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I was an idiot and now I'ma lonely idiot

papillonmama
July 2nd, 2007, 10:27 PM
I'm sorry to all the people I bore with my rant.

My common-law husband of five years just changed his number and told me that we would never see or hear from him again. Not just me, but our kids too.

Why am I telling you? Well, because the reg's of this board are the closest thing to friends that I've had since we've been together. At first I let my friends go because it was a new love and he wanted to spend time with me, then I couldn't talk to them anymore because he was always jealous. I gave him everything, I let go of all of the things that I loved, I gave up my job, it made him nervous me working around the youth, I stopped calling my friends and people stopped wanting to hang out with me, even some of my closest dearest friends.

I know this is for the best, he was totally controlling, the reason he left was because I had had drinks with my neighbours. That's it.

I'm feeling terrible, and so lonely now too.

I hate myself for believing that it would change eventually.

hazelrunpack
July 2nd, 2007, 10:30 PM
Can he legally separate you from the kids? :grouphug:

erykah1310
July 2nd, 2007, 10:32 PM
OH Papmom, im sorry, but your right, things dont usually change.
You need to take back control of your life. Its the only life you have and you should live it to your fullest potential, and never EVER let anyone tell you how to live it.
Im sorry for the unsolicited advice, but you are a wonderful person who deserves happiness and respect.
Im sorry that you are feeling lonely right now, :grouphug: :grouphug:
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

papillonmama
July 2nd, 2007, 10:35 PM
he doesn't want to take the kids, he just doesn't want to see them again

papillonmama
July 2nd, 2007, 10:39 PM
thank you erykah, i knew he was being a jerk, and I let him, I just wanted to try so hard for our kids. I wanted them to have a family. So i let it happen.

hazelrunpack
July 2nd, 2007, 10:45 PM
he doesn't want to take the kids, he just doesn't want to see them again

Sorry...I misunderstood... :o It's not any better a situation, though! :grouphug: Can he legally walk out and not help support his kids? :frustrated:

I'm so sorry for what you're feeling right now. :grouphug: But Erykah is right...you have to live your life for you and your kids and not spend too much time regretting something that wasn't right. You'll carve your own niche now and find something better! :thumbs up :grouphug:

erykah1310
July 2nd, 2007, 10:53 PM
Be strong!
For some reason no matter how controlling or jelous they are, it hurts when they go. I think they stip so much of who we are away that with out them we feel worthless. But you know, we arent.
He didnt ever deserve someone as caring as you.
I dont understand the making it work for the kids part, as I dont have kids, for me it was more making it work for my comfort. SO wrong.
Take care of you, and your kids,
Cry cause you need to, and begin the healing process as soon as you can.
Although none of us seem "real" as we are just words on a screen, we are here for you, I too turn to forum friends when life gets me down, less judgemental than some other people.
:grouphug:

luckypenny
July 2nd, 2007, 10:53 PM
... I stopped calling my friends and people stopped wanting to hang out with me, even some of my closest dearest friends...

So pick up the phone and make amends. If they were your dearest friends, then they will always remain so and be there to support you in your time of need. I've had friends I hadn't heard from in years. But when they need me, I'll always be there for them in whichever way I can.

You have to take care of yourself and put your needs first. No one can care for you the way you yourself can. Only when you're strong can you be strong for your children. Only when you have self-love and respect, can you never again let another do this to you.

You know what? Take comfort in knowing that things can only get better, and take strength and pride that you have your children and will be there for them. Your children do have a family and a wonderful mom who had made a sacrifice thinking it was in their best interests. But that doesn't mean you've failed, this was just a life changing experience and an eye-opener. When a door closes, another opens; take advantage of this and make the best of it. Things will look up soon, you'll see. Big :grouphug:s to you and to your children.

maltesegirl
July 2nd, 2007, 11:21 PM
I dont know you really, so I hope you dont mind that Im butting my opinion in. Can I just reassure you that you are way way way way way better off. I know that if you really loved him that pain of missing the companionship will be there, and thats really normal...but if he is as controlling as you say you really need to look at this as a second chance for you to be able to embrace the life that you truly want, and take it as a learning oppurtunity to never take that controlling c**p from anyone again. My friends bf was just as bad....he ended up leaving her becuase she decided to go to college of all things, lol, anyway initially she was devastated, but if it wasnt for that breakup she wouldnt be married to the wonderful guy she is now! Trust me everything happens for a reason and you will pull thru this!!!!!!

Shaykeija
July 3rd, 2007, 01:32 AM
Get the nastiest lawyer you can afford and get spousal and child support. This person isolated you and is abuse. Anyman who can walk away from his kids is no man at all.

badger
July 3rd, 2007, 02:55 AM
I was going to say the same thing, get a lawyer - through legal aid if necessary - and find out what your rights are. Unfortunately, he cannot be forced to see his children - maybe when things settle down, he'll change his mind - but meanwhile he is obligated to support them financially.

I think it would also be wise to seek professional support for yourself. A good social worker, for instance, can provide a sympathetic ear as well as practical advice, to help you and your kids through this. So jump on the phone today, call some agencies, don't stay isolated. I'm sure your friends will rally round when they know what is happening.

Papillonmama, we have all taken wrong turns, ALL OF US. Welcome to the human race :) .

Stay close to your kids, even if you can't answer all their questions right now.

Lukka'sma
July 3rd, 2007, 08:19 AM
Sure sounds like there is something else going on here with him and the best excuse he could come up with at the time was your drinks with friends. The good news I would think is that you have a chance to start a life with yourself being number one for a change and the bad news is the no-good-for-nothing so and so will likely be back when he realizes it's easier on him to have his meals made and his clothes washed.
Could be the perfect time for you to get involved with a committee that will benefit your kids, ie..shcool...library...block parent...even though your children are young they will eventually be using these services.
Every time you miss him remind yourself that you had a lucky escape and it's better to be in control of your own life than handing it over to someone else to call the shots. I hope you get the opportunity to see that you have self worth and don't need an overlord in the house. May also be the best chance you have to tell him (when he comes running back) that unless he seeks counselling and gets his life in order you can't have him back.

Lukka'sma
July 3rd, 2007, 08:25 AM
One more thing...the title of your thread gives me the idea that you almost think he was in the right to leave because you had the nerve to make a friend. He must have you in a very bad place if you believe that. Time away from that relationship will bring you back to the real world and make you start to have some self love. You deserve to know that you are a valuable person on your own and discovering that will be so exciting for you. Good luck and even though it seems like the world has ended you will be in a better place soon I promise.

Hunter's_owner
July 3rd, 2007, 08:44 AM
Everyone has given such great advice so far. I don't have any advice to add, but I do want to say that you are so much better than what he let you be.
:grouphug: to you and anytime you need to vent, feel free to do so here.:grouphug:

Love4himies
July 3rd, 2007, 08:52 AM
I am so sorry to hear of your breakup. It must really hurt right now, but I also agree this is for the best. Take Luckypenny's advice and call your old friends, I am sure they would love to hear from you again.

Not sure if your children are his biological children, but they are better off being raised by somebody that can offer healthy guidance, not by somebody that is controlling.

Take this chance to gain control of your life, be strong and take care of yourself. :grouphug:

papillonmama
July 3rd, 2007, 09:49 AM
Thank you everyone.


I was working with people who were being emotionally abused, and I knew all of the signs, and I knew what was happening, and that's why I'm an idiot. he's a jerk for being so controlling regarding who I talk to and everything else in our lives, but, really, I should have left a long time ago. And that's why I feel like an idiot.

My kids, they love him, but they know that I love them beyond anyone else. The twins are his kids, but my eldest isn't, but I don't think she ever really felt much for him because he was always so hard on her because she's messy. Luckily she's eleven and doesn't pay much attention when people give lectures, so she doesn't even care. The twins are still so young, I think that they will adjust to the change.

I am going to try to get a hold of some of my friends, but honestly, so many years have gone by, I don't even know where to start to try to find them. Not many of my friends had phones when we were buddies, and now, maybe they don't even live in the city anymore. I have a lot of artistic friends, and they live life freely, leaves blowing in the wind.

As for the lawyer, it's very likely, but I need to wait and make sure that we're going to be okay. That we are all safe, I don't think we'll have to move, but I am going to change the locks and maybe get a bigger dog. I don't think he would do anything to me, but I also thought he loved me more than this, so I'm not really trusting my judgement right now.

It hurts that I trusted him so much and he had no trust in me.

Kristin7
July 3rd, 2007, 10:34 AM
I'm so sorry! I was in a similar relationship for about 5 years until 6 months ago when I couldn't take it anymore, snapped, and dumped him. Thankfully we did not have kids but it still hurts to let someone go, when you have hoped for so long that things would work out, and put so much energy into it. Now, when I look back, I just get really mad at myself for not breaking it off sooner. What a waste of 5 years! Very little of that was worth it. And all the energy that got sucked away from me, I could have done so much more with my time. Plus, the emotional abuse will take awhile to recover from, as it destroys one's self-esteem. Fortunately, most of my friends seem to have forgiven me, though I have not contacted all of them. One of these days.... Anyway, I think you might find that some of your friends miss you and would love to have you in their lives again (if you could find them). You might find, like myself, that you are much happier in time and have tons more energy. Also, I recently met someone else who is so completely different than my ex! Things are going great and I'm very much enjoying myself. Perhaps you will eventually meet someone 1000x better for you than your ex :D Good luck with everything! :grouphug:

Frenchy
July 3rd, 2007, 11:25 AM
I will not say I'm sorry , because I'm glad he took off. He didn't deserve you. Now you can move on with your life. I refuse to let you say you're an idiot (respect my hautoritay ;) ) he's the idiot , not you. It can only get better from now on. We are here for you :grouphug:

Dog Dancer
July 3rd, 2007, 12:18 PM
I know exactly what you're talking about - I am in a very similar relationship myself, but no children. I too have let many friends go by the wayside to keep the man happy. You have to focus on the future now and feel free to vent and cry to us all you want. I understand how you feel the regulars on the board are your friends now - and we are here for you. Be strong and do make sure you get some legal advice. You and the children are entitled to support from him. It's nothing personal - it's just reality so let him have it.
I'm so sorry for you to be going through this, but everyone else is right. He made the mistake. You just gave him everything and there's no shame in that, you aren't the first nor will you be the last woman to do this for a man. I know I've said to friends about my fellow - don't think you can change a man unless he's still in diapers. We learn some hard lessons in life, but the challenge in them is learning the lessons and then moving on. Good luck to you, be strong and don't let the guy come back - he doesn't deserve you.
:grouphug:

JanM
July 3rd, 2007, 12:35 PM
This is a very difficult time for you I'm sure but, could it be that you have been given a new opportunity to develop a new life for yourself and your kids? I do believe that things happen for a reason and perhaps you are now ready to live the life you really want - and now you can do it without strings attached! Go for it - be happy, be positive, and know that all is well!
Every time one door closes - another opens and it's up to each of us to walk through that door..

Mahealani770
July 3rd, 2007, 01:03 PM
RUN Papmama! RUN!! You're free!! :grouphug:

Rick C
July 3rd, 2007, 01:04 PM
I'm sorry to all the people I bore with my rant.

My common-law husband of five years just changed his number and told me that we would never see or hear from him again. Not just me, but our kids too.

Why am I telling you? Well, because the reg's of this board are the closest thing to friends that I've had since we've been together. At first I let my friends go because it was a new love and he wanted to spend time with me, then I couldn't talk to them anymore because he was always jealous. I gave him everything, I let go of all of the things that I loved, I gave up my job, it made him nervous me working around the youth, I stopped calling my friends and people stopped wanting to hang out with me, even some of my closest dearest friends.

I know this is for the best, he was totally controlling, the reason he left was because I had had drinks with my neighbours. That's it.

I'm feeling terrible, and so lonely now too.

I hate myself for believing that it would change eventually.

Whenever this kind of separation comes up among my clientele, I ask them if I should congratulate them for being out of a bad situation or offer my sympathies . . . . . it's a question that surprises many but in the end, a good many say congratulations are in order as they realize they'll likely be happier down the road.

From your description, and its the only thing I would have to go on, I'd say congratulations are in order.

Best wishes down the road.

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

CyberKitten
July 3rd, 2007, 01:20 PM
I agree with Rick- sounds like you made the right decision and it will all downhill now. There may be bumps in the road but you are much better off withut the stress he brought!

Good luck!! :grouphug:

want4rain
July 3rd, 2007, 02:02 PM
:rolleyes: what 11yo isnt messy.

my daughters father and i didnt work out. he is a jerk and doesnt really want anything to do with her.

thankfully.

my husband is the most amazing father ever. things happen for a reason. just keep your mind, heart and eyes open. Mr Right will come along, you just gotta be ready for it.

spend a few weeks crying your eyes out but get over it. you are a woman. not only are you a woman but you are a MOTHER. not just in the responsibility sense but also in the "damn you rock!!" sense!! just keep that in your heart ok?? you have flames in your hair and the sky in your eyes. no man can take that away.

-ashley

Rick C
July 3rd, 2007, 02:05 PM
Also, and I haven't waded through the rest of the posts in the thread so apologies if its come up already, but the threat to never see the kids again is an attempt at control as well . . . . . his continuing contact with the kids is something you value, he knows it and he's attempting to deny you that thing of value.

Walk away.

It's not you. It's him.

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

pags
July 3rd, 2007, 02:12 PM
I hate myself for believing that it would change eventually.

I've been there, papmama. But don't hate yourself. Understand that all of us are bombarded with fairytales of change every day from a very early age. How many times have you watched a movie where some rude gad-about tyrant softens, falls in love, and becomes prince charming? Aren't we taught that's how it's supposed to be? It's only painful experience that teaches us that it is NOT how it's supposed to be. If it's right.. it is right from the beginning.

Chin up. Pat yourself on the back. Learn from it. And next time (there WILL be a next time!) you'll know not to settle at all. If it's not exactly what you want... then don't accept it. You're worth it.

Hugs. It's gonna be okay. Come to the forum and lean on us if you need to. I think most of us know how it feels to be lonely. :grouphug:

chico2
July 3rd, 2007, 04:39 PM
I have learned through life,men like this are basically cowards and very insecure,don't be surprised if he comes crawling back once again asking for your forgiveness.
I hope you have the strength to say no and try to get on with your life,in time you'll find someone deserving of your love.:goodvibes:

rainbow
July 3rd, 2007, 06:42 PM
I have learned through life,men like this are basically cowards and very insecure,don't be surprised if he comes crawling back once again asking for your forgiveness.
I hope you have the strength to say no and try to get on with your life,in time you'll find someone deserving of your love.:goodvibes:

I agree with Chico. Don't give in and take him back as he will never change. Phone up your good friends and explain the situation to them. You WILL find someone else that treats you alot better. :grouphug: :goodvibes:

papillonmama
July 3rd, 2007, 09:44 PM
Well, I cried last night, and I am resolved, I won't take him back, not this time, no, I've had enough and I'm happy enough alone, as I said before, I live alone with my kids, we left a couple of years ago, (I think it made this easier). This was bound to happen really, I just needed time to be really ready and do it for myself.

I'm feeling a lot better tonight, it might be because he hasn't called me at all today, and I don't want to call him, so yeah, resolve has made it much easier, and I'm thankful that you all are such understanding people, and I really appreciate all the good thoughts and grouphugs, thank you all so much. :o


My hydro was out so this is the first chance I've had to reply, and now that the fans are working, I'm going to bed. ;)

Dog Dancer
July 4th, 2007, 11:24 AM
You go girl - nothing wrong with not having a man around the house for a while (or longer). I'm glad you're resolved not to take him back. He won't change. Be strong! :grouphug:

Frenchy
July 4th, 2007, 11:36 AM
You go girl - nothing wrong with not having a man around the house for a while (or longer).

:p That's right ! :D It's tuff sometimes when you have roof repairs :rolleyes: .... but anyway , how are you feeling today ? Free ?

x.l.r.8
July 4th, 2007, 08:23 PM
Were in off topic right? good.
Lets stop the man bashing for a second, he was good enough to sleep with wasn't he? Unless you take that kind of thing as lightly as fixing the roof, some of us consider that a commitment between TWO people. Now 5 yaers down the line he's suddenly a loser. Don't misread me here, he left the woman he claimed to love and children who he owes a great deal of guidence and support. I have no respect for him, I also have no respect for someone who bashes someone they once were happily enough to share body fluids with.
In 5 years you are probably a fraction of the person emotionally and spiritually you once were, if he can't keep up with you then YOU let him go. He will come crawling back at some time to prove to himself, that nothing has changed and you can't move on without hiim being there with you. Thats the time you need to be strong, right now you have every right to your emotions, and recognising that makes you smart, not an idiot. You have friends, there a dial tone away and they WILL be interested in whats happening, they WILL offer support, and they WILL still be your friends, I bet you have forgiven for a lot worse, and you too will earn that forgiveness from true friends.
Life is an evolution, not static. You can make choices today that may be with you but you can acknowledge you made them, and right now you have a great chance to look at the choices you can make. But please don't deny your feelings, don't hold back, cry, scream, laugh and become hysterical if you need to, then move forward, in any direction you choose. In a few days, weeks, months you will get that call or visit, as you do not have the luxary of changing your phone or address he will know where you are. Don't be his safty net, be whoever you want to be but not his.
In the mean time feel free to rant and rage. You have as much support as you need but try not to return evil for evil, you are better than that.
And as we have an allowance
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :dog: :dog: :cat: :cat: :grouphug:

papillonmama
July 6th, 2007, 10:37 AM
I;m sorry lrx, I don't think I was man bashing??

I havenothing but goodthings to say about some men. And I honestly didn't see anyone man bashing him either, that he was being a jerk, it's not man bashing, it;s called being honest, not just with myself, but with others.

I've kept this stuff to myself for five years, for five years I've allowed him to push me around, and now that I'm free I think allowing myself the liberty of speaking up is not a bad thing. One of the worse things about being mentally abused is that you likely will never tell anyone, including family and closest friends, if you were allowed to have any.

I don't mean to come off as being abrasive, but seriously, this was just a rant, and having the support of pepole that I have talked to for years has made this entire situation bearable. No where in any of the posts that I wrote was there anything mean said about him. My neighbor is still in awe that I'm not as angry as I should be, I'm not the kind of person to say angry things regarding other people. I haven't even told the entire story, I just don't wnat anyone thinking that these sorts of things shouldn't be talked about, there are women, and men worse off than I was. If they are out there, talk to whoever you need to.

Thanks for the grouphugs, I needed them.

pags
July 6th, 2007, 10:59 AM
Amen, papmama!! Speak out.

xlr8, honey.... I could talk about my ex-husband for 35 years straight and not ever manage to return evil for the evil he gave me. Don't get me wrong -- it has taken me over ten years to realize that... Why? Cause folks used to tell me 'don't stoop to his level' or 'make sure you are taking responsibility for what YOU did wrong in the relationship' or 'you're sounding like a typical bitter woman'.

So for ten years I walked around trying to take such advice.... Now I've grown up a bit and realized what bunk it is. I no longer tell people that my first marriage ended because 'we just couldn't get along anymore'. I tell people that I married an evil selfish drunken man and am lucky to have escaped.

Oh and I DO take responsibility for what I did wrong in the relationship: I should have walked away the moment he said "Hello." I should have called the police the first time he hit me. I should have hit back. I should have armed myself. I should have changed the locks. And I never should have lied for him.

And I think papmama knows... that even though she didn't use the word in her post... That isolation, threats, and absolute control is abuse. And pap is coming out of an abusive relationship. I, for one, will never ever accuse you of wrong-doing for finally speaking out, pap. Hugs.

PS Uh... I'm not a man-hater. This isn't a man thing. There are mean people out there. Period.

papillonmama
July 6th, 2007, 11:07 AM
I could be feeling better Frenchy except I've been arguing with him all morning, he's trying to tell me about how terrible at cleaning I am, and that he's never going to talk to his kids again. I was being very reasonable about it all. I told himthat I was willing to be his friend for the children's sake, that way he could continue his relationship with them, but no, he doesn't want me to call him again. Not that I called him in the first place, he's called me about three times, and not once have I ignored the calls or been unwilling to discuss, but he's so angry, he just wants to yell. I think the first time he called he wanted me to tell himthat I stopped talking tomy neighbor, but I can'tbecause I haven't, basically he wanted me to take him back, and then nit was the threats about not seeing the kids again. Thank you for pointing that out Rick, you were right.

They love their dad, and I've tried everything to get him to stop from leaving them (them not me), but I can't take him yelling anymore, I just can't stand it, he's gone off, and I'm tired of trying to make it work for them, he doesn't understand that if he would just stop being a jerk and accept what I'm saying he would be able to enjoy their relationship, but no, he would rather let them go because he has to make sure that I'm wrong, but he knows I'm not.

This is what hurts the most, that he's willing to let them go. I just couldn't do it, if it was the other way around, I could never let them go, no matter how much I despised him.

Yes, he's put me into a bit of a state. If it was just me, I wouldn't care if he never came around again, but it's our kids that I have fears for, and he knows it. And maybe there is a better man out there to play daddy, but I've always wanted them to know him.

Frenchy
July 6th, 2007, 11:22 AM
There was no men bashing here, the ex is a moron , what do you want us to call him ? Intelligence challenged man ? :rolleyes: Not all man are the same , I know that.

papillonmama , I know you don't have too much choice than to still tak to him , try to keep it as short as you can. He will try to pull you in again , and bring you down ... it's horrible about the kids. How can he deny them like that ? I think you would all be better off if he just went away .... :grouphug:

papillonmama
July 6th, 2007, 12:30 PM
Wow Pags, thank you so much for sharing that, I'm so glad you were able to get out of it.


He came here, but luckily it was just to see the kids, I didn;t have to talk to him, and if he would stop being such a fool, he would know that he could do that all the time, as long as he doesn't try to argue, I'm okay with him coming to see them. Whatever, maybe when he cools down he will see what a reasonable person I'm trying to be.

Phew, all that craziness, now I need a nap, lol. Thanks everyone.

No worries, I'm still resolved.

Rick C
July 6th, 2007, 01:13 PM
I could be feeling better Frenchy except I've been arguing with him all morning, he's trying to tell me about how terrible at cleaning I am, and that he's never going to talk to his kids again. I was being very reasonable about it all. I told himthat I was willing to be his friend for the children's sake, that way he could continue his relationship with them, but no, he doesn't want me to call him again. Not that I called him in the first place, he's called me about three times, and not once have I ignored the calls or been unwilling to discuss, but he's so angry, he just wants to yell. I think the first time he called he wanted me to tell himthat I stopped talking tomy neighbor, but I can'tbecause I haven't, basically he wanted me to take him back, and then nit was the threats about not seeing the kids again. Thank you for pointing that out Rick, you were right.

They love their dad, and I've tried everything to get him to stop from leaving them (them not me), but I can't take him yelling anymore, I just can't stand it, he's gone off, and I'm tired of trying to make it work for them, he doesn't understand that if he would just stop being a jerk and accept what I'm saying he would be able to enjoy their relationship, but no, he would rather let them go because he has to make sure that I'm wrong, but he knows I'm not.

This is what hurts the most, that he's willing to let them go. I just couldn't do it, if it was the other way around, I could never let them go, no matter how much I despised him.

Yes, he's put me into a bit of a state. If it was just me, I wouldn't care if he never came around again, but it's our kids that I have fears for, and he knows it. And maybe there is a better man out there to play daddy, but I've always wanted them to know him.

When you realize and accept that it's him and not you . . . . . peace will wash over you.

Sounds like you are on your way. . . . . . and he's freaking out because he's losing that control relationship, hence the enhanced level of manipulative threats and yelling, the product of insecurity.

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca

mummummum
July 6th, 2007, 02:17 PM
When you realize and accept that it's him and not you . . . . . peace will wash over you.

Sounds like you are on your way. . . . . . and he's freaking out because he's losing that control relationship, hence the enhanced level of manipulative threats and yelling, the product of insecurity.

Rick C
www.goldentales.ca


Bingo Rick > it's ALL about manipulation and control here.

Papillonmama, the kind of personal work/ clearing out your perspective and stepping away from the victim thinking to do that pags talks about as "taking responsibility" is critical to returning to "your self". There is alot of experience amongst the women of this board doing that so post away and never feel ashamed.

XLR8 ~ you are so way off base as to be on another planet on this one. Abusive relationships ~ which this most certainly is from the description ~ are insidious, they invade every aspect of your perspective, your judgement and your sense of self. If you haven't walked the walk yourself or side by side with a survivor ~ you have truly no idea what it's about. And I hope you never do. Please do be supportive and act as a sounding board but labelling anything in this thread as man-bashing is wrong headed, harmful and victimizing.

We're here for you Papillonmama and I agree, absolutely get thee to a lawyer! By working out the terms of separation and custodial support, there is little to speak with him directly about. In addition you can arrange third party pick-up/ visitation for he and the children so that you don't have to have any contact with him at all. The less the better in my opinion until you regain your emotional footing and less likely to become entangled in his attempts to lure you back in being a victim.

<Insert smilie of triumphant woman, one fist raised powerfully in the air, other hand holding children close> !!!

mummummum
July 6th, 2007, 02:24 PM
... don't think you can change a man unless he's still in diapers.

p.s. Dogdancer ~ consider this stolen. I love it :D

heidiho
July 6th, 2007, 05:16 PM
Lets stop the man bashing for a second, he was good enough to sleep with wasn't he?What the hell kind of thing is that to say!!!!! Yeah he WAS good enough back when he was normal,and MAN BASHING,who is man bashing here????She is talking about her man,not ALL MEN..I had a really sick realtionship a few years ago,never thought i would be that girl,but i was and i believe they can basically brainwash you,never thought i could live without him,but like they sayTIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS,it is true and given enough time you WILL move on and get over him,as for the kids,for sure i would get lawyer and if he wants no part of HIS kids,then he isnt worth any of your time at all.

Joey.E.CockersMommy
July 8th, 2007, 08:37 PM
I am sorry pappa momma - breaks ups arent easy I am going through one right now myself. I cant believe he doesnt want to see his kids. When hubby and i told our kids daddy was moving out. My youngest broke down. Right now my ex has taken the kids to vancouver and I miss them horribly. I wrote my cell number on a piece of paper.. with I love you mom on it. Gave it to my youngest to put in his pocket.

I agree you will be better off.. but the next while will be tough.. use all the support you can to get through it. We will be thinking of you. :grouphug: