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I hope I'm wrong...a mother's rant...

Luvmypitgirls
February 4th, 2009, 11:34 AM
Since my boys were little, I have tried to teach them the importance of accountability and responsibility. If you mess up, be a big enough person to admit it and be accountable for your actions.
This morning, we had a situation with our youngest son, which has left me feeling very disappointed and somewhat angry.
He was acting very guarded, sneaky if you will. I asked him what he was up to, and he said he was just putting his Ipod away in it's box, since they are now banned at school. Then I offered to put it up on the shelf on his desk so the dogs didn't accidently knock it on the floor.
Then out of nowhere, he says "oh did I tell you that a friend of mine gave me a cellphone"? Of course he has said nothing to us about any cell phone, and I asked to see it. It is a nice LG phone, looks fairly new. I asked why someone would give him a cell phone and he said it's a pay as you go phone and his friend didn't want it anymore.
Ok I will admit when it comes to technology, I am not the brightest crayon in the box, but I know that this isn't a cheap phone and I became suspicious.
I asked when did your friend give you this phone, he said a couple weeks ago or so. I became more suspicious, if it was so innocent why did he not say something a couple weeks ago. Why did it seem like he was trying to hide it from us, because it wasn't his Ipod he put in the box it was this cell phone.
The more questions I asked the more defensive he became, which in my opinion says there is more to this than he's admitting. It got to the point where he really lost his cool and cursed at me. Not a smart thing to do:mad:
Anyway,his handibus arrived and I told him that I would be coming to the school later to ask his friend "Alfie" if he infact gave my son this cell. To which he replied, "he isn't at school today he's sick." :rolleyes: Then he accused me of being mean and that I just don't want him to have a cell phone, which was also the excuse he gave as to why he didn't tell us about the phone in the first place.:rolleyes:
After he was gone on the bus, I called the principal of the school. I told him I felt terrible about suspecting my child of stealing, but that we needed to get to the bottom of how my son obtained this phone. It's the right thing to do.
I can not and will not tolerate thievery in my house, period. He asked that I bring the phone to the school, which I did. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that my son stole this phone. Who gives away a cell phone, and without the charger to boot! The phone is useless without it. Which is another reason I was suspicious.
So the phone in question is now in the hands of the school administrator,who has placed a call to Alfie's family. I asked him not to speak to my son about this until we hear from Alfie and his parents, to which he agreed.
I am so hoping I am wrong, but my gut tells me I'm right, and my intuition is usually bang on. We have had issues with our son not always being honest with us, and I've told him that just because he is in a wheelchair does not mean he will be treated any differently than his siblings, he too will be held accountable for his actions and poor judgement in any choices he makes.
If I am wrong, I will feel terrible and apologize, but I don't think I'm wrong and damn it hurts to have to think the worst about this situation.
Whew, thanks for letting me rant...now I sit and wait.:sad:

Stacer
February 4th, 2009, 11:44 AM
Perhaps he traded his ipod for this phone?

Back in the day of the original Gameboy, my brother decided that a cheap plastic Canadian Tire snowboard was a fair trade for his brand new Gameboy plus all its games. When my parents questioned him about the snowboard, he lied at first, then admitted to the trade. My parents spoke with the other boy's parents and all was squared away.

Is the ipod still around? Maybe he traded something else? Don't think the worst of your son just yet.

clm
February 4th, 2009, 11:45 AM
You're doing the right thing in my opinion and more parents should look into new cell phones, ipods, sneakers, jackets....anything they know they haven't purchased for their kids and yet their kids suddenly have them.
You're acting as a responsible parent and teaching your child the right values.
There should be more like you.
I hope it turns out it was a gift, but if not, you're not the first person who's had to deal with this kind of thing and won't be the last. We're all ears if you need to rant some more.

Cindy

Diamondsmum
February 4th, 2009, 11:48 AM
whoooo hun.. I had same situation cept I was the giver (err actually my son was) I had my phone upgraded my Motorola Q went to my son his phone a (brandnew Motorola razor) I bught in may went to his buddy. he told his mom same situation.. Friend gave it to me.. (sans charger as Charger is busted) we charge it on PC. His mom accused him of stealing it from us.. & his Mom called me ... & I assured her that I infact had given it to him. (also a Pay as you go) We had no use for it. here & I felt that knowing this kid & taht all teens should have a cell.. made me happy to give it to him..

Just becareful.. & I would call the kids Mom to confirm.. (Sometimes people are nice)

my Sons buddies mom had to apologize to her son for yelling at him accusing him of lying/stealing blah blah.

Good luck

Luvmypitgirls
February 4th, 2009, 11:51 AM
Perhaps he traded his ipod for this phone?

Back in the day of the original Gameboy, my brother decided that a cheap plastic Canadian Tire snowboard was a fair trade for his brand new Gameboy plus all its games. When my parents questioned him about the snowboard, he lied at first, then admitted to the trade. My parents spoke with the other boy's parents and all was squared away.

Is the ipod still around? Maybe he traded something else? Don't think the worst of your son just yet.

The Ipod is here, and accounted for. Oh boy I would be just as upset if he traded it because it was his Christmas present (120gig with upgraded headphones) and cost me a small fortune!
I checked to see if the necklace his brother gave him was still here and it's accounted for as well.

Luvmypitgirls
February 4th, 2009, 11:56 AM
You're doing the right thing in my opinion and more parents should look into new cell phones, ipods, sneakers, jackets....anything they know they haven't purchased for their kids and yet their kids suddenly have them.
You're acting as a responsible parent and teaching your child the right values.
There should be more like you.
I hope it turns out it was a gift, but if not, you're not the first person who's had to deal with this kind of thing and won't be the last. We're all ears if you need to rant some more.

Cindy

Thank you Cindy, I too hope it is a gift, and I would also feel better knowing this Alfie boy had his parents permission to give it away if it infact is a gift.


Diamond, if I'm wrong I will most certainly be apologizing, suppose I'll have to perform some major "butt kissing", but I have to follow my instincts and I would love nothing more than to be wrong.

Chris21711
February 4th, 2009, 11:58 AM
It's a hard call LMPG, I think you did right in going to the school in an attempt to verify your sons story. Hopefully it is the truth :)

Diamondsmum
February 4th, 2009, 12:00 PM
depending on who the Phone is with you can also call them to see if phone is reported stolen.. I know Rogers you can & also get info on owner via phone as well

clm
February 4th, 2009, 12:01 PM
Kids don't always think that logically. As a kid, it never would have dawned on me that I would need permission to give away something that was mine. :rolleyes: A few mistakes and bad trades followed by being grounded more than a few times certainly taught me to wise up though. :laughing:

Cindy

luckypenny
February 4th, 2009, 12:02 PM
If it was a gift, it will be a relief. If not, then it too will be a relief as you're right on top of things and will have the situation dealt with.

Growing up can bring lots of painful experiences, especially if a child has made wrong choices and must face consequences. It's up to us as their parents to help them come through these experiences with valuable lessons learned.

Whatever the outcome, you're a wonderful mom, Luvmypitgirls. It's in your childrens' best interests that you're acting upon.

Diamondsmum
February 4th, 2009, 12:07 PM
LMPG.. Dont get me wrong you have certainly done the correct thing & as was mentioned you definatley on top of the goings on in your kids life. :)

shirley1011
February 4th, 2009, 12:40 PM
awwww...it's times like this I'm glad mine is 30.....but you are handling it so well. My kids used to accuse me of knowing what they were doing before they were doing it.
Yours will soon be accusing you of that too:crazy:

BenMax
February 4th, 2009, 01:15 PM
Well luvmypitgirls - let me tell you a little story (condensed) to make you feel a little better. Firstly - you did good.:thumbs up

When my daughter was very young (4-5 years old) she had a horrible habit of coming home with objects that did not belong to her. I would go to the parents house and apologize on behalf of my child. Then one day she came home with a bike she 'found'. I brought her to the police station to explain her story. She learnt a lesson as she sat in a cell....yes a cell. (I knew the police sargent).

Now at the age of 18 she tells me how she remembered that moment. She thanked me.

Luvmypitgirls
February 4th, 2009, 02:03 PM
Many many thanks to all of you who have responded.
I have an update......

I am happy to announce that I was wrong!:D

The principal talked to the boy who gave the phone to my son, yes it was indeed a gift. However, Alfie apparently did not have his parents permission to give the phone away, but they are fine with it since he saved his pennies to buy a new phone for himself.

The principal did not talk to my son, but I made it a point to seek him out, and to tell him that I felt it was important to verify his story, and that I was very sorry for doubting him and that I was happy that I was wrong. I also told him that I am willing to put more trust in him.

He was very relieved, and thanked me for my apology, but what surprised me most was that he said he understood why I was questioning the situation, given he's lied to me a lot in the past. Hearing him say that made me very proud, and I believe we have reached that turning point in regards to his telling "stories".

He gave me a hug and told me he forgives me.

I believe I did what I had to do in this situation, and right now I am a very happy Mom!

Thank you to "ALL" of you who posted to me, I appreciate your support and understanding.....(whew) now I feel like I can relax:)

Jim Hall
February 4th, 2009, 02:07 PM
whew is right that was scarey glad it turned out ok

Diamondsmum
February 4th, 2009, 02:07 PM
OHHH LMPG That is wonderful to hear... & I am sooo happy that your son "forgives" you & understands why what happened.

I think kids "hide" this stuff from us out of fear we will take it away..

Luvmypitgirls
February 4th, 2009, 02:29 PM
OHHH LMPG That is wonderful to hear... & I am sooo happy that your son "forgives" you & understands why what happened.

I think kids "hide" this stuff from us out of fear we will take it away..

Yes Diamond, I think you hit the nail on the head. I think he was hiding it, because we have many times decided against getting him a cell phone for various reasons, the biggest being the horror stories I hear of parents opening bills for hundreds of dollars, my son likes to talk, a lot!
I told him that since he was being honest, I would be willing to put 30 dollars of minutes on his phone for him, but I'm only willing to do it once a month, if he burns thru them, tuff poopy for him. I also told him that perhaps he could look into getting a part time job this summer to pay for his own minutes. I won't let him work during the school year, he has a hard enough time as it is without throwing a job in the mix.

He's happy as punch that he gets to keep the phone, Alfie said he'll bring the charger to school tomorrow. I suppose my son should get the phone number from Alfie too, not much point in having a phone if we can't call him on it eh!

BenMax
February 4th, 2009, 02:35 PM
Children will understand and have more respect for their parents when we apologize.

So glad everything worked out. Phewww even I feel better.:)

ancientgirl
February 4th, 2009, 03:05 PM
I just read this and I'm so glad it turned out to be a gift. Your son has a very generous friend. I don't blame you for being suspicious. These days you never know.

rainbow
February 4th, 2009, 03:22 PM
I just read this now and YAY for the happy ending. :highfive:

angeldogs
February 4th, 2009, 03:25 PM
I'm glad it all turned out that he wasn't lying.i would have done the same thing as you.

14+kitties
February 4th, 2009, 03:53 PM
Luvmypitgirls - I am so glad this worked out for you. It sounds like you have a very solid foundation with your son. You did everything right.

whoooo hun.. I had same situation cept I was the giver (err actually my son was) I had my phone upgraded my Motorola Q went to my son his phone a (brandnew Motorola razor) I bught in may went to his buddy. he told his mom same situation.. Friend gave it to me.. (sans charger as Charger is busted) we charge it on PC. His mom accused him of stealing it from us.. & his Mom called me ... & I assured her that I infact had given it to him. (also a Pay as you go) We had no use for it. here & I felt that knowing this kid & taht all teens should have a cell.. made me happy to give it to him..

Just becareful.. & I would call the kids Mom to confirm.. (Sometimes people are nice)

my Sons buddies mom had to apologize to her son for yelling at him accusing him of lying/stealing blah blah.

Good luck

Have to say....... not so crazy about this scenario. If my child does not have a cell phone, and I could afford to give them one, then obviously there is a reason. I, as a very responsible parent, would have resented another parent taking it upon themselves to "give" my child a gift as expensive as that without clearing it with me first. Yes, it was a nice thing to do. Very nice as a matter of fact. But what if the child did not have a phone because the parents were using it as a gift in the future for say.... getting better marks? Or keeping their room clean? Or following cerfew..... something like that.
And then saying the buddies mom "had to apologize to her son". Not bloody likely. I would be sitting down with my child and having a conversation with them about being responsible and explaining why I "yelled at him accusing him of lying/stealing." JMO and I know there will be a lot who don't agree.

Diamondsmum
February 4th, 2009, 05:36 PM
14+

I think in my situation & I was somewhat rushed to type as I was going into a meeting. DS is 14 his buddie is 15 so to me that is a responsible age & should have 1. Both are in highschool.

The kid is like an adopted son.. and although yes mom jumped the gun (a lil) She in the end was grateful.. She knew it was an expense that in her eyes made her son grow up just that lil bit more. and resentful.. not at all maybe if it had been given to Joey (who i dont know very well) then yes I would of cleared it first with mom.

She felt terrible for accusing her son of stealing when in all reality he was trying to tell her to call me to verify and couldnt get 2 words in.

When the phone was handed over to him I also said if mom DOESNT approve we will take it back. To me when my kids school went in lock down due to a possible gun being seen or having a fire at the school which i believe I posted pics of & it was my DD's phone & Also DS's phone who all her friends were using to call moms & dads to tell them they were ok. Cemented to me that teens do need cells. & I think after that MANY kids parents bought them cell phones for those reasons alone.. I think Pay as you go is an awesome idea!!

Now saying that I have rules.. cells dont go in there rooms after bedtime, they are on mantel with ours. etc.

Its also cheaper to text them :P

There is also nothing wrong with apologizing to your kids .. but jumping to conclusions is..

14+kitties
February 4th, 2009, 05:58 PM
Diamondsmum - thank you for expanding further. It's nice to know the child is like another one of yours. In the OP's situation I was not sure if that was the case or not so just thought it may not fit. :shrug: Didn't mean to start a war.

I guess that's the joy of belonging to forums. We all have different opinions. :shrug:

Diamondsmum
February 4th, 2009, 06:02 PM
Nope no war :)

I knew i Should of editted it when I got out of meeting. <<me lazy>>

I think I have another cell here that is gonna be up for grab on Friday DD's is up for upgrade. LOL

allymack
February 4th, 2009, 07:56 PM
Thats great to ehar it was a gift. I think you did the right thing for sure, i mean you had the right to be wondering where he suddenly had gotten a cell phone from, especially without a charger. The fact that he was trying to hide itw ould have just made you more suspicious, but like Diamonds mom said, he might have been afraid you would have taken it away.

I told him that since he was being honest, I would be willing to put 30 dollars of minutes on his phone for him, but I'm only willing to do it once a month, if he burns thru them, tuff poopy for him. I also told him that perhaps he could look into getting a part time job this summer to pay for his own minutes. I won't let him work during the school year, he has a hard enough time as it is without throwing a job in the mix.


I tihnk that was a really nice thing for you to do for him , it shows your sorry and willing to give him more responsibility. i am so glad to hear it was just a gift!

Melinda
February 5th, 2009, 06:24 AM
if only the world had more parents like you......

Luvmypitgirls
February 5th, 2009, 12:10 PM
Thats great to ehar it was a gift. I think you did the right thing for sure, i mean you had the right to be wondering where he suddenly had gotten a cell phone from, especially without a charger. The fact that he was trying to hide itw ould have just made you more suspicious, but like Diamonds mom said, he might have been afraid you would have taken it away

I tihnk that was a really nice thing for you to do for him , it shows your sorry and willing to give him more responsibility. i am so glad to hear it was just a gift!

He came home after school and laughed at me lol, he said "see Mom...I was listening about telling the truth!" Lil stinker! lol.

if only the world had more parents like you......

Wow that's quite the compliment, thank you:)

clm
February 5th, 2009, 12:18 PM
Nothing better than a happy ending. :cloud9:

Cindy

Dog Dancer
February 5th, 2009, 01:36 PM
I agree with Melinda, and I also feel you did absolutely everything right. Especially the apology to your son. How can we expect our kids to learn if we are not willing to lead. If you made a wrong assumption you own up to it and apologize. You did great!!! Your son will learn so much from this. Including that next time maybe he should just say something up front. It's a win win situation.

Melinda
February 6th, 2009, 08:35 AM
He came home after school and laughed at me lol, he said "see Mom...I was listening about telling the truth!" Lil stinker! lol.



Wow that's quite the compliment, thank you:)

you're welcome, I've helped raise over 63 children in the past 21 yrs, some for a few weeks, others for years (private home daycare), I have from age newborn to age 9, the older ones are ones that are hard to place and have already been evicted from 2 daycares, I'm their last hope most times. So believe me when I say we need more caring parents that are willing to listen, seek the truth and apologize when wrong.....so many kids need to learn that parents do care, they do want following guidelines etc and to make sure they follow set rules..I could go on forever on this topic *L* sorry.