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what am I getting myself into?

raingirl
May 28th, 2007, 10:45 AM
First of all, I'm getting married! Yay! No official proposal but we just decided to do it and told our families this past weekend!

For my family, it's easy. I only have like 10 family members to invite and then some close friends. Between me and the fiance, there are like 30 people with my family and our friends.

The problem is, his family is like 400 people. And his family is already trying to take over. I can already forsee the headaches.

We want a simple pagan ceremony, potluck/bbq/field party/bonfire after. His mom wants a big catholic church wedding and sit down dinner. We DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY for that but she said it would be a huge offence if we suggest potluck. It will also be an offence to his family if we don't do it in a church.

I will not do it in a church or with a priest or any religious aspects because I do not believe in that. Neither does my fiance but he is afraid to tell his grandfather our true beliefs becuase he will not understand and it could cause serious family discord. (his grandfather does not know he is not catholic and it would kill him to tell him he doesn't believe in god).

So...i am a little discouraged. I know we should be strong and just have the wedding we want and screw them, but we want to have it in NB on his grandfather's property. I just don't see it working out.

Hunter's_owner
May 28th, 2007, 11:29 AM
First of all, congrats on your plans to get married. :highfive:

About the family involvement, I have heard this soo many times that I find it strange when it doesn't happen. My friend ended up going doing exactly what her family wanted, even though she really didn't want to have a church wedding, but she wanted to have a happy stress free day.

I don't have any advive, but I do wish you the best of luck.
It makes me all the more thankful that both of my and my man's families are okay with whatever we decide:)

Maxine
May 28th, 2007, 12:28 PM
Congrats for the wedding!! :goodvibes:

I can't tell you what to do for the wedding, but I love YOUR idea of doing it, seems much more fun :crazy:

I hope you guys will find compromises to make this day YOUR day but keep the family "happy". Sorry I can't help more, I mostly wanted to congratuled (sp????) you and your man for the wedding
:p

Maxine

papillonmama
May 28th, 2007, 12:49 PM
Congratulations on your wedding, I have no advice, but wanted to say congrats.

hazelrunpack
May 28th, 2007, 01:33 PM
Here's an idea: Elope. :thumbs up Have your wedding the way you want it, then spring it on the family one more time as a "done deal". :D Hold a fancy reception--maybe in the basement of the church (?) and invite everyone who wants to come. That way, you get the ceremony you want and the family gets the get-together for the happy event the way they want! :cloud9:

jesse's mommy
May 28th, 2007, 01:35 PM
First of all, congrats! That's wonderful.

As for the family, do what you want and do what makes you happy. If they don't like it, tough. It's YOUR day. Focus on making you happy, not them. You can always get on a plane and elope on an island! :D

Lukka'sma
May 28th, 2007, 02:40 PM
Yep, I'm going to have to go with the majority on this one. Your wedding, your decision. Maybe you will not be able to have it on his grandfathers property, but there must be another place that would be very nice. If it were me I would invite and just tell the guests that, This wedding will not have a religious tone, it will not be formal attire, it will be a union of two people that love each other and want their family and friends all there to witness the event, we hope that you will be able to attend. And then I would leave it at that.
Congratulations and the best to you

trippincherri
May 28th, 2007, 02:46 PM
Yes it is YOUR day not your families you should have your wedding however you want it.
I think if your ready to get married and make that kind of commitment then you need to lie all your cards on the table, explain to the grandparents and other family what you would like for your wedding.
Your fiance is just going to have to say something about where his religious views are at and that he respects the families wishes but....he has his own wishes for your day and you two would like to do it differently.
Religion is something that no one ever agrees about.....but that is what makes life interesting :D .
You are both your own persons and are entitled to your opinion especially when it comes to something so personal as your wedding day.

Plus do YOU want the "dream wedding" or your families idea of a "dream wedding"?
Don't do something your going to look back on in 25 years and wish it had been different. :sad:
Follow your hearts!

Oh....and much congratulations and GOOD LUCK!!

RolandsMom
May 28th, 2007, 02:58 PM
congratulations! your idea of a wedding is right off the page of my dream wedding!
maybe you can have a ceremony for the family (just to appease) with a priest and all that but then have your wedding the way you want it. I think your partner would be surprised how open minded some seniors can be. in the end i think that they just want what makes you happy. i mean i assume you guys are living together and if grandad hasnt said anything about that then he must have some idea that you two are not practicing catholics!!

i hope it all works out. otherwise, i agree, elope. maybe do it in a predominantly catholic country and dont tell them what the ceremony was like and hope they assume that it was a catholic on. :shrug: just an idea!

good luck!

rainbow
May 28th, 2007, 06:27 PM
First of all.....CONGRATULATIONS !!!

I say ELOPE. Then have the pagan party you want and invite whoever wants to attend and then have a party to please his family. What could be better than two parties. :D :crazy:

Frenchy
May 28th, 2007, 07:36 PM
So...i am a little discouraged. I know we should be strong and just have the wedding we want and screw them, but we want to have it in NB on his grandfather's property. I just don't see it working out.

It's your wedding , do it YOUR way. :thumbs up

Schwinn
May 28th, 2007, 08:02 PM
We started out going to an island to get married, and wound up with an outdoor wedding, so while it wasn't exactly the same for me, I kind of understand where' you're coming from.

In my family, it's me who isn't religious, and Mrs. Schwinn who is (though I did join the Church of Spongebob...she keeps telling me I'm going to hell, and I tell her, "No, I'm going to a pineapple under the sea!"). Someone said to me, "If you aren't religious, why does it matter to you?" So, I compromised. We had two ministers (who are Mrs. Schwinn's cousins), and they toned down the religious aspect. I reviewed the vows before hand, mentioned they were a little "God-dy". When they asked what I would like instead, I suggest Milo. "We are here in the presence of Milo..." "Milo is love...". You know, maybe I'm not the best person to give advice about this...

At the end of the day, it is your wedding. We had some things the parents weren't happy with, but the important thing is, we were happy. When my mom did bring up something, I told her she had the chance to say something, it was a beautiful day, and it was our wedding. The truth is, the whole day is such a whirl wind, and all you will really remember is you and your new hubby.

Congratulations!

mummummum
May 28th, 2007, 08:51 PM
That's a tough one Raingirl. After all they will be your inlaws "til death do you part". And anyone who has had the Mother-Inlaw-From H$ll will understand just how horrible angry inlaws can make your life.

So, if you and you hunny can face it ~ a family council involving the key players on all sides might be useful. Present your plans as a done deal. You can suggest the use of the g-father's property and they why's of it but obviously that's up to him. I'd forgo the religion 'confession', it will only cloud the issue and you can simply but firmly state that a Catholic wedding is not in your plans if a family member brings it up.

If you think a family meeting will be the beginning of the end and no compromise is possible, thank everyone for their helpful advice but you have already finalized all your plans (use you best "end of discussion" tone) and they will get their invitation in the mail.

:fingerscr Goodluck ~ I don't envy your situation but hey, CONGRATS eh !!!!

~michelle~
May 28th, 2007, 09:00 PM
i would love to say your wedding your decisions, however if you felt that way as well you wouldnt be as stressed about it as you are right now would you be??? i can see why you would be so stressed. you definately dont want to cause stress in the family. Kepp the ceremony and the actual parts of the wedding you plan as much of yours as you can, maybe you can let his grandfather choose a passage he would like to say at the wedding for you guys?? sure its not your religion, but would you be opposed to having them say a "blessing" from their religion for you and your ceremony???

maybe that could be an acceptable compromise? it doesnt really change the tone of your ceremony but allows them to feel a part if it?

Kristin7
May 29th, 2007, 11:23 AM
Congrats on your engagement! Having been in 5 weddings, none my own, I can only say that they all had some degree of stress and the marrying couples all seemed totally stressed to me. Very few seemed to be having a genuinely good time. I am not married and think I would totally flip out in your situation. I am not good in situations like that and would likely elope to avoid the problems and probably would not have the stomach to have a reception either. Good luck to you.