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OK, I normally do not do this

Rottielover
April 14th, 2007, 05:00 PM
I am writing this, because I am POed. That is to put it mildly.
At my daughters school there is one little boy who is a bully, not a normal rough playing 3yr old, but a real bully.
I have spoken to the teacher, I have spoken to his mom. I thought things were improving. BUT
Today at a b-day party was where I draw the line, he was there.
1/2 way through the party, kayla was playing with a toy alone, here comes this kid, charged her, an took the toy. Kayla asked for it back, he did not give, so I stepped in. Got it back for her, and tried to explain sharing. Well 2 mins later he pushed her for the toy, mean while mommy was watching doing nothing(his mom). I got her a way, and asked her if she wanted to colour.
1 hour passed, Kayla was playing with an older boy, just running around, and the bully steps in and slapped her hard in the face, she came running at me bawling.
Everyones face dropped in disbelief, and ran to her. Mean while this kid who hit her, started laughing.
You know what, his mom did not do a damn thing.
I brought her upstairs, packed our stuff, said good bye.
If I would have stayed, I would have said a lot more, and really went into it, but being a kids party, I left.
I called the birthday boys mom, and apologized, she understood. It was the talk of the party afterwards.
He will not be invited anywhere else, and he was not even disciplined.
I called the other daycare that she will be getting in sept, and asked if they can get her in sooner. They will try.
No wonder why my daughter is scared of him, and has nightmares.

Sorry for this, but I really had to get it off my chest.

Frenchy
April 14th, 2007, 05:08 PM
I totally understand ! Poor Kayla :sad: I think I would have slap his mom's face :mad:

My nephew (6 yr old) got between a bully and a little girl to defend the little girl and the bully hit him in the face, he lost a tooth in the process (baby tooth ) I congratulated him ! (my nephew of course)

I sucks when parents don't discipline their kids. Your daughter shouldn't suffer because of this woman stupidity.

~michelle~
April 14th, 2007, 05:10 PM
i am so sorry for you and your daughter.... i feel even worse for this poor boy, its such a vital learning age for him, and he's missing out on learning some fundementals of proper social interaction. he obviously needs some proper inervention by his parents and if they are unsure of how to deal with it seek a professionals help :( poor kids, i am currently working in a school with a couple of kids like this its so unfortunate, at the school and day cares they can only do so much but if there is no consistancy in his life hes going to be confused of proper expectations....

joeysmama
April 14th, 2007, 05:18 PM
This just makes your blood boil doesn't it? I can remember every time my kids were bullied. That mother should be ashamed of herself. She's doing her own son a terrible injustice--but in the meantime Kayla shouldn't have to suffer for that woman's negligence. I hope tha twoman wises up and I hope that she gets told in no uncertain terms that this behavior won't be tolerated.

How much do you wanna bet that the minute a bigger kid pushed her little darling around she'd be the first to yell--and LOUD !!!:frustrated:

Rottielover
April 14th, 2007, 05:24 PM
you do not understand how much. Let me tell you, I am going to talk to her, and teacher, this time not so politely.

Prin
April 14th, 2007, 05:27 PM
I hate bullies. Bullies SUCK. I hope your daughter doesn't have to put up with him much longer. :sad:

Did I mention bullies suck? :frustrated:

SableCollie
April 14th, 2007, 05:29 PM
The behavior of that boy (at 3 years old!) raises big red flags. To hit someone and then laugh, at 3....imagine when that kid gets older! Not normal behavior at all, and the teacher should be aware of this.

I hope you get everything straightened out.

mummummum
April 14th, 2007, 05:31 PM
I would go over the teacher's head Rottielover. It's not to late to help this child in spite of his mother (and I'll give her the benefit of the doubt here ~ the challenges, if any, she is facing at home) and whatever parent, if any, there is at home. The child clearly needs a professional assessment and intervention asap and the waiting lists are looooooong ~ I hope you are able to help facilitate getting this child the help he needs in the process of making your complaint.

Maya
April 14th, 2007, 05:44 PM
I'm sorry, that is awful that he hit your daughter, it is good you are trying to protect her.

The thing is if he's learning to hit he may well be learning it from his mother/father, especially if they act as if it is okay when he does it. I was terribly abused and went on the opposite spectrum most of the time shy quiet BUT I would have "outbursts" E.g. screaming fits at other kids sometimes because I had no socialization. The way that was dealt with by parents and teachers was that my "care giver" and I were asked to leave different establishments and to please not return, which happened for years until I could get away. This included schools recreations centres Dr's offices peoples houses etc.. Sounds like he needs help, something he may not be able to get from his parents.

glitterless
April 15th, 2007, 01:35 AM
Poor Kayla. I don't know much about parenting, but IMO this is the mother's fault. How dare she allow her son to behave that way and not reprimand him. I can see a 3 year old slapping another 3 year old, but like others said, it seems like he thinks this behaviour is okay and normal since he laughed. Maybe a teacher or other professional could get involved and see what's wrong with the family.

Stacer
April 15th, 2007, 09:26 AM
It would be so frustrating to be in a situation like that. Dealing with other kids' behavioural issues in social situations is stressful. I would have done the same things as you, take my child out of that situation. That mother defintely needs to be talked to, and not very nicely. Good luck.

SARAH
April 15th, 2007, 10:16 AM
"Strange" ... for a "change" the victim is almost forgotten and it's "Poor culprit!" No wonder they get away with a year or two for murder later "they had such a terrible childhood".

Sorry to disagree, but I feel sorry for KAYLA not that bully nor his mom. The bully is "innocent" if this is normal behavior at his home, but I can't really bring myself to feeling sorry for him. His mom is a total idiot and socially incompetent obviously, and neither of them should ever be invited anywhere by anyone.

To some it may seem like a "cop-out" to run to another day-care center rather than facing up to this bully, but if the present center lose kids over this one, they may end up reacting - not by doing the education of the kid, it's not their place, but by contacting the social services or somebody.

Maya
April 15th, 2007, 12:34 PM
neither of them should ever be invited anywhere by anyone. A three year old? You can't be serious.

That mother defintely needs to be talked to, and not very nicely. Stacer that could just make it worse for the child if he is being abused. If he is that much of a problem she has probably already been talked to.

Rottielover, for the child's sake as well as others he comes in contact, I hope social services will be notified if he is that much of a problem. In the mean time it would be a good idea to talk to the teacher and demand that he not be permitted the opportunity to hurt the other children. If that means having him taken into custody on suspicion of neglect or something like that it will be in everyone's best interest. I don't think anyone will want to go to thier house and find out what is really going on, that is why someone trained in these matters should be notified.

I just started a thread a little while back about this exact problem if anyone is interested in learning from all the wonderful information that was shared:http://www.pets.ca/forum/showthread.php?t=37887

SARAH
April 15th, 2007, 03:14 PM
I am serious in that as long as this kids pushes, bullys and slaps other kids unprovoked and unpunished, he should not be around them at social gatherings. Bad enough at preschool/ day care (where he could make well behaved kids dislike school!), but at birthday parties that are supposed to be fun ...? Educate him, or have a real educater with him, otherwise NO. IT may not be strictly fair to him as long as he's never learned better behavior, but why should everyone else suffer from that and spend the party-time being on edge?

We as a society are too quick to make excuses and let the bad seeds choke the good. I for one, am fed up with it! (not limited to any one country btw).

rainbow
April 15th, 2007, 03:21 PM
I hope this kid gets some help now before it's too late. :sad:

jiorji
April 15th, 2007, 03:34 PM
perhaps the way I was brought up is different than North AMerican ways, but seriously, if anyone slapped me, my mom would have a few words with that other mom. I find it so funny that it's all about "tell the teacher!!" why?? does this kid not have parents?!?1 what's the teacher going to do? A teacher can't do much because anything can be taken as "child abuse" these days.

I've never been bullied because I usually hit back if i was hit :evil: but that kid should be taken to the side and be told a few things and if the mom would've said anything, i would've said "if you're incompetent and can't control your child, don't complain when someone else does"

sadly though, this woman probably has no control over him, and just you watch, when he's 13-14, he'll hit her when she doesn't do what he wants:shrug:

chico2
April 15th, 2007, 03:47 PM
Having had a sickly little boy,who was bullied from day one in school,robbed,kicked down stairs etc...I have no sympathy for any bully.
I talked to teachers,principals ,parents etc...to no avail.
I hated dropping him off at school!
With a 3-year old bully it's not much different than a 16yr old bully and this 3yr old will one day maybe even beat up his mom,the problem should be taken care of now,not when he is 16 on his way to jail!
I am happy my son is not in school now,kids are getting more violent and my son could very well have died(bad heart)with todays bullies.

Maya
April 15th, 2007, 04:00 PM
The issue is that he is hurting other children and is being emotionally neglected by his mother because she allows it. We don't know for sure if he is being seriously abused at home but he is certainly showing one of the common signs maybe more. I was suggesting a more responsible solution, which was to notify the authorities. Social services can remove him before he has to go through years of humiliation from being left out of activities and shunned by his community(which will make him worse). Rottielover has every right to take her daughter out of the abusive situation but it would be nice to also see that he gets intervention so that he doesn't continue to hurt other children and suffer the consequences of his actions before he is even old enough to be responsible for them.

We are talking about a toddler here, he has no control over his life, everything is up to his mother his teachers and us.

coppperbelle
April 15th, 2007, 07:07 PM
If you call social services or in Quebec DPG and tell them that your child was hit by another child who also took a toy off her and the mother did nothing they are not going to get involved. Unless you have proof of abuse, have seen bruises or a parent actually hit the child there is nothing they can do. I would agree that there is probably something going on in this household that makes this child the way he is. It could be that there is some sort of abuse or that his mother really doesn't give a darn. I haven't actually seen the child but from what I have heard it sounds like he is an active little guy that is screaming out for attention. Keep in mind he is only 3 years and that he is a "boy". They are very different from girls.

He is singling out your daughter because he can get a reaction from her and knows she will do nothing about it. I think it is just as important to work with the victim as it is the bully. There will always be bullies in the world and you won't be there to protect her everytime one comes into her life. If she can learn that she doesn't have to take it and that she doesn't have to be the victim chances are bullies will not seek her out. Personally I wouldn't waste my time having a meeting with the mother.
I would advise your daughter's daycare that she has been hit by this child and if it continues you will bring it up to the committee of the day care. They can suspend the child if the situation does not improve. Believe me once the parent is put out having to make alternate arrangements for their child care they will take action or accept help.

Good luck

glasslass
April 15th, 2007, 11:30 PM
This totally blows my mind! Several times over the last couple years it's made national headlines when a little kindergarten boy was suspended for kissing a little girl on the cheek. Another was suspended for just giving a hug. Zero tolerance policy to an over-extreme! But slapping someone in the face gets nothing? :frustrated:

aussiemedogs
April 16th, 2007, 05:22 AM
It's unfortunate but it does happen more and more often. I work in a school and we have had many bullying problems. Parent's have not been held accountable for their childrens actions, unfortunately your daughter is in a daycare where they are enabling this to happen. Daycare owners either have to crack down on this at an early age or it will become problematic in elementary school. In our school the daycare co-ordinater would have told the parents 2x before the child would have been told to leave. (This would make the parents deal with the situations). The only recourse you really have is having the co-ordinater do something. And you need to DEMAND this! Youth protection etc.... won't even look at something like this, unless the parents do something first. Your in Dollard, I am very curious as to which daycare this is,,,my daughter worked at one in Dollard and was horrified with the goings on it brought tears to her eyes. I hope this other daycare you are putting your child in has been carefully looked at and comes from good referals. Your other option is to do home daycares, which I personally think is a much better venue. Hoping that everything works out for you and Kayla.

Rottielover
April 16th, 2007, 07:33 AM
She is in a home daycare.
When I dropped her off today, I spoke with the teacher. She said he is ok at school from what she can see. Well I told her otherwise, obviously things do happen when she is not watching or something, because my daughter has nightmares about this kid. Also she tells me when I ask how her day was.
She was shocked. Or playing that way anyways.
She also has told me that the mom has been told on many occasions, and she still does nothing.
She does not want to pull the bully from school because she feels bad for him. And is now accepting his sister, because of guilt.
I am praying I hear back from this other school soon, I do not want to wait till sept.
You better believe it, when I see the mother next time, not nice words are going to come out