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fostering/getting attached

anneh
August 2nd, 2007, 11:35 AM
I am fostering for the first time and feeling really guilty because I don't want to adopt. This situation has taught me that having one dog permanently is sufficient for me, having two is abit more than I can handle if they are lively. So I have a sweet little foster boy here and every time I look at him I feel guilty that I don't really want to keep him. I am also worried that he will find the right home altho the rescue that I work with is a very good one and very careful. I know I have what he needs here and worry that the right person may not come along or that he will not be cared for properly. How do you all deal with this? I am not sure I can ever foster again because of this guilty feeling and the worry :pray: anneh

Frenchy
August 2nd, 2007, 12:24 PM
and every time I look at him I feel guilty that I don't really want to keep him.

Why ? You are doing good ! Your "job" is not to keep him , your job is to foster him. If I would have kept all of my fosters.... :eek: and if you trust your rescue , then don't worry , they will find a good family for him.

anneh
August 2nd, 2007, 12:39 PM
Thanks for putting it into perspective. I guess I just feel bad that there is not a really good reason not to keep him myself other than I don't want to add another dog permanently. I envy those who do adopt many, we are senior citizens so perhaps that has something to do with it altho I am very fit and agile etc. Anyway, thanks again for helping me, felt very sad about it today, will try and have a better more optimistic attitude :thumbs up

Why ? You are doing good ! Your "job" is not to keep him , your job is to foster him. If I would have kept all of my fosters.... :eek: and if you trust your rescue , then don't worry , they will find a good family for him.

Frenchy
August 2nd, 2007, 12:44 PM
I do foster myself , and altough I sometimes would love to keep them , if I did , I wouldn't be able to keep on fostering. When one gets adopted by his/her forever family , it makes me soo happy that this dog has a new lease on life ! AND , this gives me an open place at my house to foster another one , woohoo ! :thumbs up

kiara
August 2nd, 2007, 01:22 PM
Fosters are greatly needed and appreciated. It gives the dog or cat some peace and quiet before finding a permanent home. A place where a lot of animals live can be very stressful (especially for cats, because they are very sensitive to change). Being a foster makes you get to know their personalities. I have fostered many cats, each one with its own unique way. I have two of my own. At first it was very hard and then we had to realize that someone else would love them and give them a chance at happiness. We have visited some of them, it was a great feeling. Please continue. You are very needed!

Love4himies
August 3rd, 2007, 07:24 AM
I don't think you should feel guilty about not wanting to keep them at all. Your job is give them a secure, loving home to prepare them for their forever home.

You are doing a wonderful service to these dogs and if they could talk they would let you know how much they appreciate what you are doing for them.

Take joy in knowing that you are helping them through their journey to find that permanent, loving home.

They need you to help them.

clm
August 6th, 2007, 03:19 PM
I think fostering is so important for dogs and cats. Foster animals are properly assessed, have had issues identified and worked with and then they get placed with an appropriate family....shelter animals on the other hand are already stressed from coming from a caged, usually crowded environment, the new adopted family has to deal with unknown issues and an animal that may take a fair bit of time and tlc to come around. No fault of the shelter, they're helping the best way they can, but a fostered animal has had the benefit of living in a loving, caring environment, so much better for the animal and it's new family.

Cindy

Frenchy
August 6th, 2007, 03:32 PM
....shelter animals on the other hand are already stressed from coming from a caged,
Cindy

Absolutly right , that's why more and more rescues get these dogs out of shelters and puts them in foster families :highfive: the more foster families we have , the more dogs (and believe me , they are soo many good dogs in these places) rescues can help and save from euthanasia and then , place into their loving forever homes :cloud9: So anneh , we need you !

anneh
August 6th, 2007, 07:20 PM
thanks again for all the sweet and encouraging words. Today for some reason I kept worrying about if he is adopted and gets out and gets run over etc I will never forgive myself. Frankly one of the reasons I decided against adopting him is he has started a couple fights with my dog when I was petting him and my dog came between us. No-one got hurt but my dog could really hurt this little guy if he wanted to:eek: I was worried that it might get worse or is this something easily dealt with? I haven't had more than one dog for many years but don't remember it happening when I did. Otherwise he plays well with my big dog altho sometimes he has to snap at him to get him to quit wanting to play for which I don't blame him of course as my dog is a big goofy guy who doesn't know when to quit trying to play. This little dog has had a hard life already, been dumped at shelter last year when family was expecting a baby (he actually loves kids)and then dumped again this year because new owner said couldn't afford his allergies (turns out it was the junky food he was getting) so I keep thinking that he will feel dumped again if he goes to a new home, I can see that sometimes its best not to know their background:cry: anneh

Frenchy
August 6th, 2007, 10:55 PM
so I keep thinking that he will feel dumped again if he goes to a new home,

I had people sending me pictures of my fosters a day or 2 after they got adopted . These dogs surely didn't look like they missed me at all ! I think dogs know I am only the foster mom (I do explain everything to them :laughing: ) and they know when they are in their forever family. :cloud9:

coppperbelle
August 7th, 2007, 01:08 PM
Yup, I always explain to them that this is a foster home and while they are here I will care for them but someone else is going to adopt them and give them a forever home. I also tell them that even though they aren't with me anymore I will always love them and think about them. They understand I think.

anneh
August 7th, 2007, 09:05 PM
so what do you all think of my comment about the foster dog initiating a fight with my dog when I was petting it and my dog tried to get petted also. Was a short but real fight altho no-one got hurt. Scared my daughter because she is afraid the foster (being smaller) could get hurt if my dog retaliated. Hasn't happened since altho he is definitely not a submissive dog when they are playing but fortunately my dog is. This was one of the reasons I am thinking twice about adopting him or am I overly concerned :confused: In all other ways they get along very well and no jealousy over food or treats etc. anneh

Frenchy
August 7th, 2007, 10:19 PM
It happen to me once , I think you must show your foster who's the boss (you !) what I did was leash my foster and attached the leash to myself and just did what I had to do in the house. So he had no choice but to follow ME, I was the one leading him. Also , you must always put your dog first, first out the door (if you can) first to get pet , to get his food etc....