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Would You?

Byrd
February 20th, 2008, 08:17 PM
Okay, so this is a kind of personal poll, but I'm in a dilema.

This is how it boils down, I bring home about $1900/month and the bills turn out to be this way: Rent $700, Car $285, Insurance $100, home (contents) insurance $20, Cable/internet $115, Phone $60, Visa pay off $100 min, Chiropractor $200 (yes, it is a necessity), Gas $50 So this leaves about $300 for food, toiletries, dog supplies, etc.

Now, I have been given the opportunity to move back into my mom's (her tenant just moved out), it's a 'mini' basement apartment, there is a livingroom, bedroom, bathroom, but no kitchen. So, we will shave off $400 from the rent (she would charge $300) and the home ins and most of the cable (I would still pay for the internet and PVR rental). So I would save about $500 per month in just basic bills.

I am trying to buy a house, but have only been pre-approved for $115,000 so this would allow me to pay off the Visa giving a bigger approval as well as saving a bit of a downpayment.

Okay, so that sounds really great right, save some money. But, here's the dilema, my mom is a 75 year old woman who loves to gossip and is a real downer, being on the phone with her for 10 minutes drives me nuts. I'm used to living alone (I know this won't last forever), come home do a bit of housework, have dinner, and then just relax with the computer and tv, we would have to have dinner together due to one kitchen, but then what "bye, see ya tomorrow"? I lived there before, yeah I'm one of those lived with mommy til I was 30 people, so can I really go back? Also there's the fact that one of her dog's and Willow do not get along.

Another part of the dilema is the whole having to pack and move again thing. It's such a pain in the butt. But, it makes it that I have to do this before we file the immigration forms due to the change of address thing.

My landlady is pregnant, so I don't know if they want the space, they've said they won't rent again when I leave, and part of me kind of thinks that they're hinting for me to leave. However, tonight I joked that I'm moving by October and she said "what?" and looked shocked, then I said that it's because I don't want to listen to a crying baby.

*sigh* Sorry so long, but this is really occupying a lot of my mind lately. What would you do?

Frenchy
February 20th, 2008, 08:22 PM
If I was you ... I would move back in with mom. Willow and her dog not getting along , this gives you the reason to say bye bye after dinner :D this could be the only way you can afford to buy a house later on .... go for it.

And I know what you mean , my mom is 80 , I call her almost everyday just to make sure she's ok , and she's a real downer too. Things in her life are not bad , but still , she complains for silly things....

happycats
February 20th, 2008, 08:36 PM
I agree with Frenchy, move back in so you can buy a house!
I know Moms can be a pain in the but, but you only have one, and one day she won't be here, and you will look back and appreciate this time you will spend with her.
Is there any way you could put a mini kitchen down stairs? That way you could still spend days alone if you choose. Even if it's just a bar fridge, microwave, coffee pot? THey hae those really cool stuff for college kids now, like a microwave with 2 burners on the top, and a coffee maker on the side.

Byrd
February 20th, 2008, 08:37 PM
It's really not the complaining, it's the "did you hear on the news about that fire?" Or when we're driving somewhere "oh, when I was a kid they found a body in that field" So much negativity, so much talk of death. I'm clinically depressed (yes medicated) as it is, I'm not sure if I can handle that.

Ever see the SNL Debby Downer skit, soooo my mom.

Frenchy
February 20th, 2008, 08:40 PM
Ever see the SNL Debby Downer skit, soooo my mom.

:laughing: woa woa woa

Byrd
February 20th, 2008, 09:08 PM
I'm serious!!!! The first time I saw the skit I laughed my head off, I was with a long time friend and she says "OMG it's your mom". We had such a hoot about it.

14+kitties
February 20th, 2008, 09:09 PM
Prioritize. How important is your own home? Can you put up with a negative mother in order to save money? Will Willow be happier there?

As someone who's mom is 81 and is dying of cancer I treasure each minute I get to talk to her, see her, hug her. Yes, there are down moments. She has lived a lifetime and has seen and been through so very much. I figure I and my 3 sisters and brother put her through lots of grief growing up, it's my turn now. Just my :2cents:

Byrd
February 20th, 2008, 09:15 PM
Well, there is a fridge down there, and I have a microwave and toast/convection oven of my own. I was thinking that for mornings (I'm not a morning person) so I could have my morning time. Willow would be fine, and that's what I'm thinking, she wouldn't have to be in the house all day holding 'it'.

I'm thinking I might wait a couple of months. I've paid Feb/Mar rent, so I would only have to pay the Mar/Apr, then the Apr/May is paid (paid first and last) this gives me a couple of months to pack and get everything in order. It's my mom's house, so I can already start doing the address changes with no problem. :shrug:

otter
February 20th, 2008, 09:59 PM
It's a hard one...
Just don't forget about your own mental health. It's great to have a house down the road but it's not much good if you are gonna be out of your mind miserable until then. A little bit of pain for the long term good is OK but, ending up seriously ill because of a bad living situation is not. I'm not a good one for advice here, I am totally addicted to living alone:crazy:, my house is my sanctuary :cloud9:.

Maybe you could go and try the place out for a bit... if it's empty, why not go over for a weekend and see how it feels? Get an idea of what Willow thinks too :thumbs up

joeysmama
February 20th, 2008, 10:13 PM
I think that you should move and save the money.

But.....I would keep some boundaries in place from the start. I think there are even some good books out about boundaries. If you start going to your own place right after dinner from the first night then she won't expect you to stay. But if you linger the first couple of weeks and then try to leave right after dinner you'll have hard feelings.

So go ahead and move in but make sure that your mom knows that keeping your lives moslty separate is the best thing for the both of you. And maybe you could make a once a month mother/daughter night when you take turns making a special meal and on that night you spend more time together. Or you could make that a night to go out and eat--that way when you get home you go to your own apts. So you can have anice relationship with your mom but still keep your privacy.

clm
February 21st, 2008, 06:40 AM
I would move back with her for a while. You'll be so happy when you manage to save some for that house!

cindy

Chris21711
February 21st, 2008, 09:10 AM
I think you should move back Byrd, owning you own home is the greatest feeling. Who knows maybe Willow and your Mum's dog will eventually get along and like you said Willow would'nt have to hold it all day long.

My Mum moved from England to live with us after my Dad died, so it was a real shocker, I had been living away from home for over 30 years and it was hard, but you know what Byrd, I'd do anything to have her here now. I don't like being an orphan even at 61.

One tip on when your time comes to buy that house, Banks when they approve a mortgage, take into consideration your available credit and would you be able to handle everything if you maxed your cards out. It is not what you owe on them at the time of applying.

I admire you Byrd for sharing with us.

Love4himies
February 21st, 2008, 01:45 PM
This will help you get off your feet and since you are paying rent, you can set some boundries with your mom, like a landlord/tenant relationship. A home is the only tax free investment you can have here in Canada.

She is your mom and the only mom you have and once she is gone it is for good. Take this time to be with her, you may find you will be thankful later.

Byrd
February 21st, 2008, 07:09 PM
I'm going over for dinner tomorrow, take a look again at the place. I used to live there, in that house, in that basement, so it would kind of be like going back home.

We would definitely set the "I'm paying rent, I'm a tenant" boundaries, dinners would be together, but privacy for everything else. I'll get my sister to re-iterate this.

So my thing is how/when do I tell the landlords. Three days or so before I give them the next cheque, which would be the last as I paid first and last so the last month is free (yay $700 more in my pocket).

So, who said "hell no"? LOL

Kashi
February 21st, 2008, 07:28 PM
I would move back in with Mom in a heartbeat.

But, I'm coming from a very bias place right now.

My mom passed away less than 2 months ago - she was only 57.
I would give the world, and every gossipy, debbie-downing bit of annoyance I ever had with her, to have her back now.

That said - we bought our house (townhouse) in Oshawa in September for $93500, so it CAN be done with the amount you've been pre-approved for. BUT - it won't buy you a stand-alone house, or in a good neighbourhood.

Byrd
February 21st, 2008, 07:43 PM
I have a feeling I know which complex you're in.

I did look at a condo townhouse a few months ago for $99,900 with $250/month fees which included water and hydro! However, rules... one dog only and one parking spot only. Sooooo no go there.

onster
February 21st, 2008, 07:48 PM
would move in with mom. Like others said u only have one mother and I'm sure if u lived there b4 u can hopefully stand to live there again. Despite negative comments im sure she would love to have u with her.

Besides, hopefully hopefully ure husband will be coming soon and then it will b highly unlikely that u will be able to live with ure mom. Also, maybe when he comes and settles in, gets a job, it will be easier to get a home u are looking for with 2 incomes.

Byrd
February 21st, 2008, 08:03 PM
I'm actually thinking it will be easier to live with mom when he gets here, there I'm sure where we stand on the subject, here I'm not. :rolleyes:

onster
February 21st, 2008, 08:07 PM
mmmm possibly, but I really doubt he will be able to take a firm stance with ure mom...just cuz egyptians dont do that, lol...*in general* or maybe its just my bro being a wuss :laughing:

That and u try to make the MIL like u , all important.

onster
February 21st, 2008, 08:08 PM
there I'm sure where we stand on the subject, here I'm not. :rolleyes:

there where, here where? Je suis le confused.

Byrd
February 21st, 2008, 08:20 PM
LOL There = mom's here = where I live now.

onster
February 21st, 2008, 09:05 PM
oh ok, I get it now, lol.

In any case, if u end up living with ure mom in the begining, if after he moves here u find it difficult to live w ure mom, u could always move out again...and he can do the heavy lifitng :thumbs up lol

So...my final vote is..yes for sure :)

Byrd
February 21st, 2008, 09:40 PM
Well, he lives with his parents now, and he says he'll miss his mom, so I'm sure that will work... for a little bit anyway.

pbpatti
February 21st, 2008, 10:05 PM
I am sure I would not be able to live with my Mom, saying that, I think that having my space and my Mom having hers I think it would work. The fridge/coffee pot/microwave/toaster oven that you have you would be able to make alot of your meals in your apartment for yourself and not have to have everymeal with your Mom.

I would go for it. My Mom is 77yr old and the older I get the older she gets, she may be here for tomorrow or she may well make it to 90, if I have my space she has hers it may work. You need to be firm though, I will visit but I do need to go home I cannot be your "roommate".

This is my :2cents::2cents:worth. Only you will be able to make the decision and what ever you choose will be the right one. pbp

Kashi
February 22nd, 2008, 06:21 AM
I have a feeling I know which complex you're in.

I did look at a condo townhouse a few months ago for $99,900 with $250/month fees which included water and hydro! However, rules... one dog only and one parking spot only. Sooooo no go there.

I'd "give my right lug nut" to only pay $250 in condo fees ! :laughing:


I'm just being a sap though - I'd say go live with your Mom. The time together is absolutely precious, and I'm certain you'll find a way to make it work out for both of your benefits.

SnowDancer
February 22nd, 2008, 09:25 AM
I would move back home. You can always think of it as you are helping each other out - your mom will have someone she trusts living in the house with her and providing her with company - and she is most definitely trying to help you out financially by offering you the living space at such a good price. A two way street.

cpietra16
February 22nd, 2008, 10:19 AM
My mom sounds like your mom, but given the opportunity I would move back in. If Making ends meet is hard and if you can put some money away for a year or so...do it.

joeysmama
February 22nd, 2008, 11:05 AM
I think that it will be easier when your husband is here because newlyweds need time alone so your mom would respect your leaving to spend an evening with your husband. I think my mom would feel a little lonely if I left to be alone. That's just her. But she would feel urt if I would rather be alone than with her. But if I'm talking to her when my husband comes home she wants to hang up because she can feel as though it's HIM wanting MY attention. Not me choosing to do laundry rather than talk to her.

Does that make sense?

Byrd
February 23rd, 2008, 12:39 PM
Thanks everyone! :thumbs up

I hear ya'll in all your statements, they are the exact things going through my mind.

I went over for dinner last night and tried to figure out how everything would fit into the apartment, I told her my idea of the kitchenette and she agreed that that would be good. So, I'm going to go back, in May though, that gives me 2 1/2 months to move slowly. I do have a feeling that the present landlords want the basement, just some things that have been said lately... like yesterday on the way home from work she mentioned that they had to have fish for dinner because they can't eat meat on Friday's until Easter, I laughed and said I was going to mom's and we were having roast, she said "that's good, she must get lonely, especially now that the girl's moved out of the basement, geez I'd hate to be so alone all the time, especially if I was elderly." It almost seemed like a hint hint.

I did explain that currently I'm used to being alone, working with the computer, watching my shows, etc. She's fine with that. LOL My mom's more of a tv adict than I am, so she wants the time to watch her shows too.

So, :fingerscr it should work.

SARAH
February 23rd, 2008, 04:03 PM
If I was you ... I would move back in with mom. Willow and her dog not getting along , this gives you the reason to say bye bye after dinner :D this could be the only way you can afford to buy a house later on .... go for it.

And I know what you mean , my mom is 80 , I call her almost everyday just to make sure she's ok , and she's a real downer too. Things in her life are not bad , but still , she complains for silly things....

Well, there is a fridge down there, and I have a microwave and toast/convection oven of my own. I was thinking that for mornings (I'm not a morning person) so I could have my morning time. Willow would be fine, and that's what I'm thinking, she wouldn't have to be in the house all day holding 'it'.

I'm thinking I might wait a couple of months. I've paid Feb/Mar rent, so I would only have to pay the Mar/Apr, then the Apr/May is paid (paid first and last) this gives me a couple of months to pack and get everything in order. It's my mom's house, so I can already start doing the address changes with no problem. :shrug:

I admit it, I didn't read all the answers, but I would move back for a while and save that much quicker for the house I wanted. You can even buy a one- or two- burner hot-plate so you can fry up an egg and a strip of bacon if you want to! Improvise a kitchen in a cupboard so to speak, do the dishes in the shower ;)

I'm lucky, my mom is 71 and always been a 100% positive optimist. She's also active and in great health, taking half a BP pill "to please her Dr." so I know I would have no problem doing this myself.