September 17th, 2007, 09:48 AM
but she drives me crazy sometimes!
her and mom opened a business a year+ ago which is doing ok for roughly the first year. its not paying the bills but its getting closer every month. my mom is still working full time at a factory to make ends meet and my sister runs the shop. she runs it really well... which has made me pretty proud of her.
the crazy part is, well, everything else!
her husband has back problems. he doesnt want to work so he can get disability. :frustrated: he is a pot head who cant keep a job down.... 'but i love him sissy' :confused:
they havent had the water on at their 'new' apartment in 2 months so she has been taking showers at my moms house. the city has threatened to evict her if she cant keep water on in the house...
she doesnt have a car because her husband messes them all up. he is convinced he can get this other fad car running. he wants the big sound system, spinning wheels, jacked up old caddy. has been 'working on it' for 3 years now. they had a subaru that was impounded because they didnt keep legal tags on it (a bag of weed would have cost as much). the one before that (a old civic) he paid 2k for because 'it was such a good deal' to find out that it was not running on all of its cylinders. i mentioned before they got the subaru that we would sell them our old accord for 3k and it was in perfect working condition and would get them another 100k miles off of it if they took care of it. they didnt want it because it was too expensive.
i am sooooo tired of seeing her ****ty husband burning up their few cell phone minutes (to be used for emergencies only) to call his drug buddies. he sells pills. very lucrative business from what i gather. too bad he uses it do BUY HIS FREEKING POT.
my sister is (without the influences) a really good person. she has a BIG heart, so big it gets her in trouble sometimes. which is where my frustration really vents itself. she has a pitx who is cute as a button but has a corn allergy. you cant even begin to kn ow the kind of foods she feeds her dog. i looked at what was in the last bag... the first 4 things listed were CORN. different ways to say CORN. then came 'chicken by product'. i didnt even know they made food THAT UNBELIEVABLY BAD!! but they do i guess. the poor thing is just about hairless because of her obvious corn allergy.
i wrote my sister last night about a great deal on chicken at walmart. i told her she should be able to feed her dog monthly, raw meat, for under $35 a month. its the least expensive alternative to this garbage she feeds her dog. ive done all the leg work, offered to pick it up for her and everything...
she said she didnt feel like going by the grocery store for dog food if she cant go for her own food.
i said, why dont you rehome her if you dont want to take care of her properly.
because the shelter will euthanize... so i told her that petfinder is somewhere she can list her for free, decide WHO takes her home.... 'the best home for her is with me.'
she wonders why i never have anythign for her. how can you help soemone who doesnt want to help themselves?!?! :confused::mad:
the rest of my family is just as insane but i LOVE my sister. i cant say that abotu the rest of them. it might sound cruel to you but all they have done is lie to me and neglect me. my sister was was lucky enough to grow up with her father instead of our mother. i just dont know what to do anymore. she is a good person in a bad situation. she just happen to put and keep herself in this situation. she is worth so much more than this misery and squalor.
my home, my husband, my children... this is my little circle of happiness and sanity. i dont know what i would do without them. i dont understand how people can willing keep themselves in the miserable situations they are in when they can have what we have if they are willing to make it.
i wish i didnt feel so guilty for not doing more.
September 17th, 2007, 09:53 AM
im sorry, she has a flea AND a food allergy. can you even begin to imagine how bad this poor dog itches?? *sigh*
September 17th, 2007, 10:07 AM
:sad:Unfortunately we can't make our loved ones decisions for them, even if it is to protect them.... I sincerely hope that if that poor dog does suffer like that, that someone would step in. I have to tell you having been with a man much like your sister's.... it really takes a big slap in the face before we realize how being with someone like that brings us down. And insults and advice from others, makes you hold on even tighter, no matter how unhealthy! :frustrated: I just wish now that I hadn't spent so much time defending that loser to the people that really love me!:o
I think your position is by far the hardest having to stand by and watch someone you care about make poor choices.... :grouphug:
September 17th, 2007, 10:26 AM
thats no joke... i havent said anythign about him in a few years. i know its going to take her own desire to better herself to get to that point. we just ignore him. ive tried being there for her through this, i take her on vacations 2x a year, just her and i, to get out for a few days...
she went to college for a year to learn what she is doing now. while there she met this really great african guy here on a student visa. we hoped and hoped he would be IT but she ditched him for soem reason... met her husband and they have been in a crunch ever since. he worked the first 4 months they were together but no more than 4 week in a row since then. seems like those first few months gave her the impression he WANTS to work and has work ethic worth speaking of but come on... its been years now he hasnt worked.
they both seem unwilling to make things happen. she had a home with my grandpa for a while. he was renting to her. all she had to do was keep the place clean and ignore his random rantings (once every 2 months or so). her husband kept dumping paint into the septic system.... punching holes in the walls.... her dog peed all over the carpeting becasue that looser husband (who wasnt working) couldnt be home to let her out. he was always out hanging out with his druggy friends.
i gave her Misters old kennel which helped a bunch.
I HATE THIS!!! :mad::mad::mad: im so sick of hearing 'im tired, i dont feel like it' or 'if i just had more money'. i keep saying 'one of these days im going to build a goat hut and live in the middle of nowhere in Canada' but i never do it. you know if i stop coming her thats what i did. look for some crazy disheveled pasty white girl living in the woods with her dog, cats and goats and chickens. we will have one antenna and a solar panel dedicated to Chris so he can work remotely. all of our money will go to the Great Wall Of Swift so no one can get in.
September 17th, 2007, 10:36 AM
Nothing you can do except stay in touch with your sister at all costs; even if she doesn't take your advice, you are there as an example and a possible port in a storm. I don't know what you can do about her poor dog, beyond buying it some better food.
If hubby is selling pills illegally, you could (should) call the cops on him, drastic I know but it would be a huge wake-up for them both.
Are there any children?
September 17th, 2007, 11:25 AM
Is your sister doing drugs with him?? I think you need to seperate yourself from her if her life is causing you stress, you can't make her decisions, you can't control her so why suffer watching her life get wasted? Be there to listen to her, but she has to realize that he is bringing her down and she needs to see in herself that she deserves better. A little voice inside of her has allowed her to accept that this is the life she deserves.
If there are children involved and they are around the drugs, Childrens Aid should be called in to investigate. Never know who is hanging around their house.
September 17th, 2007, 11:27 AM
Sorry forgot to send you a hug :grouphug:. I do know how you feel, have a daughter doing drugs with her partner. They are both working and paying their bills, but barely. We don't help them financially and won't until they stop. Very frustrating and hard to watch.
September 17th, 2007, 11:32 AM
Ya I agree... if the hubby is doing something illegal, a quick annonymous call might be in order.... but of course no guarantee even that would be a wake up call for either of them. When your sister finally does wake up, she is going to see how you really loved her and tried to help, and she will need you more than ever. I know that when I finally was clear and got a chance to look back without that cloud of 'love'.... I saw and appreciated so much what my friends and family tried to do. They warned me, chastised me for lowering my standards, tried to help me make better choices by bolstering my self esteem, (which is the cause for the majority of these types of relationships)... and showed me they were always there for me, and always gave me hope that there was something better and that I did deserve it (although of course that didn't sink in right away). Now I couldn't appreciate that more.... the more they nitpicked (although at first I rebelled of course... I was young) the more it sank in.... slowly but surely. I think those trips with your sister are probably very important to her, as sometimes when you make a choice like that (a bad partner) and begin to defend it, you get embarassed and stubborn and after time have a lot of trouble seeing a way out. You just have to keep showing her the way out. And God willing eventually she'll follow!:pray:
And you may never get a thanks from them, but I know all you do and will do, that dog loves you and thanks you for. :angel:
September 17th, 2007, 11:41 AM
i just dont know what to do anymore.
i dont understand how people can willing keep themselves in the miserable situations they are in when they can have what we have if they are willing to make it.
I've been there with a friend. Tried to help her for 2-3 years ,was there everyday to hear about how her life sucks , how he bf (alcoholic) is a looser / roughs her up and so on. Until she SAID she left him, I wasn't sure about it ... told her many times if she ever went back to him , I would never speak to her again , because I have my own problems (wich I am not asking for them , like these people are) and didn't need to hear her cry everyday anymore. Find out she never left him.:mad: I don't have to tell you , I am not speaking to her anymore , she doesn't have too many friends left. Some people like to be miserable , even if you are there to give them help and a kick in the butt , they just want to stay miserable. :shrug:
And on the other hand , you see some people that have nothing , they don't have good health , but yet , they keep fighting to have a better life ....
September 17th, 2007, 11:54 AM
Nothing you can do except stay in touch with your sister at all costs; even if she doesn't take your advice, you are there as an example and a possible port in a storm.
im trying. i call my friends usually when things like this come up but go figure, they are all at work right now!
I don't know what you can do about her poor dog, beyond buying it some better food.
i told her if she gave me the money i would get it for her, mix it up and package it for her. i refuse to spend money on the pooch though. i dont feel she is capable of taking care of herself let alone a dog and 2 cats. she really needs to find new homes for them and start eating right herself. she is so unhealthy herself. she eats out more often than not. how can they afford to eat out so much? just about every meal!!! the 3 of them spend as much on eating out 2x a day as Chris an i spend on feeding 2 adults, 1 child, 1 baby, 1 80lb dog and 4 cats in a month!!!
If hubby is selling pills illegally, you could (should) call the cops on him, drastic I know but it would be a huge wake-up for them both.
id just be adding to his 'poor thug' persona. he would get an over night in jail and probably be let go. im waiting for him to cheat on her.
Are there any children?
thankfully no. i dont think she can have children. the first thuggy boyrfriend she had gave her chlamydia. she had it for 6 months before she knew what it was.
i dont know what the deal is with men who wear their pants half way down to their knees. dont they know what that means in prison?? how can you be married and advertise that?
im feeling better. Chris called and said "what did you expect? she is miserable. all she wants to do is vegg in front of the TV and forget she is miserable" one of these days she will realize she is old and the tv nor money will fix anything and neither will her husband. ive been there, done that, and not let the guy keep bringing me down. maybe im just heartless. :frustrated:
September 17th, 2007, 12:04 PM
i keep toying with calling the cops but what will i say? i think this guy.... who? (insert name) is selling drugs. what kind of drugs? i dont know.... how much? i dont know. where does he live? i dont know... what does he drive? never know, a friends car usually.... who are his friends? i dont know.... some guy named David???
im trying krdahmer, im really trying. days like today make me wonder what for?? am i making excuses for her? i thought she would be happy to hear of somethign to make her dog feel better and i dont understand why she wouldnt be willing to put a little more effort into this.
Frenchy- he doesnt hurt her, abuse her other than jealousy issues... he is just... a lazy druggy. she loves him because he makes her laugh and she thinks he is tough. he NEEDS HER. who else would take care of him? his mother doesnt want him at the house anymore... he would be all alone. poor thing. :yuck:
September 17th, 2007, 12:08 PM
I'm sorry for you , your sister should get a back bone , sorry , I just hate seeing that women , in 2007 , still think it is ok to stay with a looser. You are right , she could do so much better. You have done all you could. :grouphug: It's really up to her.
September 17th, 2007, 12:30 PM
she is really beautiful too. :)
i keep telling myself she has a sickness. something eating her soul that only she can find a cure to. i keep hearing Tracy Chapmans Fast Car when i talk to her. when she moved here from MI USA i would hear that on the radio often. figured it was just a sign of things to come huh?
September 17th, 2007, 01:13 PM
I'm sorry about your situation, and more sorry about your sisters.
Unfortunately she's got to see things on her own before she realizes she's hit rock bottom. Hopefully this bum of a guy will leave her, because it sounds like she will never leave him. If he leaves her then perhaps there's a chance she can realize what a waste he's been and what he's done to her life.
In the meantime at lease she knows she has your support. It's really sad thought about the poor dog. She really should find it a good home. She's making the choice of staying, not so with the dog. He should be given the chance at living in a place where he's going to be taken care of.
What a jerk this guy though.
September 17th, 2007, 02:18 PM
Has anyone (HS SPCA) ever been sent out about the animals?
September 17th, 2007, 02:56 PM
ancientgirl- he wont leave her. he knows she is the best thing he will ever have. she will be old before she finally walks out the door. she has to get past the stage where she says to herself "ive been with him this long... whats another few years" and to be there she has to give it that kind of time.
krdahmer- no, she is feeding her dog, has a cream for her.. she feeds her poor food but its still regulated and the amount she is suppose to have. the cats even get wet food 2x a week.... besides, she would never forgive me for something like that.
September 17th, 2007, 03:18 PM
I'll keep my fingers crossed she'll have enough of him and realize she's so much better off without him!:fingerscr
September 17th, 2007, 06:46 PM
she looks so young.... and so pretty....just waiting for the proverbial kick in the pants maybe. I know what it took for me was a very nice, good looking, employed and eligible man to show an interest in me. Then something went on like a lightbulb.... like "why am I not with this guy or someone like him?". I spent the next few years single and not looking and whala! here's hubby! I just hope she doesn't hang on too long.... those kinds of people tend to start to 'rub off' on ya after a few years....:yuck:
September 18th, 2007, 06:17 PM
yeah, she is just beautiful and soooo sweet too.
so i went and put together a months worth of food for her dog for under $35 bucks. packaged it up, labeled it and all. hopefully her beautiful little pitty will will start looking better. i asked her to get some pics of her eating her chicken leg tonight!
the first one is called "we still havent told her she is a dog"
September 18th, 2007, 06:36 PM
the first cat is Colita (coe-leet-ah), at about 4 months old Casey found her on the neighbors porch shivering (in the summer time none the less!!) and starved. so she took her in and got her to the vet... took her 3 months to pay that visit! at 6 months old she tried running out the front door, Casey caught her as we were walking through it kind of by the tummy, you know, like a sling?? we all have picked up our cats that way a million times... most of us have tossed them gently a short distance too... well Colita broke a leg. so off to the vet again!! doc said it was one of those freak accidents where she landed on it wrong. duh!! Casey still mists up over that. she is still paying that bill. :rolleyes:
she has had Ashes (the second cat) for over 8 years now. got her as a 'kid'. the trip down here form MI took them 2 days. they took a van so she could set up a little box in it lol!! Ashes refuses to eat anything but Purina kitten chow. she will painstakingly pick out each NON Purina piece of food and set it aside. thankfuly both cats get wet food 2x a week. Casey is wetting it down more so they get enough moisture. Ashes was declawed by my mom. Casey was devastated. mom never asked to declaw her, just went and did it. *sigh*
anyways, jjust dropped in for a minute. my rug brat needs a bath. dad decided a handful of spaghetti was a good idea.... so i gave him an oreo on top of that. i should just honey and feather him while im at it!!