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HOW do you get over it?

Janie123
October 27th, 2007, 08:01 PM
I lost my little Yorkie,Mitzie,three years ago. I can't seem to get over it. I'm not crying as much but tears still come sometimes. I have had so many pet dogs in my life and love and loved them all. But there was something about Mitzie. She was so good for me psychologically. She made me feel peaceful and calm. I didn't have my panic attacks which are now back.
If I mention her name,people roll their eyes so I say nothing about her anymore. I even talked to a counselor about it and he understood. He said not much is known or published about how dogs,cat or any pet can help those suffering psychologically. I had a bad childhood,had a difficult marriage (but we worked on it and are doing better),our precious only child has had 4 brain surgeries and my husband lost his job. No wonder I am so emotionally delicate. I TRY but got so much better when someone gave me my wonderful,sweet little dog. I see her sweet little face with the stare only she could give you. bonnie,my other BIG yorkie,sleeps beside me at night like Mitzie did but it brings me no comfort. Only a reminder I lost my baby dog,as I used to call her. I know that sounds dumb but she meant the world to me. I had to put away her pic and her little urn because it's just to painful to look at. I posted the sweet dogs pic below. Wasn't she cute?
Do you ever get over it?:cry::cry::cry:

the gang
October 27th, 2007, 08:47 PM
nope!!!! it just gets a little bit better and you think of the good times i lost my cocker chalsie couple of years back it was real hard she was a rescue!!!!! someone through her off a boat launch, and i had her almost 12 yrs, put her down 2 yrs ago to cancer , it broke my heart i miss her very much , there is not a day i do not think about her brenda and the pins.:rip:

krdahmer
October 28th, 2007, 10:02 AM
I have to say no, you don't, you just learn to live with it. I still cry over my rabbit that I lost at 15... 16 years ago. I think it's healthy. I miss him, why shouldn't I cry! :cry: It does get easier eventually, and when you remember those very special times, one day they will bring a smile to your face. Just realize how very blessed you were to spend the time you did with her and know that it's never good bye, simply we'll meet again. And talk about her, whenever you feel like it... tell stories, show pictures, that way others can also see what a great dog she was and how much she meant to you too. After all, we can all understand what you are going through here... :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Janie123
October 28th, 2007, 11:42 AM
Mitzie died very suddenly of a heart attack while in my arms. She was still alive and looking at me when they put her to sleep. I was absolutely hysterical and they all left the room while I fell apart. Eventually,the vet got fed up and escorted me out of the building,shutting the door behind me angrily. I have never felt so alone except when my son got so sick and basically,the same thing happened. My husband could not help me because he was so upset too.
When Mitzie died,my husband could not get there in time but did drive home immediately when he was almost an hour away. He was very understanding then but not now. People don't want to hear about her. They shut down,roll their eyes or walk away. So,I never discuss her and grieve in private.
She really was my heart and honestly my best friend. I know that sounds corny but it is honestly true. My heart just aches for her. BUT,I am glad she is no longer in pain.:cry:

otter
October 28th, 2007, 11:54 AM
My heart goes out to you. I had some really caring people around me when I lost my Chloe back in January and still it was the hardest thing i've ever gone through in my life. I found pets.ca very helpful, I knew everyone here had some connection with what I was suffering. I hope you can find some comfort here too.

Grieving doesn't ever end, the pain lessens with time, the time it takes is different for everyone. I read alot about grieving and losing pets, some of it was helpful, some not so but, it did help me to realize that what I was dealing with was normal, that many of the feelings I couldn't understand were part of the grieving "process". When I was distraught about my Chloe I remember talking to my dad, he said to me that he remembers our dog Nikki, who died over 20 years ago and still cries. It's hard, but you will be OK.

white wrabbit
October 28th, 2007, 12:17 PM
i found it personally more traumatic when it is a sudden loss over one that is gradual.. i wish i would of know about this form when my old blue dog died.. he was my hardest loss ever.. from the time i realized he was sick till the time the vet got out here to put him down.. just less then 5 hours.. my hubby was not home either nor could he come home he was in Ottawa all week.. when you are there doing it alone i found makes it hurt more.. heck i just started crying again.. i will admit it.. *old blue dog had 5 seizors before the vet arrived at the house*

Frenchy
October 28th, 2007, 12:19 PM
I don't think we ever get over it. I miss my Daisy like crazy , but I find comfort in my other pets.

CyberKitten
October 28th, 2007, 01:05 PM
I agree with Frenchy. I lost my bunny about 3 yrs ago now and I still miss his little pitter patter of feet and his joyful bunny hop when he was deliriously happy and when he wanted clover - lazy fellow would go out on a leash on the lawn but expected me to pick the clover fo him, lol Good thing tho - too much is no good for a bun's tummy!!! I still cry now and then and that occurs with other pets I have lost as well. I do a lot of therapy - did some coursework in all my studies (in my lol spare time - one course on Death and Dying which I badly needed given my job, and that was not long after E Kubler Ross was out with her theories) - did many medical CME's on that too andd now teach them. Lead a seminar at the med school actually fior med students, Residents and doctors who feel they need the course/ And I have come to believe there is no such entity as "closure". It's ridiculous. Closure to a certain extent but it's a word some idiot thought sounded good but no, we never forget them and the pain is still there. It's very real.

There are ways to cope with it. A good cry does help and is nothing to worry about. Talk to others - even us online. Write to your puppy and about him. Make a memorial. Talk about him. Or if you are like others, find some other activity to take yoor mind off it. We are unique and deal with grief in different ways But it is absolutely real!!!

:grouphug:

BusterBoo
October 28th, 2007, 01:34 PM
It's about 2 1/2 months since I had my Harley Dude put to sleep and I still cry every day. I understand when you say people just roll their eyes or insinuate that I should "get over it". But I can't! I lost my Mom a week before I lost my Dude, so each day I think of both of them, I talk to both of them and my heart hurts for both of them.

Buster now sleeps on the bed with me, but he never goes to the spot where Harley slept, almost like he still feels Harley beside me and nows that is Harley's spot.

To those that don't understand......too bad they have never felt the love that a furbaby gives it's human, unconditional and constant. Unless you have lost a pet, you just can't understand the pain.....

Your Mitzie was a beautiful baby, she will always have a special place in your heart.....don't ever let go of that.

Love4himies
October 28th, 2007, 06:01 PM
I lost my precious Snowball 2 years ago and still cry over him. The pain fades, but never really disappears. He was my baby boy. I guess it is like a child just not quite as bad. I have my Snowball in an Urn in an inconspicuous place, but I know where he is and I can look at him when I want.

:grouphug: to you.

:rip:Mitzie, my Snowball loved small dogs, hope you are keeping him company.

dmc123
October 29th, 2007, 06:01 PM
Mitzie died very suddenly of a heart attack while in my arms. She was still alive and looking at me when they put her to sleep. I was absolutely hysterical and they all left the room while I fell apart. Eventually,the vet got fed up and escorted me out of the building,shutting the door behind me angrily. I have never felt so alone except when my son got so sick and basically,the same thing happened. My husband could not help me because he was so upset too.
When Mitzie died,my husband could not get there in time but did drive home immediately when he was almost an hour away. He was very understanding then but not now. People don't want to hear about her. They shut down,roll their eyes or walk away. So,I never discuss her and grieve in private.
She really was my heart and honestly my best friend. I know that sounds corny but it is honestly true. My heart just aches for her. BUT,I am glad she is no longer in pain.:cry:


Janie123, don't think you are alone in these feelings you have for Mitzie. As others have said, it take time - and for some that are so close to you, the pain never truly goes away.

We are all closer to some pets (and some people), and the pain never completely dies - we just learn to go on. My dog Gertie was killed when she was only 11 mths old, back in 1994. There are still times I cry - hard tears - over her memory.

The reason I quoted your statement above, is I wanted to say how sorry I was about the reaction of your vet. I was so fortunate when I had to have my calico Sassy put to sleep, that my vet and his assistant were there - both crying with us. They had treated her for all of her 14 yrs, and they both knew how much we love our critters.

As for grieving in private....instead post here. There are so many caring people that understand how you feel. I wish you had someone in your immediate family or circle of friends that understood - maybe one day. Until then, post your memories of Mitzie here - maybe that will help.

Wish I could say there is a magic day when it won't hurt - but I can't.

Diane

CearaQC
October 29th, 2007, 06:20 PM
I still miss my collie Bo (lassie dog) a LOT. He and I used to play hide and seek and he always loved looking for me. I was away from home for quite a while for work and had a dream about him one night, it was so real. Bo was rubbing back and forth my legs just like a cat in the dream, like he used to do when I was still with him. Then about 3 days later I was told the news they had him put down because he just wasn't doing well any more and had trouble seeing. He was a little over 12 yrs old at the time. I guess when death released him, he came to visit me in my dream.

Lost my kitty Nosey just a couple of years ago. Cried when he got his first shot to make him sleep but then didn't stick around for the kill shot. I just didn't want to deal with that. I felt better walking away seeing him still breathing but no longer howling in pain. It was actually a suggestion by the vet, which I thought was a good idea.

I still cry when I think about my old furry friends. That never goes away. My only comfort is that we were able to be a part of each others' lives and make the best of it while it lasted and honour them for the time spent with us.

shredy
October 29th, 2007, 11:40 PM
You brought me to tears just now thinking of the bond I held with my Shade. I know there will be other dogs in my life, but none will ever replace the love I feel for her. It has been almost three months and I still cry almost every day and miss her every other moment. I hope that someday I will be able to let go of the pain, but I have no idea when that will be. I know what you mean when you say that she made you feel peaceful and calm. I have had some tough times over the years and I always leaned on Shade, and she on me. We were a team, and without her I feel alone. What I am trying to tell you is that you should feel sorry for the people who roll their eyes and tell you to get over it because they have never known the love we have. The people here know your pain and mine and have helped me immensely through this time. :grouphug:

:candle: Mitzie
:candle: Shade
:candle: For all the lost furbabies

milevi
October 30th, 2007, 03:39 AM
Hi
reading your story makes me cry. i lost my first dog Jackson when we moved house and i know how you feel. that was a long time ago and i have other dogs now but i still think of him often. he was a loving dog and with a beautiful soul as i'm sure yours is. to answer your question, you never do get over it. but to help me cope after my period of grief, (take as long as you need) i celebrated the time i had been given with him. i now it's hard at first. it was very difficult for me too. the worst was the phone ringing and getting that glimmer of hope that someone found him and then the crushing feeling when it's not good news. it was like losing him over and over again. and yes even three years later it hurt. it might be difficult for you to hear now but i assure you time does heal wounds. whilst i still miss and think of my dog daily it is not so painful anymore. i think of all the sweet things he'd do like every time he saw me he'd bring me a present a stone or anything he found in the yard or house. and how he'd look at me like he heard and understood every word i said and his never ending energy. we used to go for runs and he would wear me out and still have energy to run down the street home. and i'd be lagging behind.

what i'm saying is celebrate your time with your dog and her wonderful spirit, wish her well wherever she might be. wish her happiness, love and kindness from those she comes into contact with. it's all you can do but when you think of it, it's a lot.

Janie123
October 30th, 2007, 07:14 AM
I have good days and bad days with it,more good days now. I picture God putting his arms around me when I cry and it helps.
I has a very uncompassionate vet. She was not given a shot to make her sleep,just the kill shot. Someone did call the next day to see how I was but it wasn't her and it should have been. I saw her in a store one day and she looked at me then wouldn't look at me and hurried away.
If someone had been compassionate,it would have been a bit easier,I think. My son certainly was when I got home. I didn't know she was going to be put to sleep and when i found out,he could not drive to be with me.
They were really crummy to me.:shrug::frustrated::mad:

mummummum
October 31st, 2007, 10:05 AM
How much of your grief is tied up with the loss of your dog and how much is of your grief is tied up with the way you were treated during the loss of your dog?

You obviously have an experience to share. Doctors need to learn and most doctors like to learn. Death isn't easy for them either. Why not write an article which describes how your would have liked to have been treated and what is important to people with pets who are dying ~ interview lots of people please so as to encompass a wide variety of experiences and cultures. There are many DVM publications to which you could submit such an article.