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Baby's coming so bye bye kitty. Loooooong rant.

ancientgirl
September 3rd, 2008, 10:49 AM
I'm beyond annoyed. One of my friends is expecting her first baby in January. This was not a planned pregnancy. But right now that's neither here nor there. For the last couple of months, my friend and her BF have been looking for a house. Her mom who has been dying for a grandchild for ages is helping her not only by putting up a lot of the money, but she's going to be living with them and take care of the baby for her. Another train wreck I see happening, since she and her mom don't get along well, but again, neither here nor there.

Here's the issue, or issues.

She has a Jack Russell (Twiggy), she's had for about 8 or 9 years, and a beagle (Louie) who is I think about 4 or 5. Her BF brought with him to live with them his shihtzu (sp)-(Gordo) . The dogs get along well enough, but my friend has been telling me Twiggy has been really snappy towards her and growls and barks a lot. I told her that he probably notices a change in her appearance and in her demeanor, and might be wondering who she is. Sure enough after checking a bit online, I read on a few sights, some dogs experience this sort of change in behavior because a woman's scent changes slightly during pregnancy, and it seems Twiggy might be picking up on this.

Now I told her this and sent her some links to read, just so she could understand Twiggy was going through some confusing times.

All her BF says about this is "If he does something to the baby when it's born I'll kill him." WTH?

Okay, so now the dogs are going to be relegated to the outdoors when the baby is born, no if's and's or but's.

NOW, yesterday I'm driving to work and we're talking and she tells me this. "I don't know how to ask you, but my mom has a cat she's had for a long time and she wants to give it away when she comes to live with us because she's afraid she might do something to the baby. Can you take it or do you know someone who can?"

Okay, WTH?

First, I told her I am at my cat limit. I've been extremely lucky in that the kitty ecosystem in my apartment is running pretty smoothly. I bring another cat into the mix, and I think my luck will have run out.

Second, I just CANNOT afford another cat. The food, the litter and vet visits now and then, I just can't afford it! I'm already cutting it really close with their current food, if I got another cat, I'd have to sacrifice the quality of food for everyone!

Third, she's basing this need to get rid of the cat on stupid old wives tales about the cat suffocating the baby, or the cat smelling milk on the baby's breath and killing him! Oh and btw, my friends mom has had this cat for 10 years!!!! The cat is 12 years old!!!

I flat out told her, "That cat is a senior, a little viejita, if your mom gives that cat up she will die of a broken heart."

Now today she calls me and tells me her mom found blood in the litter box and what do I think that might be.

So I'm a vet now? I told her to tell her mom to take her to the vet. She's an old cat, it could be anything. Then I wondered how convenient that now suddenly the cat is having a medical issue.

I can't stand this. I can't stand that this woman is now just abandoning her cat she's had for 10 years because she's going to take care of a grandchild. She's not even thinking about options or taking advice about how she can just keep the cat in her room.

But what do I expect. My friend has already allowed this man to dictate how her dogs are treated in their current apartment. They can no longer sit on the furniture like they used to, they can no longer share the bed, like they used to, Twiggy already spends 75% of his time inside his crate, even when they are home. And the dogs are already going to be regulated to the yard once they get a house. What can I expect for a poor 12 year old cat?

:yell::yell::yell::yell:

My brain hurts just thinking about this. I'm even starting to feel guilty for telling her I can't take it in, but I just can't! I've got enough on my plate with my current gang. If I lived in a bigger apartment, or a small house, I'd have said yes in a millisecond!

It just makes me so angry. These little creatures, who you made a commitment to, who have given you so much love and joy, now are regulated to the lowest level of the totem pole because of a baby. There's no need to do this. There are ways for a baby and your pet to coexist!:wall::wall::wall:

I just need to vent. I've already said all I can say to my friend. I've told her before she needs to just grow a pair and tell her BF to cool his jets with the dogs, but she didn't listen. I've sent her links, articles and given her my opinion, there's nothing more I can do or say. I know the outcome and I'm sick to death about it. Anger is what I feel right now, anger and distress over the fate of those poor animals. I hope I'm wrong and she does step up to the plate when the time comes, but I don't see it happening. She's pretty much let this guy do what he wants to do for this long, so no doubt he will continue to do so.:sad:

Love4himies
September 3rd, 2008, 11:22 AM
You should let her know that cats and dogs have not yet eradicated the human race so hers will probably not kill off her offspring :rolleyes: :laughing:
I had two cats and a dog when I had my daughter and had ZERO problems. They were all indoor pets so they had plenty of chances to "do harm" to her.

I would recommend that she not clean the kitty litter boxes though, cats can slough off parasites that may be dangerous to fetuses;)

ancientgirl
September 3rd, 2008, 11:31 AM
Her mom isn't living with her yet. Not until they get a house.

I hate when people use these dumb excuses.

My best friend had two babies while living with two cats, and they never had any issues! Her sister asked her to keep her cat while she was pregnant because she was using the litter excuse. She had her sisters cat for almost 4 years, and had two of her own during that time. But turns out my friend became pregnant while watching her sisters cat.

She relegated her hubby to litter box duty, and that was that.

It just suddenly becomes an inconvenience though right? Suddenly it's just too much to raise a baby and have pets. :rolleyes:

Love4himies
September 3rd, 2008, 11:48 AM
People today are very self centred and are raising children who are worse.

Wonder how these people think humans survived with 12 kids, making all their food and clothes from scratch, have the kids playing outside all day in the mud with the barn cats and dogs and only having baths once a week, no dishwasher to sterilize the dishes and antibacterial soap to wash their hands :rolleyes:. I wouldn't trade my childhood of playing outside, carefree, with dogs and cats for the life children have today.

ancientgirl
September 3rd, 2008, 12:04 PM
I saw something not long ago, on the food network about food allergies and how we are creating many allergies in our society by not exposing kids to some of these things at a young age. I don't know how true that is for food, but I can say my allergies to my cats have subsided considerably these past few months. A lot of it is exposure.

I hear this a lot from people. Miguel tells me in Cuba they used to feed their dogs and cats anything and everything, and they lived many many years :shrug: And I know when I was a kid there wasn't half the "dangers" we see all around us these days. Not saying the danger isn't out there, but if we put ourselves and kids in a bubble from the time they are born, then what kind of a person can you expect that child to grow up to be?

BenMax
September 3rd, 2008, 12:12 PM
Ancientgirl - you have every right to be pissed! Nice friends - trying to sluff off this onto you! They obviously know that this will bother you and you may feel compelled to take in this cat. Nice people!!

Something similiar happened to me when I met someone as well. I moved in with him and all of the sudden the 'rules' changed. I stuck to my guns and when it came down to one of my dogs being diagnosed with cancer all heck broke loose. He demanded that I 'get rid of the dog'. While he went to work, I called a moving company and cleared that place!

Since I do work with rescues, people come to me ALL the time with unwanted pets. I also feel guilty but they know I am going to take them in or find something somewhere.

Let them figure this out on their own. They are very selfish if you ask me on two folds. #1 - burdening you with this stupidity and #2 - their total ignorance and disregard for their poor pets.

Rant away girl - you have every right.:yell:

kathryn
September 3rd, 2008, 12:16 PM
My old cat Remmie was my uncles cat first and he gave her to me because she kept trying to kill my little cousin (newborn at the time). She was already an evil little monster :evil: before they had the baby. It's very unlikely that a cat or a dog that is already a well trained house pet will even care about a new addition to the family. Besides, if someone is worried that the cat or dog will harm the baby, they are obviously not paying close enough attention to the baby to begin with!

ancientgirl
September 3rd, 2008, 12:24 PM
BenMax, good for you for letting that jerk know your pet wasn't disposable. That's the problem with some people, they think giving ultimatums when it comes to animals is the answer. It bit your BF in the butt though. My friend didn't stand up for her dogs from the get go, so this gave her BF permission in his eyes to say what he wants.

My gang is there to stay, and that's not negotiable.

Kathryn, you are correct. A well trained pet and one that's had no issues should not be hard to introduce to a baby. AND most important, a new baby should not be left alone.

Heck, my best friend came over a few weeks ago with her kids, that day I took off from work and spent with them. Her kids are 7 and 9, did I let them near my gang, yes and no. I warned them to just be very careful, especially with Vlad who although friendly, might swat at them with the intention of playing but would accidentally hurt them. I instead picked up Kiska, who minded the least being picked up and I let the kids pet her.

It's not hard to be a little bit responsible around kids and pets.

BenMax
September 3rd, 2008, 12:32 PM
When I have company that have kids I make it very clear that the parents are to monitor their children. I REFUSE to PUT AWAY my animals - you don't like it - there is a balcony or the road. Am I popular - nope! Personally I don't give a hoot! I live with my pets whom I will never ever give up and some selected few friends come over when they like - they know my opinions. As far as family goes they do not approve of my way of life and I just tune them out!

Sometimes it really doesn't matter what you tell people. If they are not open, they are not open! It sounds to me that they were looking for an excuse and now they have one. What goes around, comes around ....and it will.

ancientgirl
September 3rd, 2008, 12:51 PM
I'm hoping she steps up to the plate. She's always talking about how concerned she is about her dogs, and I've seen that real concern in the past. But ever since this guy came into her life, well you know the drill.

I don't get much company with little kids, just my one friend. But people know, I've really got no where to put my gang, other than the bathroom or shutting them in the kitchen, and that's just not happening. They're really no bother. When I have company, Maks shoots up the stairs and doesn't come out until after the people leave. Vlad, Oksana, Kiska and Czarina will investigate but pretty much go about their way eventually.

My nephew loves to play with Vlad when he comes over but he's 15, and I'll still warn him about Vlad's nails and if he feeds him treats, his teeth. Now, if he gets scratched or accidentally nipped, well he got warning.

I warn, that's it, I do my duty but make it clear, that's their home too. Heck, they live there more than I do!

joeysmama
September 3rd, 2008, 04:25 PM
My mother and aunts all told me the same thing about the cat sucking the baby's breath. The only part of "cat" and "sucks" that belonged in the same sentence was "The cat thought it sucked that we had a baby." :laughing: She wanted no part of him, not even curious and she turned her back whenever he was in the room for the first 3 weeks. After that it was as if he had always been there. She never gave him a glance and certainly never sat on him or tried to breathe in the milk from his breath.

If you're careful not to change the litter there's no reason for anything else in your life--or your cat's life-to change.

I hate to see people rehome animals needlessly--and it's almost always needlessly, in my opinon. But in this case I almost hope that they do. (If they were to find loving homes of course) They shouldn't have pets.:frustrated:

ancientgirl
September 3rd, 2008, 05:12 PM
Rehoming them would be hard. I don't know anyone who would take them, and I know I can't. She'd wind up taking them to a shelter. :sad:

jessi76
September 3rd, 2008, 07:15 PM
I wouldn't trade my childhood of playing outside, carefree, with dogs and cats for the life children have today.

ditto! I think all children should grow up in an animal loving home, to know the incredible bond one can have with an animal, to learn the responsibility from the start and not just when one feels a child is "ready", to grow, learn, and just LIVE in such an environment.

We have 2 cats, one dog, and welcomed a baby into our lives last year. I had rules to start, the cats and dog weren't allowed to be alone in the nursery until they learned the rules - no sleeping IN the crib, no chewing the toys, and binkies are NOT for dogs. other than that, they could hang out all they liked.

If anything, I think it's actually easier to have a baby and pets. Pets are natural baby-entertainers, natural baby-monitors, and are naturally great at getting a fussy baby to SLEEP. I can't tell you how many times my boy has fallen into a peaceful deep sleep to the rhythmic purring of my cats.

maybe if you point out some positives about pets + baby she may be willing to give it a chance.

ancientgirl
September 3rd, 2008, 07:44 PM
Jessi, everything you said I totally agree with, but it's not so much my friend as her mom and BF.

I'm speaking from my own experience, many older Latin folks think of animals in a different way. My friends BF grew up mainly in Columbia, and I gather for whatever reason, he was raised to believe in those dumb old wives tales.

I didn't grow up with many pets. The most we had were parakeets or fish. My parents just didn't have the childhood pet owning experience so neither did my brother and I. Don't make me tell you about the stories I've heard about what some people do with cats in Cuba. Let's just say if I ever visited my family, I'd never actually eat at anybody's house that I didn't know.

I'm not saying ALL Cubans or Latins do this or feel this way, I'm saying some do.

I'm hoping my friend can talk some sense into her mom and BF. But I'm not holding my breath.

krdahmer
September 4th, 2008, 12:36 AM
People today are very self centred and are raising children who are worse.

Wonder how these people think humans survived with 12 kids, making all their food and clothes from scratch, have the kids playing outside all day in the mud with the barn cats and dogs and only having baths once a week, no dishwasher to sterilize the dishes and antibacterial soap to wash their hands :rolleyes:. I wouldn't trade my childhood of playing outside, carefree, with dogs and cats for the life children have today.

:thumbs up Ya exactly. This new bubble dwelling 'me,me,me' generation scares the crap out of me. It's not doing a kid any favours for the whole world to seemingly revolve around them from the get-go.

histears
September 4th, 2008, 07:41 AM
It always upsets me when people try to ditch their animals just because of a baby or moving or something like that. I just doesn't make sense to me at all. If you get a pet isn't it supposed to be a part of your family? When people come to my house it's well known that they will get licked and they will have dog fur to contend. I have allergies too and I live with it and do what I can to curb the symptoms. I've never had any major issues. I would never get rid of my pets just because someone told me too. We are adopting a baby in January and I have already had to be firm with some of my friends about not getting rid of Zena just because a baby was coming. (the Pit Bull thing again) story of my life. She is a part of our home and will be til her death when she is nice and old. There are ways around just about everything. No one is going to want to take in a 12 year old cat. That's crazy to even think anyone would. It sounds like your friend has a hard time standing up for herself. That's sad. :frustrated:

ancientgirl
September 4th, 2008, 07:48 AM
Yeah, the new generation scares me too. It's all about them. You see it everywhere. They're going to have a serious shock when they have to deal with the real world.

My friend told me this morning that her mom hasn't seen any more blood, and that she said she's got these crystals in her urine. I asked if her mom fed her cat dry food, and she said yes how did I know. :rolleyes: I told her about cats not getting enough moisture with dry and dry contributes to urinary tract issues.

I'm getting to where I don't even want to hear any more. I feel so bad for this cat, who's future is up in the air. :sad:

chico2
September 4th, 2008, 08:01 AM
AG,I can say nothing but:yell::wall:about people like that.
I can tell you one thing though,if this friend lets her BF dictate what she does to her dogs,other negative things will follow and that relationship is doomed.:evil:

ancientgirl
September 4th, 2008, 08:30 AM
Chico, frankly, I'm really surprised about her taking this attitude. But thinking back on it, I shouldn't. She did the same thing with her last boyfriend. He pretty much dictated how the animals would be in the house.

I hope things work out for her, but this entire situation is a little aggravating to watch. She's very much the kind of person who is not a pushover, except when it comes to her boyfriends. There are certain things she just doesn't stand up for.

I don't like her BF, and I don't like the way he's wormed his way into her life. But for good or bad, he's there to stay, at least for now. And since there is soon to be a child involved, then it's just going to be worse.

BenMax
September 4th, 2008, 10:28 AM
And since there is soon to be a child involved, then it's just going to be worse.

You pretty much summed it up here. I have a feeling that she will be 'visiting' you quite a bit in the near future.

ancientgirl
September 4th, 2008, 10:34 AM
Probably not visiting, but I know I'll be getting more phone calls. Honestly, I hope it works out for her, but it's hard to think it will. She has always said she didn't want kids, now she is with this guy for less than a year and she's living with him, supporting him when he was out of work for like 4 months (he finally did get a job now), gets pregnant, is in need of bigger house and will be living with her mom who she barely gets along with.

*sigh*

BenMax
September 4th, 2008, 10:47 AM
A recipe for disaster - but let's hope them the best for the sake of the child. What a mess! And poor animals - I wonder what the future holds for them.

ancientgirl
September 4th, 2008, 11:35 AM
I'm trying not to think about it. It's enough I'm already feeling guilty for not saying I'd take the cat.

Soter
September 10th, 2008, 07:04 AM
Oh my gosh!!!!

because of nothing about poor twiggy the dog they all have to go outside?? and the poor kitty too!:wall::wall::wall::wall::wall::

Oh it makes me mad!!!

amaya
September 10th, 2008, 08:32 AM
This is so common, it makes me so angry. It's just pure ignorance.

Okay I have 5 cats, permanent dwellers, viejitos now. I have a daughter. I heard nothing but this kind of ridiculousness when I was pregnant (cat as succubus myths). Including, 'what are you going to do if your baby is allergic to your cats'. 'Well, I'll just have to get rid of the kid, I used to say'. That shut them up. No but really, I'm glad that wasn't a problem, because REAL allergies to cats are awful. (I twice have been seriously allergic reactions to two cats, and it was a really horrible lesson in how terrible serious REAL allergies can be!!!). I say REAL, because much of the time I believe this is just an excuse.

My daughter has been exposed to 50+ foster cats and dogs going through my home. She has loved them all. It's true that when she was a baby, one of the cats would try to sleep with her, cuddling up to her. I would always stop this, mostly because of cat hair in a babies mouth, that's terrible, and babies can't push away a cat, so choke on the hair. But you know, there are doable solutions, like closing the door! Now my daughter is 11 and that same cat sleeps with her every night. They are best friends.

Anyways, as we all know with rescue work, having a baby & moving are the two most common reasons for getting rid of 4 legged family members. I hate to say this, but if this is where these people are at so early on in these new set of circumstances, I predict that these animals will all be needing new homes sooner or later. You can get away with saying a bit here and there, but at a certain point, there is no amount of 'teaching' you can really do here.

This will be difficult for your friendship. If you can manage to stay in contact and let go of what you can't really change, you can at least still be there to help find the best homes for them if they decide to get rid of them. Otherwise, these animals are probably going to end up posted on kijiji.com as 'free to a good home'.

The problem here unfortunately goes back to societies attitude towards animals. People who suddenly find there animals inconvenient when live throws curves at them, how do you change that?

You can bet that you are having an affect on these friends. I know this is hard to do, but try to de-escalate the 'panic' mode they are going into about this. Help them to see what is working and good about what is happening. Hopefully they relax and realize that they can have it all, a beautiful new baby, and their 4 legged friends. But don't be too hard on yourself if you can't convince them to love their animals unconditionally.

I wish this wasn't so $2#%!!?/*+ common.

Good luck.

ancientgirl
September 10th, 2008, 09:11 AM
I know all too well about real allergies. After having mine for a little over a year I've only just now begun to stop taking so many medications.

I told my friend that another friend of ours had two kids with two cats living in the household, and she never had any issues. It's just using common sense, that's all it is for goodness sake.

I'm still trying to get her to just tell her mom and bf to cool their jets. There's no reason to automatically think the worst. I'm hoping that her own conscience kicks in and doesn't let those animals suffer because of stupid superstitions and misinformation.

14+kitties
September 10th, 2008, 10:02 AM
NOW, yesterday I'm driving to work and we're talking and she tells me this. "I don't know how to ask you, but my mom has a cat she's had for a long time and she wants to give it away when she comes to live with us because she's afraid she might do something to the baby. Can you take it or do you know someone who can

I have stayed out of this thread until now but dang, it's hard!
Your "friend" is trying to lay the guilt on you when it in no way is your fault. What kind of a person is that mom of hers? The cat loves her for 12 years unconditionally and this is how they pay it back! Yeah, get rid of it. Who cares. THE CAT CARES! Not that it matters to that mom. Gawd, I hope that grandbaby comes out perfect cause if not they will want to ditch it too. :mad:


Cats can steal the air from a baby's mouth.
False. This tale goes back hundreds of years to a time when cats were associated with witchcraft and evil spirits. Cat-lovers, rest easy it's anatomically impossible for a cat or other animal to suffocate a baby by sealing the baby's mouth with its own. Even so, cats and other pets should be supervised around small children and introduced to a baby gradually. You should also keep cats (just as you should keep other pets and items such as blankets and plush toys) out of your baby's crib or bassinet

That statement was taken from:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/aches/old_wives_tales.html

which has some other interesting stuff too. :rolleyes:
Not that they will care. Their minds are set on throwing this cat out like yesterday's newspaper. :sad:

ancientgirl
September 10th, 2008, 10:36 AM
She is trying to give me a guilt trip, because she knows how much I love cats and how badly I'd feel to knowing the poor cat might be given up. Especially since she knows I just took in Czarina, which is what I used to tell her I absolutely could not take in another cat.

I wish I could take them all in, but I just can't physically, emotionally and monetarily right now.

I'll send her that link, but as you said I don't know how much that will help.

And for the record, her mom is a jerk. I hadn't seen her in several years and can you believe the first thing she'd said to me was how fat I was? I can't expect much from her regarding a poor cat.:loser: And right now all she's thinking about is having a grandchild.

krdahmer
September 10th, 2008, 12:03 PM
:frustrated:

Well maybe someone should point out what a horrible example she is setting for said grandchild!

:wall:

It's ok to be heartless... and ditch your responsibilities when you feel like it... and what? life is cheap.... life lessons I sure want my grandkids to learn from me....:loser:

ancientgirl
September 10th, 2008, 12:18 PM
My friend isn't exactly doing a stellar job herself if she's going to let her BF and mom dictate what happens to the pets in that family.:frustrated:

babymomma
September 22nd, 2008, 06:02 PM
Just wondering what has happened with the cat? Sorry if its already been Said somehwere, i must have missed it..:o

ancientgirl
September 22nd, 2008, 06:20 PM
No, her mom still has the cat. They're still house hunting and she doesn't have the baby until January, so nothing's been done yet. Hopefully she'll be able to convince her mom to just keep her in her room. An old kitty like that should live out her final days with her family.