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This is hard, but I need advice.

October 1st, 2007, 12:04 PM
I've posted a few times about this, but not here. Consider this more "research"/information gathering.

It's about our "bad kitty" Riley. We've had her for 5 years. We love her to pieces, despite the fact that she can be WILD, unpredictable, uncontrollable, and bites HARD. We have learned how to read her and (usually) can predict when the bad behaviour is going to happen and remove ourselves from a potentially painful situation. We isolate her when people come over to avoid problems (she's still managed to bite 2 family members, nasty bites). The nasty stuff is only about 10% of the time, the rest of the time she's a big cuddle-butt and cute as pie (again, we adore her). She's on anti anxiety medication. It helps some.

For the record: we have 2 dogs and two other cats (one of whom Riley torments constantly, but we deal with that too).

Our problem/concern: we are planning to start a family in the new year. We are scared that our future child(ren) will get bit by Riley. If it were the little "piss off" bites that we would expect from any cat getting tormented by a rambunctious toddler, we would not be worried. We are worried about her "all or nothing" fangs imbedded in flesh that feels bruised for two weeks bites (I am recovering from a two-week old one right now still hurts). We are worried that a bite could mean lasting trauma, fear of animals, and of course, a serious injury. We don't want to "get rid of her" (I hate those words), but we are afraid of the consequences if we don't. We're not sure if we're comfortable leaving things to chance. We're really not sure what to do, to be honest. We just know that if SOMETHING happens, it will be a VERY BAD BITE. There's just no in between with her. And the odds of it happening are very, very high, pretty much 100% (if her own ADULT humans who are very careful and perceptive and watch her closely can STILL get bit regularly, what the heck is going to happen to a baby???)

So, no friends/family will take her. HS is out of the question, period: she could never adapt to that kind of environment and would certainly be euthanized. We don't know if a rescue would consider finding a foster/adoptive home for her, being a "surrender". We know how many people give up their pets when a baby comes, and personally think it's a ****ty thing to do, and yet here we are considering it ourselves. Riley would probably do best in an adult-only, single pet home. How many people want to have only one cat who can be crazy and bites? And who can take YEARS to warm up to people? Like I said, she's mostly super-sweet, but boy oh boy, it tries the ol' patience when she's acting out. To top it all off she's got arthitis (which could get worse) and needs routine medication/bloodwork.

Hypothetically, if we kept her, and she bit our child, I think we would euthanize her. If she was a dog, we would euthanize her, and we have a hard time justifying a different course of action just because she's a cat. AUGH. I hate this.We just don't see a good outcome here no matter where we look.

Can anyone offer hope, suggestions, the perspective of a rescue person?

Thank you. Flame away, I know I'm a bad mom for considering this crap.

October 1st, 2007, 01:09 PM
I've posted a few times about this, but not here.

Yes you did:D

But hey there is nothing wrong with trying to get as much info as possible!!

October 1st, 2007, 01:26 PM
I wouldn't think too far ahead. When the baby comes and s/he's of the age to have floor time, the cat gets locked up.
When s/he is much older, a child can be taught what is off limits: hot stove, etc., why not a cranky cat? I realize this doesn't make the situation 100% safe, I guess it depends how much risk you are willing to accept.
All bets are off if the cat attacks spontaneously and not just when he is approached. Then I would seriously - deep breath - look at euthanizing, if you can't find someone to adopt him.

October 1st, 2007, 02:17 PM
Hey happycats, I meant on the Rescue forum. I guess I'm really trying to find out if a rescue would even consider dealing with something like this.

Badger: I'm trying not to think to far ahead, but I'm a planner by nature, and I'd hate to be stuck with a crying/bleeding/traumatized kid, Riley in a carrier, and me going "now what?" I need to have a plan. Do you think it's fair to crate Riley basically 24/7 until the kid is old enough to walk/talk/reason with? We have a wood-burning stove in our house that could be very dangerous to a toddler, but we're going to be blocking it off from the baby with gates...Riley is like the hot stove in terms of danger, but short of crating her or putting her outside, there will be no way to totally isolate the two 100% of the time.

As for the unpredictability of the attacks, some examples:

She attacked my partner once (biting her on the bicep-deep puncture wounds) for no apparent reason other than perhaps because the cat she doesn't like was in the vicinity. (I saw it happen...totally unprovoked).

I got bit two weeks ago when we were laying in bed, a seemily content, purring Riley between us, and I raised my hand, gesturing as I spoke. I have two deep puncture wounds on my wrist/hand.

My stepdad and MIL have been bit when Riley came down and sat beside them, and they patted her (purring, happy), then she suddenly attacked.

I stepped on her tail once in the darkness (by accident, of course) and she threw herself at my upper leg with such ferocity that I was limpping for a week and bruised black and blue (not to mention those punctures/scratches from hind feet)

She used to STALK our older dog, then scratch up the dog's face. (She was declawed after this continued for some time despite our best efforts, because the incidents were escalating to the point that we feared the dog would bite her back/kill her)...these incidents stopped after the declaw and she gets along fine with the dog now. It was kind of like our situation now...declaw or uncertain future/euthanasia (lesser of two evils, unfortunately). For the record, she's better aggression wise now than before her declaw (with people, animals, etc.) The declaw is not the source of the aggression problem.

Other than the time I stepped on her tail, she had no good reason to attack that I could see.

This sucks.

Edited to add: we're even considering asking the vet if he would consider removing her canine teeth. Seriously. At least then, if she bit, it wouldn't injure anyone. Seems drastic, but we don't want to part with her.

October 1st, 2007, 03:08 PM
Now you've clarified the unprovoked part, I see that it would be a full time job and definitely needs a plan. Removing her canines is a good idea. What about upping her meds?

October 1st, 2007, 04:00 PM
We've got her on the highest dose possible. We'd have to switch her to something that would likely render her quite catatonic. Not much fun for her. I'm leaning towards a gummy cat rather than an unconcious one. I wonder if a vet would agree to put a cat through dental surgery if nothing was wrong with her teeth...

October 1st, 2007, 07:04 PM
I think you are overstating her case. I know I do not live with her and it is easy for me to write but how do you know she will react to your child that way. I am a pediatrician and my advice is to teach your child how to interact with the cat. And to supervise them always!!! That's good advice even with a cat that is not considered aggressive. Have you ever had her to a behaviorist? Every family who adopts a cat and has children needs to watch them 24/7 so that's not unusual.

I am not certain a vet SHOULD take pout her teeth for this. She needs them. Euthenization is way over the top - and needless and cruel if it ever came to that. There have to be other solutions - talk to a pet therapist and if you cannot handle this kitty, find her a home with no children who can. I do not want to sound upset about this but I am and I am sorry if my frustration comes through.

There are no aggressive cats - only cats who need help. I have seen ferals who have been radey to eat any human alive socialized so I am sure something can help this kitty,.

October 1st, 2007, 08:41 PM
teach your child how to interact with the cat.

A child maybe , but we are talking about a baby here. So she would have to separate the cat from the baby for months , even 2,3,4 years .... a bit too much to ask IMO.

bendyfoot, you could ask rescues in your area if they would take your cat ... but I wouldn't get my hopes up. :sad: If she was a dog , she would already be euthanised .... I don't want to sound cruel or anything , but this cat sounds very aggressive. :shrug:

October 1st, 2007, 08:54 PM
I agree that pulling her teeth is extreme, CK, but if it meant she could stay without putting a child at risk, wouldn't that be worth it?
Bendyfoot, did you try other stuff before putting her on meds? So-called soft solutions? Does she completely lose it when she's not medicated?

I have a crabby cat but he would never attack me for no apparent reason. It's Riley's unpredictability that worries me. If adults have a hard time reading her, for a young child it would be impossible.

October 1st, 2007, 09:37 PM
its good to hear you are looking at this NOW instead of a year and a half down the road when your beloved puss took out an eye (cause babies are so much shorter than grown ups) or gashed open a tiny little foot because s/he was sitting on your lap or for whatever reason.

BUT before you really panic about this... put Riley up on petfinder and see what happens. if no one adopts before you get pregnant, THEN start thinking of other options. i dont think defanging is something you could live with... heck finding a farm where Riley can torture mice is a better alternative. if you paid a farmer?? :)

we had to deal with this also. Shadow did NOT like Jeffrey. not even slightly.... the same cat that DANCES with Cailyn would not tolerate Jeffrey. left a 6 inch gash about half an inch above his eye. thankfully it healed well because it was shallow but a little above that and it would have damaged his eye. who would have thought that the cat who BEGGED abuse from my daughter (i swear!!) would not tolerate Jeffrey whose worse annoyance was getting too close?? :confused: if i could read cats minds... id be a rich woman indeed. :) we still havent made a decision on Shadow. currently we are just chasing him out of the room when Jeffrey is in it. its worked so far but we plan on having another child and feel we shoudl rehome him before we come to that situation.

good luck on figuring this out but my personal opinion, a cat who is KNOWN to rip into people, regardless of how cute and sweet she is 99.99% of the time is only your responsibility and should never live in a home with children of any age. give petfinder a shot, a local farm, add in the paper... whatever it takes to find her a new home and not slay you with guilt. if that doesnt work, deal with it then.


October 1st, 2007, 09:41 PM
also, a cat who is aggressive like that wont stop because you remove teeth. she will just use her claws. the confusion she would go through would likely cause more aggression. in a human being, they would be put in a home or already be in prison where they couldnt do more harm. putting her in a situation where the other creatures/people are capable of holding their own (such as the farm) or a sanctuary situation is best??


October 1st, 2007, 09:47 PM
Don't give up on rescues either, my Grandmother had a cat that was equally unpredictable but also downright unfriendly to everyone but his "mommy" (my Grandmother). My Grandmother had to move to a hospital where no cats were allowed and we had to find the cat a home, my mom found a cat rescue group that took her in and we pay for her care (by donation)... in the end both my Grandmother and her cat were "institutionalized" :sad: but both are well cared for as best we could:lovestruck:.

I don't know much about the success of cat training, worth looking into though.

Good luck:fingerscr, my heart goes out to you:grouphug:

October 2nd, 2007, 06:00 AM
I had cat's for many years before having a baby, and I was very nervous at first because my cat Jay, goes berserk at times, attacking anything in sight, when he sees a cat out side, my hubby and myself, as well as the other cats have been attacked.
And Lucky:rip:, never ever put up with anything, and had "disciplined" the neices and newphews on many occasions.

When we had our son, it was like all of our cats knew, almost instinctually that he was helpless, and off limits. And never have any of my cat's ever attacked, scratched, or bitten my son (although at times he deserved it:rolleyes:) to this day (my son is 6 years old now) my son has never even been scratched by our cats, and all of our cats have a full set of claws.

My sons room has always been off limits to the cats, and he has slept in his own room since birth (baby monitors are a great thing).

We have also worked very hard to teach our son to respect the cats, and to never man handle them, and to allow them their space.

Although it's extreme, removing fangs is better then euthanasia IMO.
Is there any way you can try a different drug? Maybe your cat has become imune to the one she's on? I hear Clomacalm is very good.

It's great that you are trying to get some advice and answers before having a baby!

October 2nd, 2007, 09:13 AM
Thanks for all the replies. I'll try to respond to everyone's questions.

Cyberkitten: I understand that you're upset. WE'RE upset. Very. This is a very crappy situation and we're not taking it lightly. YES, we have seen two behavioural specialists, plus our own regular vet about this in the past three years. We have done a lot of our own research. We have tried many different techniques to retrain or redirect her behaviour. We have tried several kinds of drugs. She is much better now than she was 4 years ago, but is still agressive and unpredictable and the results of her attacks are still ALWAYS serious (there are no superficial injuries, ever). As for her canine teeth, why does she need them? She is not an outdoor cat. She does not need to protect herself from anyone in the house. They are not needed for eating kibble (they are meant for killing/peircing, not chewing/cutting food). You cannot teach a baby not to go near a cat. A toddler or young child, yes, but not a baby. The only option is keeping the cat away from the baby, and the only way to do that is lock her up 24/7 because this is an animal who will come dashing down the stairs out of the blue and take a swipe at the nearest living creature. We would love to be able to find her a good home with no children or seniors (obviously that would have to be a condition for rehoming-seniors also because they take longer to heal from injuries i.e. bites.) We agree that euthanization is a terrible option, and not something we would want to do. But if it was a dog that attacked a child, what would you suggest? I disagree that there are no agressive cats. There are people, dogs, cats that have greater tendencies towards agression than the norm. This is not a feral animal acting out of fear or mistrust that can be retrained to understand the world isn't as terrible as she thinks. She has absolutely no reason whatsoever to mistrust or fear.

Frenchy: You are not being cruel, you are being realistic, which is what I'm trying to be. I'm looking for cat rescues in my region.

Badger: she is worse, but not a "mental case" when she's not on meds. About 20% worse. It is her unpredictability that worries us too.

want4rain: she wouldn't be a good farm cat I don't think. She has arthritic hocks and is declawed. She goes outside under supervision only. But, it may be better than other alternatives and our neighbour may agree to it. We'd love it if we were wrong and she gets along well with the baby. We're just not sure how comfortable we are with taking that risk. Like I said before, it's not an "animal" thing (we have 4 other pets that we're not worried about at all), it's a ticking time-bomb thing.

Happycats: yep, tried clomicalm (that was the first one, actually).

Thanks again for the replies. We're going to have to keep talking about it.

October 2nd, 2007, 10:32 AM
Just for reference, my Wheezy (the crabby one) had both his upper canines removed when he was neutered. They had to go, having snapped off high up, exposing the nerves. He has no problem eating, believe me, kibble or canned.

October 2nd, 2007, 10:47 AM
I am not certain a vet SHOULD take pout her teeth for this. She needs them.

No, she really doesn't need them. Many cats live completely fine WITHOUT A SINGLE TOOTH in their mouth. Canines especially are a bit vestigial in a domesticated indoor cat. Cats with stomatitis routinely have all their teeth removed to allievate pain, so to say that she needs her canines is wrong. I know it does sound extreme, having them removed because of biting issues, but death is even more extreme, and lets face it, nobody is going to adopt a cat like this knowing that she bites. It's hard enough finding homes for perfectly healthy normal cats.

October 2nd, 2007, 10:56 AM
That's kinda what we're thinking: no fangs or death. No fangs seems like a better option, even if it's drastic. It was like getting her declawed. I HATE declawing, in fact advocate against it, and think it's a horrible thing to do to any cat, but we did it to Riley because it really boiled down to that or death, and death did not seem like a good option. She recovered quickly and has had no ill effects from it, thankfully.

I don't think anyone's going to adopt a cat who bites either.

October 2nd, 2007, 01:06 PM
Just some other random thoughts. Finding a cat behaviourist might be a good idea. Never used one myself, no idea what they would do exactly, but they must serve some purpose, I would think?

Obviously I don’t know your whole situation, like Riley’s history, when she came to live with you, was she ever the only animal in the house, stuff like that. Is it that she’s stressed in a mult-pet household? I wonder if the biting behaviour is her manifestation of that stress and whether, if she were an only animal, would the biting stop altogether? Is there any way to test that theory (you said no friends/family would take her, but what about if it was just for a short trial period to see if she improves)? The likelihood of finding her a home would be slightly better if you could specify that she needs to be an only “child” due to stress issues, rather than having to confess that she’s an incurable biter.

Barring that, I don’t suppose you have an extra room that she could generally be confined to unless under direct supervision, a stress-free room all to herself, with all of her worldly goods? She might actually like the security that provides. But obviously this solution may not be a practical one, I have no idea.

I certainly don’t envy your situation and I hope you can work something out where everyone benefits. All the best to you and your family.

October 2nd, 2007, 01:48 PM
Thanks for the input Sugarcat,

as I said earlier, we've seen two behaviourists already. We still have a problem despite following their recomendations.

Riley came to live with me at about 3 months old, from the HS (she was a rescue and I was her second foster mom...the first foster mom had her for one day only). Obviously I don't know what her life was during those three months before. She always lived with at least one other cat, and initially lived with three others while I was a student. She and my other cat Solomon moved to a tiny apartment when she was about two. Then Riley and Sol and I moved in with my partner and her cat (Boo) and dog (Gracie) into a roomy two-story house two years ago. We got a puppy in February, but Riley and Jaida have never been much of an issue for eachother. Really, other than our senior kitty Boo, Riley gets along fine with all the other animals, even Gracie who she used to scratch up.

She probably would do best in a single pet home. I'm in the process of begging my mother (who is pet-less) to consider taking her (she's got a soft spot for Riley, but I don't think she's really a cat person, plus my stepdad is one of her more recent victims, so I don't know if he'd be crazy about the idea. We'll see). But maybe the short-term suggestion is a good idea...perhaps Riley would flourish in that kind of environment.

Our house is about as open-concept as you can get. with the exception of the two bathrooms, the only rooms with more than two walls and at least one door are the two upstairs bedrooms. One is ours and one will be the childs' (from which all pets will be banished for a while). The dogs and the cats all sleep in our bedroom. So, there's not really a place we could put her that has enough room. The basement's not finished or insulated, so that's out too.

Good suggestions, though, especially the short term "trial run"

October 2nd, 2007, 02:01 PM
Cats do need their teeth like their claws if only for psychological reasons. I know this kitty had problem prior to declawing so clearly this is not the reason - as it so often is. She may have been traumatized or heaven knows what.

I understand how you feel. I do, I have rescued zillions of cats - some of them - many of them - aggressive. All lived if not in harmony but with babies and children. I am a Harvard trained and board certified pediatrician - I think I know the difference between a child and an infant and if I don't, I should resign right now. I don't mean to be curt but there is no need for sarcasm and that is the only sniping I will do. I guess my feelings were hurt and I am sorry to reciprocate but I am having one of those days. (death in the family - of the infant kind!)

I do thin the cat and baby could be kept separate. I am loathe to cite personal or anecdotal samples but I recall finding a kitten once as a child and my grandmother sceaming at me, Leave that kitten there. Its mother (a feral) will scratch you!" Of course, I did replace the kitten but watched my chance to have the whole family in te house - no easy task and even more complicated to socialize. But I do think many cats can be cautious around children.

You need to set limits - the cat is now allowed in the baby's room and if she sees the baby as someone special as was already noted, she may never harm her. Of course, as I already said, one never should eave animals and infants or children alone anyway. That is asking for trouble, even with the most docile of kitties - children are children and think cats are toys. (Hmmm - I mistyped Tory, wonder what that means, lol)

I understand you did more than many people would do and applaud your efforts. It just upsets me to see a cat loose her home because of a baby when it is likely not necessary. I have treated more scratched on children from cats than I can count but often, when you delve into what happened, there was no supervision or the cat was on some medication that went horribly wrong. Even well mannered cats can lash out for no known reason.

If you do want to dump this cat, I would suggest finding a good rescue who can find her a home. This will be even more traumatic for her - and it may be difficult, I you do not want her, imagine what the recuse will say. A pound or SPCA will likely kill her. This all makes me want to cry and I am in tears as I write this - a combination of things but it is just so sad!!

I am so sorry you feel this way. I guess that's all I can say. I apologize if I can sound sarcastic. I am upset and I did not mean it in bad faith.

October 2nd, 2007, 02:21 PM
In fact, a less stimulating environment might be just the ticket for her. Tell your mother the good karma she accumulates from this woud be immeasurable :laughing::laughing::laughing: (true).

October 2nd, 2007, 02:28 PM
Deleted post. I regret getting into it with CK. I want to stick to the subject at hand and have already received excellent advice otherwise.

October 2nd, 2007, 02:30 PM
Good karma, you say? Not a bad idea...she forgot my birthday last week, maybe I can use that as a guilt-laden bargaining chip??

In fact, a less stimulating environment might be just the ticket for her. Tell your mother the good karma she accumulates from this woud be immeasurable :laughing::laughing::laughing: (true).

October 2nd, 2007, 02:45 PM
Sorry, but I agree with Frenchy. As a foster for dogs and the mom of 3kids, I know how unpredictable both can be. I do not know about cat rescues, but no dog rescue would ever take an animal that has a history of unprovoked biting.
This cat has not bitting only family members, it has bitting it's own caregivers and severaly! I know that we all try to do everything we can to save an animal, but sometimes we have to do the responsible thing as adults. Having a child is a joy and having an unpredictable cat around that can do a lot of harm to him/her, IMO would be extremely stressfull period.
You have a hard decision to make, but hopefully you will make the right one.

October 2nd, 2007, 02:49 PM
Deleted post. I regret getting into it with CK. Would like to stick to the question at hand, and have received a lot of good advice otherwise.

October 2nd, 2007, 04:05 PM
It is prob best I stay out of this bendyfoot - I am sorry I said anything.I NEVER once even suggested or thought you were a bad person so I do not understand where that came from.I even commended you on what you have done thus far. I do not want to argue with you over this. I was expressing my conceren for the cat and since this is a forum about animnals, I thought that was allowed.

I probably did not phrase it properly. I am a very tender hearted and caring person who alas wears my heart on my sleeve and whatever I said has come across completely wrong. I am usually better at communication but in this case, my emotions have the best of me and I am ill equipped to respond to what I see as getting rid of an aggressive cat because of the baby.

I do feel for you!! I know you would not be posting here if you did not care. But we get so many people saying the same thing that I have become a bit jaded over time - there is a wonderful book about a poor cat whose family has a baby and out goes the cat. I know this is not entirely the situation here and I know you have to consider the baby but keep in mind I am asked this question many times a week - usually by children who are dying!! They want to keep their cat and they are undergoing chemo or a bone marrow transplant and they mange to find innovative ways to keep the cat. They may not interact with their beloved kitty for a time but they do eventually - if they survive. (I'd love to say all my patients survive and we have made giant strides in pediatric cancer but sadly, no - some die). So that is the spirit in which i read this.

No one is dying here except maybe the cat - if you eutheize her as you suggested in one post or if you do give her to a kill shelter.

Perhaps I should have not said dumping but call it what you will, that is how your cat - who has known no other home - will feel. Yes, this is tough for you but it is tragedy for the kitty - and for you. I do not need this today - I am sure you do not either. I just experienced a tragic lost and it brings home to me the value or life - human and feline.

I am sorry you spent so much on your cat. I do have been there - with my rabbit and several cats. I don't keep count because I'd be appalled at the cost. I do not want to get into a contest of who does the most for their cats. It's juvenile and does nothing to save this cat. I am not suggesting you are juvenile - just that tone and maybe I am buying into it because this is one hell of a day for me and people seem to think am superhuman and can withstand anything. I myself am lucky to be alive so I realize that sometimes see things differently. I will flight to my death to keep any child and any animal alive. I know what it is like to be told you are dying and this while serious is orthopedic and commendable but you need to be more objective - as do I suppose.

I can however express feelings when someone is pondering whether they might kill a cat because they are having a baby. This is all bad timing maybe or maybe not because it puts things in perspective.

What would I do in your case? I do feel for you. I would socialize the cat as much as possible and while I would never give up a cat I loved even with a baby, if I had a foster cat that was aggressive (a feral who became socialized say), I would try to find a family who had experience with special needs cats. Many rescues have so many cats without problems that she will be tough to place. You are seeking to place her - think what they will go through 0- the same thing. Most importantly, cats do not do well with change and she will likely be worse. Cats like this do badly in shelters. You need a rescue or yourself to find the right family for her and you need to do it slowly so she does not become more aggressive.

I know you are upset. So am I and I am a professional enough not to mix my emotions with this case.

If I did not, I;d be a basket case - both as an oncologist and in seeing all the death I have with Doctors without Borders, I fail to see how you can give up anyone you love regardless of their problems. If you had a special needs child who was aggressive, would you call social services or mental health and say I am having a baby and he may hurt her? I don't think so. So is a cat just a cat to you? That is a question you need to ask. If yes, then maybe the cat is better off somewhere where they understand her special needs. But you need to advertise in as many paces as possible - vets, Petfinder, special breed rescues, (if she is a certain breed, that breed rescue could help),

I guess in the end it boggles my mind that families of dying children whose life may be compromised by their cat being around keep the cat because the child wants the cat - they make arrangements that allow this to happen - (usually no interaction with the cat). I guess in the end , I have seen so much worse (I did not give up my cats when diagnosed with cancer myself or when I had to spend a year in a cast and learn to walk again and I have seen hundreds of children live just fine with cats in dire circumstances. I could probably do a ^&^% study on it, sigh) In fact, you could add bendy to my name - I kind of did a double take the 1st time I saw your name but I won't get into that. I am involved with a govt council on disabilities and loathe certain words. Bendy is not so bad but we do promote positive ones too. Think about what your pet has overcome, ot what the past was. That is how I live my own life.

Has your cat attacked children before? What is the entire history? Does she have citations from Animal Control? If no, why the haste? That's all I ask.

I know you want to prevent a tragedy but I think you worry too much. If the cat gets no where near the infant/child, will that help?

I am sorry you find it necessary to belittle me. As you know, it is always tougher for anyone with a disability to understand why anyone would belittle him or her and today of all days, it just came across as more mean than usual. It prob was not mean that way but that is how I read it. I have a good sense of myself but there are days I wish I was whole and well. It'll never happen but when I am belittled, I think of how the world can be a cruel place and redouble my efforts to make it better. I add this because you noted some of your problems and maybe we both need a good break (not a literal fracture. Gawd!!- no pun intended there!!)! I know I do tho given my work, that is not going to occur.

There is nothing I can do about that except add it to this horrible day and to my headache and miserable time. I am very sorry you are having this problem. I'll try not to be helpful any more since it is clearly not appreciated.

I have to leave this in tears - this is not a good way to leave a place I usually like coming to. I do, after all, that wish you the best of luck!! I am sorry you misunderstand what I said and my intentions.

October 2nd, 2007, 07:50 PM
Here's what I would do , e-mail as much cat rescues as you can , in your area. Ask them if they would take your cat , or if they can redirect you to places they know who could help. Talk about it to your vet, and other vet clinics , maybe they know someone who would adopt. And ....pray :pray: It's worth a try. :grouphug: If all fails ... you have my support.

October 3rd, 2007, 07:06 AM
i second Frenchy. life is full of hard choices. comes with having love in your life.


October 3rd, 2007, 08:32 AM
Thanks to everyone who has offered suggestions. I will be following up on many of them, will continue to talk with my partner, and hopefully will be able to come up with a solution that is good for everyone concerned. I won't be posting on this thread again.

Jim Hall
October 3rd, 2007, 09:19 AM
Best of luck with your new baby and i hope everthing goes well for you