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These online dating site guys are scaring me.

ancientgirl
April 22nd, 2009, 02:48 PM
I was supposed to meet a guy tonight I met on one of the dating sites Iím on. He sent me a message Sunday. I emailed him saying I was interested in meeting him and maybe we could have coffee one day this week. Half an hour later he emails me saying the day wasnít over yet to call him and we could meet then. I ignored his email, since I was already doing stuff. So I decided to give him a call on Tuesday afternoon. We talked for a bit and I gave him my number. I hung up with him pretty fast since I had some stuff to do. But he texted me about 10 minutes later asking to meet me for coffee.

Him: Hi how about Wednesday after work? or later. Any time is good after 5. time/place?

Me: That sounds good. We can meet at borders around 6. is that okay with you?

Him: Yes. 6 at borders on wed

Me: great. I look forward to meeting you.

Okay, that should have been really the end of it, except for maybe a confirmation text the following day.

No. he called me at 8:30 yesterday evening. We talked for a bit. That conversation produced some warning flags for me.

1. Tells me I shouldnít have so many cats with asthma and I have too many cats.
2. Tells me he had a cat once that always hid under the bed when it lived with him, yet the cat loves his dad.
3. Tells me his mother who lives with him has a dog, but he doesnít concern himself with it because itís not his dog.

Then his phone died. So I called him back out of courtesy. At 8:42 he texts me.

Him: sorry my phone died.

Me: I figured. Thatís ok.

Him: Iím at the hospital at a lawyer recovery meeting (heís a paralegal). I will explain later if you are awake at 9:30.

Me: Thatís my bedtime actually.

Him: Ok tomorrow at 6.

Me: Yes. Have a good night.

Now Iím thinking, okay thatís it until tomorrow when we meet.

No. He called me at 9:30 this morning. I couldnít get my phone because my boss was here and I needed to do something for him.

I get a text at 9:42.

Him: I hope you are having a great day. Looking forward to seeing you later.

Me: So far so good today.

Then 10: 10 he calls me 2 times within 5 minutes and leaves me two messages. The first message sounded like he was talking to someone else and the second message he asked if I'd called him. At 10:16 he texts me this:

Him: I was not sure if you called me. By the way, how do you spell your name? I did not get your facebook invite. (Thatís because I was creeped out by you and I not only did not invite you but I blocked you). Do you like flowers, not sure if you are allergic.

Me: I called you yesterday after we got disconnected. My name is Nuria. I deactivated my account. I got hacked. (Obviously a lie) A few of my friends also got hacked. Not sure what thatís about. I like flowers but donít buy them. Some are toxic to cats so I just donít bother.

Him: I was going to bring you flowers but I guess I will wait to know you better and find out what you like.

Me: Thatís nice of you, but even though I think they are lovely, Iíve never been much of a flower person. I buy them rarely if ever. I like chocolate though.

Him: Whatís your name. (Um I believe I just told you not only when we first talked but in this freaking text conversation we are having!)

Him: Thereís choco at starbucks? (We were set to meet at Borders)

Me: Iím not sure. You donít need to buy me anything.

The texts ended there. But, thatís not the last I heard from him. He called me AGAIN at 12:04 and left me a message saying he wanted to see how my day was going and heís looking forward to seeing me later.

Iím sorry, but I havenít even met this man in person and I already feel like heís smothering me.

I told him in our conversation last night, when he asked me what I was looking for, I was not looking for someone who needed to be with me 24/7. That since Iíve been on my own for so long I was comfortable being on my own, so I was cool with spending time doing my own thing, but I was looking for someone to go out to dinner with or the movies or go to events with now and then. That I was looking for someone who was comfortable doing his own thing too.

This man is really scaring the crap out of me. I kept thinking, ďWhat if I meet him get REALLY creeped out be nice and say weíll see each other soon and he winds up following me home?Ē

I hate that I gave him my cell number, but at this point I can't take it back. I can always just add him to my address book and put him on mute. I'm texting him saying I need to reschedule and then just not get back with him.

I've never had such a bad feeling about a person I've never met in my life and there is no way I'm meeting him. He's divorced so my only guess is he's really desperate to meet someone, but he's going about it all the wrong ways.

Masha
April 22nd, 2009, 03:36 PM
this guy sounds creepy... you haven't met him yet and he is clinging already at a 'stalker' level.... i personally woudl stay far far away.... he has that 'stalker in the making' vibe from what i read... plus you have got to trust your instinct.. if it doesnt feel right, then its better to cancel...

Marko should do a dating thread on pets.ca for pet lovers :) to help bring like minded people together for more than friendship....

Bearsmom
April 22nd, 2009, 03:46 PM
TRUST YOUR GUTS!!!!!

Anyone who needs constant constant constant communications scares the beejeezus outta me.

Sorry for sounding harsh, but holy cow does that man need to learn about SPACE!

Bailey_
April 22nd, 2009, 03:49 PM
Yikes! He does sound a bit desperate, but unfortunatley there seem to be a lot of guys out there that don't really know how to go about making a good first impression.

If he's already creeping you out, I would try actually telling him that in a nicer way. Maybe you could just tell him that you appreciate his enthusiasm but need some space? See if he cools his jets at that time? But then again, if you have already decided you don't want to meet him in person, there's no point in stringing him along. Telling him flat out that you don't think it's going to work out, is probably your best option.

That's the crappy thing about dating sites...you really never, ever know who you're going to get on the other side!

TacoGrl
April 22nd, 2009, 03:59 PM
Wierd. I would get away fast! If he is like this before meeting you could you imagine what he might be like should you try to break up with him after say 6 months??? :eek: I would just text him back and say you have decided to go a different direction and are not interested in meeting with him and then ignore his texts/calls...better to be straight forward than leaving ANY possible door open to further communication. Did you see that guy in the States who was killing women he met off Craigslist? Online scares me...I too have met some nuts...good thing I am a bitch and managed to scare most of them off LoL! :highfive:

Kassiaethne
April 22nd, 2009, 04:18 PM
I second tacos motion. exactly what I was going to say. on another note don't give up on online dating. I didn't meet ronaldo on a online dating but I met him gaming 5 years ago. And we slowly grew on eachother. Till now we are getting married next month on the 9th ^^.

So keep trying whichever way feels comfortable for ya.

ancientgirl
April 22nd, 2009, 05:06 PM
TacoGirl I didn't know that guy killed some woman he met on Craigs list! Now I'm really freaked!

I had texted him and told him I couldn't meet him because I had an issue with my medication. He texted me back "OK" then half an hour later texted me again saying he hoped I got my medication adjusted and maybe we could meet another time. Then he called me half an hour later! He left me a message saying he's sorry I had an issue with my medication that he knows what that's like and he hopes we can get together soon.

You know, he could very well be a really nice guy. But he's really freaked me out.

14+kitties
April 22nd, 2009, 05:14 PM
Wow, not good. You met on a dating site. Would you feel comfortable talking to him on the site more so than texting? I know I would. Tell him how you feel about how he is acting? If he persists on calling/texting then get your number changed. Other than that........ yikes!!!

Just as an aside - internet dating isn't all bad. Occassionally you can find a good apple among all the bad ones. I met hubby on line a little more than 8 years ago now. Just have to trust your gut when it says run!

ancientgirl
April 22nd, 2009, 05:23 PM
I have spoken to him, but that was just as creepy.

I know many people who have met really good people online. But I'm realizing I have to weed through some real weirdos. I've been doing this for almost 3 years now and all I meet are just these really strange guys.:frustrated:

TacoGrl
April 22nd, 2009, 05:25 PM
Wow! Again, get rid of him.

Here are a couple of links... http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090421/ap_on_re_us/us_craigslist_killing -- http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=7387628&page=1 ...this guy was focussing on the erotic section, but who knows, there may be others and some other guy could go for other sections on other sites...

Luvmypitgirls
April 22nd, 2009, 05:29 PM
AG, I agree with others that have said "trust your gut." Woman's intuition is an amazingly powerful tool, it should never be ignored!

And if I may offer just one piece of advice, perhaps in the future explain to any possible dating prospects that you are not comfortable giving out your number, that you would prefer to contact them either by their number or the dating site. Reserve your number until after the first date, then you can decide to give it out depending on your first impression of them.

You strike me as a very sweet person, I would hate for anything to happen to you. This guy from what I'm reading sounds like he has dependancy issues, hopefully he will get the message when you don't return his calls or texts.

ancientgirl
April 22nd, 2009, 06:05 PM
TG, that's really disturbing.

LMPG, believe me, next time I'll certainly not give my number. I do get the feeling I might have heard the last of him. If he does call me again I can always say I've decided to not see anyone and that will hopefully be the end of it.

rainbow
April 22nd, 2009, 07:47 PM
I just read this thread now and sure hope you don't hear from him again AG ....def sounds like a :loser: big time.

Good luck. :fingerscr :goodvibes:

ancientgirl
April 22nd, 2009, 07:51 PM
I just read this thread now and sure hope you don't hear from him again AG ....def sounds like a :loser: big time.

Good luck. :fingerscr :goodvibes:

I haven't heard from him since the voice mail he left me. I hope to not hear from him again.

I know in a few days I'll probably be laughing about this. After I forget how totally creeped out I am right now.:yuck:

TacoGrl
April 22nd, 2009, 10:17 PM
I was just talking to my mom about this and after I got the speech about meeting up with strangers I only know from the lies they tell me in an e-mail, she said you should be glad he was like this in the beginning before you met up with him and go "WHEW I dodged THAT bullet", have a bubble bath and become a nun because most men just don't seem to respect women anymore and they just aren't GOOD enough for any of us! :laughing:

I am thinking the nun people wouldn't have me (long story) :sad: so I will have to just keep looking for Mr. Aslongasheisntinjail :rolleyes:

hazelrunpack
April 22nd, 2009, 10:26 PM
:laughing: Gadz, TacoGrl, that's the best rant I've read in ages! :thumbs up

You will post, won't you, when you find Mr Aslongasheisntinjail? :laughing: :p

hazelrunpack
April 22nd, 2009, 10:29 PM
AG, that guy sounds just plain too needy. You're well quit of the guy, imo. :frustrated:

I'm soooo glad I'm not of an age to be dating anymore...

I did like the idea of having Marko set up a dating forum, though :D Unfortunately, there are way more women than men... :o

TacoGrl
April 22nd, 2009, 10:34 PM
:laughing: Gadz, TacoGrl, that's the best rant I've read in ages! :thumbs up

You will post, won't you, when you find Mr Aslongasheisntinjail? :laughing: :p


Yes, yes I will! :thumbs up

(just don't sit there holding your breath though...it could take a while these days :frustrated:)

ancientgirl
April 23rd, 2009, 07:14 AM
Believe me I'm very happy to find out he's a nut case now!

I like the idea of a dating site, but I'm on two that are animal lover sites and there are so few people on it. :sad:

Jim Hall
April 23rd, 2009, 07:27 AM
desperation loneliness boredom does strange things to men
i ave been there

im not saying he isnt a creep god knows there are enough of them out there

Sometimes the aforementioned makes men behave like idiots
well alot of things make men behave like idiots

aslan
April 23rd, 2009, 07:31 AM
I did like the idea of having Marko set up a dating forum, though :D Unfortunately, there are way more women than men... :o

This works for me:D

AG i think you should do what my sister did, Don't make any plans to meet up with anyone until you can arrange for someone to also be there. Anytime my sister was gonna meet a guy, I, my oldest sister or one of my sisters friends would be at the coffee shop first. Just incase. My sister never left with the person on the first date and any future dates we had all the info ( name,address, etc) on not just where they were going, but the guy himself.

On another note, I met my Grace online, jeeez look how that turned out:D

ancientgirl
April 23rd, 2009, 07:35 AM
Jim, LOL, yeah men do strange things.

Aslan, I always meet people in public places and I usually like going to a place like Borders. That way we can sit and have some coffee and talk. And the last two dates I've been on I've met the guy at the theater. I'm really wary about people knowing where I live.

I know several people who have met their significant others online and it's worked out really well for them. I know it takes time, but really, how many boneheads do you have to weed through until you find someone sane enough to go out with?

Jim Hall
April 23rd, 2009, 07:40 AM
lol are you kidding me?? how many grains of sand on the beach ?

seriousl;y ittookme 20 yrs? till i met maria comn you are a cat person you should know patience i know its easy to say, but enjoy the trip too:2cents:

bluestar
April 23rd, 2009, 08:19 AM
This one sounds questionable. They're not all bad. I meet my fiance on a dating site and we are getting married 3 years later.

I don't have any experience with any crazy people as I only met my fiance. My recommendation is never give out anything personal until you have met and feel comfortable with the person. I would set up a free e-mail with yahoo/hotmail etc that you use specifically for dating. Don't give out our regular e-mail address. That way you can cancel the dating e-mail or just ignore it and set-up a new one easily if you get someone who won't leave you alone. I do it often for entering contests, usually with car companies, where they want an e-mail. That way I don't have to bother reading through all of the garbage they send on my regular e-mail account.

The good thing about having a fake e-mail is you can use it for MSN for chatting, without having to pay for the dating sites fees. Another thing I would do before meeting is if you have a web-cam, you can set-up a web chat with the fake e-mail on MSN so you can see the person first. It helps to see the face you are meeting, and to make sure you are not getting someone who is completely lying about themselves. As my fiance put it, she wanted to make sure I wasn't a 65 year-old guy or a 13 year-old making a joke. It's easy enough for somebody to send a few fake pictures to you to make you think you are talking to someone else.

If you have a Blackberry, you can set up the e-mail on it instead of giving out your phone number for texting. If you have to it's easy to delete the e-mail off the Blackberry later and add a new one. And avoid using Facebook like the plague until you are really comfortable with the person.

clm
April 23rd, 2009, 08:28 AM
My sister met her other half on an online service. They've been living together for over 10 years now. He's from California and relocated to here. Wonderful guy.
I have to admit, I was worried sick when I found out she was meeting people through that service, but it worked for her.

Best advice is trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, don't ignore yourself.

Cindy

krdahmer
April 23rd, 2009, 05:05 PM
Oh ya guts are always the best warning system! Really sounds clingy or stalkerish that guy. Just another warning, if you give out your real # make sure there is no way for them to link it to an address... and never tell them where you work, and first names only until you meet in person... and always make them tell you their personal info first. There are just so many weirdos out there.... and at the same time so many nice guys just looking to meet someone nice also.... so frustrating.

ancientgirl
April 23rd, 2009, 05:13 PM
It is incredibly frustrating! He can't get my address through my phone number. And I tried to be as vague as possible about where I lived and work. I noticed he took his profile down on the site. I'm guessing he may have realized he was being overbearing.

krdahmer
April 23rd, 2009, 05:23 PM
Or he really is a crazy stalker and figured you reported him or something! :eek:

ancientgirl
April 23rd, 2009, 05:25 PM
That's also a possibility. This guy was off the radar!