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Need support pls

TacoGrl
May 17th, 2009, 06:56 PM
Ok, I am frustrated...I don't know if it's everything else in my life, hormones or maybe the moon and the stars aren't aligned right :rolleyes:

I have had Seth for 4 mths May 13th. He is my first feral (I am beginning to think he is feral) as you know, but right now I am feeling sad for him AND me. When I went to the shelter, he let me pet him, pick him up, play with him...since I brought him home, he doesn't. He goes through spells where he will sit by me, but if I move, he runs. He goes through spells where he will jump on the bed and eat out of my hand (no comment on me eating in bed :o) and then sometimes he jumps on the bed, finds me there and hisses. He hisses for a lot of reasons. The last few days he won't even play with me and his fav toys. Yes, I do still cherish the little things...the new things he does, but his overall state is concerning me.

If he hadn't been so friendly at the shelter, I wouldn't be so frustrated...I just don't know what I am doing wrong...I am thinking he doesn't want to be here...that he maybe hates that I took him away from his friends...that he feels sad cuz he misses his friends...maybe that he simply doesn't like me. I understand personalities change, but it was like a light switch got turned off. :sad:

I know I am probably over-reacting, but for some reason this is bothering me.

luckypenny
May 17th, 2009, 08:17 PM
Has this been going on with Seth since the day you brought him home? Or did it start shortly afterwards? I'm asking because perhaps there may be something physically wrong with him where he's feeling pain or discomfort. Do you think that would be a possibility?

TacoGrl
May 17th, 2009, 09:00 PM
Pretty much since the day I brought him home. :sad:

I took him to the vet because of his mouth when I first got him...got that all fixed up :thumbs up...he had a physical etc...all checked out fine...he plays with Messina ALL the time...eats...drinks...uses the litter...nothing out of the ordinary except his behaviour towards me...he is the first cat I have had that acts this way. :sad:

Messina sits and looks at him when he is upset...she follows him to wherever he goes after hissing and soon after they both come back into the room I am in, but still he'll mostly run/hiss if I come near...this after being all over me at the shelter. :shrug:

Winston
May 17th, 2009, 09:13 PM
Tacogirl..all I can say is baby steps..when I got my 2 (brother and sister) they were both rescued and the male Bomber took the wors of the abuse. Much patience and trust and he will come around. It took my boy 8 months before he gave in for a belly rub! :thumbs up

Just love him and let him come to you!

Love4himies
May 18th, 2009, 07:54 AM
Winston is right, let him come to you. Sit quietly on the floor with some treats around you and talk to him gently.

Don't take his actions personally, but as him communicating to him that he is not quite ready to be a lap kitty. I am sure in time he will.:grouphug:

Jim Hall
May 18th, 2009, 07:54 AM
Du goes through stages too i cant fig it out either

BenMax
May 18th, 2009, 08:07 AM
TacoGirl - I brought home a persian that was not connecting to me, did not trust me and seemed very distant.

Jim Hall gave me a great suggestion about bonding, and that was to read a book out loud to him. It took me 2 weeks to get him from under the bed and I was very concerned. Love4Himmes also encourged me to talk to him and let him come to me. I should not push my wants onto him.

Today - he is out with dogs and cats, and has become a very active boy. He talks to me and if I don't look down, I could trip over him. He never leaves my side now.

I think it takes time and patience. I am grateful for all the advice given to me by members here on Pets because I was very concerned and did not see the light iat the end of this tunnel for this boy. You should see him now!:)

ancientgirl
May 18th, 2009, 08:20 AM
TacoGirl, do I ever know how you feel. Many times I felt the same way when I brought Czari inside for that second time. All I can say is echo what the others have said, baby steps. Let him come to you. I do that with Czari and she's been inside for almost a year.

She's still very much that semi-feral kitty I brought inside. There will be times when she's sitting on my lap and I make a movement where she'll growl and spit. When she does that I just let her move off of me.

I do some things a little differently with her than the others, because I know I have to approach her in a different way. She trusts me more than she did when I brought her indoors, but she's still wary here and there. In time Seth will get more comfortable. But it does take time. I know it's hard, and there are times when you wonder if things will always be like that, but it will get better.

Heck, I just got finished giving Czari antibiotics for 10 days, twice a day! I never thought I'd be able to do that and I managed. So you see, all is possible with a little time, love and lots of patience.

14+kitties
May 18th, 2009, 11:26 AM
Lots of good advice. Not much to add except patience, patience, and more patience.

http://www.gomestic.com/Pets/How-to-Gain-a-Cats-Trust.444211
http://www.wikihow.com/Gain-a-Cat's-Trust

TacoGrl
May 18th, 2009, 11:48 AM
Thanks for the :grouphug: I really need them :)

Patience...I'll have to work on that...not one of my strengths...obviously :rolleyes:

BenMax
May 18th, 2009, 12:07 PM
Thanks for the :grouphug: I really need them :)

Patience...I'll have to work on that...not one of my strengths...obviously :rolleyes:

You will be surprised how much strength you actually have. When you must do something, you just do it. You have what it takes, don't cut yourself short!:thumbs up

Longblades
May 19th, 2009, 08:14 AM
Our Ginger was exactly the same. Very cuddly and loving at the SPCA but at home, leave her alone. She is just not a cuddler. I could hold her for about 30 seconds before she would struggle to get down. She'd play all day and happily sit right beside me while I read or sewed but just did not like being held or sometimes even touched. It took some painful encounters with her teeth and hooks for me to realize that. One of her favourite places to lie was on my ironing board when I was sewing and of course when I needed to iron I had to move her. Oh, she could be wicked. We thought for a while she might have had an injury in her lower back because touching that area seemed to provoke the strongest response but she was Vetted and there was nothing wrong with her. So be it. Not a cuddler. As to why she was different in the shelter I can only guess she was stressed, lonely and saw me for a sucker. :) Now that she is 16 she is becoming much more accepting of cuddling and seems to seek it out. I hope you don't have to wait 14 years for a change like we did but some cats are just like that.