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Something Of A Possible Solution??

want4rain
November 27th, 2007, 10:35 AM
i think we have decided its time to go to court over custody and child support for my daughter. we have asked for help from her father and his parents and so far not gotten anything, nothing for clothes, school supplies, after school activities... the last time child support was discussed by Chris and i, Cailyns grandparents were paying for daycare and i was working. recently we asked them for help buying her a replacement piano when her keyboard died on us. they said they feel she needs to be more interested... you know... over a year doesnt yet mean she is interested enough i guess. Chris' parents, without us needing to ask, volunteered to pay 6 months of her lessons. really put a new perspective on the situation. ive never asked for financial assistance as a single mom other than medical insurance, let alone as a married woman so this is totally new waters for me.

-ashley

want4rain
November 27th, 2007, 10:38 AM
*coughs* to also say, im not seeking child support so we can support our pets. im seeking child support because its been plenty of time for him to find a job out of college and because we are having financial troubles and because OTHERS outside of HER family have stepped up to help when they havent. if they had even helped with school clothes or supplies or her piano lessons it would ahve been a completely different story. as is its been 3 years since we have received any sort of assistance from them.

-ash

Jim Hall
November 27th, 2007, 11:01 AM
so everbody is pitching in except the daddy?
figures

Does cailyn have a keyboard now and if not i will find one for her
when my family was going through hard times, my music was my retreat and solace,
please, if she doesnt have her keybord let me know and i will get one from the music school for her .

LavenderRott
November 27th, 2007, 11:01 AM
Good luck with that.

It is my own personal experience that even getting court ordered child support can be like pulling teeth. My ex still owes me almost $6,000 in back support (our youngest daughter turned 18 two years ago) and even though he hasn't made a payment in over a year, getting Friends of the Court to do a damn thing is impossible.

clm
November 27th, 2007, 11:12 AM
Yes, I wouldn't be counting on the dollars until you actually have them in hand. Could be a long time coming. Fingers crossed that you have an easy time of getting him to help.

Cindy

want4rain
November 27th, 2007, 01:11 PM
we went almost 2 months without a keyboard for her. we were waiting for them to respond to us asking for some assistance with the replacement keyboard. her studio was very very supportive in allowing her to come practice while we did our grocery shopping or for whatever reason we were in the area. they also offered to keep her position open while we took a little break from lessons if we needed that money to get a keyboard. as is its on the credit card.

they helped with daycare until two and a half years ago when i decided to take her out. i could be home with her after school. since then we have had no assistance. ive asked for help with her lessons and expressed that we are having financial troubles but they havent volunteered anything.

instead of going through and trying to do this privately id like to have a mediator who decides whats fair and how to go abotu it and to also enforce it. i feel it needs to be as by the book as possible to keep emotions out of it. ive been making excuses for him for a few years now and i dont want to be put back in that position again.

ive made excuses because i left him, he was in college(6 years for a 4 year degree), his parents WERE helping out... well he should have gotten over me leaving him almost 7 years ago, he is out of college and his parents arent helping anymore. he has had 4 months to get a job, there is no excuse for him 'not knowing about the alumni placement program' or for his poor interviewing skills/attire, nor is there any excuse to not be working SOMEWHERE.

my daughter informed me monday that she knows why daddy sleeps in until lunch time. its not because he is sick(which is what she thought... ive kept out of this discussion!) but because he hangs out with his friends late on friday and saturday nights. he must be really tired from that. :mad:


i filled out Frances' adoption form today. she should be listed within the week. ill kick up a link when there is one. im also in contact with the girl who wants Baby Girl. that should lift some of the burden. i believe im entitled to a freee lawyer through the state.

Lavenderrott i take it your ex lives out of state?? from what i understand, on a national scale interstate child support delinquency results in jail time now. ive known of several people who have spent 30 days because of delinquency. my mother has some experience with MI and child support. my sisters father kept her, won the case and still hasnt seen a dime from my mom. my sister is 24 now and he finally dropped all responsibility and just moved in with her a year ago. weirdness... up until then, if she crossed the border into MI she was to be arrested.

-ashley

ancientgirl
November 27th, 2007, 01:22 PM
I think its right for you to go for it. It's his child too, and he shouldn't think that just because you are married to someone else its that man's responsibility and he should just wash his hands of it.

No, its not so that you can support the animals, but if your ex would have been paying child support then you would not be the ones to have to pay for everything and would have had some extra cash.

It's his child and his responsibilities didn't stop when you got divorced.

My cousin has to take her ex to court every so often too, because he is in the mind set that since she's married she doesn't need his money to support the kids, the new husband can deal with it. That's not right.

want4rain
November 27th, 2007, 01:34 PM
to top it off we dont even get weekends with her. we get all of the responsibility of educating her, teaching her, disciplining her and paying for and shuttling her to her piano lessons and they get weekends. i know we could ASK for weekends with her but i shouldnt have to ASK for a weekend with her, let alone bargain weekends. i asked him a few weeks ago if we could go to every other weekend and he said that he didnt want to go two weeks without seeing her. i suggested he take her out to dinner once a week then, he said he didnt have the gas money. no, 'lets think about it' or 'you might be on to something' just a plain 'no, weekends are mine'. even our mutual friends have told me on a number of occasions i should have been asking for child support but i always felt his parents gave enough with daycare, which is STUPIDLY expensive. up until last year we did make enough but we dont anymore. :shrug:

random thought for the day- Mister threw a daddy long legs into my coffee this morning.

-ash

ancientgirl
November 27th, 2007, 01:46 PM
Yeah, but what happens when she's big enough to where she doesn't need daycare. Does that mean they stop helping?

No way, he needs to help out more. And especially once she starts getting into her teen years.

Heck, my brother gets his kids every other weekend and on Wednesdays, and he pays for child support without fail every month. Once his kids turn 18, then that's it, but until then he's got to fork it over.

joeysmama
November 27th, 2007, 07:36 PM
He doesn't pay child support but he gets visitation EVERY WEEKEND???? That seems ridiculously unfair. Is that court sanctioned? I would most definitely ask around, talk to a new attorney if you have to. You probably want to take the high road and not let your daughter see, or be dragged into, a contest of wills. And for that I have to say good for you.

But he is getting all of the joy of parenthood and none of the responsibilities. You're the one paying the bills, getting her up for school, supervising the homework. And he gets to be the Disneyland dad. Only there for the fun times. But who is taking care of her while he sleeps all morning? His folks?

I'm sorry if this sounds unkind but this guy needs to be held accountable. He's got to step up and do his share. It's definitely time you went to court for a more equitable arrangement with custody and child support.

want4rain
November 27th, 2007, 08:01 PM
:o she hasnt been in daycare in over 2 years...

and its not court sanctioned. its just how things ended up. yes, his parents take care of her in the 'morning' while he is sleeping. he doesnt make her meals or wash her clothes or make sure she gets a bath... ive suggested he takes her to piano lessons a few times but he 'doesnt have the gas'... :o

:o:o

-ashley

joeysmama
November 27th, 2007, 08:17 PM
So you aren't under any binding legal agreement to let him have her on the weekends? Does he come to pick her up or do you take her there? If you're the one to drive her to his place, and there's no legal agreement forcing you to do so, then I would be conveniently out of gas come the weekend. And no money to fill the tank.

Enjoy a cozy weekend with your little girl. Most arrangements I know of give the father every other weekend and a weeknight on the alternating weeks. And those are the dads who are PAYING their child support.