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Expectations (Joke)

BusterBoo
June 22nd, 2007, 01:18 PM
Thought I would share this with everyone! It was posted on another board......

Before my wife went out of town last weekend to visit her sister, her farewell was filled with hugs, kisses and tears.
And then, when she was done saying her goodbye to the dog, she pattted me on the head and said, "See Ya, boy."
But I did not take any of that personally.
Because, according to an item I read recently, a majority of women are on better terms with their dogs than they are with their husbands. According to the report, 56 percent of the women surveyed said their pets were more affectionate than their mates, and 45 percent think their pets are cuter than their partners.
Which sounds just about on target to me.
My wife loves it when the dog licks her face. She calls them "doggie kisses," and tells him how much she enjoys them. But she just grimaces and says, "Ewww" when I try to lick her face.
And I'm pretty sure I never could get away with saying a dog is cuter than my wife. Not more than once, anyway.
To be honest, I like the dog, too. But not quite the same way. While she's gone for instance:

* She wants me to get up at 6:30 every morning, because that's when the dog prefers to eat his breakfast.
* I ordinarily get up approximately half a day later than that, so if the dog prefers to to eat at such a ridiculous hour, I'd prefer that he learn how to operate a can opener.
* She wants me to leave a television playing for him when I leave for work-or for any other reason that will cause the dog to be left alone for more than 30 minutes. The television should be turned to a channel on which there is no violence or other loud noises that might frighten him.
* If I remember to leave the television on in the morning, it will be tuned to the station I was watching when I fell asleep the night before. If he doesn't want to watch "Happy Hitchhicking Housewives," he doesn't have to.
* She wants me to brush his coat for at least 15 minutes every day.
* She wants me to give him a bath if he starts to smell "doggie." I'm supposed to use the dog shampoo that costs three times as much as the shampoo I use. And, bevore I use it, I'm instructed to warm it a littlein the microwave so that it won't be too cold. I'm still trying to get over that one.
* She wants me to make sure to use the little headband thing to keep the hair on top of his head from falling in front of his eyes and obstructing his vision while I'm not home.
* I'm pretty sure he sleeps the entire time we're not home, so why does he need to see? And when she comes home, she'll make a big fuss over the dog, scratch me behind the ear, and then sit down to read the newspapers that came while she was gone.
I'll make sure the one with this column in it is missing.

TeriM
June 22nd, 2007, 02:45 PM
Hehe, loved it :thumbs up , and it probably almost true for my house :o .