awesome bond. I spent any and every spare minute I had with her over the past 13.5 years. Every night before bed, I would lay with her in her bed, tell her I love her and stroke her til she'll fell asleep.

Im doing my best to bring back the good memories. Like her sitting in the kitchen while I was making supper, I would turn around to look at her, and my heart would melt...every single time! I would then grab her face, and give her a huge kiss right between those gorgeous brown eyes!

Slowly, the good memories will pop into my head. The other day I was listening to music, and all of a sudden I remembered back 12 years ago, when I would clean my house. I would turn up the music and we'd dance around the livingroom. She would dance with me, sometimes even standing on her hind legs and putting her paws up to me. She LOVED IT and so did I.

Im just now at the stage where the bad memories seem to keep popping into my head. I don't want to relive that day anymore...and I don't know how to stop it. :shrug:

I miss her more than words can say, and I don't want to be sad anymore, cuz I did my darndest all those years ensuring she was never sad, and I know she wouldn't want me to be sad anymore either.

Thank you for understanding my pain, and thank you for your words.

I have been truly blessed and I think it's very important that I know that.
I feel sad for those who have never experienced the love a dog can bring to them, they have no clue what they are missing out on!

Jenn


Good lord I feel your pain in writing. As I read I am tearing for you and your family. I am so very sorry.:sad:

Find Peace. Your memories can never leave you. You have them within and you can always reflect upon them.

The picture is gorgeous. You have captured your committment and love and she the same.

I am sorry.:grouphug::sad:

mandy252
August 16th, 2009, 10:08 AM
Thanks for writing to me again. *S*

The last week has been of a different one for me, a mixture of good and bad.
The problem Im having right now is that I can't stop thinking about the day she went to heaven. I replay it over and over in my head. Not that I feel that I made the wrong decision nor that it didn't go as planned, because I do know she was very ill and that being with her was the best and only way.

Then there are moments there will be something that reminds me of our time together when she was healthier, and I smile.

I know, patience is what it takes. It's been less than 3 weeks and it feels like months and months since I've kissed her.

My girlfriend stopped by last week, (I asked her to), with her 3 month old pup. I just wanted to feel the fur, smell it and get the kisses. She was hesitant, cuz she didn't want to upset me. But you know what, it didn't, it was the best feeling in the world!!! It reminded me of Mandy at that age and it really did help!!

I know she's watchin over me, I truly feel that, especially when Im feeling that sense of calm and peace...that's when she's there. *S*

I may write more, and I hope you all don't mind...but this REALLY helps me!
It'll be good days and bad days...but writing to you all...gets it out, and I appreciate it.

Thank you
Jennifer




Jenn,

I can only imagine how difficult yesterday was. We brought our little girl home the day she passed and buried her under a butterfly bush--she loved to sniff the flowers and bounce at the butterflies--it seemed like the best place for her. I've been at the hospital when people came in to get their "boxes" and seen the reaction.

The next few weeks will be a rollercoaster of emotions. Allow yourself to grieve, but please take care of yourself at the same time. What you are waiting for is the time when you adjust to a new "normal" which is your life without Mandy at your side. It does come and it doesn't mean you are forgetting her. It just means that she has found her new place deep inside your heart in a place where you will never be separated.

So many people can't understand the level of grief and mourning that comes with the loss of a beloved pet--it is losing a family member. The people who don't understand aren't bad people, just sad people who have never experienced this level of love. I hope that work goes well today and you are around people who do understand this level of grief. It is hard to get into a new routine when you suffer a loss. You have been, and continue to be, in my thoughts.

-Sandra

ScottieDog
August 18th, 2009, 11:08 AM
Please, keep writing as much as you need to. When my Tipper passed, I started to keep a journal--I wanted to remember so much about her life and I didn't want to forget anything. It's been almost a year and the document is around 50 pages. She meant the world to me. Sadly, I feel I am in about the same place now as last year. My old boy isn't doing well and I know I am watching his twilight time and it kills me. He came home with us 14 years ago tomorrow. I keep telling myself that he has had a wonderful, rich life full of love and when he leaves my arms he goes into the hands of our Lord. And that is a good place.

We all grieve differently, but I had the most intense time during the first three weeks. Then "milestones" of her illness have been hard. I have to admit that I was a coward and could not be in the room with my baby when the final shot was given--I didn't want to see a lifeless body. We stayed while she was given the sedation shot and stayed stroking and kissing her until she went into a deep sleep. But that was right for me. I remember looking back and seeing her on the table. That was my nightmare. Except that in my dreams I was leaving my Tipper and when I turned around I saw my precious Mac laying on the table. I woke up screaming for a few weeks. I think reliving the end days is common. It took several months for me to put these aside and allow the good times to come through. Remember, just like my little Tipper, Mandy's life was not her illness. It is what is fresh and painful, but that was not her life. Also, one thing that was very hard for me was that I was my little girl's main caregiver. My whole world revolved around her care. When she left, I had no purpose.

I think it is good that you were able to enjoy time with your friend's puppy. At some point, I think Mandy would want you to open your heart again. Love must be shared to exist. I like what you said about Mandy's bedtime ritual. Each night, I would tell each of my pups good night and give each a kiss on the nose. After Tipper passed, I couldn't stop, so I blow a kiss to her and say "kisses to Heaven". On Tipper's three week bridge anniversary, I was walking Mac and in a clear blue sky was a gigantic "X" like it had been written in the sky by a skywriter but a 100 times larger. Yes, it was vapor trails from two planes that had crossed, but I'd never seen anything like that. I feel that this was my kiss from Heaven from my little girl. I see these every so often in the sky and feel they are my kisses from her. The "X" that day seemed to drift in the sky and follow us home and fade over our house. I took this as a sign from Tipper that it was OK to move on--not forget, but to move forward. It may be silly, but I found so much comfort in that "X" in the sky.

You will find your peace. It is a journey that sometimes isn't even day-by-day, but hour-by-hour. Keeping you in my thoughts.

-Scottie Dog (Sandra)

BenMax
August 18th, 2009, 11:36 AM
Keep your thoughts here. No one minds as we all have gone through this and we lean on one another when we are faced with such loses.

I lost my Rottie 2 years ago and there is not a day that passes that I don't think of him. I don't think I will ever forget, and I miss him terribly.

What time has given me however is thinking very fondly of him. I am no longer filled with grief, but I will smile thinking of all those little wonderful things. I adopted another dog 1 year ago. Well, actually, she adopted me. I love her to pieces and it does not take away my feelings and love for Ben. Together Julia and I are creating new memories. Ben and Max, will always be in my heart, mind and soul. They are missed beyond words, but now I have Julia in the present.

Love4himies
August 18th, 2009, 12:37 PM
We will be here to listen when ever you need us. I think I can speak for the majority of the members here have felt the same pain as what you are going through.
:grouphug:

I agree with scottiedog, Mandy would want you to open your heart to another dog, like you did with her, when you feel you are ready of course. There is not a better gift you could give a dog.

BenMax
August 18th, 2009, 01:19 PM
We will be here to listen when ever you need us. I think I can speak for the majority of the members here have felt the same pain as what you are going through.
:grouphug:

I agree with scottiedog, Mandy would want you to open your heart to another dog, like you did with her, when you feel you are ready of course. There is not a better gift you could give a dog.

Words of wisdom L4H. We've all been through this journey.

I can tell this OP has so much love to give. I hope it is passed on to honour her beloved girl.

I feel so bad.:sad: for her. I wish I had those magic words so that all pain is removed....I would use it right now if I had that one time opportunity to use it.

mandy252
August 18th, 2009, 07:01 PM
OMG Sandra...there are sooooo many similarities with me from which you just wrote.

After laying with Mandy at night and tucking her in, and kissing her I would go up to bed (we slept upstairs). Then before going to bed I would walk the hallway upstairs, and blow kisses down to her before I went to bed and tell her "love ya babe". Now what I do is, say goodnight babe, go upstairs and if I walked the hallway now, I blow kisses UP and say "love ya and miss ya babe, sleep well". That's amazing we do the same thing!!!

As for a sign from her, I've only seen one so far. (Some may say it means nothing, but I took it for what I wanted and needed). The day she passed, I told my husband, she'll tell me when she made it to heaven. Well the next day I went to the laundry room, turned on the light and the light bulb blew out. I yelled for my husband, and said "she made it, she made it to heaven...the light..she told me she made it to the light!" He smiled at me and agreed.

Another similarity with you and I is that I was Mandy's sole caregiver too. (Although my husband was a big help in the last month of her life during her illness). But the same as you, I honestly feel I don't have a purpose right now. I looked forward to coming home from work, to care for her. I looked forward to waking in the morning, to care for her. But now, it's like I have no reason to rush home from work (no offense to my hubby). Not having children, she was my child. It's a big emptiness, and oh so lonely.

Im so sorry your babe isn't doing so well now, and like you said, they've had such a great life..and we should feel so proud to have given them that, I know that's one thing that makes me smile, knowing how I've spoiled her over the years. One thing that makes me smile is..Mandy hurt her back leg 3 yrs ago, so walking long distances wasn't easy, and standing to eat was a chore, so I got her another bed, her supper bed. She would lay down and I would put the bowl infront of her for supper. Well if I put the bowl down, but not close enough to her face, she would look up at me, say a very gentle "woof" and then look back down at the bowl. LOL I would get up from the couch and move it closer to her and she would eat. It made me laugh each and everytime.

About once or twice a day I get this feeling inside of me. It's very very brief, and I can't even explain it, but I truly believe at that exact moment is when she's thinking of me too.

One thing that does upset me, over the last year and up to her final day, I took the time each day to smell her fur, to try to memorize it. But it's gone. I can't remember her smell. That saddens me, but then I tell myself, I won't remember it, until I smell it elsewhere, one day, some smell is going to remind me.

One other thing I do, I was finding it hard to go to sleep at night, so I now sleep with her favorite pillow. I hug it oh so close and it helps me to fall asleep.

Well I've sure written alot, thank you EVERYONE for allowing me to do this, it's so nice to chat to people who totally understand the heartache.

Jennifer

Please, keep writing as much as you need to. When my Tipper passed, I started to keep a journal--I wanted to remember so much about her life and I didn't want to forget anything. It's been almost a year and the document is around 50 pages. She meant the world to me. Sadly, I feel I am in about the same place now as last year. My old boy isn't doing well and I know I am watching his twilight time and it kills me. He came home with us 14 years ago tomorrow. I keep telling myself that he has had a wonderful, rich life full of love and when he leaves my arms he goes into the hands of our Lord. And that is a good place.

We all grieve differently, but I had the most intense time during the first three weeks. Then "milestones" of her illness have been hard. I have to admit that I was a coward and could not be in the room with my baby when the final shot was given--I didn't want to see a lifeless body. We stayed while she was given the sedation shot and stayed stroking and kissing her until she went into a deep sleep. But that was right for me. I remember looking back and seeing her on the table. That was my nightmare. Except that in my dreams I was leaving my Tipper and when I turned around I saw my precious Mac laying on the table. I woke up screaming for a few weeks. I think reliving the end days is common. It took several months for me to put these aside and allow the good times to come through. Remember, just like my little Tipper, Mandy's life was not her illness. It is what is fresh and painful, but that was not her life. Also, one thing that was very hard for me was that I was my little girl's main caregiver. My whole world revolved around her care. When she left, I had no purpose.

I think it is good that you were able to enjoy time with your friend's puppy. At some point, I think Mandy would want you to open your heart again. Love must be shared to exist. I like what you said about Mandy's bedtime ritual. Each night, I would tell each of my pups good night and give each a kiss on the nose. After Tipper passed, I couldn't stop, so I blow a kiss to her and say "kisses to Heaven". On Tipper's three week bridge anniversary, I was walking Mac and in a clear blue sky was a gigantic "X" like it had been written in the sky by a skywriter but a 100 times larger. Yes, it was vapor trails from two planes that had crossed, but I'd never seen anything like that. I feel that this was my kiss from Heaven from my little girl. I see these every so often in the sky and feel they are my kisses from her. The "X" that day seemed to drift in the sky and follow us home and fade over our house. I took this as a sign from Tipper that it was OK to move on--not forget, but to move forward. It may be silly, but I found so much comfort in that "X" in the sky.

You will find your peace. It is a journey that sometimes isn't even day-by-day, but hour-by-hour. Keeping you in my thoughts.

-Scottie Dog (Sandra)

mandy252
August 18th, 2009, 07:13 PM
You are a darlin' and also right. That's all I feel in my chest, this over whelming desire to care for another babe. It's overwhelming.

I will pass it on, trust me on this.

Since June 12, I've been so dedicated to her (not that I wasn't always), but working so hard on trying to make her better, helping her in every way. And spending countless hours crying before and after her passing. I feel drained, and I do know this, I need to work through this process, and gain my strength back, cuz if I remember correctly (it's been almost 14 yrs), puppies are ALOT of work, and Im goin to need my energy!! *LOL*

Thinking about it, most definitely puts a smile on my face.

I've read on the internet, that one of the things NOT to do when getting another dog after the first one passes is to get one just like the first one.

But I say POOIE on that. When I close my eyes, all I see is this adorable little white lab puppy. Looking at other's online, I feel nothing, but seeing one little yellow one..my heart melts...and that my friends is what I intend to do...It's such an overwhelming desire to have another one that looks like her, I have to listen to my heart. No, she can't be replaced, I know that, and I also know that the new one will have a totally different personality, perhaps.

But I can't imagine any other pup coming into my home and I can't wait to one day go to a litter, and see that one, that one that shines above the rest, that one that comes to me, looks up at me with those gorgeous eyes and cute lil black nose, and that will be the one, I'll feel it and I'll know it.

Please oh please don't feel sad for me, that's not what I want out of this great forum. I have no intention of coming on here and making other's feel bad. I just love reading your oh so kind words, and seeing that other's understand and know exactly the pain I feel, is so extremely helpful to me.

God bless you all!!!
Jenn
Words of wisdom L4H. We've all been through this journey.

I can tell this OP has so much love to give. I hope it is passed on to honour her beloved girl.

I feel so bad.:sad: for her. I wish I had those magic words so that all pain is removed....I would use it right now if I had that one time opportunity to use it.

mandy252
August 18th, 2009, 07:15 PM
Thank you oh so much. You are also right. My home needs a pup, and the pup needs me. Somewhere out there, God is going to send her my way, and if Mandy keeps her promise, she'll have a helping paw in that. *S*

Thank you, it means so very much to me, you can't even come to realize.

Jennifer


We will be here to listen when ever you need us. I think I can speak for the majority of the members here have felt the same pain as what you are going through.
:grouphug:

I agree with scottiedog, Mandy would want you to open your heart to another dog, like you did with her, when you feel you are ready of course. There is not a better gift you could give a dog.

ScottieDog
August 18th, 2009, 09:00 PM
You are right when you say you will know the right one when he or she comes along. I prayed that I would have some way of knowing when I found the "right one". I asked for a sign. We were approved for a rescue Scottie and drove over 900 miles to get her. I was told she was a pure Scottie and weighed 25 pounds. The dog that was brought out was a 50 pound black bird-dog mix and looked nothing like a Scottie. I sat with her trying to find my sign. It wasn't there and we went home with an empty crate (she wouldn't have fit in our crate anyhow.) Nothing was wrong with that dog, but I couldn't commit 10+ years to her. We do not have a lifestyle for that type of dog and it would have been unfair all around.

I came home and managed to track down Mac's breeder (she's been breeding Scotties nearly 25 years). I told her our story and asked about a puppy. Of course, reputable breeders don't typically just have puppies hanging about. She did however tell me about a little 2 1/2 year old female that she knew she couldn't breed (minor breed standard flaw), but wanted to make sure she had the right home. We were told that she had suffered a poisonous spider bite on her tail when she was a few days old and her tail was kinked. We made an appointment to meet this little dog. When she was brought to us, the first thing her owner told me was to look at her tail and as I stroked down her back and to the tip of her tail, I had my sign! While my Tipper was in the ICU hospital, someone closed a cage door on her tail and bent/broke the tip end and damaged it. The tail of the little dog I was destined to bring to my home has the exact same tail bend. She crawled into my lap and snuggled right up to me--not a typical aloof Scottie behavior. It was honestly love at first sight. My Tippy sent this little dog to me. I know it. My little Cassidy will never take Tipper's place, but my love for Tipper allowed my heart to grow and make a special place for a new love. I know that Cassie has helped heal my heart in so many ways.

mandy252
August 18th, 2009, 09:15 PM
It's funny isn't it? That instant bond, knowing deep down that the right one has come along. It's amazing more like it.

Mandy, well I had my mind set out to go and get myself a labrador, after researching online for the right breed for me. When I set out, my husband said "Bring home a black one"...hahaha, couldn't have been more opposite.

She was one of 9..just a litter from the paper. I went to the house, and there were 8 of the cutest lil labs running about, all brown in color. I picked one out, chubby lil brown thing, cute as a button. As I held her in my arms, my mother spotted Mandy..laying all alone beside the house, white as cotton.

I thought, oh no, how am I to make up my mind which one to have? So I thought, I'll let the pups decide. So I put them both on the ground, bent down and said "whoever wants me to be their mommy, come with me". Well the brown one turned around and walked away, and there was my lil Mandy sitting there staring up at me with that smile on her face. She didn't budge, but sat there and stared at me. The rest is history, she made her choice and I fell in love.

It sure makes you feel all warm and cozy inside. You know what, I have no ill thoughts towards people who aren't dog lovers, everyone is different. But if they only knew what they are missing out on, it's such a shame. Just petting a dog after a stressful day at work, relaxes you and makes the world a better place, and I know my world is better having been blessed for those 13.5 years. I, too, am lucky. *S*

Jenn




You are right when you say you will know the right one when he or she comes along. I prayed that I would have some way of knowing when I found the "right one". I asked for a sign. We were approved for a rescue Scottie and drove over 900 miles to get her. I was told she was a pure Scottie and weighed 25 pounds. The dog that was brought out was a 50 pound black bird-dog mix and looked nothing like a Scottie. I sat with her trying to find my sign. It wasn't there and we went home with an empty crate (she wouldn't have fit in our crate anyhow.) Nothing was wrong with that dog, but I couldn't commit 10+ years to her. We do not have a lifestyle for that type of dog and it would have been unfair all around.

I came home and managed to track down Mac's breeder (she's been breeding Scotties nearly 25 years). I told her our story and asked about a puppy. Of course, reputable breeders don't typically just have puppies hanging about. She did however tell me about a little 2 1/2 year old female that she knew she couldn't breed (minor breed standard flaw), but wanted to make sure she had the right home. We were told that she had suffered a poisonous spider bite on her tail when she was a few days old and her tail was kinked. We made an appointment to meet this little dog. When she was brought to us, the first thing her owner told me was to look at her tail and as I stroked down her back and to the tip of her tail, I had my sign! While my Tipper was in the ICU hospital, someone closed a cage door on her tail and bent/broke the tip end and damaged it. The tail of the little dog I was destined to bring to my home has the exact same tail bend. She crawled into my lap and snuggled right up to me--not a typical aloof Scottie behavior. It was honestly love at first sight. My Tippy sent this little dog to me. I know it. My little Cassidy will never take Tipper's place, but my love for Tipper allowed my heart to grow and make a special place for a new love. I know that Cassie has helped heal my heart in so many ways.