Byrd
February 1st, 2008, 08:19 PM
I read this in MacLean's Magazine and had the biggest hoot over it. I am a car girl, one of my favourite shows is Top Gear from Britain, maybe that's why I got such a kick from this.
Brakes don’t work? When you press your feet to the road, really dig in those heels.
Scott Feschuk | Jan 22, 2008 | 9:50 am EST
News item: India's Tata Motors has unveiled the world's cheapest car--the Nano, a subcompact that costs only $2,500 and will, according to some analysts, "revolutionize" the automobile industry.
Congratulations on your purchase of a Tata Nano! By taking your place behind the wheel of "the People's Car," you join thousands of others who are thrilled to have finally found an automobile that blends the aerodynamic efficiency of a gum drop with the power and performance of a golf cart. Please read this owner's manual to ensure you get the most out of your new Nano.
Engine: The Nano delivers 33 horsepower. On one hand, this is up to 100 horsepower less than many small cars. But on the other, it is 32 horsepower more than a horse! Your move, Trigger.
Acceleration: According to road tests, the Nano goes from zero to 60 miles per hour in... theory. (Sanjay had her pushing 52 as of Wednesday, and reckons he'll hit 58 by this manual's second printing.) We know for a fact, however, that the Nano is capable of achieving an impressive top speed of 77 miles per hour.*
*when pushed off a very high cliff.
Seating: Your new Tata Nano seats five! If comfort is desired, then the Nano seats four. If breathing is desired, then three, max. If the preservation of social status is desired then it doesn't matter how many people it seats because no one will ever get into this car with you.
Air Bags: There are no air bags.
Radio: There is no radio.
Air Conditioning: Ha ha! You're funny!
Amenities: All Nanos come standard with steering wheel and opening and closing doors. Your Nano also has one windshield wiper. This cuts down on "maintenance costs" because you only have to replace a single wiper blade! Note: it also cuts down on "seeing things."
Roadside Assistance: Tata Motors does not offer roadside assistance for the Nano. However, the Nano can be easily transported to a nearby service station inside most fanny packs.
Structure: Part of what makes your Nano so affordable is that costly materials such as steel have been replaced with lighter alternatives such as plastic and papier mâché and the power of prayer. But don't worry! Your Nano is built to endure every bodily impact up to and including a heavy drizzle.
Troubleshooting Your Tata Nano
Problem: Strange noises.
Solution: Turn off vehicle. Remove key. If noises persist, roll up window. Sound of laughter and heckling from passersby should be slightly diminished.
Problem: Car doesn't start.
Solution: Lift the hood. Give the hamster a poke. Instruct him to get back on the wheel and start running. Use scolding tone and make threatening gesture (if necessary).
Problem: Brakes don't seem to be working that well.
Solution: When you press your feet to the road, try to really dig in those heels. Scientific research suggests that a plume of smoke should be emitted from the feet under typical braking. (Source: The Flintstones)
Problem: Uncertain to what extent Bruce Springsteen's songs would have been different if he drove a Nano while growing up.
Solution: Thunder Road would go something like this...
"Whoa ho, come take my hand
We're riding out tonight to case the promised land…
Eventually.
You're not in a hurry, are you baby?
Stop complaining--the promised land ain't going anywhere, all right? Jesus.
I am stepping on the gas.
Fine. Get out and walk.
You're walking pretty fast, Mary, but I'm bound to catch you when I get going downhill..."
Also, Drive All Night wouldn't be a love song--it would be a chronicle of his trip to the corner store.
Problem: You step on the gas pedal but hardly anything happens.
Solution: Spend more than $2,500 on a car, cheap-ass.
Thanks again for purchasing a Tata Nano. And remember: the Nano was designed with family in mind--your family! So let them drive it. You take the bus--much safer and less socially ostracizing.
Brakes don’t work? When you press your feet to the road, really dig in those heels.
Scott Feschuk | Jan 22, 2008 | 9:50 am EST
News item: India's Tata Motors has unveiled the world's cheapest car--the Nano, a subcompact that costs only $2,500 and will, according to some analysts, "revolutionize" the automobile industry.
Congratulations on your purchase of a Tata Nano! By taking your place behind the wheel of "the People's Car," you join thousands of others who are thrilled to have finally found an automobile that blends the aerodynamic efficiency of a gum drop with the power and performance of a golf cart. Please read this owner's manual to ensure you get the most out of your new Nano.
Engine: The Nano delivers 33 horsepower. On one hand, this is up to 100 horsepower less than many small cars. But on the other, it is 32 horsepower more than a horse! Your move, Trigger.
Acceleration: According to road tests, the Nano goes from zero to 60 miles per hour in... theory. (Sanjay had her pushing 52 as of Wednesday, and reckons he'll hit 58 by this manual's second printing.) We know for a fact, however, that the Nano is capable of achieving an impressive top speed of 77 miles per hour.*
*when pushed off a very high cliff.
Seating: Your new Tata Nano seats five! If comfort is desired, then the Nano seats four. If breathing is desired, then three, max. If the preservation of social status is desired then it doesn't matter how many people it seats because no one will ever get into this car with you.
Air Bags: There are no air bags.
Radio: There is no radio.
Air Conditioning: Ha ha! You're funny!
Amenities: All Nanos come standard with steering wheel and opening and closing doors. Your Nano also has one windshield wiper. This cuts down on "maintenance costs" because you only have to replace a single wiper blade! Note: it also cuts down on "seeing things."
Roadside Assistance: Tata Motors does not offer roadside assistance for the Nano. However, the Nano can be easily transported to a nearby service station inside most fanny packs.
Structure: Part of what makes your Nano so affordable is that costly materials such as steel have been replaced with lighter alternatives such as plastic and papier mâché and the power of prayer. But don't worry! Your Nano is built to endure every bodily impact up to and including a heavy drizzle.
Troubleshooting Your Tata Nano
Problem: Strange noises.
Solution: Turn off vehicle. Remove key. If noises persist, roll up window. Sound of laughter and heckling from passersby should be slightly diminished.
Problem: Car doesn't start.
Solution: Lift the hood. Give the hamster a poke. Instruct him to get back on the wheel and start running. Use scolding tone and make threatening gesture (if necessary).
Problem: Brakes don't seem to be working that well.
Solution: When you press your feet to the road, try to really dig in those heels. Scientific research suggests that a plume of smoke should be emitted from the feet under typical braking. (Source: The Flintstones)
Problem: Uncertain to what extent Bruce Springsteen's songs would have been different if he drove a Nano while growing up.
Solution: Thunder Road would go something like this...
"Whoa ho, come take my hand
We're riding out tonight to case the promised land…
Eventually.
You're not in a hurry, are you baby?
Stop complaining--the promised land ain't going anywhere, all right? Jesus.
I am stepping on the gas.
Fine. Get out and walk.
You're walking pretty fast, Mary, but I'm bound to catch you when I get going downhill..."
Also, Drive All Night wouldn't be a love song--it would be a chronicle of his trip to the corner store.
Problem: You step on the gas pedal but hardly anything happens.
Solution: Spend more than $2,500 on a car, cheap-ass.
Thanks again for purchasing a Tata Nano. And remember: the Nano was designed with family in mind--your family! So let them drive it. You take the bus--much safer and less socially ostracizing.