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Very Big Crisis

want4rain
September 10th, 2008, 03:48 PM
my sister screwed up. i wont get into the details because i dont want to start crying. suffice to say she will be without a home come tomorrow evening, possibly the next.

she has 2 cats and a cute little 2yo pitty mix. i *may* have a home for the cats. i do not for the dog. what are my options? we can not take her. we are already shouldering the burden of the *rest* of her.... screw ups. this is not the dogs fault and would like to pull this off with the least trauma to her.

i hope my marriage has the strength to survive this. i hope those that my sister abused still have some generosity to extend to those of us who have to clean her mess up.

-ash

krdahmer
September 10th, 2008, 03:52 PM
Sorry to hear that! Maybe you could call local rescues and see if there are any emergency foster homes that could help out temporarily and give you a chance to sort it out.

14+kitties
September 10th, 2008, 07:31 PM
It sounds like you fix your sister's problems a lot. That is unfortunate. :grouphug:

coppperbelle
September 10th, 2008, 07:38 PM
Is there a rescue group in your area? Explain the urgency and hopefully they will be able to help out.
I hope this all works out for you and your marriage does not suffer.

Judith22
September 10th, 2008, 07:41 PM
Try advertising in Kijiji for a loving home for a free dog and screen people.

want4rain
September 10th, 2008, 07:43 PM
*sigh* well thing only got messier.... rather i ahve a friend taking her cat Ashes until she takes a drug test. she has had Ashes for over 8 years.... i would think that would be enough to get her to take a drug test... we will tackle the other cat and the dog when we have to.

thanks for the love/group hugs guys, here and privately!! this has been a hugely stressful day!! we have gotten some good news but probably more bad news. *sigh*

-ashley

14+kitties
September 10th, 2008, 07:53 PM
Try advertising in Kijiji for a loving home for a free dog and screen people.

Judith - I know you mean well but Kijiji is the very last place to advertise a free animal. Or any animal for that matter. :sad:

Judith22
September 10th, 2008, 07:53 PM
There is an old saying it's always darkest before the dawn.
Things will work out.

kathryn
September 10th, 2008, 08:00 PM
Look for a pittie rescue. Best of luck to you... I'm having a bad past couple weeks but ~hugs~ because we will all get threw our problems eventually.

Love4himies
September 11th, 2008, 08:16 AM
I am sorry to hear about your sister :grouphug:. I hope all works out for you and the pets. :fingerscr:goodvibes:

want4rain
September 11th, 2008, 10:18 AM
i didnt fall asleep until midnight, i was up at 430 this morning worrying. i called the drug help line and they were oodles of helpful information. im off this morning to talk to the bail bonds lady today to see if i can get her husbands bond revoked. when (if) that happens, i will pick up a drug test and do my best to manipulate her into rehab. i have a friend taking Ashes for the weekend (he thinks her 'temperamental woman' attitude is attractive in a cat) or possibly longer. i think given the situation my mom will be more forgiving of the pets she has resented for the last few years. :(

anyone here have any experience with rehab?? any suggestions as to what to look for?? i want to do this right the first time around. if it means pooling together some money to PAY for it versus the free governmental assistance ones.... :sad: :sad: :sad:

-ashley

Love4himies
September 11th, 2008, 10:29 AM
Here in Canada as far as I know there isn't any private rehab facilities, only counselling. When I needed the actual rehap facilities help, I was told if the person in question was 16 years or older, they would not do anything unless this person came forward.

badger
September 11th, 2008, 10:33 AM
Wow, it all sounds incredibly stressful. 'Getting it right' is your sister's responsibility, not yours, please remember that.
Does she have any children?

ancientgirl
September 11th, 2008, 11:14 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this, and with all you are dealing with right now too. :grouphug:

I hope your sister gets some help, and I hope you can find permanent homes for her pets.:fingerscr

BenMax
September 11th, 2008, 12:52 PM
Try advertising in Kijiji for a loving home for a free dog and screen people.

DO NOT DO THIS! Sorry - you never know who will take this dog. There are animal dealers that actively look for circumstances such as this.

Melinda
September 11th, 2008, 01:10 PM
I'm not sure about the states, but here in canada you can sign to have your sister commited to a rehab in the hospital if you think she is a danger to herself or could possibly harm another. I've had to do it with my sis for drugs/alcohol, that was 6 yrs ago........she is now remarried, a grama and works in a doctors office...............keep your chin up and do what ever it takes to place her in any type of facility now and then look around for a better or closer place to you, she needs her family at this time.

Love4himies
September 11th, 2008, 02:22 PM
I'm not sure about the states, but here in canada you can sign to have your sister commited to a rehab in the hospital if you think she is a danger to herself or could possibly harm another. I've had to do it with my sis for drugs/alcohol, that was 6 yrs ago........she is now remarried, a grama and works in a doctors office...............keep your chin up and do what ever it takes to place her in any type of facility now and then look around for a better or closer place to you, she needs her family at this time.

I couldn't get this done in AB, I was told only if they think this person was going to commit suicide (severe depression) or murder somebody, being an addict did not qualify.:frustrated:

lotus
September 11th, 2008, 02:43 PM
Melinda is right here in Ontario it can be done although not easy to do, I have had to do this a few times for my son who suffers mental illness.
As for the US If you can convince your sister she needs help, she can go to a state operated facility and admit her self. Another way is talk to someone on the drug help line they can point you in the right direction. :grouphug:for you it is not easy my sister screws up a lot. This may sound harsh but if you and other family members keep bailing her out she will not learn to help her self some times you have to use tough love it's not easy for her or for you. Keep your head up.:goodvibes:

Dog Dancer
September 11th, 2008, 03:51 PM
I feel for you right now. Firstly, I'm sure you know, do not advertise the dog for free on the internet or anywhere. Yikes!!! Rescues are the route to go. And I agree that as long as you keep bailing her out she won't take responsibility for herself. If you need to lie to get her into a facility (like I think she's going to kill herself) then I say go ahead and do it. But honestly, she has to want to be treated for it to have any effect at all. Good luck to you all, and to the poor animals that she's dragging along with her.:grouphug:

Melinda
September 11th, 2008, 04:29 PM
I couldn't get this done in AB, I was told only if they think this person was going to commit suicide (severe depression) or murder somebody, being an addict did not qualify.:frustrated:could this be only in Ontario? the ward we had to admit her to was the phyc ward. "harm" themselves would sort of be under suicide, it was at our general hospital

Ford Girl
September 11th, 2008, 04:35 PM
anyone here have any experience with rehab?? any suggestions as to what to look for?? i want to do this right the first time around. if it means pooling together some money to PAY for it versus the free governmental assistance ones.... :sad: :sad: :sad:
-ashley

Hi. Unfortunitly I have experience with rehab and addiction, my much younger brother is an addict and an alcohalic and as quick as people are to say this is your sisters mess to clean up, I know that staying out of it is not always possible, no matter how you try and no matter how much of a pain in the ass this is and how much it affects your life, you still do it for a loved one...no matter what. No offense but sorry to everyone else who thinks its that easy, its not. :o It's a nightmare.

There is a difference between enabling them and helping them, so the first thing I'd ask is...is your sister ready for rehab? Will she accpet the help? Will cleaning up this mess enable her to continue her lifestyle? Is she at her rock bottom? I don't know the US systems at all, just the canadian rehab systems, and in Alberta, there's tones of help - private and government funded.

Just wanted to say I know how you feel and can relate to your frustration and worry. :grouphug:

Here in Canada as far as I know there isn't any private rehab facilities, only counselling. When I needed the actual rehap facilities help, I was told if the person in question was 16 years or older, they would not do anything unless this person came forward.

Yes, is over 16 they have to sign themselves in, but you can have them sign a time commitment as in 90 days...where they cant sign out without consent from their sponser. Again, I dont know about US systems but I assume unless you have intent to harm certification, she will need to sign herself in.

:grouphug:

want4rain
September 11th, 2008, 08:53 PM
This may sound harsh but if you and other family members keep bailing her out she will not learn to help her self some times you have to use tough love it's not easy for her or for you. Keep your head up.:goodvibes:

i know. thats the point we had reached before until we had talked to some of the people involved with her(our) financial troubles and they all pointed their fingers at drugs. at this point in time, she has one bail out. if she isnt ready and willing to pull herself out of this, we have no choice but to put her out. :( they have been taking moms debt card and buying things. we canceled the card just in case they had the number somewhere. things will get ugly tomorrow... i hope we survive this. thankfully most of the services here are free for drug abuse.

im not the praying type but if you guys could send your thoughts up to the god(dess) of your choice.... i know i am.

thank you so much for the support here.

-ashley

t.pettet
September 11th, 2008, 08:57 PM
A friend of 30 odd years was recently incarcerated for numerous offences while he was on crack, while in jail he asked for re-hab help or do a 2 yr. term and a guy from The Salvation Army signed him up under their program including financial coverage. Some of these ministries run re-hab, worth looking into.

want4rain
September 11th, 2008, 09:31 PM
Ford Girl,

thats what we will find out over the next few days. if she isnt ready for help, she will be out the door and a restraining order will be set so she can not go near Mom, who is the one who has unknowingly enabled this for so long already. when she IS ready, she will know where to come. we will make sure of that when she leaves. tomorrow while they are at court we are confiscating the pets. if the proverbial snot hits the fan.... they will have homes.

iam fairly sure at this point that its heroin and cocaine.

we talked to a councillor in the county she lives in and he was able to help us figure out what we can do, what we should do, where we draw the line and how to manage all of that.

my foods here. im going to go eat.

again, thank you guys so much for your comfort and support. :)

-ash

growler~GateKeeper
September 12th, 2008, 01:06 AM
:goodvibes: :fingerscr your sister is ready & asks for help :pray:

:grouphug:

want4rain
September 12th, 2008, 05:58 PM
:grouphug::grouphug:
:highfive:

what ever good vibes, love, prayers you guys offered worked. things look much better after having talked to my sister. she is staying the weekend. getting ready to take a home drug test. her husband is in jail and unable to get out... this went well. far better than we imagined.

-ashley

JennieV
September 12th, 2008, 07:12 PM
Sending :goodvibes: and :pray: yous way... Be strong, this won't be easy... just keep at it, things will work out. :grouphug::grouphug:

BeagleMum
September 12th, 2008, 07:40 PM
Wow, I fel for you. I am keeping everything crossed for you that things go well this weekend for you guys and that the situation continues to improve. Hang in there!!

sugarcatmom
September 12th, 2008, 08:14 PM
things look much better after having talked to my sister.

Phew! Glad to hear it. What a *****fest you're having to sort out! Keepin' the :goodvibes: flowing that everything stays positive. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/hug008.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

Love4himies
September 12th, 2008, 08:18 PM
:goodvibes::fingerscr and :grouphug:. Addiction affects the whole family and they all need to be involved in the rehabilitation process. Best wishes, you and your family are in my thoughts, w4r.

want4rain
September 13th, 2008, 03:57 PM
so we ahve done a great deal of talking and working through things. i still wanna kill her for the *thousands* we are in debt now but in hearing some of the abusive things her husband has been doing.... the fact that she made it through all of that without using herself speaks a great deal to me. she didnt pass a home drug test but we expected that. she is accepting that we are searching her belongings regularly (im trying not to be an ass about it) and will likely be drug testing her regularly. (my gosh those things are expensive!!!)

she will probably be staying here through monday. her husband has visiting then and she wants to go talk to him.

i know she loves him, she misses him, is heart broken this has happened... but i think more than anything else she is relieved its 'over'. she isnt stealing money to feed his addiction, ripping off friends to bail him out of jail....

apparently, we found out later today, that he got another girl pregnant. *sigh*

we are heading to the lake with a friend to just get away and try not to think about things. seems the whole country is in a panic over Ike..... cant find gas anywhere. *rolls eyes*

-ashley

ancientgirl
September 13th, 2008, 04:08 PM
At least she's cooperating, which that in itself is a big part of helping her get through this.

I wish you continued luck with her and this entire situation. I know it can't be easy for you as well.:grouphug:

want4rain
September 15th, 2008, 11:17 PM
she said the reason she wouldnt be able test clean on opiates were prescription drugs... i think that was a lie. i also think she was using cocaine more than she admitted to.

we had a... better time at the lake. she kept begging me for some pills of her husbands... opiate blockers?? i will call the councillor back today to talk about out patient rehab.

the lake went smoothly, drive home went smoothly... i left her at moms house and had a nuclear melt down on the way home. had to pull off on the side of the road and cry my eyes out. im glad my best friend was there. he has been priceless through out all of this.

sorry for the SHORT update... we also had a water main break at my daughters school.... our hot water heater is leaking into our already too humid crawl space..... *sigh* doc gave me some Ambien (in case i have trouble sleeping) and the number to a therapist he thinks i might get along with.

i wrote most of this earlier.... its bed time now. our hot water heater is fixed and i just got out of the shower. im heading to bed. thanks for listening and sending your love.

im so very sorry for not responding to a few PM's. i promise i will get to them. tomorrow looks to be quieter. :)

-ash

Jim Hall
September 15th, 2008, 11:26 PM
hope her visit goes well