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What would you do? I miss my cat terribly, but he's less happy with me...

Luciana
April 10th, 2007, 06:29 PM
Dear forum readers, I would like to ask your opinion as fellow pet owners (since so many of my friends do not own pets, and do not understand). I have a kind of heartbreaking dilemma. My kitty will be 10 years old this year. For the past year he has lived with my parents, who own three other cats, and have a large yard. They also love him and could keep him there forever if I let them. He is very sociable and seems very happy there, plays out in the yard every day and plays/sleeps near the other cats; when I go to visit, he barely recognizes me. The reason I haven't taken him back was because he seems so much happier there. But even though I am busy with my toddler, I miss having my cat around so much.

On the other hand, I live (with my husband and toddler) in a small, very cramped inner-city apartment. We were hoping to purchase a house with a yard and take him back to live with us at that time, but so far it's not happening, and I miss him so much...before I had my baby, my kitty was my first baby, he is the most affectionate cat I have ever known, I had him since he was 6 months old he used to follow me around all day. But even then I must admit he seemed less happy/energetic here, he did not run around (no space) and had no other cats to play with. (I should add that up to 2 years ago I lived in a much larger apartment where he had space to run). And now, most of this tiny space where we currently live is modified for our active toddler, who chases poor kitty everywhere every time we visit my parents, and my cat is terrified of him.

So this is my dilemma: my cat is getting older and it would break my heart to live the last years of his life away from me. I love him and miss him so much...but I feel very selfish to think this way. All he would do if we brought him back, is sleep all day in some cramped corner of our apartment, and be chased around by my toddler. He could not even cuddle with me as he used to, because I have to be with my toddler all day (except at night)...I am just wondering what to do. Am I selfish to want him back? I still love him as if he was my first child.

TeriM
April 10th, 2007, 06:52 PM
From reading your post I think you already know the answer. Leave your cat with your parents. You can't give him the home he deserves right now. When circumstances improve then reconsider or better yet adopt another cat in need.

breeze
April 10th, 2007, 08:30 PM
I second what TeriM said.
Look deep in your heart and ask yourself, if you were this cat what would you like??

Prin
April 10th, 2007, 08:34 PM
I think you just need to spend more time at your parents' house. :o

Kudos to you for putting the cat first though. :grouphug:

clm
April 10th, 2007, 09:50 PM
I think you know the cat is going to be much happier at your parents house. I'm sure you miss him terribly, but be happy to know how he's so happy where he is.
When you're in your own house and your little one is a little older, you can always adopt another wonderful cat and give it a loving home.
At least you can see your cat when you go to your parents, don't be upset if he doesn't want to be around you as much, it may be just your toddler that's putting him off right now.

Cindy

rainbow
April 11th, 2007, 02:10 AM
I agree with all the other posters. You can always go visit your parents often. :)

dollymf
April 11th, 2007, 02:41 AM
Dear Luciana,
I guess you know the answer to that one. It would be so much kinder to allow him to live a full happy contented life in an environment that is so cat friendly. You visit mum more often, and when you get a new home and are ready get a wonderful new pet. I know you miss him, but we must always make decisions for good of our pets. But I am sure like others we support you in this tough decision:grouphug:

krdahmer
April 11th, 2007, 06:48 PM
I hear your pain.... I had to make just this decision a few years back. My Cordelia is 9 now and living out her days in my parents huge house, queen of the roost and happy as pie. It still breaks my heart when she shys away from me and I rarely get to pick her up or talk to her like we used to, but I know that she is safe and healthy and happy and much loved there. Cats in general do not do well with drastic changes (like say a cramped space and a toddler :sad: ), especially when they are comfortable where they are. Maybe it's best that you wait till your toddler is a little older, or you have that larger space and then adopt a rescued cat/kitten. That way another kitty will have a good home, and your parents get to keep the kitty they've grown so attached to. I know now it would have broke my parents hearts had I taken Cordy from them. Good luck to you. :goodvibes:

cpietra16
April 12th, 2007, 07:43 AM
I agree with everyone...if your baby is happy at your mom's, he should stay. Now you can visit your mom more often; she gets to see her grandchild more often and you get to see your kitty more often..the best :thumbs up

Luciana
April 13th, 2007, 01:20 AM
To all those who wrote, thank you so much for all your kind replies, although they really saddened me... they made me realize that I was waiting/hoping to hear the opposite (ie. take him back), but you are right to suggest I should leave him there. I can't even begin to think about adopting another cat though, no other cat will ever replace him. I have had cats all my life, and none could even come close to this kitty in affection and personality. My parents live in another city, so we can't visit very frequently. I will follow your suggestions and leave him there although I am mourning that decision. His happiness counts and that is life. :sad:

chico2
April 13th, 2007, 08:11 AM
Luciana,you made the right choice for your kitty,try to be happy knowing he is living a great kitty-life:cat:
My cats are terrified of little people(toddlers)but I am sure once your baby is older,you will welcome another kitty in to your home,children growing up with animals,often become more caring people as they grow up.
Your cat is very special to you,but having had many cats in my lifetime,I know you will find another cat equally special one day,they are all wonderful little creatures,all in their own way:lovestruck:

Ravenheart
April 13th, 2007, 08:59 PM
I agree with everyone else.If he's happier at your parents place,it'd be best to leave him there but go visit him as much as you can.

Purpledomino
April 13th, 2007, 09:27 PM
Glad to see your first baby :cat: is happy where he is now. I agree with everyone above and think that if you took him back, it would be a recipe for disaster. Probably a better idea would be to wait until your toddler is a tad older, then you can enjoy a new pet together.

You just have to visit Gramma more...so you can get some kitty love. :lovestruck: